skogsrå @coaleyed - Tumblr Blog

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being an adult is just dragging urself kicking and screaming to things that you will enjoy and that will be good for you

mobydyke

clenching my teeth and muttering under my breath "you'll be happy you did it you'll be happy you did it you'll be happy you did it" as I physically force myself out the door to go Do Things

mobydyke

being very firm with myself every time I think about bailing and saying "no. you committed to this. it will improve your quality of life. you will enjoy it. now put on your big boy pants and go."

coaleyed

I keep finding new layers of pain. I’m doing fine and then I see a picture of her on Spotify of all places and her affect is so different. Overtly sexual, which only hurts because she shut me out so soundly for years. (And why? Why stay with me when you didn’t want me anymore? Why did you want sex all along, you just didn’t want it with me? Why couldn’t you have just talked to me about it? You never talked to me when something was wrong, and maybe that’s what hurts the most. That I wasn’t worth fighting with or for.)

And then it hurts all over again and I can barely distract myself. I want someone to talk to but I also don’t. I want to feel my solitude as solace but I want you out of it. I do better when I forget you.

(Why? Why why why why why why why why why why why why why

Why?)

coaleyed

Just had a two-hour dance party with my online coven and it made me feel so much better. Like the emotions were able to move through me.

Can’t recommend it enough.

#also belting Rihanna’s take a bow #really cathartic #personal #delete later #the healing spiral

I keep finding new layers of pain. I’m doing fine and then I see a picture of her on Spotify of all places and her affect is so different. Overtly sexual, which only hurts because she shut me out so soundly for years. (And why? Why stay with me when you didn’t want me anymore? Why did you want sex all along, you just didn’t want it with me? Why couldn’t you have just talked to me about it? You never talked to me when something was wrong, and maybe that’s what hurts the most. That I wasn’t worth fighting with or for.)

And then it hurts all over again and I can barely distract myself. I want someone to talk to but I also don’t. I want to feel my solitude as solace but I want you out of it. I do better when I forget you.

(Why? Why why why why why why why why why why why why why

Why?)

#personal #delete later #I want to believe it’s all going to be okay #but right now it just hurts again #the healing spiral

fennecandco

Trauma didn't make me nice, I consciously made me nice because I don't want anyone else to suffer like I did. Trauma didn't make me strong, I made me strong. Don't you dare ever tell me my trauma made me anything but scared, broken, and confused. Don't give credit to the abusers for me being a good person. They didn't make me good, I made myself good.