SUMMARY: After overhearing Nathan say he misses his old life, you quietly leave with your one-year-old twins, forcing him to prove he never regretted your marriage or family
WC: 4.4k
WARNINGS: Marriage angst, misunderstanding, postpartum exhaustion, feelings of inadequacy, brief separation, crying, emotional reconciliation, happy ending
Requested: Nathan MacKinnon + where you overhear a conversation and think your partner regrets your relationship
The boys had finally fallen asleep, it had taken nearly an hour.
Knox had refused to lie down unless you rubbed slow circles over his back, while Ryker had stood inside his crib, gripping the wooden rail and crying every time you took more than two steps toward the door.
They had recently turned one, and somehow bedtime had become harder instead of easier, by the time both boys were asleep, your arms ached, your back hurt, and the faint headache that had been building since dinner had settled behind your eyes.
You stood between their cribs for a moment, watching them breathe.
Knox was sprawled on his stomach, one cheek pressed against his mattress and his favorite stuffed bear trapped beneath his arm. Ryker had fallen asleep on his side, still holding the corner of the small blanket he carried everywhere.
Your boys.
You loved them so much that sometimes it frightened you, you loved their matching brown curls, their loud laughs, and the way they both shouted “Dada” the second Nathan walked through the door.
You even loved the chaos.
The toys scattered through every room, the fingerprints on the windows, the sippy cups that seemed to disappear no matter how many you bought.
You loved the life you and Nathan had created, you only wished you still felt like yourself inside it, after quietly closing the nursery door, you headed downstairs.
Nathan had invited a few teammates and friends over after practice. Nothing major. Just food, drinks, and an evening where he could relax without needing to be somewhere else.
You had spent most of the night upstairs.
The boys had been overtired and clingy, and Nathan had been distracted with his friends. He had offered to help once, but you had told him you could handle it.
You always told him that.
Even when you couldn’t, even when you wanted him to notice that you needed help without having to ask for it, you reached the bottom of the staircase and heard voices coming from the kitchen.
Nathan’s was the easiest to recognize “I just miss how things used to be sometimes.”
You stopped, your hand tightened around the banister, you knew you should keep walking, you knew listening to a conversation that wasn’t meant for you would only lead somewhere painful. But your feet refused to move, one of Nathan’s friends said something you couldn’t hear over the low music coming from the living room.
Nathan sighed “Before everything got so complicated.” your chest tightened “The boys are great,” Nathan continued. “Obviously. I love them more than anything. But sometimes I think about how easy everything used to be.”
You pressed your lips together, he sounded tired, not angry and somehow, that made it worse “I could come home and Y/N and I could just leave,” he said. “We could go out to dinner. We could travel whenever we wanted. We could sit through one conversation without one of the twins screaming.”
His friend laughed softly, Nathan didn’t “I don’t know,” he continued. “Marriage, the house, the kids—it all happened so fast.”
Your breathing became shallow, you and Nathan had been married for three years, you had been together much longer.
The twins hadn’t been planned for that exact moment, but they had been wanted, you remembered holding the positive pregnancy test in your shaking hand while Nathan stared at it.
You remembered the way his face changed when he understood, the tears in his eyes, the disbelieving laugh, the way he dropped to his knees and pressed his forehead against your stomach even though there was nothing to feel yet.
Then, at the first ultrasound, the doctor had turned the screen toward both of you and explained that there were two heartbeats, Nathan had cried so openly that the nurse handed him tissues.
He had wanted them, you knew he had, at least, you had believed he had “I just wonder what my life would look like if we’d waited,” Nathan said quietly.
That sentence broke something inside you, you didn’t stay to hear anything else, you turned around before anyone could see you and climbed the stairs as silently as you could.
Once inside your bedroom, you closed the door.
For several seconds, you simply stood there, your pulse thundered in your ears, your reflection stared back at you from the mirror above the dresser, your hair was pulled into a messy knot.
There was a faint stain on the front of your shirt from Ryker throwing part of his dinner at you.
Your eyes looked tired, everything about you looked tired, you didn’t look like the woman Nathan had married, the woman who used to meet him after games in tight dresses and heels, the woman who booked last-minute flights and stayed awake talking to him until three in the morning, the woman who had once been able to give him her full attention.
You looked like Knox and Ryker’s mother, apparently, that wasn’t enough or maybe it was too much.
Your eyes filled with tears, but you wiped them away before they could fall, you couldn’t fall apart yet.
Nathan was downstairs, his friends were still in the house, the boys were asleep.
You needed to leave before you lost the courage to do it, you pulled a weekend bag from the closet and began packing, you didn’t take much for yourself jus a few shirts, leggings, some underwear and your toothbrush.
Most of the bag was for Knox and Ryker, pajamas, some clothes, a lot of diapers, wipes, sippy cups, their medicine because they had been sick the past few day, their stuffed animals and the small sound machine they struggled to sleep without.
You packed carefully, moving through the room in a numb silence, every few seconds, you could hear laughter downstairs, Nathan’s voice blended with the others.
He sounded normal.
That hurt more than if he had sounded miserable, you had just discovered that your husband might regret the life you shared, and he was downstairs laughing.
You sent your sister a brief text.
Can the boys and I stay with you tonight? Please don’t call. I’ll explain when I get there.
Her reply came almost immediately.
Of course. Door’s open.
You carried the bags to the garage one at a time, using the back staircase so no one in the living room would see you, no one noticed.
Nathan didn’t notice.
That realization lodged painfully beneath your ribs, you moved through the same house, packing yourself and your children away from him, and he had no idea.
Once everything was in the car, you returned to the nursery, Knox stirred when you lifted him from his crib, his eyes opened halfway “Mama,” he mumbled sleepily.
“I know, baby,” you whispered, pressing your lips to his curls. “I’ve got you.” he settled against your shoulder, you carried him downstairs and secured him in his car seat.
Then you returned for Ryker, he woke more fully, he blinked at you, confused, before resting his head against your chest “Dada?” he whispered.
Your throat closed “Dada’s downstairs.” Ryker made a small sound, but he was too tired to question it, you strapped him into the car beside his brother.
The music and voices inside the house remained loud enough that no one heard the garage door open, you backed out slowly and for one terrible moment, you stared at the house through the windshield.
The home Nathan had bought with you, the home where he had carried you through the front door after your wedding, the home where you had brought Knox and Ryker after leaving the hospital, the home where you had believed you would raise your family.
Your hands tightened around the steering wheel.
Then you drove away.
Nathan never saw you leave, you had been at your sister’s house for almost forty minutes when your phone began vibrating.
Nathan.
You stared at his name until the call ended, then it immediately started again, you declined it.
A message appeared.
Where are you?
Another followed seconds later.
Where are the boys?
Then:
Y/N, answer me. Please.
Your sister sat beside you on the couch, watching silently as you held the phone in both hands, Knox and Ryker were asleep in the guest room, both portable cribs positioned close to the bed.
You had managed to move them without waking them completely, you wished you could sleep as easily, the phone rang again “Tell him you’re safe,” your sister said gently. “You don’t have to explain anything else yet.”
You swallowed, your fingers shook as you typed.
The boys and I are at my sister’s. We’re safe.
The call came less than a second after the message delivered, this time, you answered.
“Where are you exactly?” Nathan demanded, his voice was panicked.
“You know where my sister lives.”
“Why did you leave?”
You closed your eyes “Keep your voice down.”
“I’m not near the boys.”
There was movement on his end, a door closing, then his voice lowered “I went upstairs after everyone left, and you were gone. Their cribs were empty. Half their things were missing. Your clothes were gone.” His breath hitched. “Do you have any idea what I thought?”
You felt a sharp stab of guilt “I texted you as soon as I saw your messages.”
“You should’ve told me before you took them.”
“You were busy.”
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Act like I wouldn’t have cared.”
Your eyes burned “You didn’t notice me packing an entire car.”
Silence, Nathan had no immediate answer, you laughed bitterly “That’s what I thought.”
“Y/N,” he said, his voice cracking. “Please tell me what happened.”
“I heard you.” another silence followed, this one was different. He knew, you could hear it in his breathing “You heard the conversation in the kitchen,” he said quietly.
“I heard enough.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“I heard you say you missed your old life.”
“That isn’t what I meant.”
“You said marriage, the house, and the boys happened too fast.”
“I explained what I meant after that.”
“I wasn’t there after that.”
Nathan exhaled shakily “You left in the middle of the conversation?”
“I left when you said you wondered what your life would have looked like if we had waited.”
“Jesus Christ.”
You flinched “Don’t swear at me.”
“I’m not swearing at you.” His voice broke. “I’m realizing what you think.”
“I think my husband regrets marrying me.”
“I don’t.”
“And I think he regrets having children with me.”
“I don’t.”
“You sounded pretty sure downstairs.”
“Because you didn’t hear everything.”
You wiped at your cheek “I heard you say you missed when things were easy.”
“I do.” the honesty hurt, Nathan continued quickly “I miss sleeping. I miss being able to talk to you without both of us being exhausted. I miss taking you somewhere without spending two hours packing bags and snacks and emergency clothes.”
“So you miss not being a father.”
“No.” His voice sharpened. “I miss you.” you went quiet, Nathan breathed heavily through the phone “I was telling him that I miss my wife,” he said. “Not because I don’t love our sons. Not because I want to undo anything. I miss you because you’re right in front of me, and I still feel like I barely get to see you.”
Your fingers tightened around the phone “You see me every day.”
“I see you making breakfast, cleaning, chasing Knox, carrying Ryker, folding laundry, falling asleep on the couch.” His voice softened. “I don’t know when the last time was that you sat next to me and weren’t doing something for someone else.”
“That isn’t the boys’ fault.”
“I never said it was.”
“You made it sound like they ruined everything.”
“I was trying to say that I wasn’t prepared for how much our marriage would change.”
You stared at the dark window across the room “I wasn’t prepared either.”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t.”
“I do now.”
You pressed a trembling hand against your mouth, Nathan was quiet for a moment “When I said I wondered what life would look like if we waited, I meant I wondered if I would’ve been a better husband.”
Your brow furrowed “What?”
“I wondered if I would’ve known how to take care of you before we had kids. I thought being a good dad meant loving them and being home whenever hockey allowed it.” He released a broken breath. “Meanwhile, you learned how to do everything, and I started waiting for you to tell me how to help.”
“You do help.”
“When you ask.”
“You can’t read my mind.”
“I shouldn’t have to read your mind to know that two babies need baths every night. Or that the dishwasher needs unloading. Or that you haven’t gone anywhere alone in nearly a month.”
Your eyes closed “I didn’t say anything.”
“That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have noticed.”
You thought about the way you had moved through the house unnoticed only hours earlier, packing bags, carrying your sleeping sons, leaving “You didn’t notice tonight,” you whispered.
Nathan inhaled sharply “No.”
“You didn’t notice me leave.”
“No,” he repeated, his voice full of shame. “And I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for that.”
You wiped another tear away “I thought you wanted us gone.”
“Never.”
“Then why didn’t you come upstairs?”
“I thought you were putting the boys down.”
“For nearly two hours?”
“I lost track of time.”
“That’s the problem, Nathan.”
“I know.” his agreement left you with nowhere to place your anger, you had expected him to defend himself, to tell you that you were overreacting, instead, he sounded devastated “I’m coming over,” he said.
“No.”
“Y/N—”
“I need space.”
“I need to see the boys.”
“They’re sleeping.”
“I need to see you.”
You closed your eyes “I can’t do this tonight.”
Nathan went silent, for a moment, all you could hear was his breathing, then he spoke quietly “Are you leaving me?” the fear in his voice broke through your anger
“I don’t know.” it was honest and cruel, Nathan made a sound like the words had physically hurt him “I don’t want to,” you added. “But I can’t go home tonight and pretend I didn’t hear any of it.”
“I’m not asking you to pretend.”
“I need to think.”
“Okay.” you hadn’t expected him to agree so quickly.
“Okay?” you repeated.
“If you need tonight, take tonight.” His voice shook. “But please don’t decide our entire marriage based on half a conversation.”
You looked toward the guest room “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Can I say goodnight to them?”
Your throat tightened “They’re asleep.”
“I know. Just put the phone near them for a second.” you stood and walked quietly into the guest room, the twins were sleeping peacefully, you held the phone between the two cribs, Nathan’s voice came softly through the speaker “Goodnight, Knox. Goodnight, Ryker. Dad loves you.”
Ryker shifted in his sleep, Nathan inhaled unevenly then he said, “I love your mom too.” you pulled the phone back “I’ll see you tomorrow,” you whispered.
“I love you.” You couldn’t say it back, not yet, you ended the call.
You barely slept.
Every time Knox or Ryker shifted, you opened your eyes, every time a car passed outside, you wondered whether Nathan had ignored you and driven over.
He didn’t, at seven in the morning, you found a message waiting on your phone.
I won’t come over until you say I can. I’m sorry I didn’t notice how alone you felt.
Another arrived an hour later.
I called my parents. They can help two afternoons a week when I’m traveling, but only if you’re comfortable. I’m also looking into getting more help around the house.
Then:
I know hiring help doesn’t fix me being absent when I’m standing in the same room. I’m going to fix that too.
You stared at the messages while Ryker sat on the floor beside you, banging two plastic blocks together, Knox crawled into your lap and tried to steal your phone “No, baby.” he grinned, for one second, you saw Nathan so clearly in his expression that your heart ached, your sister walked into the kitchen carrying two cups of coffee “You look terrible,” she said.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
She sat across from you “Do you believe him?” you looked down at your wedding ring “I believe he loves the boys.”
“That wasn’t what I asked.”
Your eyes filled “I believe he loves me.”
“But?”
“But sometimes love doesn’t stop someone from wishing their life was different.”
Your sister considered that “Do you think he wishes it was different, or do you think he wishes it was easier?”
You looked toward your sons, Knox had taken one of Ryker’s blocks, Ryker immediately protested and attempted to crawl into his brother’s lap, you separated them before a fight could begin “I don’t know.”
“Then talk to him.”
Nathan arrived shortly after noon, you had told him he could come to your sister’s house, but you hadn’t told him whether you were returning home.
He looked like he hadn’t slept.
His clothes were wrinkled. His hair was messy. There were dark circles beneath his eyes, the second the door opened, Knox and Ryker recognized him “Dada!”
Both boys rushed toward him in their unsteady toddler walk.
Nathan dropped to his knees, he caught Knox first, then Ryker collided with his side, and Nathan pulled both boys against his chest, his eyes closed, you watched his shoulders tremble “Hey,” he whispered. “Hey, my boys.”
Knox grabbed Nathan’s face with both hands, Ryker buried his head against Nathan’s neck, Nathan kissed them repeatedly, their hair, their cheeks, their small hands, he didn’t seem embarrassed by the tears running down his face “I missed you,” he murmured.
They had been gone for less than a day, he held them as though it had been months, your sister quietly left the room.
Nathan eventually looked at you.
He remained on the floor with both boys in his lap “I’m sorry.” you folded your arms over your chest “I didn’t mean for you to think I regretted any of this.”
“But you do miss your old life.”
“Yes.” the answer stung despite everything he had explained, Nathan looked down at the twins “I miss parts of it,” he said. “I miss being able to focus on you. I miss how rested you used to look. I miss hearing you laugh more than once a week.”
“You make it sound like motherhood destroyed me.”
“It didn’t.” He shook his head. “But I think you’ve been giving everything to us, and I’ve been standing there accepting it.”
You swallowed “I love being their mom.”
“I know you do.”
“I don’t want you to think they’re a burden.”
“I don’t.” Nathan carefully moved the boys onto the rug with their toys, then he stood “I love being their dad,” he said. “Even when Ryker throws food at me. Even when Knox wakes up at five in the morning and acts like it’s lunchtime.”
Despite yourself, your mouth twitched, Nathan noticed but didn’t smile “I don’t want a life without them,” he continued. “I don’t want a life without you.”
“You said everything happened fast.”
“It did.” your eyes lowered “That doesn’t mean it was a mistake", tou looked at him again, Nathan stepped closer but left space between you “I can think we weren’t prepared and still believe they’re the best thing that ever happened to us.”
“They’re one now, Nate. How long are we going to use being unprepared as an excuse?”
“We’re not.” his voice was firm “I’m not going to use it as an excuse anymore.” you studied his face “I didn’t notice you leave,” he said. “You packed bags. You carried both boys out of our house. You loaded the car, and I didn’t notice.”
Your eyes burned “I know.”
“I’m ashamed of that.”
“You should be.”
“I am.” he didn’t defend himself, Nathan glanced toward the twins before looking back at you “I don’t want to be the kind of husband who realizes his wife is drowning only after she disappears.” a tear slipped down your cheek, Nathan’s hands flexed at his sides, but he didn’t touch you.
“I need you to understand why I left.”
“I do.”
“I didn’t take the boys to punish you.”
“I know.”
“I thought you wanted a version of your life where they didn’t exist.”
His face crumpled “Never.”
“You sounded like you regretted us.”
“I regret not taking care of us.” His voice broke. “That isn’t the same thing.”
You wiped your face “I miss you too,” you admitted, Nathan stared at you “I miss being your wife instead of feeling like your live-in babysitter.”
“You’re not.”
“That’s how I feel sometimes.”
He nodded slowly “Then I’ve failed you.”
“I don’t want you to call yourself a failure. I want things to change.”
“They will.”
“You can’t fix everything because you got scared one night.”
“I know.” Nathan took a careful step toward you. “I’m not asking you to trust one apology. I’m asking you to let me prove it over time.”
You looked at the man you had married, he looked exhausted, terrified and completely sincere “Do you regret marrying me?” you asked.
“No.”
“Do you regret the boys?”
“Not for one second.”
“Do you wish we had waited?”
Nathan thought before answering “I wish I had learned sooner that loving you wasn’t enough if I wasn’t paying attention to you.” your breath caught “But no,” he continued. “I don’t wish we had waited. If waiting meant Knox and Ryker wouldn’t be Knox and Ryker, I wouldn’t change anything.”
Behind him, Ryker squealed, Knox had placed a plastic bucket over his own head, Nathan turned at the sound, Knox stumbled forward blindly, Nate caught him before he could walk into the coffee table, he removed the bucket, Knox laughed wildly “See?” Nathan said, holding him against his side. “I’d miss this idiot.”
You laughed through your tears “He’s your son.”
“He definitely got that from you.”
“Excuse me?” for the first time since he arrived, Nathan smiled, it was small and cautious, Ryker reached upward, demanding to be held too, Nate lifted him with his free arm, he stood there carrying both boys, one on each hip.
Your family.
The life he had chosen, the life you had both nearly forgotten to protect “I want to go home,” you whispered, Nathan’s eyes widened “But I’m not pretending everything is fixed.”
“I don’t expect you to.”
“And I need things to actually change.”
“They will.”
“And if you ever miss me again, you tell me.”
“I will.”
“You don’t tell your friends while I’m upstairs taking care of our children.”
“I won’t.” you stepped closer, Nate shifted Knox to make room for you, you rested your head against his shoulder, careful not to crush Ryker between you.
Nathan’s arm wrapped around your waist.
His face pressed into your hair “I thought I lost you,” he whispered.
“You almost did.”
His hold tightened “I’m sorry.”
You closed your eyes “I know.”
Knox grabbed a handful of your hair, you winced, Nathan immediately loosened his grip “Knox, no.” Knox laughed, Ryker pressed his sticky hand against your cheek, you looked at Nathan “This is the life you miss escaping from?”
Nathan kissed your forehead “No,” he said. “This is the life I want to stop taking for granted.”
Things didn’t change overnight, Nate still had practices, he still traveled, the twins still woke too early and fought over identical toys.
But Nathan stopped waiting for instructions.
When he was home, he handled breakfast, he learned which cups Knox preferred and that Ryker would only eat bananas if they were cut into circles instead of slices, he began doing bedtime alone several nights a week, even when both boys screamed for you.
