Each enneagram subtype in a nutshell
Based in feedback, I’ve decided to make this post based on my previous one on tritypes.
If you want to read the serious version, click here.
Sp: “Is that… a typo … in my paper?! Oh my gad no no no no no!” *sends professor an apologetic e-mail although the paper was only a draft*
Sx: “Hey, you were supposed to be at my party five minutes ago. This simply isn’t good enough. Next time, you have to set an alarm so you’ll be here in time. And did you shower before you got here? Your hair is greasy. Shampoo is a thing, you know.”
So: “Eating meat is murder. You should really be a vegetarian, like ME.” *really emphasizes me* … *two minutes later* “… What?! What are you saying, you are not a feminist?!…” *cycle repeats with different concepts*
Sp: *at a party late at night* “Wanna go to my place and check out my Pokémon card collection? Wink wink” *actually shows the other person their Pokémon card collection when they get there*
Sx: “Wait, so you are telling me this guy likes me, and that guy likes me? Well, then they should fight over me, of course! *watches from afar with a smug smile as these two guys tear each other apart*
So: “Is there anything you need? A blanket? A hug? A cup of tea? No? PLEASE TELL ME HOW I CAN BE OF SERVICE!”
Sp: “If I can live my life without bragging about my achievements, you can live your life without bragging about your achievements. Idiot.”
Sx: *meets friends at pub* “Hey, guys! Eyes over here! Guess what, I was in the newspaper today!” *hands out a laminated copy of the article to each person in the group*
So: *on a date* “Well, that’s enough about you, let’s talk more about me now!” *explains how they’re gonna be famous and the power of ~dreams~*
Sp: “No no, I’m fine, it’s just a dislocated knee cap. No, I swear, I can barely feel anything.” *laughs desperately* “No, these aren’t real tears. I swear, I can walk it off no prob!”
Sx: *meeting someone for the first time after chatting online* “Man, you are taller than me. Now I wanna cut off your head so I’m the tall one.” *pretends it’s a joke but is dead serious*
So: “Oh man. I’m so thirsty. If only that glass of water was a little bit closer to me.” *somebody finally hands over the glass after ten minutes of sighing* “Oh maaaan, now I’m not thirsty anymore. I’ll never be happy.” *sigh*
Sp: *may or may not be preparing for a zombie apocalypse, emerging from their man cave after ten days* “Well fuck, the sun is up. Better stay inside.”
Sx: “OMG, I’ve been playing this video game for the past three months, it’s really great! Yeah, I know the only thing you do is herd sheep, but it’s really fun! NO, you GOTTA try it! PLAY WITH ME PLZ, I’ve been so alone!”
So: “No no, you guys just talk. I’ll just sit here and play on my 3DS. It’s fine, really, I can just listen, that’s okey.” *quietly observes everyone for three hours and is the last one to leave*
Sp: “Shit, what if my savings won’t cover my hypothetical car accident when I’m traveling next summer!” *frantically saves more money for next year’s summer vacation to the neighboring town*
Sx: “Is that…. A challenge?! HOLD MAH PURSE, IMMA BEAT THIS FUCKER TO DAH GROUND.” *on the inside: “please don’t kill me, please don’t kill me, please don’t kill me” *
So: “See, here is the deal. I’m the high school jock, and you’re a nerd! So, get out of my way and know your place in this world, loser!” *also works the other way around* “I’m just a nerd, better stay away from that jock over there. He’s so cool. Wish he thought I was cool like him.”
Sp: “So this is where the party’s at?! I hope it’s okey I brought like twelve of my best friends … Whooooo partaay” *is shit drunk 10 minutes later in a stranger’s apartment*
Sx: *during an exchange student program* “OMG I’ve lived in this country for two days now! I GOTTA MOVE NOW! Hmm… let’s see, where have I not lived yet? Uzbekistan seems fun!”
So: *totally wants the last piece of the cake* “No no, you take the rest, I don’t even want it. No no, just take it, it’s fine, I’m fine, this is fine, it’s all good, we’re fine here. JUST TAKE THE GODDAMN CAKE!”
Sp: “Hey, you are my person broh! I’ll help you beat up that mean old lady across the hall. Hey, it’s no prob man, that’s what dude-bros are for.”
Sx: “I swear to god, if you ask me to move this couch one more time, I’ll rip out your vocal cords. I don’t care if it blocks the door to your room, this is where I sit and watch Netflix!”
So: *saves an old lady from drowning* The old lady: “omg, thank you so much, how can I ever repay you?” *so 8 just leaves, whispering to self*: “Another day is saved by the amazing Falcon Boy!” *whistles self-made theme song*
Sp: “Hey, I’m in the middle of my 18 hour South Park marathon here, please just - do not disturb me please. Oh, and, could you get me another beer plz?” *puppy eyes because they really don’t wanna get off the couch*
Sx: “No no no, I’ll do whatever you wanna do. No, I swear, I’ll do literally whatever, just you name it. No, of course I don’t have my own opinions, why would I need that when I have yours?”
So: “So you really want to go on a road trip, huh? I sorta have other plans, but, sure, I’ll come. What, you want me to drive as well? Okey, fine then … Wait, you’re broke too? Fine, I’ll pay too then.” *is really mad but doesn’t show it.”
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