Cloudypianos

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Notes on a hospitalized pregnant woman. The. Book.

I am in the process of publishing my account of preeclampsia last year while pregnant with Dakota. As it probably know if you read my blog regularly, I had preeclampsia last year when I was pregnant with my first child, and ended up being in a hospital for over two months prior to her birth. Had never heard of it before that and I feel like it should be more exposed as well as many other facets…

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I had a comment sent to me here about my daughter being a cue accessory for me and also how I deserve an alcoholic husband because I have blind hatred. I’m not Surprised to get such a message because there are many random internet bullies and assholes but know this:  my daughter is a treasure and not anywhere near an accessory. She already is a million times better than you, dear random coward.…

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I was looking at a picture of my dad and I when I was probably Dakota’a age- almost three months- or older. Honestly I’m not too good with telling babies’ ages. Whatever I was my dad is holding me close, head to head. He looks fierce, even mean, but in a protective, heroic way. What would he think if he saw my husband hitting and choking me. What do I think? I want to believe it won’t happen…

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Notes on a hospitalized pregnant woman Pt. 54

When I was little I often crept into my mom’s room and slept with my butt against her butt. I ran amok, threw tantrums, wailed, but at the end of the day I wanted my butt pressed up against her butt. Mom and I still argue, but she is always there for me. And I know will always be there for Dakota. It’s Thursday, October 13th. I get these pounding headaches and it’s freaking me out. I know it’s…

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Notes on a hospitalized pregnant woman Pt. 53

My feet look like potatoes. My nurse assures me she’s seen much worse but I tell her they’re usually very skinny so in comparison they’re potatoes.  Another nurse brings my copy of Vanity Fair. This issue features “Donald Trump: The Ugly American”, “The Big Obama Exit Interview”, and Benedict Cumberbatch. I can tell it’s going to be a good one.  Before Charley comes I want him to know where I’m…

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Notes on a hospitalized pregnant woman pt. 52

Breathing techniques for the patient who’s been stuck in a hospital too long, or the pregnant woman experiencing intense contractions, or anyone thinking too many morbid thoughts and needing to chill out: Take an organizing breath—a big sigh as soon as the contraction or stress begins. Release all tension (go limp from head to toe) as you breathe out. Focus your attention. Slowly inhale through…

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Notes on a hospitalized pregnant woman Pt. 51

It was at a free clinic similar to Planned Parenthood. They had brochures on adoption and abortion. They also had a token system where you could attend birthing and parenting classes and in turn get tokens for free baby clothes.  I arrived knowing from two tests I’d bought at Smith’s through the self-checkout that I was definitely pregnant, but that it was time to make sure I had a healthy baby…

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Notes on a hospitalized pregnant woman Pt. 50

Hurricane Matthews’s eye has become “slightly disorganized”, from a category 4 to a category 3. Matt narrowly missed the Florida coast and headed on to South Carolina.  My own headache and nausea have subsided. I feel clear but cold and hot, and tired. Everyone’s face looks funny.  Raeanne calls and says her car is being towed and she has to find another car, so she might not make it today.…

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Notes on a hospitalized pregnant woman Pt. 51

Supermassive black holes are thought to exist in the center of every galaxy in the Universe. These whirlpools of nothingness- star eaters and blank spots and darkest chasms of space, first predicted in 1916 by Albert Einstein, containing hundreds of millions of times the mass of our Sun, sometimes as heavy as 10 billion Suns- are invisible due to the strong gravity pulling all light into their…

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Notes on a hospitalized pregnant woman Pt. 49

An old friend, who is also a doctor, (and whose ex-wife was a Maternal-Fetal Medicine OB) has been keeping up on my hospital life. He noted that I was likely being induced at 38 weeks based upon something called the HYPITAT trial. This study was a landmark, published in The Lancet in 2009.  In the HYPITAT trial, pregnant women with gestational hypertension or mild pre-eclampsia were studied to…

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Notes on a hospitalized pregnant woman Pt. 48

“I hope you’re happy with me Charley. I hope this works out for us.” It’s Thursday, October 6th. It’s National Poetry Day and I’m trying to memorize “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock”, written by T.S. Eliot when he was 22 years old. Garrison Keillor lost some of my respect (which I’d used to defend him to my father-in-law) when he’d said:  it’s “a small, dark mope-fest of a poem”. I personally…

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Notes on a hospitalized pregnant woman Pt. 47

The first time I met Charley he said he wanted to live in Jackson, and though I thought he was joking, a week and a half later, he hitchhiked to Salt Lake City, and I picked him up outside of a liquor store. He was drunk, waving a sign and toting along a new friend off the streets. This new friend was a young attractive guy who was obviously a little insane. Charley insisted I get a motel room.…

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Notes on a hospitalized pregnant woman Pt. 46

The phlebotomist pushes her cart into my room, stacked with colorful tubes and gauze and needles. It’s still before sunrise, and I’ve been googling pregnancy and labor-related statistics.  48 % of all first births are now to unmarried women. I feel my forehead scrunch up. For some reason these phlebotomists always leave a bruise and my veins are shrink or jump. The phlebotomist moves the needle…

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Notes on a hospitalized pregnant woman Pt. 45

Turns out that I’m actually going to have to give birth to this baby at some point. I want to continue “real life”, but there is something appealing about this controlled hospital environment.  There are no patients on either side of me at the moment. My humidifier makes a bubbling sound. The clock ticks quietly on the wall. Thunder. It’s all very peaceful and controlled. Soon I’ll be in labor…

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the pregnant belly is not a public art piece

making art when I’m not too tired, maybe I’ll put it into this book of blog entries and together have something worth looking at…

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“the pregnant belly is not a public art piece” making art when I'm not too tired, maybe I'll put it into this book of blog entries and together have something worth looking at

[cloudypiano-blog]

Notes on a hospitalized pregnant woman Pt. 44

October 1st, Saturday: Dakota is 36 weeks and one day. She is about the size of a Swiss chard. We are both trying to stay patient. A nurse suggests I make a paper chain to count down the days.  Signs of a good nurse: she tells you the generic names when giving you pills; she remembers all of the pills and gives them to you at the right times; she’s personable; she asks if there’s anything more…

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