He encouraged you to leave the house.
Not to run errands, not to buy diapers, to do something for yourself, at first, you didn’t know what to do with the time, eventually, you remembered.
You met friends for lunch, you booked appointments you had been postponing, you spent one afternoon alone in a bookstore and came home with three novels you weren’t sure you would have time to read.
Nathan also arranged for his parents to watch the boys regularly.
The first evening you had alone together, he took you to the restaurant where you had celebrated your engagement, you wore a dress you hadn’t touched since before the twins were born, you felt nervous walking down the stairs.
Nathan stood near the front door, adjusting the sleeves of his shirt, when he saw you, he froze “What?” you asked.
He shook his head “Nothing.”
“Nathan.”
He walked toward you “I’m looking at my wife.” your expression softened “She’s been here the whole time.”
“I know.”
He placed his hands gently on your waist “I forgot to make sure she knew I could still see her.”
Your eyes burned, Nate kissed you slowly, there was no desperation in it, no attempt to erase what had happened.
It felt like a promise.
Later that night, you returned home to find Knox and Ryker asleep, Nathan checked the nursery before joining you in the bedroom, you were removing your earrings when he came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist.
His chin rested on your shoulder “You know I’d choose you again, right?” he asked.
You looked at him through the mirror “All of us?”
“All of you.”
He kissed the side of your neck “You, Knox, Ryker, the toys all over the floor. The five a.m. wake-ups. The food thrown at my head.”
You smiled “Even the diapers?”
Nathan hesitated “Almost everything.” you laughed, a cry came through the baby monitor, Nate rested his forehead against your shoulder “That’s Knox.”
“How can you tell?”
“He does that angry little yell before he starts actually crying.” a second cry joined the first “And that’s Ryker,” you said.
Nathan kissed your cheek “I’ve got them.”
“You don’t have to do both.”
“I want to.” he left the room, a few moments later, his voice came through the monitor “Hey, boys. Daddy’s here.”
Their crying gradually softened, you climbed into bed and listened as Nathan spoke quietly to them, he didn’t regret your marriage, he didn’t regret your children.
He had simply missed you while both of you were learning how to become parents without losing each other and this time, neither of you would wait until someone disappeared to admit it.
Noah Sebastian x toxic OC
Word Count: 1.7k
Warnings: this is a super toxic relationship, you've been warned
A/N: I've been feeling toxic lately, so instead of acting on it I wrote about it...it's not out of my system though lol
A wall of pyrotechnics erupted behind the stage, columns of fire streaming into the air as confetti cannons exploded throughout the stadium. Noah Sebastian stood at the edge of the stage and breathing hard while the crowd chanted for one more song.
"NOAH! NOAH! NOAH!"
He grinned despite his exhaustion.
Every show ended the same way. The lights. The roar. The impossible feeling that thousands of strangers somehow knew every word he'd ever written.
He lifted a hand in one final wave before jogging backstage. But the second he stepped through the curtain, the fantasy dissolved.
Crew members rushed by carrying cases, security escorted VIP guests through designated hallways.
A label exec was already talking. "Wheels are up at midnight. Press in London tomorrow. Label dinner Thursday. Don't disappear on me."
Someone handed Noah a towel while someone else pressed a bottle of water into his hand.
"Great show," a tech said.
Noah nodded distractedly. The adrenaline high was still wearing off.
Backstage after a stadium show was its own world. Caterers rolled carts of food through the corridors. Sponsors mingled with executives. The opening band celebrated with the excitement of musicians still discovering what arenas felt like.
Noah never forgot what it felt like being one of them. He wandered toward the VIP area.
A young woman, maybe nineteen or twenty, clutched a vinyl record so tightly the corners were beginning to bend.
Her hands trembled.
"I-I'm sorry." She laughed nervously. "I practiced what I was going to say all week."
Noah smiled. "That makes two of us."
She blinked. "What?"
He shrugged. "I still never know what to say."
She laughed and the tension she held melted.
He signed the record, asked her name, thanked her for coming.
"Could we..." She held up her phone. "...take a picture?"
"Absolutely."
She stepped beside him while a security guard took the phone.
Click.
The teenage fan stared at the photo for a second before tears filled her eyes.
"I've listened to your music since my dad played your first album in the truck."
"Tell your dad thanks."
She hugged the vinyl to her chest. "You saved my life."
Noah never knew how to answer that, so he settled for the truth, "I'm glad you're still here."
She walked away smiling and he watched her disappear into the crowd of VIP guests.
"She's pretty."
The voice that came from behind him was cold and sharp.
Nellie.
She'd arrived sometime during the encore, sunglasses perched on her head despite it being nearly midnight. She wore a black leather jacket hung loosely over one shoulder, and irritation poured from her before she'd even crossed the room.
Noah sighed quietly. "Hey."
"Don't 'hey' me." She folded her arms. "Who was she?"
"A fan."
"You seemed...close."
Noah rolled his eyes. "We took a picture."
"You looked happy."
"I was talking to someone who likes our music."
"Oh." Her smile didn’t reach her eyes. "So you flirt with fans now."
"It wasn't flirting."
"It looked like flirting."
"It was a meet and greet."
Nellie gave a short, bitter laugh. "You always have an excuse."
Several crew members abruptly found reasons to be somewhere else. His tour manager glanced toward them, recognized the expression on Nellie's face, and quietly changed direction.
Noah lowered his voice, "Can we not do this here?"
"Why?"
"You really want an audience?"
Nellie looked around. "You already had one."
His jaw tightened. "Nell."
"What?"
"Please."
She leaned in close enough that only he could hear, "If I ever smile at another guy the way you smiled at her..." She shrugged casually. "...you'd lose your mind."
She turned and walked away as though nothing had happened.
An hour later, the backstage celebration was in full swing. The opening band had been invited to the VIP lounge, still riding the high of playing in an arena.
Their singer, Jax, was animatedly telling a story to one of the crew members when Nellie drifted over.
Noah noticed immediately and so did everyone else.
"I loved your set," she said.
Jax smiled. "Seriously?"
"You've got that reckless thing." She stepped a little closer. "I like reckless." Noah kept talking to the band's manager as though he hadn't noticed. He heard every word anyway. "You've got beautiful eyes," Nellie continued.
Jax laughed awkwardly and nervously as Nellie’s fingers trailed his arm.
"Uh...thanks."
"I mean it." Nelllie leaned into him. "You'll be headlining one day."
Jax glanced toward Noah, visibly uncomfortable.
"Your guys inspired us."
Nellie smiled and flipped her hair. "I wasn't talking about them."
Across the room, Folio muttered under his breath, "Here we go."
Jolly rubbed his temples.
Ruffilo exhaled slowly.
The three of them exchanged the same exhausted look they'd perfected over the last two years.
Not again.
Not tonight.
Not in front of everyone.
The band's manager noticed too.
"So..." he murmured to Noah.
"You want me to-"
"No." Noah forced a smile. "I've got it."
Except he didn't, because confronting Nellie always made things worse but ignoring her only delayed it.
Either way...
He lost.
Noah excused himself the first chance he got.
Nellie watched him leave before looking back at Jax who stared at her with thin lips.
"What?"
"You know exactly what."
"I was talking."
"You were trying to make him jealous."
She tilted her head innocently. "Did it work?"
Their hotel occupied the top three floors of a glass tower overlooking the city.
The suite was larger than Noah's first apartment. It had floor-to-ceiling windows, fresh flowers and a bottle of champagne waiting on ice.
It should have felt luxurious.
Instead it just felt empty.
Nellie kicked off her boots and collapsed across the bed.
"You were amazing tonight."
Noah looked up from the notebook in his lap.
"What?"
"You heard me,” Nellie said as she smiled before crawling up the bed. "I still get goosebumps when you walk onstage."
He laughed softly. "I thought you were mad at me."
"I was."
"You just accused me of cheating."
"I know." She reached for his hand. "I also know nobody understands you like I do."
Noah hesitated and then wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
Nellie rested her head on his shoulder. "I remember when there were thirty people watching you play."
He smiled. "You were there."
"I've always been there," she said softly.
"You have been."
"You know why?"
"Why?"
"Because I believed in you before anyone else did."
The words landed exactly where she knew they would and Noah relaxed and he let his guard slip.
Nellie leaned up and kissed his chin gently. "You don't need anyone else."
"I don't want anyone else."
"I know."
For a few minutes, Nellie felt like she was the woman he'd fallen in love with all those years ago.
Warm.
Funny.
Affectionate.
This was the version of Nellie that only appeared after a fight.
Nellie sat up suddenly. "You know what's funny?"
Noah looked at her with a confused look on his face. "What?"
"You still act like this can last forever."
Noah frowned. "The band?"
"Yeah."
"We're selling out stadiums."
"For now."
"What does that mean?"
She shrugged. "Rock bands fade."
"We're doing fine."
"Sure." Nellie looked around the lavish suite. "You've got money."
"We've worked for it."
"And when the next trend comes along?"
He stayed quiet and she smiled.
"You think you're different."
"We are."
"You really believe you'll still matter in ten years?"
The words hit harder than he expected.
"You don't mean that."
Nellie shrugged. "I do."
"You've watched me work my ass off for this."
"I've watched you get lucky." Noah’s expression fell but Nellie didn't stop. "You think these people love you?" She gestured toward the city outside. "They love whoever's standing under the lights." She stood and walked toward the window. "When they get bored..." She snapped her fingers. "...they'll move on."
Silence filled the suite around them. Finally, she turned back toward Noah.
"What?" Noah asked roughly.
Nellie smirked. "No comeback?"
Noah stood. "I can't do this tonight."
"There it is,” she laughed gleefully.
"What?"
"You always leave."
Noah dug through his overnight bag, refusing to meet Nellie’s eyes. "I'm trying not to fight."
"You always say that."
"I'm trying to protect us."
Nellie laughed. "No." She stepped closer until only inches separated them. "You're protecting yourself."
He looked at her for a long moment, then quietly picked up the leather notebook from the bedside table.
"I'm going downstairs."
"Of course you are."
"You'll be here when I get back." Nellie smiled as she fell back on the bed. "You always come back."
The hotel rooftop was empty. The city stretched in every direction, glittering beneath a cloudless sky. Far below, fans still lingered outside the arena, hoping to catch one last glimpse of the band before they left.
Noah sat alone against the roof door. The stadium roar was gone but his ears still rang anyway.
He opened the notebook. Blank page. He thought about the fan with the vinyl. About Nellie accusing him before she'd even said hello. How Jax gave him an uncomfortable smile.
About the way his friends looked at him, not angry anymore, just tired.
He wrote.
There she goes accusing me again...
Noah paused as a slow guitar riff began to form in his mind.
He wrote another line.
Then another.
He stared at the words and he hated how true they felt. Not because the fighting made him happy. Because every explosion was followed by a moment of peace that felt so good he'd convince himself the next fight would be the last.
It never was.
The melody came all at once in that raw and honest way that ripped a writers soul out. Inside the suite above him, Nellie was probably waiting for his return.
Tomorrow they'd board another plane and play another sold out stadium the night after.
The world would see a rock star living the dream. But only Noah would know that the song tens of thousands of people would one day scream back at him hadn't been born under spotlights or fireworks.
It had been written on a rooftop after midnight, by a man trying to make sense of a love that always sounded, in the end, like an explosion.
an in the zone question for you: does Joe’s mom ever warm up to Elle? any insight on what their interactions look like?
Okay, I had to think about this one long and hard because I don’t want to put my own biases on these characters BUT a few things come into play:
Robin strikes me as the stereotypical “boy mom”. What I mean by this is her baby can do no wrong and she’s threatened by any woman who enters Joe’s life
Joe has let her have control of many things, including letting Robin get into his head in the past about partners, because it’s just easier than arguing with her
This has been fine for a really long time, except now Joe has something, someone, he doesn’t want to lose. It takes a few more times of Robin really stepping in it, for her to realize Joe is not playing about Elle and she’s at risk of losing access to her “baby boy” before she really “gets it”
When it finally clicks for her, it isn’t easy. She makes it widely known. But Joe puts his foot down and never allows Robin to make Elle feel less than so Elle toughs it out for Joe. It’s not until Elle moves in with Joe that they’re able to have their first family dinner without snide comments coming from Robin.
They never become best friends, but they learn to coexist and share Joe as time goes on. Which is fine, because Elle has a good relationship with her own mom.
I loved this question! I’m happy to do an actual scene on it or answer any other In the Zone q’s!
masterlist ☆ wc: 7.7k ☆ chapter warnings: NSFW, smut (unedited and unprotected morning sex), noah and reader discuss a dom/sub relationship and although i have done my research, some things may still be inaccurate. idk i don't like this, i feel like i tried to squeeze a lot into the dialogue towards the end, where i could've just had them having the different parts of the conversations in different chapters, because now i feel like they just wont stop yapping lmao but hey!
SO.. i know i hyped this chapter up at the end of the last one, but what i actually had planned for that is now happening in the NEXT part (sorry) i feel like it made sense for them to talk about the relationship dynamic before they do what they're gonna do in the next part hehehe🤭
・┈・୨୧・┈・
The room was still dark when you woke up, with the tiniest slither of light peeking through the curtains. Your alarm hadn’t gone off yet, so you let out a content hum before letting your eyes shut again. But the more conscious you were becoming, the more you noticed what was happening around you.
The AC was making the room far too cold for your liking, but there was also something warm pressed against your back. Noah was still holding you tight, spooning you, one of his arms resting heavily over your waist, holding you close, making sure you weren’t going anywhere.
And his cock was still inside you.
You could feel it- soft and warm at first, nestled deep inside you. But as you became more aware, your walls clenched involuntarily, and you felt it slowly twitching, thickening, growing harder inside you. Noah was still half asleep himself, but his body was reacting to you none the less. He pressed even closer, his lips brushing softly against the back of your neck in lazy, sleepy kisses.
A low, quiet groan escaped him as his cock continued to twitch, stretching your sensitive walls again. You let out a soft, breathy whimper at the feeling, which at first felt a little strange and sore, but that feeling was starting to fade into something a lot more pleasurable.
Noah’s lips moved higher, kissing along your shoulder, then your neck, until he reached just behind your ear. His voice was deep and raspy with sleep when he finally whispered against your skin:
“…Morning, princess.” He gave a slow roll of his hips, pushing his now rock hard cock even deeper into you. The slow drag made you gasp softly. “I woke up hard inside you,” he whispered, his voice thick with sleepy lust as he kissed your neck again. “Couldn’t help it… you feel too good.”
He didn’t thrust hard, he was just giving slow and lazy rolls of his hips, like he was savouring the warmth and wetness of your pussy. His hand slid down your body until his fingers found your clit, rubbing it gently while he continued kissing your neck and shoulder.
You moaned softly, pushing back against him, still hazy with sleep. Noah hummed in approval, nipping gently at your skin.
“Want me to make you feel good again before we get up?” He whispered tenderly, his cock throbbing inside you. “Or do you just want to lie here and let me stay buried in you a little longer?”
He slowly kissed the side of your neck again, while his fingers kept up their gentle teasing on your clit. But when he didn’t get an answer, he stopped moving.
“You want it, baby?” He asked, his breath warm against your neck as he moved his hand to stroke your hip instead.
You nodded, pushing back against him gently.
“I do… but I have work this morning.” You said softly, and he sensed the slight hesitation in your voice.
“Baby, it’s only 6am,” he whispered, nipping gently at your neck. “We’ve got plenty of time. Let me make you feel good before you have to go out.”
You hesitated for half a second, but then nodded, and melted back into his touch.
“Okay…”
You reached back and took his hand, and guided it down between your legs until his fingers rested on your clit again. At the same time, you pushed back against him, taking his now fully hard cock deeper into your pussy, making Noah let out a satisfied groan.
“That’s my good girl.” He whispered.
His fingers started moving in circles over your clit again while he rolled his hips, fucking you from behind. The entire thing felt so incredibly intimate, from waking up still tangled together, to the way his chest was pressed against your back, to the soft little kisses and soft praises he’d whisper between thrusts.
“That’s it, baby,” he whispered. “Just relax… let me take care of you.”
You let out a soft, breathy moan, pushing back to meet him again. Noah kissed your shoulder, then the side of your neck, his breath warm against your skin as his fingers kept up their gentle rhythm on your clit.
“You feel so good like this,” he said, “My sweet girl.”
His thrusts stayed slow and deep, each one pressing him fully inside you before pulling back just enough to slide in again. The room was quiet except for your soft moans and the gentle sounds of your bodies moving together.
Noah nipped lightly at your shoulder, then soothed it with his tongue.
“You’re getting so close already, aren’t you?” he whispered, his voice full of affection. “I can feel you squeezing me. Don’t hold back, princess. Cum whenever you want to.”
His fingers circled your clit a little faster, still gentle, while his cock continued those slow, deep strokes. You pushed back against him, chasing the pleasure, your breathing growing quicker.
Noah held you tighter, kissing the side of your face.
“That’s it sweetheart, let it happen. I’ve got you...”
The combination of his cock filling you and his fingers on your clit finally pushed you over the edge. You came with a soft, trembling moan, your pussy clenching around him as waves of pleasure washed through you.
Noah groaned quietly, kissing your neck as he felt you cum around him, and he kept moving through your orgasm, slow and gentle, drawing it out until you started to come down. Then his own breathing grew heavier. His thrusts became a little deeper, a little more urgent.
“I’m close, baby,” he murmured against your skin, voice strained with pleasure. “Can I cum inside you?”
You nodded quickly, pushing back against him.
“Please…”
Noah buried his face in your neck and let out a low, shaky groan as he came. His cock pulsed deep inside you, filling you with warm, thick spurts of cum. He held you tightly through every twitch, kissing your shoulder and whispering soft, sleepy praises.
“Fuck…” he breathed, still buried inside you as he finished. “You’re so fucking perfect, baby.”
He didn’t pull out. Instead, he wrapped both arms around you, holding you close as his softening cock stayed nestled warmly inside you.
“Stay like this with me a little longer,” he whispered, pressing one last kiss to the back of your neck. “We still have time before you have to get ready.”
So you did. You stayed like this for another fifteen minutes, just holding each other and sharing sleepy kisses, until you decided it was probably time to shower.
You both stood under the water, taking turns stealing the shampoo and conditioner from each other. There was just something so soft and intimate about the way he was holding you, the way he ran his soapy fingers through your hair before conditioning the ends, the way he took his time and put so much care into every little touch.
By the time you’d both finished in the bathroom, Noah was towelling off his hair while you stood in front of the mirror braiding yours, then you caught his eye in the reflection.
“…I don’t want to go to work.”
He smiled.
“I know.”
“No, I really don’t.”
He nodded his head.
“Just wanna climb back in bed, huh?”
You sighed as you tied the little elastic around your hair.
“I’ve been thinking about it.” You turned to face him, folding your arms. “Can I call in sick?”
“You could.” He shrugged.
Your eyes lit up.
“Really?”
“No.”
You groaned loudly enough to make him laugh, and he wandered over, sliding his arms around your waist and kissing your shoulder.
“What happened to the girl who told me she’d go insane if she didn’t work? Have I really spoiled you that much?” He smirked.
“It’s not that…” You rested your forehead against his shoulder with another exaggerated sigh. “I just know today’s going to drag.”
He gently rubbed your back.
“Probably.”
“Thanks for the optimism.” You scoffed
“But…”
You looked up. His expression had suddenly changed into one of those knowing looks that told you he was already three steps ahead, and he knew something you didn’t.
“If you can make it to the end of the week… I’ve got something planned for us.”
Your curiosity straight away won over your misery.
“What kind of something?”
“I’m not telling you.”
“Noah!”
He shook his head.
“Nope.”
“Are we going somewhere?”
“Maybe...”
“Will you give me a clue?”
He thought it over for a moment… then shook his head.
“That’s not fair.” You pouted.
“It’ll be worth it.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I know.” He smiled, then leaned down and kissed your forehead. “So… if you manage to make it through the rest of the week, I’ll promise to make it worth it.”
