Is it stupid that I want a step up to RTC.
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@clydon35
Is it stupid that I want a step up to RTC.
I want recovery I think. At least right now but my team wants me to try and fight this in outpatient when I’m using more behaviors than ever before. Super frustrating.
I’m having such a hard time losing weight. This is super frustrating. It used to be soooo easy but now it’s not. Help!!!
I have been having a lot of trouble with my mental illness right now specifically … Cynthia Lydon needs your support for Medical Emergency
Goal weights:
Start weight-140 lbs
Goal weight 1-130 lbs
Goal weight 2-115 lbs
Goal weight 3-100 lbs
I can and will do this.
Ughhhh I just wish I could eat like a normal person. I’m so tired of being hungry and stuck in these stupid rituals. Today I bought a different bar then usual for my mid day “meal” and I couldn’t do it ( even though it was the SAME FUCKING CALORIES) I threw it out and got my usual after going back and forth for 30 minutes. I don’t understand.
I have been doing these amazing workouts and all the people I follow from it post their “jabs fuel” and it all looks so delicious and healthy and nutritious and all of these people are fit and strong... why can’t I have some protein pancakes or peanut butter? I can’t even follow a “diet” like as this point I’d be thrilled to count macros and eat a reasonable amount bc I could actually somewhat fuel myself with real, nutritious foods. But no, I just have my own stupid ass food rules/ rituals/ behaviors that don’t even make sense! I just am so attached to this stupid disorder/ OCD whatever the fuck it is. I’m angry... I know I’m doing this to myself. The answer is so simple- just eat... order an acai bowl from the juice place or make protein pancakes after a workout but it’s just so complex. I can’t even formulate why it feels so incredibly impossible.
I’m so tired. It’s hard to want to continue doing life like this. I’m in my own, self imposed jail cell.
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Cherry
𝑖 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑚𝑦 𝑏𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑖𝑛 𝑙𝑜𝑤 𝑞𝑢𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦 𝑔𝑖𝑓𝑠 :)
Mᴇ: *I ᴡᴀɴɴᴀ ʙᴇ ʜᴇᴀʟᴛʜʏ*
Aʟsᴏ Mᴇ: *Eᴀᴛɪɴɢ ʟᴇss ᴛʜᴀɴ ᴀ ᴛᴏᴅᴅʟᴇʀ* I’ʟʟ ᴊᴜsᴛ ʙᴇ ʜᴇᴀʟᴛʜʏ ᴡʜᴇɴ I’ᴍ 𝕊𝕂𝕀ℕℕ𝕐 ♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎
For all my new followers: Some not-so-cute things about anorexia.
I want y’all to see the reality of this disorder.
EDIT: this is meant for those who are actively seeking out an eating disorder, or are romanticizing the illness, like “new anas.” this isn’t meant to cure anyone from anorexia.
1. being cold. all. the. time. you have to sleep with at least two blankets.
2. lanugo. think it’s cute to have thick hair ALL over your body??
3. that cute ass you had? it’s gone.
4. crying all the time
5. shaky hands, shaky arms, shaky legs, shaky everything.
6. you disappoint basically everyone important to you
7. it’s not cute to get smashed after one drink. it’s embarrassing.
8. forgetting everything. why did i walk into this room? where did i put my phone? why did i put my deodorant on the kitchen counter?
9. chewing food literally feels like you’re eating a live slug.
10. all those friends you love? you’ll basically never see them because you’re too afraid that they’ll suggest going out for lunch or try to give you food.
11. goal weights? not a thing. no matter how low your weight is, you’ll never be satisfied
12. this disorder literally kills you slowly, from the inside out
13. you have to sleep with a thick blanket or pillow between your knees because the feeling of your bones pressing against each other is too painful
14. your whole life feels like it’s a haze
15. concentration goes out the window. your grades will go down, you might even fail a class because for some fucking reason not eating is more important than getting a degree. think about that.
16. treatment is inevitable if you don’t get it under control yourself. and treatment is the worst experience you could possibly have – people FORCING you to eat, lots of crying, and its fucking expensive
17. you are so wasteful. all that healthy food you bought? you’ll eventually get to a point where you can’t even eat that and it just rots in your fridge.
18. it gets to a point where you care more about the number on the scale than your own fucking family
19. all your free time will be spent running. or walking. or working out. anything to burn off the calories you did (or didn’t) eat
20. eventually 50 calories is too much for one day
21. at a certain point, a size 0 is too big and all clothes look ill-fitting, not cute and baggy.
22. YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL. no matter how much you think you are, you’re not. you’re a slave to your own brain.
23. YOU ARE A LIAR. you lie to your family, to your therapist, to your friends, and there’s no undoing that. once people know you’re lying, they’ll never believe you again.
24. this disorder does not make you special. it makes you sick. and it makes you look selfish and weak to other people. that’s the reality.
25. get help.
this is the reality of this disorder. it’s not cute. it’s not fun. it’s addicting. and it ruins your life. that’s it. it’s an illness and you have to see it for what it is.
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91656) I'm terrified of finishing college, my program is shorter than usual and graduation is way too close for my taste; I don't love my career, and I'm not that good at it, I'm scared I'll never be able to maintain my own fucking life and I'll feed off my parents forever
So I am in a relapsing mindset and I have to cancel all my out patient appointments due to having no funds. I’m fucked.
Best Stomach Toning Workout
Planks! Planks tone your stomach so much, and pretty fast. I saw on Tumblr this plank routine that takes less than 5 minutes to do, and it helped my stomach tone up so much. I could see a big difference and my core was noticeably stronger about a week after I started doing it. The routine is: 1 minute of a plank in push up position 30 seconds of an elbow plank 15 seconds of a side plank on each side I do it 3 times a day, and it saved my life Thank you to the person who made that routine and posted it 💚