…
If Noah’s promise of a surprise at the weekend was the only thing that got you through the drive to work that morning, it certainly wasn’t enough to get you through the shift itself. Because from the moment you stepped through the door, everything just seemed to go wrong.
The morning rush felt more busy than normal, the card machine froze twice before lunchtime, somebody spilled an entire caramel latte across the floor by the counter, and by eleven o’clock you’d remade three drinks because customers insisted they were wrong- despite watching you make them exactly how they asked.
By midday your feet were aching and you felt sick. By two o’clock you’d forgotten to take your lunch break because of how busy it’d been, until Tom shoved a sandwich into your hands and guided you away into the staff room.
By four, someone had complained that their coffee wasn’t hot enough, despite steam still rising from the cup when you took off the lid. But still, you smiled through every interaction and apologised a thousand times, even when it wasn’t your fault. Then, somewhere around five o’clock, your brain simply stopped working.
“Hey.” You looked up as Tom appeared beside the coffee machine. “You alright?”
You blinked, caught suddenly off guard.
“…Yeah?”
“Pfft, liar.”
You let out a tired laugh.
“I’m just done with today.”
Tom nodded sympathetically.
“Only another hour.”
You groaned dramatically.
“I don’t think I’ve got another hour in me.”
“You do.” He said, then suddenly nudged your shoulder. “And good news!”
“Hm?”
“The new guy starts on Monday!”
You looked at him hopefully.
“Really?”
“Yep. So next week we shouldn’t be running around like lunatics.”
Relief washed over you.
“Oh thank god.”
The thought alone was enough to keep you going for the final stretch… and before you knew it, it was six. You finished wiping the counters, put away the left over sandwiches and pastries, mopped the floor and finally untied your apron.
You said goodbye to Tom, who promised to close so you could leave just that little bit earlier, then finally, you pushed open the cafe door and stepped outside into the cool evening air.
A familiar black car was already waiting outside, and it made your heart flutter the moment you spotted it. You couldn’t stop smiling as you hurried over, exhaustion forgotten for just a second. But he climbed out before you’d even reached the car.
“Hey, baby.”
“Hi.” You smiled.
He leaned down to kiss your forehead before reaching for your bag.
“I’ve got it.” He said.
“I can carry-”
“I know.” But he took it anyway. Then the two of you started walking towards the passenger side together.
“So…” Noah glanced at you. “How was your day?”
You opened your mouth… but nothing came out.
Instead, the overwhelming feeling creeped up on you again, and your eyes suddenly started to fill with tears, so you immediately looked away.
“…Hey.” His voice softened, and he stopped walking. “What happened?”
You shook your head quickly.
“Nothing.”
“Sweetheart.”
You swallowed hard.
“It was just…” You let out a shaky laugh. “It’s been a long day.”
His face suddenly softened even more, because he suddenly saw it all on you. How tense and stiff your shoulders were, how exhausted your eyes looked, the way your jaw was clenched…
Without saying another word, Noah stepped closer, and his hands settled gently on either side of your face.
“You made it.” You said gently.
You looked up at him.
“What?”
“You got through it.”
The lump in your throat somehow grew even bigger.
“I know it doesn’t feel like much right now,” he said quietly, brushing his thumbs across your cheeks, “But I’m proud of you.”
A tiny, weak smile appeared on your lips.
“I spent ten minutes crying because I didn’t realise someone asked for oat milk. I had to chase them out the cafe!”
He smiled sympathetically.
“It’s okay.”
“And I forgot someone’s muffin.”
“That’s okay too.”
“And-“
“Shh,” he gently hushed, before his hand found yours. “You’re done now, okay? It’s time to come home and relax.” Just hearing him say it slightly eased the feeling in your chest. “You don’t have to stress anymore.”
He opened the passenger door for you.
“I’ve got you.”
You zoned out almost the whole way back to Noah’s, your head resting against the window, and you watched the city blur past as Noah drove with one hand on the wheel. Every now and then he’d glance over at you, like he was just silently checking in, but nothing changed the whole way back.
He could tell you were running on fumes, and he hated it.
By the time he pulled onto the drive, you didn’t even realise you’d almost fallen asleep.
“We’re home.” He said as he opened the passenger door, and reached over to unbuckle you.
You blinked a few times, a little confused and slightly dazed.
“…Already?”
He smiled.
“C’mon.”
This time, he didn’t even give you the chance to reach for your bag. He lifted it onto his shoulder before holding the front door open for you.
The familiar, now comforting, scent of his home hit you the second you stepped inside, and you let out a long breath.
God… it really was starting to feel like home.
Noah locked the door behind you before setting your bag down in the hallway, then he turned to face you.
There was something different about him now… he wasn’t stern or cold, but the way he was looking at you told you that what he was about to say wasn’t up for discussion.
He gently tilted his head.
“Come here a second.”
You didn’t realise you were still stood by the front door, so you took a couple steps closer, until he could reach you, then he brushed a thumb over your one of your cheeks.
“You’ve had enough today.”
You laughed tiredly.
“I really have.” You frowned.
His hands settled gently on your shoulders.
“So…” A tiny smile appeared on his lips. “I’m taking over.”
You looked at him curiously.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean…” he said softly, “…you don’t have to make another decision tonight. I’m giving your brain the evening off.”
Your lips curved into a smile.
“…Okay.”
“I’ve got three jobs for you, baby.”
“Three?”
“Only three.” He nodded, then held one finger up. “First…” He reached into his pocket and handed you his phone. “I’ve written a message for your landlord.”
You frowned. You had completely forgotten to chase up the inspection, to ask if anyone had been out to look at your apartment yet.
“It says exactly what you need it to, so you just need you to read it, make sure you’re happy with it, and send it to him from your phone.”
You stared at him.
“You wrote it for me?”
“I figured I’d save you the trouble.”
You couldn’t help but smile. Then, he held up a second finger.
“After that…”
He gently turned you towards the staircase.
“I will run you a bath. I want you to take your time in there, relax, use whatever you want… there’s no rush. If you’d like, I can even help you in there, but otherwise,” he held up the third finger, “Come back downstairs when you’re finished, dinner will be ready. I went shopping earlier and bought one of those pizzas you said you liked. I know it’s nothing fancy, but just like you said to me last night, it’s a comfort food.”
Your heart melted, and you suddenly felt tears begin to blur your vision.
“You don’t have to do any of that for me.”
“I know.” He whispered, “But I want to anyway.”
You smiled.
“…Can I help?”
He shook his head.
“Nope. You looked after me last night, so tonight,” his thumb brushed gently across your cheek. “It’s my turn to look after you.”
You looked at him for a long moment, wondering whether to argue it. But why would you? The heavy, anxious feeling that had been sitting on your chest ever since you’d opened the cafe this morning was gone. Your shoulders had dropped without you even noticing, the constant buzzing of voices and thoughts in your mind had quietened.
He had told you exactly what you needed to do, you didn’t have to plan a single thing or make any choice. Just do as he said.
And Noah watched as it happened. The way your posture softened and you let out a tiny breath, and he thought to himself there it is.
He’d been noticing it for a while now. Whenever he gently took charge, you would simply let him, and you’d be so at ease. It was really the only time you’d let yourself relax, and it left him wondering something…
“Go on.” He said as he leaned down to kiss your forehead, with a gentle pat against your hip, “Off you go.”
You laughed quietly.
“Yes, sir.”
The words slipped out before you even realised you’d said them, then you suddenly froze, and Noah froze too. For a second, neither of you said a word. Then one corner of his mouth slowly pulled into a smirk.
“…Cute.”
Heat rushed straight to your face.
“I didn’t mean-”
“I know.” He smiled, “C’mon, let’s send this text and run you a nice warm bath.”
…
The bath did exactly what Noah had hoped it would. You stayed in there for almost an hour, surrounded by bubbles, and the scent of lavender filling the room. Noah had stayed in there with you for the first fifteen minutes. You talked about your day, got some things off your chest, and he even washed your hair for you.
For the first time all day, you finally felt like you could breathe. You weren’t thinking about work, or your apartment, or your landlord, or anything that had been causing you stress. You were just existing, taking all the time you needed, laying back in the water until it began to feel a little cold.
By the time you wandered back downstairs in the clothes Noah laid out on the bed for you- one of his t-shirts and a comfy pair of pyjama shorts- your hair was still damp, but for the first time since coming back from Paris, your mind felt at peace.
You heard Noah call your name, so you looked towards the kitchen, and he was stood by the counter, plating up dinner.
“I was starting to think you’d fallen asleep in there.”
“I could’ve.” You smiled.
Dinner was nothing fancy- just pizza, garlic bread, two cold drinks and more easy, simple conversation that didn’t hurt your head. It was his turn to tell you about his day now, how he visited his friend Davis (and showed you a picture of his dog), they talked through some merch ideas then he went grocery shopping and saw they had your favourite pizza so of course he had to pick a couple up.
After dinner, the two of you ended up on the couch. The TV played a nature documentary that you both commented on every now and then, talking about how cute the animals were, about how he and his friends visited a koala sanctuary last time they were in Australia. It just felt so calm, so peaceful. Exactly what you needed after a day like today.
At some point, you stretched your legs across his lap without really thinking about it. Neither of you said anything about it, but after a moment, you felt his hand gently settle around your ankle.
“You alright if I…?”
You looked over at him, raising an eyebrow.
“Hm?”
“You’ve been standing all day,” he said, his thumb gently stroking the side of your foot, “Your feet probably hurt.”
You couldn’t help but smile.
“...A little.”
His thumbs began to gently press into the arch of your foot, and you let out a content little sigh at how unexpectedly nice it felt.
“Is that good?” He asked gently, and you nodded.
“But be careful, I might just fall asleep if you keep doing that.”
He let out a soft chuckle, continuing to slowly massage you.
“And is that a problem?” He asked, glancing back up at the TV. “Just means I’ll have to carry you up to bed… oh no!”
You let out a chuckle, about to argue, but his warm, strong hands were incredibly gentle, and you felt yourself sink into the comfy cushions. For a moment, the two of you were silent, watching the TV, until he eventually spoke again.
“…Can I ask you something?”
You turned your head.
“Sure.”
“It’s a slightly strange question.”
That made you smile.
“Go on…”
He looked down at your feet in his lap for a moment, choosing his words carefully.
“…Have you noticed how different you are tonight?”
“What do you mean?” You frowned.
He glanced back up, meeting your eyes.
“You’ve been the happiest and most relaxed I think I’ve ever seen you. You’ve smiled more, you’ve not been fidgeting…” He gave your foot a gentle squeeze. “…Do you think maybe.. it’s because your mind finally seems to have settled?”
You thought about it.
“…Yeah. Does it really show that much?”
“It does to me.” He said softly, “Do you know why you feel like this?”
You opened your mouth, then closed it again. So he gently prompted you.
“Do you think it could be because you’ve let me take some of that weight off you tonight? Writing the message to your landlord, choosing which bubble bath to use, laying out something for you to wear, telling you what we’re having for dinner..?”
“...Yeah.” You answered after a moment, “Yeah, it’s definitely made me feel a lot better.”
He nodded his head slowly, his fingers still working against your skin.
“I’ve been noticing something for a while.”
“What’s that?” You asked curiously.
He paused for a moment, taking in a slow breath.
“Before I say this, I want you to know that I do not think you need someone to rescue you- I know you don’t. I think you’re so incredibly capable, you work hard, you’ve built a life for yourself, and you know just how to handle things. You always will.”
He paused, his tongue darting out to wet his lower lip before he continued.
“But… I also think you’re exhausted.” He said simply, and the words hit you harder than you expected. “I hate that you think you have to deal with everything, and carry the weight of it all by yourself.” He added.
“I don’t really know how not to.” You said, looking away from him and letting out a laugh that didn’t really sound like a laugh at all. “I know no one’s coming to save me… I know that if I don’t stay on top of things, everything will just fall apart. It’s just the way life is, Noah. Some of us have it easy, some of us don’t have a choice.”
Another quiet moment passed, he pressed his lips together and slowly nodded his head.
“I completely understand, more than you know baby, trust me. But has it ever occurred to you…” he said, his voice soft, “That maybe you’ve just never had someone that you trust enough to take that weight from you?”
Your eyes drifted back to his, and before you could say anything, he continued.
“I’m not saying all of it, I’m not saying forever… I’m just talking about whenever things get too much, or if there’s something that you recognise is causing you a lot of stress… let me handle it. Like I’ve done for you tonight.”
He looked at you for a long moment, his thumb gently stroking your ankle.
“I took control tonight, didn’t I? I gave you those tasks to do, I made those big decisions for you, and you didn’t argue, you trusted me with everything, and up until about five minutes, you looked peaceful,” he chuckled softly. “I liked seeing you like that.”
You slowly nodded your head, feeling your chest ache a little.
“Yeah… thank you for doing that, Noah. It really made me feel…” you searched for the right word, “Safe.”
He looked at you with gentle eyes and a soft smile.
“That’s exactly what I hoped you’d say.”
Then, for a moment, another comfortable silence settled between you two. The TV continued playing, though neither of you really knew what was going on anymore. Then Noah gently moved your legs in his lap until you looked a little more comfortable, then- almost cautiously this time- he spoke again.
“I’ve been wondering whether there’s a way we could make that feeling something you get more often.”
You looked over at him again, frowning curiously.
“What do you mean?”
Then Noah slowly took a deep breath, like he was almost preparing himself, before asking,
“Have you ever heard of a dominant and submissive relationship?”
Your tummy immediately fluttered, but you couldn’t help yourself from smirking.
“You mean like, ‘who’s your daddy, babygirl?’” You wiggled your eyebrows, and Noah dropped his head back against the couch, trying to hold back his laugh.
“Oh, sweetheart.” He rubbed a hand over his face.
“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.” You giggled.
“I know.” He shook his head, still smiling. “I guess that is the stereotype…”
“So that’s not what you’re talking about?”
“No. Not unless that’s something that two people enjoy.” He looked back at you, “I’m talking about trust.” The smile slowly faded from your face as you realised how serious he was. “I’m talking about one person choosing to take a little more responsibility, and the other choosing to hand a little of that responsibility over.”
You frowned thoughtfully.
“So… the dominant is in charge, right?”
“Yeah, in some ways.” He smiled softly. “But not in the way you probably think. Instead of bossing the sub around, the way I see the dominant’s role is to create somewhere that feels safe. Emotionally, mentally, and physically. So the submissive doesn’t have to be ‘on’ all the time. They put their trust in the dom to care for them, so they can just switch their brain off.” His thumb continued absentmindedly tracing circles against your ankle. “If I were to be a dom, I don’t want someone who’s scared of me, or someone who obeys me because they have to. I’d want someone who’s comfortable enough with me to relax and trust me to make the right choices for them.”
Your heart gave the tiniest squeeze.
“…Like tonight.” You said.
He smiled.
“Exactly like tonight.”
You thought about it for a moment…
“So… what does that actually mean? If tonight worked the way you wanted it to?”
He leaned back into the sofa.
“It means we’d probably have routines. Tonight seemed to help you, so I’m guessing your brain likes structure.”
“I don’t think my brain knows what structure is.” You scoffed.
He gave you a sad smile.
“So maybe that means I’d tell you exactly how I want your day to look. You’d still get a say, of course, I don’t want you to think I’m taking your autonomy away… but maybe I’d tell you what time to set an alarm for in the mornings, I’d remind you to eat breakfast, then after work it’d be just like tonight- I’d plan the evening out for you, tell you to change into something comfy, remind you if there’s anything you need to do, like texting your landlord…”
A warm smile spread across your face.
“...I think I like the sound of that.”
“You think?”
You nodded your head.
“And aren’t there like… rules to things like this?” You asked, “Is there a contract I have to sign?”
He chuckled, his fingers stroking up and down your calf.
“There can be rules and contracts...”
Your eyebrows rose.
“It sounds a bit scary.”
“It shouldn’t be.” He reassured you, “They’re not there to punish you, baby. They’re there to support you. For example, I don’t think we’d have a formal contract, but our rules might be that you text me to let me know you got to work safely every morning, and I might ask that if you’re overwhelmed or you aren’t having the best day, to tell me instead of pretending you’re okay. And if something I did ever upset you, I’d expect you to tell me that too.”
You smiled softly, nodding your head.
“So it’s not just me following rules?”
“No, not at all.” He shook his head. “I’d have more rules than you, actually.”
“Really?”
He nodded his head.
“The dominant has a hell of a lot of responsibilities.” He explained, “If I were asking you to trust me like that, I’d have a responsibility to earn it every day in every which way, and to respect every one of your wishes. I may be the dominant, but you’re actually in total control, baby.”
The room then fell quiet as you thought, the TV still playing in the background, completely forgotten about now. You looked down at your hands, unsure what to say…
“So you think this is something that’d actually suit us?” You asked gently, and he shrugged almost shyly.
“…I think this is something we’ve already been doing without either of us noticing.”
You nodded, realising he’s kinda right.
“…Can I say something stupid?”
“There’s no such thing.” He smiled.
“I always thought this kind of thing was just like… a sex thing.” You said, your cheeks turning a little pink.
“A lot of people do.” Noah chuckled quietly. “And it can be. For some people, that’s all it is. But for other people, it’s a whole relationship dynamic. It can be the way you communicate, how you look after each other, the roles you naturally fall into.”
You nodded your head slowly, though you were too busy wondering,
“Would ours be a sex thing?”
He shook his head with a little smile.
“No.”
“No?”
“Not primarily,” he said, “I don’t want the bedroom to be the foundation of this. I want it to be built on trust, communication, and you feeling safe- that’s what I care about most.” He gave your ankle a gentle squeeze again, “The bedroom would just be another place where that trust comes into play.”
“So it could become a part of it?” You smirked.
He let out a soft chuckle, the expression on his face still calm and reassuring.
“If you wanted to explore that side of it with me, then yes. We’d talk about it, take our time, and only do what feels right for the both of us. Communication and trust is the most important part of this whole thing, so we’d discuss boundaries, things we wanna explore and the things that are completely off the table, so neither of us are left feeling unsure or uncomforable.”
You nodded your head.
“You’ve really done your research on this, huh?” You smiled.
“Of course,” he said, “I didn’t want to bring it up unless I was sure I understood exactly what I was asking.”
You moved your legs, swinging them off his lap before sitting up straight.
“So if I agree to this…” you began, “You’re not gonna make me call you daddy at any point?”
He couldn’t help but laugh, his head tipping back against the couch again as he flashed a toothy grin.
“Why would I, baby?” He shook his head, “...I know there’s a different word you prefer.”
Your face suddenly felt red hot, but you tried to play it off with a scoff.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh no? That little blush says otherwise.”
“There is no blush.” You folded your arms over your chest, trying your best to look offended though your grin gave you away. “You’re imagining things.”
He smiled knowingly but, to your relief, let it drop.
“For the record,” he said, “I’m never going to tell you what you have to call me. If something feels natural, great. If it doesn’t, we don’t do it.”
You nodded, appreciating how simple he made everything sound.
“…Okay.” So daddy isn’t off the table?
Silence settled between you for a moment, and you chewed on your cheek, another question forming in your mind.
“…Can I ask something else?”
“You can ask me anything, sweetheart.”
“It might sound… really stupid.”
“It won’t.”
You hesitated.
“So…” You looked over at him, a tiny smile creeping onto your face. “What happens if I’m… difficult?”
One of Noah’s eyebrows lifted.
“Difficult?”
“You know…” You shrugged innocently. “If I roll my eyes, sass you, tease you, deliberately don’t do what you tell me to…”
His expression didn’t change, instead, he looked almost amused.
“You mean what happens if you’re a brat?” He smirked, “…well it depends, would you ever do that?”
“I don’t know.” You grinned. “Maybe.”
He laughed softly.
“I think you probably would.”
“I might… just to see what happens…” You smirked.
“Yeah, I had a feeling.” He shook his head.
You watched him carefully, that little teasing smile still on your face.
“So?”
He thought for a second before answering.
“If you’re teasing me because you’re in a playful mood… then yeah, I’d probably tease you right back, or if you’re purposely pushing me then yeah i’d give you what you want if you’re asking me to punish you- but that’s something completely different that we can discuss. But if you’re pushing back because you’re overwhelmed, upset or anxious…” His expression softened. “…then I’d stop and figure out what’s actually going on.”
“So you wouldn’t just put me in my place?”
He let out a quiet laugh.
“No, baby, not unless I know that’s what you want.” He leaned forward slightly. “Sometimes people joke, sometimes they’re bratty or playful, sometimes they’re stressed. And sometimes they’re asking for reassurance without knowing how.” His eyes met yours. “My job would be to figure out which one it is.”
Your smile faded into a look of soft awe.
“…You really think about people’s feelings a lot, don’t you?”
“I’d have to.” He shrugged. “If someone trusted me enough with this, then I’d have a responsibility to pay attention to how they’re feeling.” He smiled. “Besides, you strike me as someone who’s a little cheeky.”
Yeah… you couldn’t deny that.
The documentary eventually ended, and the credits ran on the screen. Noah reached for the remote and switched the TV off, leaving the room bathed in the warm glow of the lamp beside the sofa. He stretched his arms above his head, letting out a quiet sigh.
“Come on.” He said, and you looked up. “I think it’s time for bed.”
You nodded your head. He stood first before offering you a hand, waiting patiently until you slipped yours into it.
“Good evening?” He asked.
“It’s been a really good evening.” You smiled.
“Good. I’m glad.” He smiled, giving your hand a gentle squeeze before leading you upstairs.
After you’d both brushed your teeth, Noah had disappeared for a quick shower. You wandered around his bedroom while you waited, absentmindedly straightening the cushion on the chair by his window before immediately laughing at yourself, thinking “seriously? you’re tidying his room now?”
The sound of the shower soon stopped, and a few minutes later the bathroom door opened.
You looked up, and… oh.
“What?” Noah glanced over, towelling his hair dry.
“…Nothing.”
A smirk slowly spread across his face.
“Mm, doesn’t look like nothing to me.”
Heat crept back into your cheeks as he stepped into the bedroom. He’d changed into a pair of grey joggers and nothing else, his hair dark and damp from the shower, his chain necklace still around his neck, catching the light. He looked too fucking good… it brought your mind back to something you were talking about earlier…
You looked away before he could catch you staring again.
“Oh… you’ve gone shy, baby.”
“No I haven’t.”
“You have.”
You shook your head, letting out a lighthearted sigh.
“I was just thinking.” You answered.
“About?”
“…Stuff.”
He laughed quietly, hanging the towel back over the door before walking over to the bed.
“Well, that narrows it down.”
You climbed into bed beside him, suddenly finding the pattern on the sheets incredibly fascinating.
“Have you got another question?” He asked.
You looked up, a little in awe.
“…How do you always know?”
“Because you’ve got your thinking face on.” He smirked, “You always bite the inside of your cheek when you’re thinking.”
You weren’t even aware you were doing it, but the moment you caught yourself, you stopped.
“Okay… maybe I do have another question.”
“Then ask away.”
You hesitated.
“I don’t know if I should.”
“Why not?”
Your shoulders lifted in a small shrug.
“I don’t know…” You looked down at your hands. “It feels embarrassing…”
Noah’s expression softened immediately, he reached across the bed and laced his fingers with yours.
“Hey, nothing’s embarrassing, baby.” His thumb brushed gently across the back of your hand. “If you’re asking something because you’re curious, if there’s something you want to understand, or you want to know what something might look like…” He smiled warmly. “Those are good conversations. Important conversations.”
You felt yourself relax a little.
“So you don’t mind?”
“Not even slightly.” He smiled. “I’d much rather we talked about something when we’re both relaxed like this than when we’re caught up in the moment.”
You let out a small breath you hadn’t realised you’d been holding.
“I think that’s why I want to ask now.”
“Mm, I thought it might be.” He shuffled a little closer to you, but still gave you plenty of space. “So… what are you wondering?”
You laughed nervously.
“I feel like every question I ask tonight makes me sound more clueless.”
“There isn’t a test, baby. And there definitely aren’t any silly questions.” He squeezed your hand. “This is something we’d figure out together, you need to ask these questions.”
The reassurance settled something inside you, and you slowly nodded your head.
“How would this kind of relationship change what we do in the bedroom?” You asked, your cheeks heating up again.
He thought for a moment, sitting up a little more against the headboard.
“It wouldn’t change anything, unless you wanted it to.” He answered, his voice warm and steady. “We’d only go as far as you’re comfortable with. But if we do this… it means I take full responsibility for your body and your pleasure, and there are some slightly stricter rules.”
Noah reached over and gently tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, his touch tender even as the conversation grew heavier.
“First, we’d have safe words, or maybe a colour system would work better for us,” he explained. “‘Red’ to stop everything immediately. ‘Yellow’ if you need me to slow down or check in, and ‘green’ if you’re good and want me to keep going. You can use them anytime, baby, even if you’re in the middle of moaning my name and your legs are shaking.” He smirked.
You nodded, listening carefully as he continued, his hand now resting on your thigh under the covers.
“We’d also talk about limits and boundaries beforehand. Hard limits are things that are completely off the table. Soft limits are things we might explore later when you feel safer. The most important part is that you communicate with me, so i know that you trust me to take care of you. To push you, but never break you, and to always put your wellbeing first, even when I’m being rough with you- if that’s something you want.”
“That is something I want to try, actually...” You confessed shyly, “I want you to be rougher with me.”
“And how do you want me to do that, baby?” He asked gently.
“…Fuck me harder,” you whispered, “Maybe even manhandle me…”
Noah’s smile just grew.
“Yeah? What about things like choking? Spanking? Degradation?”
“I’d like to try those things,” you nodded, “Just slowly… and maybe not the degradation part. I don’t like being called bad names or anything that makes me feel worthless…”
Noah’s expression immediately softened with understanding, and he cupped your cheek tenderly.
“Hard limit on degradation- got it,” he said firmly. “No slut, no whore, no names like that?”
You shook your head quickly.
“Instead, would you prefer that I call you my good girl? My pretty little baby?”
You nodded your head as heat tingled between your thighs, and Noah smiled softly.
“Got it, and as for the rest… fuck, baby. I love that you want it rough. I’d keep it safe, always watching your face, checking in with you, using that colour system.” His thumb brushed your cheek. “See? That’s how this works. You tell me what you need, what you don’t want, and then I take care of you.”
You nodded your head, smiling at him.
“What about you?” You asked, “What’s something you’d like to try? Or your limits. It’s important to talk about you too, right?”
Noah smiled, warm and a little amused, as he pulled you closer so you were half draped over his chest, his hand stroking slowly up and down your back.
“I’m glad you asked,because yeah, it goes both ways.” He thought for a moment, “I don’t have a lot of hard limits, honestly. I’ve tried a lot of things over the years. Rough sex, bondage, overstimulation… I’m pretty open. I’m happy to try just about anything new with you as long as we talk about it first and we both feel safe and comfortable.”
His hand slid down to your ass, just holding you, making you smile.
“One thing I’d really love to try with you is using toys,” he admitted, his voice dropping lower. “Vibrators, dildos, those suctions toys that suck on your clit. Maybe even plugs, nipple clamps, restraints… if that’s okay with you of course. I think you’d really like it if we take it slow.”
Your head spun just thinking about it, and you felt his cock twitch against your thigh as he spoke, though you both tried to ignore it.
“As for rules,” he continued more seriously, “I have a couple that are non-negotiable for me. No gags for you of any kind- whether it’s my cock down your throat or your panties in your mouth- unless we’ve already agreed on a clear, non-verbal safe signal, like tapping my thigh three times or something. I need to be able to hear you. I need to hear your voice saying ‘yellow’ or ‘red’ if something’s wrong. That’s my hard rule. Your safety comes first, always.”
Noah tilted your chin up so you were looking at him.
“I also don’t want to do anything that could cause real harm, no breath play beyond light choking, if that’s something you like, no extreme pain stuff unless you specifically ask for it and we build up slowly. And aftercare is mandatory. Every single time, no matter how rough we get or how gentle it is, I’m going to cuddle you, clean you up, get you water, and make sure you feel safe when we’re done.”
He leaned in and kissed you slowly, deeply, his hand slipping under your shirt to caress your bare skin.
“Does any of that sound good to you, baby?” He asked against your lips, his voice husky.
You nodded your head.
“Yeah… I really like that.” You smiled.
“Good,” he said, looking in your eyes, “And if you had another bad day like today, you could come to me, hand everything over, and we could use sex- or play- to shut that pretty little brain of yours off.”
Noah’s voice stayed soft and warm as he held you close, one hand gently stroking your back while the other cupped your cheek as you looked up at him.
“Some days you might just need me to be soft with you,” he whispered, “So I’d take you to the bedroom, undress you slowly, and lay you down on the bed. Then I’d spend a long time kissing every inch of you… your neck, tits, tummy… until you’re all relaxed for me.” He brushed his nose against yours sweetly before continuing. “I’d spread your legs and worship that pretty pussy with my mouth for as long as you need, sucking softly on your clit until your mind starts to go quiet. I’d slide my fingers inside you and curl them just right, making you feel so fucking good, until all the stress melts away and all you can do is moan and tremble.”
Noah’s his voice then grew a little huskier as he continued.
“Other days… when your brain is working against you and you need something stronger to shut it off completely… I can be rougher with you, baby. I could pin you down, spank you until your ass is warm and stinging, then fuck you hard and deep until the only thing left to think about in your pretty head is the way my cock feels inside you. I’d choke you just enough to make everything feel more intense, hold you down and fuck you until you’re crying and cumming so hard you forget everything, even your own name.”
He smirked, trying to ignore the way everything he said was making his dick ache.
“But no matter which way we go,” he whispered against your lips, “I’ve got you. I’ll read exactly what you need that day. If you need gentle, I’ll be so, so gentle. If you need to be ruined to quiet your thoughts… then I’ll ruin you, sweetheart. And afterwards, I’ll hold you, clean you up, and tell you how perfect you are.”
Noah pulled back slightly so he could look into your eyes, his hand still gently stroking your cheek.
“Does that sound like something you want from me?” He asked softly.
You nodded your head.
“I think…” you whispered, “This is exactly what I want.”
He smiled.
“Good. And just so I know where we’re at…” He gently pushed a strand of hair out of your face, “How do you feel about this? About being my submissive?”
“I want it.” You said firmly.
His smile softened immediately.
“You don’t have to say yes because it’s me, or because you think it’ll make me happy.”
“I’m not.” You shook your head. “I’m serious. I want this, Noah.”
・┈・୨୧・┈・
to spoil the next chapter in three words... toys. hotel. mask. :)
A/N: This one got away from me... haha! Whoops! Enjoy ☺️
Word Count: 3.3k
Maddie can’t even remember how she heard about it.
All she knows is it wasn’t from Joe.
Maybe it was passing time between first and second period.
Or maybe it was in the girls bathroom right before lunch.
All she knows is by the time she got to the cafeteria, she didn’t feel right.
Standing in the line for the salad bar, Maddie stares blankly ahead at the chilled vegetables, both hands on a lunch tray, unable to think of anything but her best friend, Joe Burrow, taking one of her soccer teammates to the Homecoming dance.
They had a deal.
No teammates.
Maddie has easily held up her end of the bargain and until today, so had Joe.
What was crazier is that it wasn’t Kennedy who asked Joe. He asked her.
“Maddie, are you getting lunch here or what?” Sierra asks, knocking her tray into Maddie’s.
Maddie snaps out of it, reaching for the tongs in the spinach bin.
Kennedy. The blonde. The sweetheart. The easy going, submissive little bunny. So easily and adoringly beloved by everybody.
Maddie shoves the spinach onto her plate with authority, then hands the tongs to Sierra.
“What’s up?” Her friend asks, delicate putting leaves onto her plate.
“Did you find a date for homecoming?”
“Yeah, Bryce and I are going together.” Sierra fills in. “He asked last week. Are you and Tyler going?”
Tyler, the rival quarterback from a county over who happens to be Maddie’s boyfriend of 4 months. Maddie had asked him to come to Athens homecoming with her and he had eagerly agreed. Too eagerly in Maddie’s opinion and she has since been thinking about bailing on the entire idea. Until today, when the news made it’s way to her that Joe was taking Kennedy.
“Did you know Joe asked Kennedy?” Maddie asks Sierra, grabbing a few cucumbers next.
“Yeah. She was sharing all about it earlier this morning. I guess he asked her last night after practice.” Maddie’s eye twitches. She had to hustle out of soccer practice last night to meet Tyler. Which Joe knew. Which means he clearly waited for her to leave before he asked Kennedy. Maddie throws down the cucumber tongs, reaching for the spoon to scoop some bacon bits on next. The pieces clicking into place has Maddie getting angrier.
“Interesting.”
“I don’t know. I think they would be cute together.”
Maddie scoffs and it comes out sounding squeaky.
“What? She’s sweet. And she’s a little quirky herself too which fits Joe’s vibe. I can see it.”
“We had a deal. No teammates. No drama.” Maddie finishes her salad with carrot slivers, hardboiled egg and diced chicken. Then she layers on ranch dressing and heads to check out. She grabs a cookie by the cash register along with a bottle of water. She pauses at the end of the line, waiting for Sierra. Her eyes find their normal table, seeing Joe already sitting down, eating his homemade lunch.
“Didn’t that go out the window when you started dating Tyler?”
“How?” Maddie asks, confused. Sierra looks at her with judging brown eyes.
“He plays on a rival football team. You think that doesn’t bug Joe?”
“It’s not about him.” Maddie shrugs.
“Sure. So maybe this Kennedy thing is also not about you.”
“Okay Avery.” Maddie snorts.
“Just saying.” Sierra shrugs, already backtracking from her brief toe dip into conflict.
Maddie follows her to the lunch table. Her normal seat next to Joe is available, but she skips it, sitting at the other end of the table. Sierra takes her cue and sits across from her, immediately beginning to cut up her salad. Nervous energy drapes the table as the other teenagers sneak discreet glances between Joe and Maddie. Neither of them give anything away and lunch goes by without incident.
When the bell rings to dismiss lunch, Maddie stands up quickly, saying goodbye to Sierra who heads out towards the other exit of the cafeteria.
“Hey.” Joe tugs at the strap of her messenger bag across her back. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“I already know.” Maddie snips.
“Don’t be mad. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Bullshit. You asked her.” Maddie points out.
“What’s wrong with that?” Joe asks, confused. He hooks his thumbs through the straps of his backpack, weaving slowly through the crowd with her exiting the cafeteria.
“Apparently nothing.”
Joe huffs, rolling his eyes.
“You’re going with Tyler so why does this even matter to you?”
“We don’t date each others teammates.”
“Yeah. Just rivals.”
“You didn’t even ask me? Didn’t think a heads up was necessary?”
“Why would I ask when I know your answer?”
Maddie tucks her tongue into the pocket of her bottom lip, nodding. Around them, students weave on either side of the two as they clog up the hallway.
“Look, we can still go together. The four of us.”
Maddie rolls her eyes. As if him and Tyler could sit at the same table together. She’s gone this long without allowing them to be in the same space for a reason.
“Don’t go with her.” Maddie pivots. Joe stares incredulously, eyes wide.
“Are you serious?” He shakes his head, licking his lips angrily. “No. I want to go with her. She’s funny and smart and pretty and we like a lot of the same things.”
Maddie stares at Joe, dangerously still. Other students pass around them, chatting and laughing but nothing is funny about what’s going on by Maddie’s locker.
“And honestly? You have no ground to stand on here.” Joe shrugs, exaggerating the movement so his backpack actually lifts and falls.
“Hm. I guess we just break promises with each other now.”
“We never promised.”
“We agreed. That’s a promise, Joey. I’ve upheld my end of the bargain. I even went outside of Athens county to find a boyfriend.”
“Oh come on. That wasn’t for my benefit.”
“Joe. Do not go to the dance with Kennedy.” Maddie cuts him off.
“I’m going with her.” Joe stands up straighter. “I asked her. She said yes. I’m following through on that commitment.” Maddie steps forward, chest to chest with him.
“Then unask her.”
“Sure, when you unask Tyler.”
“That’s different. He is my boyfriend. She isn’t your girlfriend.”
“Well she could be! Maybe this is the start of something.” Joe snaps. “You don’t get to stand in my way. Not when…” Joe trails off, pursing his lips together to keep his mouth shut. Whatever words he tucks away again are heavy. He shakes his head. “This isn’t right, bubbles. I’ve kept my mouth shut about you and Tyler. I hate that you’re with him. I hate that I have to defend you to my teammates. You’re not just betraying me with this decision; it’s our whole fucking town. Even with all that, I’ve never once acted like this. Because for some reason you want this. But now you can’t show me the same courtesy?”
“Betrayal?” Maddie laughs. “It’s high school football.”
“You know it’s more than that. Standing here with that attitude is what makes you so unlikable these days. That’s the Tyler effect.”
“Excuse me?” Maddie gasps.
“You know what? Don’t come over later.” Joe starts walking backwards as the first bell rings. She was supposed to come over to study for chemistry together after practice.
Maddie shudders, pissed. Her hackles raise to their full height, eyes narrowing. Her lip curls slightly.
“You can’t tell me I can’t come over.” She demands. Joe turns away from her, throwing a hand up to wave her off.
“I just did.” Joe snaps over his shoulder, walking down the hallway.
“Joseph! I need help with chem!”
“Ask your boyfriend.”
Joe rounds the corner, disappearing into the traffic of the main hallway.
Maddie stands there unable to move until the bell rings.
= = =
A day.
24 entire hours passes without talking to each other.
Not a single text, call, grunt, or word.
They usually walk to chemistry together but five minutes ago, Joe walked right past her like a stranger. Maddie pretended not to notice, opening her locker for no reason instead. She shuffled around a few of her books, then shut the door, leaning against it until the last possible second.
She enters their chemistry classroom right as the final bell rings. She jumps through the door, making sure both feet are planted inside the doorway. Her chemistry teacher notes her effort and gestures for her to take her seat. Her bag sags to the floor as she slides into the cold metal chair beside Joe. She checks on him to her left, but he stares straight ahead, eyes locked on the whiteboard. Maddie opens her mouth to say something but their teacher begins to talk, so Maddie keeps her words to herself.
The first half of class is a lecture style, learning new material, taking notes, then the class breaks into partners to work on exercises in their books. Their partners are their table mates so Maddie thinks she will finally get something out of Joe, even if it’s school related.
“I’ll do the odd problems, you do the even.” Joe announces before Maddie can say anything.
Maddie frowns, watching the tight scrunch of his shoulders as he leans forward to read the first question. She can’t stand the silent treatment. She would rather have him scream at her than be like this. Closed off. Uninterested. Looking right through her.
Biting her bottom lip, she does the same. The words don’t make any sense to her. She reads through problem number two five times before she moves on to four. It’s the same issue. None of this is connecting. She glances over at Joe who already has three parts of his work completed. Maddie forces herself to focus again, then makes a guess at question one.
“Wrong.” Joe mumbles. Maddie’s left eye twitches and she slices a glare his way.
She erases her answer then reads the question again. She changes her answer then glances at Joe who gives a short nod. The pattern continues. Maddie gets two more answers mixed up and Joe redirects her with a head shake. He finishes way before her, going back through the chapter to read the notes he made in the margins. When she finishes, she shows Joe her answers and he agrees, ending their class obligations.
“I’m sorry.” She whispers, giving a sheepish shoulder shrug.
“No you’re not.” Joe responds, mechanical pencil tapping back and forth between his fingers as he reads.
“I am.”
Joe shakes his head, pencil increasing in speed. He keeps reading.
“Joe.”
Nothing.
“Come on.” Maddie reaches for his hand swinging the pencil. She puts hers over his so the movement stops. Joe glowers, then pulls his hand out from under hers.
“Don’t.”
“I’m not dating Tyler to upset you or anybody else.”
“Okay. What did you think was going to happen?” Joe asks, squinting at her. “You’re dating a football rival. Who’s a quarterback. We play them next week. You think his teammates aren’t going to use it against us?”
“It’s not like-”
“I don’t understand how he gets you like that.” The intensity in Joe’s eyes is unnerving. Maddie’s heart races in her chest, trying to pick through the meaning there. “All the guys in this school want to date you and you’re giving it out to that guy?”
“Oh now we are slut shaming?”
Joe hardens into a statue. Then, extremely slow, he turns fully to Maddie.
“Wait, are you actually sleeping with him?” His tone is low, a warning rattle from deep in his chest.
Maddie looks away briefly, guilty as hell. This is awkward. When she looks back at him again, he appears sick- pale but green. His lips curl into a scrunch. His chest rises and falls rapidly before he flips his textbook shut. He forces his chair back from the table, shoving his book into his backpack as he walks up to the teacher’s desk. They talk briefly before she hands Joe a hall pass.
“Joe.” Maddie calls as he brushes past.
He walks out without looking back at her. Maddie watches the closed door until class ends, then she is the first one out. She searches for him at passing time but he isn’t found. Avery and Sierra shrug when she asks them if they’ve seen Joe. Drew and Jaylen have the same response. Maddie doesn’t have anymore classes with him the rest of the day but she searches for him at each passing period.
Nothing.
After school, she heads down to the girls locker room to get ready for soccer practice. As she is walking to the second field, she sees Joe in the main stadium, warming up with passes to Jaylen. She changes her course, making a beeline to him from the open gate.
“Maddie! Get off the field!” The head football coach yells at her. She ignores him and keeps stalking to Joe.
“I’ll break up with him!” She yells at the Athens quarterback. “Will that make you happy!? Don’t go to the dance with her and I’ll end it.”
Joe turns towards her and for two second, he is an absolute wreck, heart beating in his hands, raw and battered. Then he closes himself off.
“No. It’s already done.”
“What the hell do you want from me, Joe!?” Maddie complains, hands tossed to the side in exasperation. “How do I fix this?” Joe won’t answer. She looks at Jaylen.
“Can you talk to him?”
“Nah, I ain’t touching this one. Better find Drew.” Jaylen tosses the ball back to Joe. Maddie stares at her best friend, willing him to look at her again.
“Go Maddie.” Joe mumbles. In a snap, her sadness breaks and her temper takes hold of the wheel. She charges at Joe, knocking his tall, lanky frame to the field. She straddle his hips, gripping his practice jersey at each shoulder and giving him a shake. Her hands and thighs sting from colliding with his pads but she ignores it.
“Quit being a fucking asshole!!”
“GALLAGHER!” The defensive coach bellows. “Get off him! You two can fight on somebody else’s time!”
Beneath her, Joe lets her shake him like a rag doll.
“Get over yourself, Joe. You’re pouting like a loser.” Then she shoves off of him, pinning him to the field as she stands up.
The entire football team watches her leave, Joe included, still on his back.
Practice is brutal. Her trip to Joe made her late, so her punishment is running the bleachers. When she thinks she is done, she has to run laps as payment for her lash out. Maddie doesn’t touch a soccer ball the entire two hour practice. By the time she gets to the locker room, her legs are wobbly tentacles.
Skipping a shower, Maddie limps out to her car. Joe’s SUV is still parked next to her from earlier. She raises her hand flipping it off as she gets to her driver’s side door.
“Nice,” Joe deadpans behind her. Anger lights her up, overshadowing the thing she won’t name, fueling her bad attitude.
“I’ll finish what I started on the field.” She whirls around, ready to charge. Joe reaches out, putting a big palm on her forehead and holding her at an arms length there. It’s actually really funny and Maddie purses her lips together to smother a laugh before it can rise from her chest. Joe openly smirks as she wiggles beneath his hand.
“She be feisty but too short.” He pauses, pursing his lips as she swats his hand away. Joe sighs, leaning against the driver’s side wheel of her Jeep. Maddie joins him there, sighing away her tension too.
“Sorry.” She apologizes.
“Sorry,” Joe echos, “about earlier, but not what I’m about to say next. Break up with your boyfriend.”
“I’m going to.” Maddie decided that on her fifth run up the bleachers. It isn’t worth pursing anymore when it messes with her and Joe like this.
“Admit you did it to bug me.”
“No.”
“Your taste in men is ass by the way.”
“Hey.” Maddie snaps
“I get like three out of line statements today after that tackle.”
“You already called me a slut earlier so you’re down to one.”
“I never said that.”
“Implied.” Maddie argues.
“I would never call you a slut, Maddie.” Joe is serious. “I just don’t get it. Him?” He shakes his head then breathes deeply.
“It was something to do.” Maddie shrugs, like it isn’t a big deal to give away pieces of yourself. Joe studies her silently. “And we don’t really have anything else in common.”
“Hm. So that’s what she likes.” Joe murmurs.
“Yeah and I guess you like blondes.”
“I don’t.” Joe answers immediately, not breaking eye contact with her.
It’s all a little too outside their friendship lines for Maddie so she shrugs it off.
“What’s high school without a few mistakes? I’ll probably make more in college. I bet you will too.”
“Yeah.” Joe smiles. The weird air lifts and their normal easiness stretches over. “Wanna come over?”
No response is needed. It’s obvious she does.
Maddie rolls her eyes at how badly she wants to, opening her car door. She turns the ignition on and pulls out of her parking spot. At a stoplight, she breaks up with Tyler via text. He responds horribly, using names and derogatory language that has Maddie criticizing her choice in boys. Joe is right, what was she thinking? When she should go right and Joe left, she goes left to his house. Outside the Burrow house, Maddie informs Joe it’s done. He chuckles, opening his arms for a hug.
“Welcome back, bubbles.”
“Can you help me with chem now? Please?” She mumbles into his letter jacket.
“Mhm.” Joe’s chest rumbles beneath her face. They stay there for one, two, three more beats then Maddie pulls away.
“Don’t ever fight with me like that again. It’s not right.”
“You’re going to get called to the office tomorrow. Coach Mike was pissed.”
Maddie groans, slumping back into Joe.
“There goes my Saturday plans.” Detention usually involves school on a Saturday morning for athletes to avoid interfering with after school practice.
“Yeah.” Joe chuckles. “Should of punched me. Would have been worth it then.”
Maddie pulls back, visibly contemplating. When she moves her hands, Joe grabs her wrists, pinning them together and using his grip to pull her into the house.
“Not now!” He laughs.
“Hey kids!” Robin greets from the kitchen, unfazed by Maddie’s sudden presence. “Dinner is almost done. Wash your hands!”
Maddie and Joe kick their shoes off then walk to separate bathrooms to wash up.
“How was your day?” Robin asks as she sets a taco casserole on the table, wedged in the middle of all the fixings.
“Good.” Both teenagers respond, mouthes watering at the bubbling cheese on top.
“So you two weren’t fighting at practice this afternoon?”
Maddie and Joe both pause then burst into laughter.
“How do you know?” Joe asks his mom.
“The whole town knows. I heard about it at the store.”
“This is why I don’t date anyone in this town. It’s too small.” Maddie tells Joe pointedly as she grabs some salsa for her portion of dinner. “Don’t need anyone knowing my business like this.”
“Ridiculous.” Joe mumbles through a big bite.
“I noticed there wasn’t a denial in any of this?” Robin says, reaching for the spoon to dish a scoop onto her plate.
“I was showing Joe how to tackle. It was all a misunderstanding.” Maddie insists innocently.
Joe nods along, supporting Maddie step for step.
“Hm.” Robin hums, wiser than the two are trying to play her for. “Is it over?”
Both kids nod.
“Good. You two have a special friendship. Don’t ruin it.”
Maddie and Joe share an amused look.
Even with the closing of their Athens chapter approaching, ruining the friendship isn’t anywhere on their radar.
B!!!! This WRECKED me because who does Joseph think he is?! Uncalled for. Maddie is too nice because what a DICK 😭 but that tackle was everything I could ever dream of
Joe Burrow x Reader
Word Count: 17k
Warnings: Angst, post-breakup, sex, oral sex, etc. etc. MDNI - 18+.
Your media consumption is not my responsibility
Summary: Part 3/3 of "You Broke Me Quietly" - please read PT 1 and then PT 2 or you will be very confused
A/N: Thank you for everyone who has enjoyed this so far...hopefully I did it justice
[Y/N POV, Night Before]
Joe’s arms tightened around my waist, and I draped my arms over his shoulder. He softly drew patterns across my skin and traced the curve of my spine, causing me to shiver and shuffle closer to him. He smiled softly at me before quickly pressing a kiss to my forehead, his lips lingering before he pulled away to rest his chin on the top of my head.
The house was silent, only filled with our breaths as we settled.
I felt myself relax in his arms, my body remembering all the times he’d held me close before.
I knew I should leave, that I shouldn’t let myself get too comfortable. But the steady beat of Joe’s heart beating against my ear was quickly lulling me to sleep.
‘5 more minutes together can’t hurt,’ I remember thinking to myself before I unknowingly drifted off to sleep, feeling a sense of calm I hadn’t in months.
I startled awake some time later, slightly disoriented and unsure of where I was, before the memories of earlier came flooding back remembering exactly what Joe and I had done.
I was half laying on one of Joe’s arms while the other was nestled under his chin and I admired how calm he looked. It made me want to reach out and trace his jaw, but I stopped myself when I was just inches away.
Frozen in panic, I realized I needed to get out of here and fast. I spotted my clothes in the entry way thrown across the room before I even thought of getting up, knowing I needed to be quick or risk a super awkward conversation that I wasn’t sure I was ready to face.
Carefully, I sat up on the couch and paused when Joe’s body shifted. He quickly settled back into the cushions causing me to breathe out in relief.
Rushing, I snuck away from the couch, grabbed my heels in one hand as I picked up my blouse and jeans. I scanned the room, desperate to find my thong, before deciding it wasn’t worth looking for at the risk of waking Joe up. I pulled my jeans up, haphazardly buttoning my blouse, missing some, before I slipped out the front door, heels still in hand and my purse hanging on my shoulder.
The moment I sank into the driver’s seat of my car, the tension in my body released and I let out a full body sob against the steering wheel.
[JOE’s POV, The Next Morning]
A sharp pain in my back woke me up early in the morning and I lay there, my eyes adjusting to the sun shining through the windows as my mind was clearing the cobwebs of sleep. Memories from the night before poured through my mind, remembering Y/N showing up, the fury that radiated off her.
How hot it was to see that she still cared.
The way she melted into my hands as I took her right there on the stairs, a memory I sure as hell hoped I would never forget.
I grinned, remembering the soft sounds that she let out, the whimpers I brought to the surface as she tried to fight the way she felt under my hands.
I shifted on the couch again and couldn’t help but feel…something off the more I woke up. Then I realized I no longer felt the weight of her body against me.
I sat up, confused and looked around the room, before I clocked her discarded clothes were missing. Frowning, I stood and walked to my discarded sweatpants before pulling them up my hips and foregoing the t-shirt I had lost.
I made my way to the kitchen, expecting to see her in there, drinking coffee from the mug we got in France last summer, the one she had stars in her eyes over.
The thought brought a soft smile to my face as I thought of the places we could still go to before training camp started.
As I crossed over the threshold of the kitchen, I stutter stepped before I realized that y/n was not in fact in my kitchen.
My brow furrowed before I walked through the house, determined to find where she ran off to.
It didn’t take me long after searching the first two rooms to realize I was not likely to find her here, but I was trying to convince myself differently.
Y/N was better than that, I knew that deep down.
But after checking the last bathroom upstairs, I looked out the window from the landing, having forgotten she drove here last night and my heart stopped.
I physically felt the ache in my chest when I saw her car was no longer parked in the driveway.
Frustrated, I made my way back to the living room and picked my phone up from the end table where I had set it the night before.
When I swiped at the screen, I expected to see her name on the screen, hoping for an explanation of some sort, but all I saw was the group chat I had with the guys from last night, giving me a hard time for bailing on them.
I flopped on the couch and let out a deep breath, running my hand through my hair and mussing it up while I clutched my phone in the other.
Out of frustration, I scrolled to her name in my texts again, seeing the messages she sent from the bathroom the night before.
On instinct, my fingers flew over the keyboard, and I pressed send without a second thought.
JOE:
What in the ACTUAL fuck, y/n?!
Pissed, I locked my phone and threw it on the table in front of me, refusing to acknowledge the disappointment I felt at waking up without her, especially when I realized she didn’t care enough to say goodbye.
[Y/N POV]
After I washed my face, fed Bill and had some coffee in my system, I sat on my kitchen counter with my legs swinging and read the message from Joe for probably the hundredth time this morning.
Every time I re-read it, my lip wobbled as I tried to hold back the tears threatening to fall.
I refused to crumble since I was the one who made the choice to walk away.
But Joe didn’t deserve me leaving without a word. He was right to be upset with me. In the end, I should have respected him, our relationship, even myself enough to stick around and talk it out.
Being an adult was hard.
Especially when I had no idea what I could say to make things easier on both of us.
No matter what I wrote out in response, it just didn’t feel like enough.
I’m sorry made my stomach roll, because I wasn’t sorry. I thoroughly enjoyed what Joe and I did the night before.
Last night was a mistake. Except it wasn’t.
I’m confused. I paused. That was honest. True. Not what either of us wanted to hear, I’m sure.
My thumb hovered over the screen, debating on sending it.
Closing my eyes, my thumb pressed down and I heard the swoosh of the message being sent.
JOE:
So am I
JOE:
But you leaving without a word didn’t help
Message after message pinged from my phone.
JOE:
we could have been confused together
I smiled to myself at the last one.
Y/N:
You deserved better than that
JOE:
You deserve pancakes
JOE:
How about you come over
JOE:
We can be confused together with pancakes
I paused, nervously biting my lip as my legs hung off the counter and swung. I looked around the room, hoping to find the answer staring me in the eyes.
Instead, all I got was Bill’s disappointed look from where he was on the back of the couch, irritated by the noises I was making.
I rolled my eyes.
I was officially losing it, taking my cat too seriously.
Y/N:
With extra chocolate chips, the fresh whipped cream and syrup? The REAL kind, not that sugar free stuff?
JOE:
You’re disgusting
JOE:
I actually threw up
JOE:
…but if it gets you over here, absolutely
I couldn’t help it, I giggled at that, knowing it took everything he had to agree to my terms. Bill cut his eyes toward me before he laid his head back down deciding I wasn’t worth the energy.
Looking down at myself, I couldn’t help but notice I was in an old shirt of Joe’s, and my hair was piled in a bun on the top of my head.
Y/N:
I can be there in an hour
JOE:
Make it 30 minutes or no chocolate chips
Y/N:
JOE! I live on the other side of the city, downtown. I can’t be there in 30 minutes if I want to shower
JOE:
Guess you really don’t want those chocolate chips
I whined.
JOE:
Plus…who said you can’t shower here
I blushed at that.
Y/N:
45 minutes and I’ll concede on the whipped cream
JOE:
See you in 45 minutes
JOE:
Should I preheat the shower?
I rolled my eyes and locked my phone, not bothering with a reply.
[Y/N POV]
I spent far too long deciding on what to wear, only to choose an old, worn t shirt and leggings. Comfort seemed to be the right vibes for having an emotionally charged conversation.
Knowing it wouldn’t be the smartest decision to take Joe up on his offer, I chose to shower but forewent washing my hair which had me cutting it awfully close to the 45-minute timeline we agreed on.
But I wasn’t willing to give up my chocolate chips.
My nerves were frayed every minute of the drive to Joe’s house. I nervously tapped my fingers on the steering wheel, music completely off because silence really was the only answer right now for my racing thoughts.
I wasn’t sure what I wanted or expected out of this conversation.
Five months ago, when I walked out of that house, I let the future I thought I had with Joe go.
I rebuilt myself outside of my relationship with him, I found my worth.
I got used to not hearing from him.
Then he had to go and show up when I finally took a step forward and now, I could barely remember why I walked away in the first place.
He was good at that, scrambling my thoughts.
I sat outside the house in my car, swiping my hands on my leggings to get rid of the sweat. I fiddled with my fingers. I redid the messy bun on top of my head four times. I checked my lipstick in the mirror.
But I wasn’t wearing a stitch of makeup.
Anything to avoid facing the moment to come.
Resigned, I plopped my head against the headrest and groaned.
Tap tap
The knock on the drivers side window made me shriek. I clutched my chest and narrowed my eyes when I saw Joe on the other side grinning down at me. He lifted his brow at me, a silent question, before carefully opening the driver’s side door and leaning in.
“Staying out here much longer?”
I huffed out a breath before grumbling and moving to get out of the car.
Joe chuckled and shut the door behind me, following me into the house. I didn’t plan to wait for him.
When I walked through the front door, memories of the night before immediately crashed over me thinking about exactly what had happened right there just hours before.
I blushed, feeling the heat up to the tip of my ears.
Caught off guard, Joe placed his hand at the small of my back and gently guided me to the kitchen, where the promised pancakes were already waiting for me.
Even the whipped cream he had bargained against.
I walked to the island before I plopped down in the barstool and took a deep breath, the syrupy sweetness better than I remembered.
Joe smiled softly at me before he went to the cabinet and pulled an old LSU mug from the cabinet and poured me a steaming cup of coffee. He moved effortlessly through the kitchen, doctoring up my coffee just the way I always had. Two sugars, a little almond milk. A dash of sugar free caramel syrup.
My heart warmed at the action, realizing Joe hadn’t tried to forget me or that if he had, he wasn’t able to.
He slid the cup across the counter, and I dug into my pancakes while he leaned into the corner of the counter, drinking one of his disgusting protein shakes.
I groaned around the first bite, the buttery goodness a delight in my mouth. I opened my eyes to see Joe with his shaker bottle half raised to his lips, eyes flaring with heat.
“Guess I really missed these pancakes,” I said before ducking my head and digging back in.
Trying to avoid another awkward moment, I refused to look up from my pancakes as I continued eating. I expected the silence to be overwhelming, but I let the moment carry us through finishing our meals. I knew if we started talking before, I was likely to lose my appetite.
“You ever gonna look at me?” Joe asked.
I paused and tightened my grip around the fork.
With a deep breath, I set it down and pushed the plate away before looking in his direction.
I expected to see anger or distrust on his face when I looked up, but what I saw there knocked the wind out of me.
He looked hurt, more than anything.
It made my heart twist.
“Joe…”
“Y/n.”
“What do you want me to say?” I whined.
“I want you to start by explaining why you left without saying anything.” His voice was tight, restrained, like he was controlling his words.
I felt my eyes start tearing up at the thought of last night again.
It had felt so good to fall back into bed with Joe.
Well…the stairs. And then the couch.
But as I laid there the night before, drifting in and out of sleep, all I could think about was the times he made me feel small, less than. I knew it wasn’t his fault, the way he would shut down on me. I really did. But it still hurt. I was still putting the pieces of my heart back together after that.
Then being in the same room in the aftermath where it all ended, it broke something in me I thought I never would again.
I took a deep breath, thinking carefully.
“I’m still hurt, Joe,” I admitted softly avoiding his gaze.
Silence.
I rolled my eyes.
Typical.
“So am I,” he admitted softly.
I turned my head sharply to meet his gaze, and I felt the anger rise.
I scoffed at him, disgusted that he was turning this around on me.
I pushed away from the island and turned to leave without another word, but Joe was quick. He caught my wrist in his hand, grounding me to the spot and making it difficult for me to get away.
“Let go of me,” I gritted out through my teeth.
Joe paused but listened, immediately dropping my hand and taking a step back. He ran his hand through his hair and let out a deep sigh.
I went to say something.
“Just listen for once in your damn life!” Frustration poured from him.
I snapped my mouth shut and sat back down.
“I know I did this to us, did this to myself. I’ll own my shit in this. I messed up, I know I did.” His chest heaved as he struggled to piece together his next thought. “But my whole world was ripped away from me in a matter of months, starting with football and then you…losing the thing keeping what little sanity I had…I-I didn’t realize what I was doing until it was too late.”
My shoulders dropped at his admission and I looked Joe in the eyes, seeing nothing but bare honesty reflecting back at me.
I struggled to meet his eyes. I took a deep breath in. Held for three seconds. Breathed out.
I did it again before I could look at him and the pain his eyes held from earlier was still there, matched with concern.
Joe moved to stand at the island counter that was separating us and used the marble countertop to brace himself.
“Just…tell me what’s on your mind. Or what was on your mind last night. Why you left without saying something…just. Just talk to me, please, y/n. I don’t know how to handle not knowing what you’re thinking.”
His tone was laced with a sense of desperation that made me crack.
“I care about you, Joe. Fuck, you know I do.” My words were broken around sobs and Joe’s shoulders dropped.
We stood there in silence for a few moments, letting my words surround us.
Joe moved around the counter to stand by me. He pulled my barstool from the counter, the sound of the legs scraping against the beautiful wood floor screeching. He moved to stand in front of me and placed himself between my legs before he used his thumb and forefinger to hold my chin, so we were making eye contact.
“Then why leave?”
“Joe…it’s not that easy.” I shook my head, brushing his hand from my face. “I can’t let last night mean more than sex.”
Joe’s lips thinned and he stepped back like I physically hurt him. He nodded once, as if he understood what I was saying.
But I don’t think he did.
“So…you just came here because you missed getting fucked or what?”
I cringed at his tone. It was cold, detached. I wasn’t used to that version of him. My eyes swelled with tears.
“Fuck you,” I said standing up and walking toward him. I poked his chest with my forefinger. “This…this is exactly why I can’t Joe. You hurt me six months ago. You shut down, went dark on me. Taking it out on me. I was walking around this house like a ghost of myself, afraid to do anything wrong because I knew you were hanging on by a thread.” The tears were pouring down my cheeks now, but I wiped them away, on a roll. “I can’t trust you if you flip on a dime like this still.”
My chest heaved. I wasn’t sure I even took a breath until I was finished.
I watched the moment it dawned on him what he was saying, that he was lashing out.
He leaned back against the cabinets opposite of me before resting his head on the cabinet behind him and closed his eyes, like he was letting my words settle over him.
“Okay.” I stopped breathing for a moment and looked at him with questions all over my face. Joe stood up straighter and looked me in the eyes. “Okay, I get it.”
I nodded my head, turning to leave.
“But let me try, please.” His voice broke at the end.
I paused my steps and looked at him, deflated.
“Why, Joe? Why now? What’s different? You can’t change who you are at your core.”
“Because I know what my life is like with you in it and I know what my life is like without you. I’m not ready to go back to not having you in it.”
Joe moved toward me.
“I get that you don’t trust me. I wouldn’t either. I fucked up. I hope you know I never meant to hurt you. That wasn’t who I wanted to be for you, not what you deserved.” He used his arms on either side of me to pin me against the counter before leaning down to press his forehead to mine. “But none of this…none of this is worth it without you.”
I couldn’t stop crying with this man, no matter what. Dating, separated, whatever this was…my emotions were always a mess, so I thought about it. If I was going to be upset anyway, would it hurt anything to explore this, to try to rebuild the trust that was once there?
Instead of saying something, I closed my eyes and nodded.
“Okay?” He asked. I opened my eyes and his eyelashes fluttered against mine.
“Okay,” I whispered softly before he pressed his lips to mine.
[Y/N POV]
It had been a few weeks since Joe and I started…whatever it is that we were doing.
We were slowly building something back between us. No labels. No confusion. We were slow, precise. There was a careful tenderness between us, like we were too afraid that something might break the fragile bridge we were rebuilding between us.
Joe was being more careful than I had ever seen him. Hesitant, almost.
He’d send me little things throughout the day. Small updates about what he was doing, a new workout his trainer introduced, a silly meme he saw, anything that made him think of me, is what he said.
JOE:
Why didn’t you tell me the café near the stadium switched to paper straws
Y/N:
Why would I have????
JOE:
Because I know how much you like those little cream cheese pastries and I was going to bring you one with a little drinky-drink
JOE:
But now I learn you didn’t tell me this v important detail and idk if I can trust you anymore
I rolled my eyes.
Y/N:
Joseph Lee…
I do not have the patience for you today. My proposal is due in two hours.
JOE:
I know. Look up.
I furrowed my brows at that last message but listened, my eyes scanning the room of fluorescent lights and depressing cubicles.
Then I spotted him. Joe walking through the elevator doors wearing a linen button down, tan shorts and his cartier sunglasses tucked in at the top.
My stomach dipped in happiness and a soft smile found my lips.
A hush fell over the floor and I felt all eyes turn to Joe. Then me. Then back to Joe. Joe just continued walking toward me, head held high and a cheeky grin on his face.
I rolled my eyes at the Nosey Nellies. My life with Joe hadn’t been a secret and they had all witnessed the aftermath of it.
Joe had never met these people before. Always opting out of company events, cocktail hours, normal things. I understood the reasoning, I really did. But that didn’t mean it didn’t do something to me seeing him step into my space, seeing where I felt the most confident.
When he got to where I was standing by my desk, he leaned down and kissed my cheek softly before stepping back. I saw he had a white paper bag in his hand and what looked like an iced lavender honey latte in the other.
My favorite latte.
“Is that what I think it is?” I asked, the smile on my face growing.
He grinned and passed the bag and cup over to me. I took a sip of the drink and was pleasantly surprised to confirm it was in fact my favorite latte that was exclusive to that bakery.
A bakery I hadn’t stepped foot in since the week I walked away from the man standing in front of me.
I groaned softly, savoring the flavors as they rushed through me.
Pulling the cup away from my lips, I quickly darted my tongue out to wipe a drop from the corner of my lips before grinning at Joe who couldn’t stop staring at me.
“Y/n…” he said, voice low.
“Yes?” I put on my most believable innocent smile.
“Open the bag,” he demanded.
Giddily, I set the cup down and opened the bag. Reaching in, I was so happy to see the cream cheese Danish I always used to get before I had a big event, something that was life changing. It was my silly little lucky charm to have one.
I hadn’t had one in months, not wanting to bring on the memories that came with stopping by that cafe.
I melted at the thought of Joe going out of his way to get to the café before they ran out of these and then going in the exact opposite direction to bring it to me.
“You remembered,” I whispered.
“Of course I did,” he said back just as softly, tenderly tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. “I knew how important today was for you.”
“Thank you,” my voice was soft.
“Anything. See you tonight?”
I nodded and Joe dropped a kiss on my forehead before walking away. Watching his back as he turned away, I flopped into my chair, flying on the buzz of seeing Joe, of the little things I had thought he hadn’t cared to notice before.
[Y/N POV]
The random check-ins didn’t stop.
In fact, as weeks went by, they evolved.
Many nights, we’d find ourselves curled up in our respective beds on FaceTime. We’d stay up for hours talking, from silly things that had happened throughout the day to sometimes deeper things, things we hadn’t talked about in a long time.
The gap between our lives was still there, but we were slowly filling it.
Piece by piece. Night by night.
Joe was taking it slow for my sake, which I really appreciated because while we had already slept together again and were working on reconnecting, my heart was still fragile. I still ached every now and then when I thought about last fall, how dark things had gotten, how I had lost myself. When those thoughts crept in, I did my best to move past them, to put them in a little box and stay present.
One night when Joe was out of town, Vegas I think, he FaceTimed me from his hotel room at an ungodly time in the morning.
“Mmmmm,” I grumbled at the stupid phone, head thrown over my pillow as I blindly searched for the culprit. “Herro,” I mumbled with my head still buried.
Then I heard it.
Giggles.
Manly giggles, but giggles nonetheless.
I suspiciously lifted the pillow from my head to look at the screen and that’s when I caught sight of Joe.
His eyes, red rimmed and glassy. Hair damp, the curls more prominent from the heat of the Vegas sun.
When he stopped swaying and focused on the screen, he screamed, “Baby! It’s youuuuuu. You answered.”
I let out a soft laugh.
Joe was drunk. He didn’t do drunk very well, if at all.
“Joey, are you drunk?”
I settled back into my pillows propping my phone on my nightstand before huddling under my blankets.
“Absolutely noooooooot.”
I heard laughter in the background followed by shouts.
“He absolutely is, y/n!”
“Don’t believe him!”
“Joey B is such a lightweight.”
Joe tried to shut them up with a cutting look, but it came out an adorable pout.
“Joey…baby.”
He turned back to look at me through the camera and his face softened.
“Hi pretty girl,” he mumbled.
“Hey handsome.”
“What are you doing?"
I laughed.
“Joe, it’s 3am. I was sleeping.”
His eyes went wide at that.
“Oh nooooo! Baby no, I am so sorry. I didn’t…I didn’t think, I know you have w-“
I cut him off before he spiraled.
“It’s okay,” I whispered, my voice rough with sleep. “I missed you. This is worth skipping my morning class to see you like this.”
Joe smiled back at me.
“Hold on,” he muttered and then started walking with his phone in hand. Not long after, I heard the click of the door. Joe must have made his way to his room in the hotel suite.
He moved to the bed, clearly kicking off his shoes before he leaned against the headboard.
“Hi again,” I chuckled.
“I miss you…”
My heart melted at that.
“Just two more days,” I offered.
“What if- what if I just come home tomorrow? Or I mean is that technically today? I could get a flight and be there –“ he started rambling, mind going a million miles a minute.
“Joe…I miss you too. But so do your friends. You have to stay. It’s just two more sleeps.”
“But I can’t sleep without you.”
I rolled my eyes at his pout.
“You’ll be fine. You did it for months.”
I froze and winced, struck by the bite in my tone at the words. My eyes were tight before I opened them again.
Joe clammed up, I could tell he was holding his breath.
“Sorry,” I mumbled. “I’m sleepy. I didn’t mean it like that.”
“It’s okay if you did,” he said softly.
“I didn’t…I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.”
“I know you didn’t.” Joe paused and picked at something that wasn’t there on his shirt. “You wouldn’t purposely try to hurt me.” Tears were bridging my eyes. “I’d deserve it, though.” His voice was soft and kind.
“Still shouldn’t have said it,” I mumbled, reaching for my phone to bring him closer. Even though he wasn’t physically here, I wanted him closer.
“Y/n…Can I just…let me say something okay? I have to say it.” Joe sat up a little straighter, his eyes clearing. I could tell he was sobering up, that whatever he was about to say had weight to it.
“Not tonight, Joe,” I whispered.
“Please,” he begged.
“Okay,” my voice was hesitant.
“I’m not asking for forgiveness right now, hell ever. I just need you to know…know that I know what I broke. I didn’t just hurt you; this wasn’t just happening to me. I-I keep thinking about how if I’d just stopped to listen to you, to anyone, taken a moment to step back, get out of my head, we’d still be us. I don’t recognize what my life became without you in it and I..I never want to have to find out. You were – are- my best friend, you know? Even when you left, you were still here.” His hand forms a fist before he puts it over his chest and rubs in circles, like he’s soothing an invisible ache. “Losing that part of us has been harder than I expected. I’ll never forgive myself for what I did… I just wish I’d never done this to you, that I didn’t hurt you like this, that we didn’t have to get here, picking up the pieces.”
My face crumbled at his words.
“Joey…”
“Shhh,” he said, seeing the tears on my face. “I didn’t mean to make you cry again baby. God knows I’ve done it enough.”
I let out a soft chuckle.
“I missed you too, you know,” I mumbled.
“I should come home.”
I let out a loud bark of laughter at that, my voice choking around the tears.
“Two days, Joey. Two days. Then you can hold me in your arms again.”
“Promise?”
“Always.”
We fell asleep that night on FaceTime and I was late to work because my phone had died at some point before I put it back on the charger.
But I went to work with a smile on my face, feeling more like myself as the days passed and we were slowly rebuilding what we once had.
The flowers on my desk the next day, a beautiful arrangement of pink peonies and baby’s breath, with the sweetest note kept my smile plastered on my face as well.
I know last night brought up a lot of feelings that we still need to talk about. We will, I promise. Just know I never meant to hurt you and will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you…starting with beautiful flowers for a beautiful girl.
Yours,
J
[Y/N POV]
Almost two months into moving forward with Joe in my life, and I still hadn’t told the girls about what I was doing.
They knew about the night of sex. I called Cami in a panic, needing a voice of reason to get me through the drive home from his house and she talked me down. By morning, Caroline and Karleigh knew as well.
But I hadn’t told them what we were doing.
I hadn’t told them about breakfast the next morning, the times he showed up during my lunch breaks to take me out, the late nights we’d spend on his couch, pretending to watch a movie when in fact we would just end up making out and touching each other under the blankets like we were teenagers sneaking around.
I wanted to keep it to myself, just to be sure it was real, that this was something worth wanting still.
When I went over to Carolines to watch an episode of The Real Housewives like we did every week, I wasn’t planning to tell them yet.
I’d spent weeks avoiding questions about the apps and how they were going. In truth, I hadn’t thought about them since the night I ran into Joe thought they lurked in the background of my phone hauntingly.
“I just can’t believe they passed me over again, for that dickwad,” Cami grumbled as she took a gulp of red wine from the glass in her hand and tucked her legs under her.
“It’s okay, babe.” Karleigh put her hand on Cami’s leg. “He’s going to flop and they’re going to regret it.”
“That doesn’t make it better! I’m going to have to be the one to fix everything.” Her voice came out in a pathetic whine that made us all feel terrible for her.
“We could egg his house?” Caroline suggested, popping a chip into her mouth.
“We absolutely cannot do that,” I said. “We’re adults. We would get in a lot more trouble that we did when we were 15 and did it to Adam Moss.”
Karleigh laughed. “Served him right for ditching Caro the night before homecoming.”
Caroline shrugged.
“We could put peanut butter on his desk phone, so it gets in his ear?”
I looked at her in horror.
“What is wrong with you?” I asked, tossing a pillow at her.
“What?!”
“Guys, I’d really like to not lose my job for revenge. Just let me wallow in my self-pity,” Cami said as she flopped dramatically across the couch, her head landing in Caroline’s lap.
“It’s going to be okay,” she cooed, patting Cami’s cheek.
“Okay, okay,” Karleigh said. “We can move on.” She turned and looked at me, raising a brow. “How are the apps going?”
I cringed.
“What’s that look for?” Caroline asked curiously.
“Nothing,” I said quickly.
Cami sat up and suddenly I had three pairs of eyes on me.
“No…” Cami started. “That’s your something voice.”
“My something voice?” My voice got high. I heard it. Damn it. She was right. That was the way my voice changed when I tried to hide something. “I don’t have a something voice.” I stood with my glass of wine and looked toward the kitchen. “Anyone else need a refill?”
I ran out of the room before anyone could say anything, not wanting to break.
“Y/n…” Karleigh said, an air of suspicion in her tone. “What are you hiding?”
“Do you have any of that cheese you got last time from Trader Joe’s?” I called as I opened the fridge, refusing to acknowledge her.
Cami walked into the room.
“What’s going on?” she asked curiously.
I buried my head further into the fridge.
“Ohhh, cheesecake. That might be better.” I grabbed it from the fridge and set it on the counter before moving for a fork.
Karleigh came in as I was shutting the silverware drawer.
“What aren’t you telling us?” she asked, stepping between the cheesecake and me.
I tried to dodge her.
“Y/N!” Caroline yelled from the living room. “What the fuck?!”
She shuffled into the kitchen not long after her outburst. Karleigh and Cami turned toward her, waiting to figure out what she was yelling about.
But I knew the second I saw my phone in her hand.
I slumped against the kitchen sink.
“It’s nothing!”
Cami and Karleigh kept darting their eyes between us.
“This is absolutely not nothing.” She waved my phone in the air as I looked at her with pleading eyes.
“What are we missing?" Karleigh asked, stepping between us and reaching for my phone in Caro’s hand.
It was handed over and Cami made her way over to huddle around my phone with Caroline and Karleigh. I shook my head, resigned, and closed my eyes.
Karleigh snapped her head in my direction.
“No…” she whispered with Cami still looking at my screen intently.
I just nodded my head.
“How long?!”
“Why?!”
“When?!”
“What were you thinking?!”
“He’s such a dick! Absolutely not.”
“Talk about someone who deserves their house egged…”
“I don’t understand…”
Their voices kept rising, talking over each other while I just stood there.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Cami asked, ever the voice of reason.
I stood up straighter and finally looked at them before reaching for my phone.
“Because I didn’t want to hear…all of this!” I waved my hands at them, annoyed. “Especially not while we’re still…figuring out what this is.”
“You still could have told us,” Karleigh said, crossing her arms.
“Could I have?” My brow lifted in question.
“Yes,” Caroline said. “You’ve been weird for weeks! Why not just be honest, why make us find out this way?”
I glared. “You wouldn't have found out this way if you hadn’t snooped through my phone.”
Caroline glared. “I wouldn’t have snooped if you had just told us!”
Our voices were getting louder.
Cami stepped between us.
“Time out.” Her voice was short. “Take a breather.”
We stood there in silence for a few minutes.
“We’re just worried about you, y/n,” Karleigh said softly.
Tears welled in my eyes.
“I know. I appreciate that. But…” I paused. “I don’t know guys. It’s fragile right now. I’m still fragile. I just…I don’t know what this means or even what it’s going to look like, and I wasn’t ready for all the questions. I knew you’d have a million and I don’t even have the answers.”
I watched their faces register what I was saying, saw the realization hit them.
“We just want you to feel like you can talk to us,” Caroline said, wrapping me in a side hug.
I leaned my head on her shoulder.
Karleigh came and stood on the other side of me while Cami stood in front of me. I slid my phone in my back pocket.
“When?” Cami asked, no judgement in her tone.
I looked at them all hesitantly before I moved toward the bottle of wine and poured myself a glass, walking into the living room and they followed.
I sat on the couch and pulled the throw over my lap. I swirled my glass of wine before I launched into the story of my date with Brayden, Joe showing up, me leaving, going to his house…sneaking out on him. All the mixed feelings that came with it. I poured my heart out.
“But…I’m scared, you guys,” I admitted. “He’s saying all the right things, doing all the right things…but this is Post-Season Joe. This isn’t Football Joe. This isn’t Injured Joe. I don’t…I’m scared I can’t trust him and sometimes I wish I would have told you sooner because it’s so hard to think like this and not share it with you guys because lord knows I can’t tell him, at least right now and…” I gasped for air, my thoughts racing as my words fell.
“Shhh,” Cami soothed and they all crowded around me closer.
Karleigh pulled me into her for a hug, and I collapsed in her arms, finally letting out some of the things I had been holding back, relief flooding me at finally being able to talk about it.
“If you really want to do this again, we support you,” Cami said and the other two nodded. “But just…go slow.”
“It’s easy for him to make promises and apologize, but they’re just words, y/n” Caroline said quietly. “Remember consistency is what really shows he’s changed. Don’t try to fast forward or hit pause just because he’s familiar to you.”
“Let him earn your trust, prove that he deserves access to you. It takes time to rebuild that trust. There’s no shortcut back, not after he broke your trust like that,” Karleigh voiced.
“I don’t want to have too much hope or put too much pressure on him.” I played with my fingers, not meeting their gazes. They just looked at me with soft understanding.
“It’s okay to have hope.” Cami pulled me closer. “But you don’t owe him anything you aren’t ready to give him. Don’t forget to choose yourself this time. You’ve grown so much without him…don’t let him shrink you again.”
I choked on a sob and nodded, burying my head in her neck.
“And just remember…we’ll be your Mary Ann to your Wanda if you ever need it,” Caroline said.
I laughed and nodded, wiping the tears from my cheeks.
I felt better, having talked to them. I should have known in the end they would support me, that I truly shouldn’t have been worried. But it felt like if I told them, I’d have to unpack everything I had been trying to forget happened with Joe and I hadn’t been ready to face that just yet.
But these were my girls. I never should have doubted they would be on my side for a second.
[JOE POV]
On my way to pick up y/n before we went out to a movie, I left 20 minutes early so I could stop to grab a bouquet of wildflowers. I wanted her to have something to smile about the next few days when I wasn’t around.
I poured over the decisions at the florist and refused to accept any tips on what would look best, letting myself pick out flowers to make a bouquet that reminded me of her. I mixed and matched flowers, some bright hues with unique shapes, clean stems, big, loud, happy. All things I thought of when y/n came to mind.
Once I was happy with the selection, I paid and went to my car, setting the brown paper wrapped bouquet softly on the seat next to me in my Cadillac.
Every time I saw y/n since the restaurant that night, I knew how lucky I was that she was willing to let me back in her life, even if it was slowly. I could tell she was still reserved and I understood why.
I ruined years of foundation between us.
I deserved her hesitancy.
I’d do whatever it took for me to prove myself to her again.
She deserved that from me.
After pulling up to her apartment and parking, I grabbed the flowers and walked to her door.
When I knocked, I heard a quick, “Coming!” before noise rustling on the other side and grumbling accompanied by the sound of something heavy falling.
I chuckled to myself and shook my head. Some things never changed.
“Hi,” she said breathlessly as she opened the door.
She looked beautiful, taking my breath away at the sight of her in a sundress and sandals, her hair flowing freely.
“Hey beautiful.” I smiled at her and extended the bouquet of flowers to her.
She raised them to her nose and took a breath in, the crease between her brows easing.
“They’re beautiful, Joe.” Her voice was soft, delicate. It softened me to see how serene she looked now. “Come in.”
She moved away from the door to let me in and as I passed her, I dipped down to kiss her cheek.
“I’m just going to put these in water.” She rushed out of the room but not before I caught the blush spreading across her cheeks.
I walked further into her place and looked around. For the most part since we reconnected, it was usually us going out somewhere or her coming over. I hadn’t had the chance yet to see the place she had made her home in the time we had been apart.
It surprised me the way she had decorated the living room. It was warm and inviting, bright art on the wall, a colorful mixed pattern carpet, and a simple two-seater couch that looked like a cloud. I looked over the art on her walls, admiring that she hung so many pictures of her life over the years.
It only made my heart pinch a little to notice how absent I was as my eyes traced the photos ahead of me. I knew why, but it served as a painful reminder.
As I continued to wander the room and take in these new pieces of her life that I saw, I found myself lost in it until I felt something against my leg. I jumped and let out a tiny shriek.
“What’s wrong?” Y/n asked, rushing into the room.
I caught my breath and looked down, pointing to the orange ball of fur at my feet.
“Oh!” She grinned brightly. “That’s just Bill.” She picked him up and held him to her, nuzzling her head into his.
“Bill?” I asked incredulously. “Since when do you have a cat named Bill?” She shrugged before passing him off to me. I held him in my hands, my arms outstretched.
The cat gave me what I swear was an unamused look and I just looked at him unsure.
Y/n flitted out of the room and continued rummaging through her cabinets before I heard the water running. She must have been getting a vase for the flowers.
Bill just stared at me as I held him away awkwardly. Stiffly, I walked over to the couch before setting him down. He meowed at me before he walked away and curled into the other end of the couch.
“I got him around Christmas!” she yelled. “I hadn’t planned to get a cat, I didn’t even really think I liked them. But I saw him and…I don’t know. Something inside of me just told me I had to bring him home.”
I sat down on the couch, trying to keep my distance from the cat.
I didn’t trust him. He clearly didn’t trust me. I sat there in discomfort with my hands on my thighs.
“I never really…” my voice caught on my words. “I didn’t really think you ever wanted animals?”
Y/n came into the room, a smile on her face.
“I didn’t either.” She shrugged. “But I don’t know…I think a lot of it was the uncertainty, ya know?” Her head tilted to the side, contemplating. “I wasn’t sure we’d be able to handle it or even be around to take care of anything more than a plant. And with your schedule and mine…I don’t know. But being here…I was kind of lonely being alone for the first time in my adult life.”
I sat there silently, letting her explanation roll over me as I glanced around the room again.
She was different now, that was for certain. It wasn’t a terrible thing, but I had to learn new things about her every day.
I’d never ever really thought of asking her before if she wanted animals in our house. I just…assumed. She never brought it up; I never thought I wanted them because of the work they took. But seeing the way she loved Bill, the way she fit her life around his, having cat toys scattered across her living room, a scratching post by the window…
Thinking back to it…her home here was much livelier than what we had together.
Our home was more muted in colors, brown, grey, white. Simple. Clean. Magazine ready, really. But this…what she was surrounded by…it oozed life, happiness. I couldn’t help but think of other things she may have wanted but hadn’t explored. Maybe she hadn’t known she had wanted it because of me?
“Anyway!” she turned around and grabbed her jean jacket from the closet before slipping it on. “You ready? You owe me the biggest bag of popcorn, Burrow.”
Her grin was infectious and I couldn’t help but chuckle as I stood.
“Let’s go, pretty girl.”
I held my hand out for her to grab and I pulled her into me. I leaned down and brushed my lips against hers softly and she leaned into me.
“What’s that for?” she asked breathlessly.
“Because I can.”
I shrugged, like it was the simplest thing in my life.
Because truthfully, loving y/n really was that simple.
[Y/N POV]
As one of our evenings was ending, Joe sat relaxed behind the wheel of his Range Rover, leaned back in his seat with his hand resting on the bottom of the steering wheel with the other behind my seat as he drove to his house without even asking if I was staying the night, not that I minded.
“Oh…so you just assumed I was a sure bet, Burrow?” I asked playfully as I quirked a brow at him and grinned.
Joe didn’t take his eyes from the road, just reached over and placed his hand on my exposed thigh thanks to the skirt I was wearing. His hand was warm, surprisingly soft, as he rested it there and gently squeezed.
“I had hoped.” A grin spread across his face and I chuckled.
Leaning over the center console, I kissed his cheek and said, “Well the good news is…I am.”
He shook his head and let out a chuckle, never removing his hand. I sat there staring at his profile as I took in the peace on his face, how calm he looked.
It was rare that Joe was this free, but since coming back into each other’s lives, I was seeing this side of him a lot more. I really liked what I was seeing these days.
Music played softly as the silence enveloped us. It wasn’t that abrasive silence that filled awkward moments. It felt calm, like we didn’t have to talk and could just…be. Joe had always made me feel like that, at least before. It filled my heart with happiness, hope that we might actually be okay this time around thanks to growing up and apart separately.
I had a smile on my face that I could feel blooming. Joe looked over at me briefly, giving me his bright grin, before he gently squeezed my thigh and moved his hand higher before he returned his eyes to the road.
Goosebumps broke out across my skin and I shivered in anticipation.
“Joe…” He hummed in response. His fingers danced higher on the inside of my thighs and I leaned back, slightly spreading my thighs more.
Joe chuckled darkly at that.
“Not gonna argue?” he asked.
I shook my head briefly as his fingers continued their path, tracing the inside of my thighs higher and higher… then sighing as he eased them back each time he brushed the hem of my panties. I groaned as Joe continued to torture me, my breath picking up in anticipation but falling each time he backed away.
The smile never left Joe’s face. He looked at me from the corner of his eyes, delighted at the reactions he was eliciting out of me. As his hand skated up my thigh again, I gently grabbed his hand and laced his fingers with mine, holding him near my heated core.
Joe tightened his hand on the steering wheel as I held his hand in place, dancing our fingers along the seam of my panties, teasingly dipping them under the cotton. Joe groaned deeply as I guided his hand through my folds, gliding his finger through the desire that was pooling.
“What’re you doing, baby?” His voice was rough and desire soaked every word.
“Nothing…” I said coyly, still working our fingers under my skirt. Joe’s face tightened and I felt the speed of the car pick up slightly. “Joey.” I giggled. “Patience, baby. You wouldn’t want to be pulled over and have to stop, would you?”
He lifted his foot from the pedal slightly; body still tense in anticipation. I lined my index finger up with his and used my hand to guide both of our fingers gently into my core. There was a slight stretch as my body adjusted to our fingers. Joe groaned and curled his finger, brushing the tips of our fingers just there over my sensitive nerves. I jumped slightly, my walls tightening around our fingers as I tipped my head back and let out a light moan.
“That’s it, baby. Just relax.” His voice was like gravel, thick with desire as he took control and worked our fingers through my mess, never taking his eyes from the road. When I managed to open my eyes, I glanced at him and could see how affected he was by the tightness near his eyes, his grip on the wheel and the pronounced bulge in his pants. I let out a deep moan and licked my lips at the sight, Joe’s pace increasing as he realized what I was looking at. “Yeah baby, that’s all for you.”
I keened at his words and could feel my release nearing as he continued to work me to the edge, alternating between quick pumps of our fingers to gentle curls of our fingers along that desirable bundle of nerves.
I dug the back of my head into the headrest as Joe took control, my hips rolling into his movements, my back arching as I tried to chase the friction, needing more.
I whined as Joe slowed his movements, dragging our fingers against my walls, pulling all the way out.
I was breathless.
“Please,” I whimpered.
“Please what, baby?” I could hear the smirk in his voice as my eyes screwed shut, stars dancing behind my eyes. My hips were slowly grinding in circles in time with his movements.
“More,” I gasped out. “I’ms’close,” my words ran together.
Joe chuckled at the whine in my voice, sending a wave of pleasure through me as he continued his strokes.
“Whatever my girl wants.” He picked up his pace, his palm grazing briefly over my clit on occasion sending bolts of pleasure down my spine. “That’s it, baby. You should see your face right now…”
My hand at my side clenched and unclenched around nothing. I tried to hold onto the seat, the console, anything for purchase to hold off my orgasm but as I writhed in my seat, nothing helped. It was overwhelming, the pleasure Joe was giving me. Desperate, my fingers wove through his hair, and I gave a tug that caused a groan to escape Joe as he kept going.
His pace was relentless as he kept bringing me to the edge and stopping just before my orgasm would crest.
“Please,” ripped from my throat as Joe curled his fingers inside me again. “Please, please, please.” I was begging and gripping Joe’s hair tighter, which only seemed to spur him on.
“C’mon baby, aren’t you going to come for me?”
I tried to glare in his direction, but I couldn’t open my eyes. The pleasure he was bringing me was too much to focus on.
“You’re so close…you feel s’good around my fingers, you know that baby? Can’t wait to have you in my bed later.”
I let out a broken cry at his words and his movements sent me over the edge. My vision turned spotty and I swear, fireworks erupted.
Joe let out a deep, almost sinister laugh that aided in the pleasure rolling off me.
“Hey pretty girl,” he coaxed softly.
I opened my eyes slowly and looked at him to see him grinning back at me. I blushed as he tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear and then he proceeded to take our fingers that were soaked in my release and place them against his tongue before he wrapped his lips around our fingers and rolled his tongue over them, making sure to drink in every bit of me.
I let out an embarrassing whine as he released my finger and set my hand gently in my lap.
“We’re home,” he pointed out as the garage door opened in front of us. I blushed at the fact that I had been so lost in our moment I hadn’t even realized we came to a stop. “You good?”
I nodded, my head still thrown back, catching my breath.
We sat there for a few minutes, our breaths calming down. When Joe went to open his door, I stopped him with my hand on top of his.
“Wait,” I said and he stopped moving and turned to face me. Without saying anything, I unbuckled my seatbelt and turned to face him and put my hand on his chest.
I pulled his face to mine in a sensual kiss, our lips in sync as they moved against each other. My hand skated down his pecks, over his defined abs, before skimming the front of his pants. I felt Joe’s cock jump at the feel.
Joe pulled away from me and looked confused.
“You deserve to feel good too…”
“That was as much for me as it was for you,” he said.
“Still.” My hand brushed over his cock again before moving up. I used my finger to trace the band of his pants before finding the button and popping it open. “I want this.”
“Baby…” he groaned as my hand wrapped around his cock. It was heavy and warm in my hand, and I let out a soft moan, causing him to grow. “Not in the car.”
I smirked and put my lips against his neck, softly kissing before I gently sucked to leave a mark.
“Mmmm.” I groaned into his neck. “Yes in the car. Need you now. Wanna be thinking about your cock down my throat every time we’re in here.”
My hand kept pumping as I scattered kisses over Joe. His head tipped back, his face twisted in a mix of pleasure and restraint.
Wordlessly, he pressed a button which caused his seat to recline and provide more space between him and the steering wheel.
I chuckled at that, knowing this was him giving in.
“You don’t get to complain about your neck in the morning.”
“Deal,” I easily agreed before I pulled his cock from his pants.
A bead of precum was already at the tip. I removed my hand and placed it in front of Joe, asking him to spit before I used the moisture from his lips to help glide my hand up and down his cock.
Red hit the tips of Joe’s ears, like he was embarrassed.
Joe let out a low groan before he said my name. I smirked, watching him lose himself in his pleasure. I leaned in again and kissed him deeply and he snaked his tongue out against mine, a battle between the two of us for who would get the upper hand.
I slipped my heels off as I tucked my feet underneath me and bent over the console further.
“I wanna suck your dick, Joey,”
“It’s yours baby. I need your lips around my cock so bad,” he begged. His hand rested on the side of my neck before he moved to twist in the back of my hair, guiding my mouth to his glistening cock. I wrapped my lips around his tip and swirled my tongue around the head before dipping my tongue along his slit, causing Joe to grip my hair tighter.
I tightened my grip around his cock, using my hand and the dribbles of spit falling from my mouth as friction as my mouth slid further down.
Joe’s hand acted as a guide for my head as my mouth moved, my tongue on the underside of his cock running along the smooth skin and tracing the thick vein there. I slipped him further in my mouth, hitting the back of my throat and let out a strangled groan as Joe held my head there, my nose pressed against the neatly trimmed hair at the base of his cock.
A choked sound slipped from his lips at the vibrations of my throat that caused me to smirk.
His grip on my hair tightened and Joe groaned out, “That’s a good girl.” He gasped and used his hand to guide the tempo of my movements as he twitched in my mouth. “Yessss,” he groaned. “That’s it, baby. Take me all the way down the back of your throat like I know you can.
I whimpered as his movements got jerkier, never once taking my mouth from his cock as he got more erratic in his movements. I sucked him deeper, if possible.
“C’mon, baby, show me how your throat was made for me.” His hips thrust his cock further down my throat and I swallowed thickly as I felt him slip further. “That’s it, baby.” His movements kept going, sporadic like he was out of control. As I bobbed up, I lightly dragged my teeth on the underside of his cock, causing him to shiver and tense up. “Dangerous game, baby.”
I smirked and continued, looking up at him from under hooded eyes.
“You like sucking my dick, don’t you?” He wasn’t looking for an answer but continued to work my mouth over him, taking the pleasure I was giving him. “That’s right pretty girl. You do. You like taking my dick all the way to the back of your throat.” My breathing was ragged, my core squeezing around nothing as he continued to talk me through his orgasm.
I was fairly certain he might be able to make me cum again, just from his words surrounding us in the car alone.
“Oh, pretty girl.” His voice was dark. “This is getting to you, isn’t it?” I closed my eyes at his words, continuing to work his cock through my lips, my hand squeezing the base before I gently cupped his balls in one hand. I held them there, my tongue leaving my mouth to lick and suck them into my mouth.
I released them on a pop and quickly slid Joe to the back of my throat again, my hips grinding my core into the balls of my feet, the friction there providing a little relief before I leaned further into him.
“’m close,” he groaned and I hummed around him.
Joe exploded in my mouth, filling me. I swallowed thickly as I pulled away and grinned at him.
“Fuck, you always look so pretty with your mouth full of my cock,” he groaned as he gazed into my eyes.
He pulled my lips to his and kissed me feverishly.
I pulled back from his lips with a slick smile on my face and he looked at me with dazed eyes, like he couldn’t believe what just happened. My tongue slipped from my mouth and dipped out to lick up a bit of cum that had spilled in our aftermath.
In a bratty move, I moaned exaggeratedly with the movement, rolling my hips as I felt heat rush to my core again in anticipation.
Joe huffed out a laugh and leaned against his seat, adjusting it back to normal position as I watched him with a delirious smile on my face. He groaned.
“C’mon, pretty girl. I’m not done with your mouth.”
I giggled and followed him out of the car, abandoning my heels in the front seat before racing up the stairs.
[Y/N POV]
It was the middle of the summer, and I headed over to Joe’s after work with a plan for us to relax in his backyard, have a bonfire, and just be there, under the stars in our own little bubble. We had agreed earlier in the week to a lowkey evening at home.
However, the moment I walked in, my thoughts of letting go with Joe went out the window.
His house was chaos.
He had the nutritionist and chef in the kitchen, ingredients spread all over the counter.
Organic this.
Grass fed that.
Supplements spread out.
It was loud. It was bright.
I walked past the kitchen and further into the dining room, and saw Joe sitting at the table, his agent and publicist on either side of him.
“No, he can’t do that appearance…that’s the middle of the season!”
“Well, he owes them something. He has other obligations too.”
They bickered back and forth while Joe sat between them, a look of amusement on his face, like he was a kid realizing he was about to get two Christmases now that his parents split.
I stood there frozen. My chest tightened.
Football… they were talking football.
Because that was Joe’s job.
Not like I had forgotten…but I had blocked it out of my mind.
But the season was fast approaching. There was no hiding from it, especially with the chaos the house was already in, and training camp hadn’t even started.
Training camp.
My mind blanked.
It was July.
That meant training camp was coming soon.
I stood there, unsure if I was breathing, and bit my lip.
Joe’s head rose and the smile that crossed his face had me sucking in breaths of air again.
“Hey sweetheart,” he said softly before pushing away from the table and making his way to me.
He pulled me into his arms before taking my lips in the sweetest kiss that had my knees melting.
“Hi,” I said, hiding my face in his shirt at how affectionate he was being.
He never used to kiss me like that in front of people, let alone people who worked for him.
It was new. It had butterflies erupting in my stomach.
“We’re just wrapping up here with a few more details. Why don’t you change and pick out a movie or something and the house should be clear by the time you’re done?” he suggested.
I rolled my lips.
“I think I’m going to go take a shower, if that’s okay?”
Joe smiled.
“Of course. Shouldn’t be long.”
I nodded and took a step back, but Joe gently pulled me in and planted a kiss on top of my head before he released me.
“Missed you,” he whispered softly.
I nodded, a hesitant smile crossing my lips.
“Joe, come tell her that you…” his agent started and Joe rolled his eyes before playfully swatting at my butt, shooing me from the room.
I took a breath as I crossed through the threshold of the room and made my way to the stairs.
Football.
It was coming soon.
My chest tightened.
I knew it was inevitable that the season would come back around but I hadn’t really thought about what that would mean for us yet. I didn’t dare let it slip into my mind in fear of the unknown. However, I didn’t have the luxury of forgetting about it anymore, not after it smacked me in the face when I walked in the house earlier.
I made my way to Joe’s room, setting my purse and overnight bag on the chair in the corner. I slipped into the bathroom, turning the dials on the large walk-in shower that was surrounded by glass and several shower heads placed in all different directions.
When my clothes were off and in the hamper, I made my way to the shower, testing the water before I stepped under the spray of warm water.
Once the water hit, I visibly relaxed, some of the tension melting away from me as I closed my eyes and let the water cascade over me.
I’m not sure how long it was before I heard the bathroom door open and the sound of clothes hitting the floor, but I felt the breeze of the shower door opening before I felt Joe wrap his arms around me and pull me further under the water, submerging both of us.
I leaned into him, letting him hold me up.
He leaned down and brushed his lips on my shoulder, placing soft kisses up my neck before he swiped his lips over mine with gentle movement. He slipped his tongue in as they parted on a moan.
“Love the sounds you make for me, baby,” he groaned, wrapping his hand around the back of my neck before he pulled me closer. “Missed you.”
I pressed myself into him, needing to feel him near me, and kissed him deeper.
I let myself get swept up by Joe at that moment, allowing myself one more night to pretend that a football schedule wasn’t about to rule the next 7-8 months of my life
[Y/N POV]
After the first week of training camp started, Joe and I decided to have some people over to his house before things were in full swing.
We used to do this all the time, have people over for a movie, throw steaks on the grill and just… be. We hadn’t done that much since finding each other again. It wasn’t that we hadn’t wanted to, but we were happy with the little bubble we created. We spent time together with our friends as a couple, but we hadn’t tried to manage his friends and mine at the same time since long before his injury.
So, when Robin suggested a cookout before Joe really dialed in his diet and he seemed excited about the idea, we thought it would be a good time to try.
I was in the kitchen, prepping the steaks while Robin worked on the salad. Everyone was in the kitchen with us, either helping or standing around snacking and catching up.
Joe walked into the kitchen and made his way to the fridge. As he passed me, he playfully swatted my back side and planted a kiss on my cheek, causing a blush to rise on my cheeks.
My mom cooed from where she stood chopping potatoes. My dad followed behind Joe not long after.
“Anyone want a beer?” Joe asked as he picked through the fridge as my dad took a seat at the counter.
After divvying out drinks to those who asked, the conversation in the room turned up. I was trying to pay attention to what Robin and my mom were talking about, but Joe was standing close to me as I worked. He had his fingers looped through the beltloops of my shorts, like he was anchoring himself to me, as he talked to Ja’Marr and Jimmy about something or another.
It felt good to be here, this room full of life for the first time in a long time.
Cami playfully threw a carrot at Caroline for something she said, but Caro caught it with her mouth causing everyone to cheer.
As I flipped the steaks on the plate to season the other side, that was when I heard it.
“So, when is she moving back in?” Ja’Marr asked as he leaned against the counter and took a pull from the bottle in his hand.
Joe shrugged carelessly, pulling me toward him gently.
I tensed up. Waited.
“Probably October or November.”
“During the season?” Tee asked, curiosity in his tone.
Joe shrugged, like he hadn’t even thought about it much.
Caroline, Karleigh and Cami stared at me, their brows furrowed in question.
Cami’s eyes softened when she looked at my face, clearly seeing something that I wasn’t sure of.
“You okay?” she mouthed.
I gave a subtle shake of my head before wiping my hands on a kitchen towel.
Our mothers were chatting around us. The guys started talking about some video game that was coming out. Jimmy walked with my dad to the backyard to show him a new grilling thermometer Joe had bought.
And I just stood there, my gaze zeroed in on a piece of pepper that must have missed the steak. I didn’t blink, my jaw tensed, all the while Joe just stood there like he hadn’t just dropped a bomb.
“I bet you’re excited to be parking in the heated garage again this winter,” my mom said.
“Yeah, I guess.” I shrugged like I hadn’t thought much about it.
Truth was…I hadn’t.
We hadn’t talked about this yet but Joe just dropped that I would be moving in so casually.
The thing was…I liked how things were right now. I liked my queen size bed that was piled high with blankets because on nights Joe stayed over, we huddled close but the nights he didn’t, it felt like sinking into a cloud. I liked coming home from work and throwing my shoes in the middle of the room, not caring about them being in the way for anyone else. We were still finding our rhythm back together and it still felt fragile at times, like with one wrong move it would all come crumbling down.
Joe tensed beside me and dropped his fingers from my belt loop before standing a little straighter and giving me a puzzled look. I didn’t meet his eyes.
I took a deep breath in and held it before letting it out through my mouth. I repeated it a couple of times. Joe stood next to me, patient but unassuming.
It was clear there was something on my mind.
He tilted his head, asking without saying words if I wanted to step out of the room.
I shook my head softly and took the plate of steaks out to where our dads stood around the grill. I handed my dad the plate.
“Thanks, daddy,” I said softly before stepping away.
I walked back in the house using the side door, so I could sneak into the garage for a few minutes alone.
I leaned against one of the shelves in there, letting it hold me up, as my mind raced and panic set in.
I must’ve been there longer than I thought because Joe walked into the garage and a look of relief crossed his face when he found me. He stepped back through the door and shouted, “Found her!” Before he walked toward me and pulled me into his arms.
“There you are,” he mumbled against my forehead before he pressed his lips there.
I didn’t say anything, but I tensed in his arms. He pulled away from me.
Everything okay?” His voice was caring as he asked. He took my cheeks gently in both hands, his thumbs resting under my eyes as he soothingly rubbed the apples of my cheeks.
My voice caught in my throat. I went to speak but closed my mouth.
There was a frown on his face. But this wasn’t the time or place.
“Just a lot going on in there,” I mumbled, leaning my forehead into his shoulder.
Joe’s arms tightened around me.
“Yeah…a lot of people,” he agreed, squeezing my hips gently. “We’ll talk later?” he mumbled into the side of my hair.
I nodded.
We’d have to.
By 9 o’clock the last of the stragglers were leaving. Robin and Jimmy gave me big hugs with promises to see me soon and I returned the sentiment.
Joe walked his parents to the door and gave his mom a big hug. Jimmy clapped a hand on his shoulder.
“Be good to her,” Jimmy instructed. Joe laughed.
“Forever,” he promised.
My breath caught at that.
Forever. Such a big word.
The room spun as I continued to load the dishwasher, my thoughts weighing me down. I couldn’t slow my brain down enough to even pick one to think through and it was overwhelming my senses.
I hadn’t noticed Joe come back into the room until his hands found my hips, startling me.
“Let’s do them later,” he mumbled into the side of my neck, fingers kneading my hips.
I stepped out of his embrace.
“I want to do them tonight,” I said softly.
Joe nodded and started washing some dishes by hand as I continued to load it.
A few minutes later, Joe broke the silence.
“You wanna tell me what that was about earlier?” His voice was quiet but curious.
I froze, bent over the dishwasher, before I stood to face him.
“I didn’t know you thought I was moving back in.”
There it was.
Joe paused and set the dish in his hands down before he turned to look at me, confusion gracing his face.
The silence was sharp and loaded between us as we stared each other down.
Me, full of barely restrained anger and confusion. Joe…oblivious.
“I thought we were moving forward. I thought getting back together meant… that. Eventually at least.”
My shoulders dropped and I looked at the counter.
“You just…you didn’t even ask. You just assumed I’d be coming back?” My voice was quiet, almost broken. “Joe…I like the way things are right now.”
Joe looked at me like I had struck him.
“So…you don’t want to move back in.” He turned and angrily picked up a sponge. “Got it. Understood. Not moving forward.”
Tears were welling in my eyes.
“That’s not fair…”
Joe scoffed at that.
“Don’t,” I said sharply. “Don’t do that. Don’t dismiss me, what I’m saying, like it’s not a big deal.”
Joe stopped and turned to look at me, drying his hands off.
“What do you want me to say, y/n? I thought things were good, I thought they were going back to normal.”
He stood a little straighter.
I looked at him with barely restrained anger.
“That’s the problem!” I burst out, my voice high and frantic. “That’s what I’m afraid of. We haven’t even really gotten into training camp yet. This is where you usually start to disappear on me, where everything becomes football and schedules and neat little controlled boxes.” My chest heaved. “It’s where I start to disappear,” I trailed off.
I think Joe would have been more surprised if I had slapped him.
He stood there, crossed his arms and his jaw ticked like he was holding himself back.
“I don’t know why you’re reacting like this. You knew about my schedule when we got back together, you knew who I was.” He stood there, his head held high and I felt a little piece of my heart break as I stared at him.
“So…just because I knew before, I don’t get to be unsure about the future?” I scoffed in disbelief.
“That’s not what I’m saying.”
“It feels like you’re saying exactly that.”
“Why are you reacting like this?” he asked, running a hand through his hair.
“Because I’m fucking terrified Joe!” I burst out, raising my hands in frustration. “Because I’m afraid to move back in and have my world orbit around you again, only for you to push me into a neat little box and only take me out when it’s convenient for you.”
I heaved in a breath, struggling to get a full one.
“Why are you acting like you already know how this is going to go?!” he raised his voice and I took a step back.
I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. It just surprised me the anger in his tone.
“Because,” I started. “Because it always happens. You push me away; you focus in on the season and I just…I disappear. And I’m so damn terrified of losing myself again.”
I choked on a sob and watched Joe’s face drop in confusion.
“Do you really think I’d let you do that? Let myself be in a position to lose you again?” His voice was quiet, even. Like he was in disbelief.
“I think…I think you do it unknowingly.” I snapped my mouth shut, surprised at my vulnerability.
Joe staggered back and braced himself on the counter like I had physically moved him.
He stood there, shaking his head like he was ridding himself of thoughts.
“So…what do you want me to do? Pretend like I don’t want you here? That I don’t love coming home and seeing you dance in the kitchen as you make a snack? That I don’t need you to fall asleep in my arms for me to finally relax and let the day go?” he asked.
“I think you should have waited to talk to me before deciding for me.”
Joe nodded. “You’re right, I shouldn’t have said anything like it was already decided.”
I nodded and my shoulders dropped a smidge.
The silence of the room enveloped us.
“So.”
“So.”
“What do we do?” Joe asked, letting me take the lead.
“I think…I think I go home tonight. You stay here.” I looked at him hesitantly and saw the pain flicker across his face. “We take a few days to…to think. To figure out if this is what we really want, if this is something we want to keep fighting for. Or-“ My eyes shuttered. “Or if we move on. For good.”
Tears burned my eyes and threatened to spill. I was sick over the words, wanted to do anything I could to take them back. The pain I saw on Joe’s face rocked me to my core.
“Have the last few months really meant that little?” he whispered. I went to say something, anything, but he continued, “Never mind.”
Joe kissed my cheek as he walked away.
I stood there in the kitchen and looked around, wondering how things had taken such a drastic turn. Quickly, with tears silently falling, I moved to the front door to grab my purse and put on my sandals. I tried to turn the door handle, but my hand kept slipping before I was finally able to grasp it and open the door.
I shut the door softly behind me and finally let out the sob that had been building in the back of my throat.
[JOE’S POV]
Walking into my room, I avoided looking at the bed where I had been hoping Y/N would be sleeping tonight. It was quiet in the house.
The silence should have been peaceful, but it was loud.
So loud.
I couldn’t escape from my own mind.
I knew I handled it poorly with y/n, but the hurt I felt made me snap.
I hadn’t realized…I took a breath, composing myself.
I hadn’t really realized until now, how much I really had fucked this up. Not just tonight, long before now.
I thought with therapy that I had done the work.
But I hadn’t, not really. I was still being selfish with Y/N.
I hadn’t done anything yet to show y/n just how changed I was and I couldn’t blame her. Not really. Especially not with the season fast approaching.
While it hurt…part of me understood.
Especially after tonight.
Tonight…tonight I really did show her how little about me had changed.
I sat on the bed and reached for my phone on the nightstand and unlocked it.
I scrolled to her name.
JOE:
I’m sorry
Can you just tell me you’re okay?
Something.
Anything.
Please.
Silence.
She hadn’t even read it.
Early hours of the morning…
JOE:
We shouldn’t have left it like that
Y/N:
You’re right
JOE:
it just feels like you’re punishing me for something that hasn’t happened
Y/N:
You broke my heart. You don’t automatically get all of me again. You never even asked.
Y/N:
I don’t owe you certainty right now. Not before the season even starts.
JOE:
If you love me the way you say you do you would have had an honest conversation with me without flipping out
Y/N:
If you had loved me the way you said you did this wouldn’t even be up for discussion.
LATER
JOE:
I hate that you’re the only person I want to talk to but that you can’t stand to talk to me
MORE TIME HAS PASSED
Y/N:
I feel stupid writing this. I just miss you.
DELETE
I need you to understand something.
DELETE
I’m sorry I wasn’t all in. I couldn’t be.
Not after last time.
SENT
HOURS LATER
JOE:
Things don’t feel right without you. The house…it’s not the same. It’s worse than last time…
I know you’re probably rolling your eyes right now but idk
NEXT DAY
JOE:
Hey. I just wanted to check in and make sure you’re doing okay.
No pressure to reply I get it
Silence.
JOE:
I’m sorry.
JOE:
I’ll stop
Y/N:
I’m not trying to punish you.
I was scared to give you everything again and finding myself back where I started. Alone. Half of who I am.
Y/N:
I don’t know how to go back to…before. To last summer. When it was still good. Where I felt whole.
JOE:
I’m here for whatever version of us I’m allowed to have.
[Y/N POV]
For days, I kept replaying that night in Joe’s kitchen in my mind.
I wasn’t sure how I had let things get that bad or why I let Joe walk away from me.
Maybe it was what we needed in that moment. Or maybe I was scared.
The days were dragging. I would wake up, drink a cup of coffee. Feed Bill. Barely make it to the office in time. I worked through lunch most days, my mind in a daze and unfocused. After work, I’d come home and either immediately go to bed or collapse on the couch and sit in silence.
In the middle of it all, I had a session with my therapist.
“I think I overreacted a little bit.”
She paused and gave me a gentle smile.
“Do you?” she asked.
I nodded.
“I freaked out on him.”
“Seems less like an overreaction to me and more like a reaction out of fear.”
My head tipped as I thought about it. She smiled softly at me.
“When you picked at that old wound during your fight, I think you thought it would stop you from asking the more vulnerable question of if he was going to make you feel invisible again. But the thing is y/n…you can’t predict behaviors if you want the chance to move on.”
I wiped the tears from my cheeks, letting her words soak in.
“I just remember what loving him cost me before,” I whispered.
She gave me a soft smile and set her note pad to the side and leaned in.
“That’s a normal reaction to fear. You two went through a lot together.” She handed me a tissue. “But here’s the thing, if you want a chance to move forward together, you need to learn to communicate with not only him but yourself. You need to share the fear in your heart before it turns into anger and burns your life to the ground.”
That session stayed with me for days, keeping me up at all hours of the night as I let her words wash over me.
Which is why exactly one week after our fight, 6 days after silence from both ends, I found myself driving to Joe’s house at 6am.
I hadn’t meant to. But my thoughts the night before kept me up tossing and turning. When I picked up my phone and scrolled through the last of the messages, I finally broke, knowing I was the one who had to reach out first. And I knew myself well enough to know that if I waited, I would keep finding excuses.
Which is what had me showering, throwing on leggings and a hoodie and heading out the door before the sun was even up.
I tried to talk myself out of it the entire drive over and I circled the block twice before I pulled through the gates.
When I brought my car to a stop near the door, I paused before I took a deep breath and exited my car.
I stood on the porch, much like I had in the spring, but hesitated to ring the doorbell. Pushing my shoulders back, I reached out and pressed the bell once.
Standing there, I shifted on my feet and kept my eyes on the ground. I counted to sixty in my head four times. Realizing Joe must have already left for the facilities, my shoulders dropped in resignation and the determination I had to finally have this conversation was zapped out of me.
I turned to leave. When I was stepping off the last step, I heard the snick of a lock and paused, my shoulders meeting my ears as tension seeped through me.
“Y/n?” he asked sleepily.
I turned slowly.
“Hi,” I whispered.
“What’re you doing here?” he asked, ruffling his hair. He had a pair of basketball shorts slung low on his hips and no shirt. I couldn’t help but admire him as my eyes swept his body.
“Can we…” I motioned at him, to ask without fully asking if we could step inside.
Joe moved to the side and let me slip past him.
I walked into the house and into the living room, carefully avoiding the stairs and the reminders they brought.
“It’s early,” he sighed out as he sat across me on the opposite couch.
I pulled my legs up and tucked them under my, trying to get comfortable. I shifted, my eyes darting past his.
“Y/n.” His voice were sharp but not cruel. “Why are you here?”
I took a deep breath, unsure where to start. So I started simply.
“I’m sorry.” I breathed out and Joe’s head tilted in curiosity. “You deserved better than me taking my fears out on you.”
Recognition crossed his face and he furrowed his brows. I tried to keep eye contact with him, gauge where he was at, but his face was impassive.
Moments passed before either of us said or did anything.
Carefully, Joe stood and crossed the room to sit next to me on the couch. He took my hand in his and laced our fingers together before rubbing his thumb against the back of my hand.
“You have nothing to be sorry about,” he said softly. “I shouldn’t have just…assumed things were going to go back to the way they were before. That was part of the problem” His strokes on my hand paused and he met my eyes. “I’ve been trying so hard to show you how much I’ve changed, that I’m not as selfish as you accused me of when you left.” I winced at that, an apologetic smile gracing my face. “Then I went and bulldozed over your life again.”
“We’re terrible at this,” I said, shaking my head.
Joe smiled softly at me and shrugged.
“We’re terrible at this together, at least.”
I laughed quietly, afraid to break the peace of the moment.
“So.”
“So.”
“Where do we go from here?” I asked.
Joe leaned back on the couch and pulled me in. “We take it slow. We don’t need to rush into you moving back in. I know that isn’t fair to you. I shouldn’t have just assumed.”
I nodded, tears brimming in my eyes as we sat there in silence. Joe’s hand stroked up and down my arm in soothing patters as we sat there.
Warring with myself, I blurted, “ButwhatifiwanttobutImjustscaredoflosingyouagain?”
Joe’s movements stopped and he looked at me confused.
“Huh?”
I sat up and turned to face him.
“Joe…I’m scared,” I choked out. He sat up and tried to reach for me but I wouldn’t let him pull my hands into his. “Hold on. I just…I need to say this.” He nodded for me to continue. “When I think about meshing our lives together again…I want it. God, Joe, do I want it.” I shook my head like I couldn’t believe what I was saying and he leaned in. “But I panic. Every time I think about what that might look like, what it’ll mean, I freak out. Like…my chest gets heavy, like there’s an elephant there. And I can’t breathe.”
Joe pulled his lip between his teeth as he listened, not interrupting.
I took a breath and moved closer, straddling his hips.
“But,” I continued. “I also felt like that when we were apart.”
Joe smiled softly at me.
“Me too,” he admitted.
“I’m scared though.” I laid my hands on his chest, feeling his heartbeat below my palms. He brought his hands to cover mine and rested them there.
“Of what, baby?”
“I don’t want to disappear into your life again.” He held my gaze, leaving space for me to continue when I was ready. “I don’t want to stop being me. I don’t… I don’t want to lose myself in you again, in your life, your schedules and routines. I need to still feel like me.”
“I get it,” he told me.
I paused and looked into eyes.
His eyes were focused, soft. Looking at him in that moment, I really did think he understood what I was saying.
I nodded.
“I hate that I feel like this. I love being with you. I love you. It’s just that last time I didn’t realize what was happening until I didn’t recognize my own life anymore.”
“I don’t want you living in fear of losing yourself again, y/n.” He held my chin between his index finger and thumb. “I don’t want you to lose yourself in my life.”
I slumped in his arms, having needed to hear him say that.
“I love you too much to let you do that again.”
I nodded, my head against his chest and let the tears fall. He rested his chin on the top of my head.
“Promise me that if you feel yourself getting smaller, you won’t stay quiet. I need you to be honest with me if you feel like you’re slipping into the shadows, like my life is overruling yours.”
He rubbed his hand up and down my back. I pulled away and looked at him before leaning my forehead against his.
“I will,” I whispered.
He nodded with finality at that.
Joe wrapped his hand around the side of my neck, bringing my lips to his. As he explored my mouth, I adjusted my position on his lap, my hands playing at the back of his neck.
His lips trailed from my mouth and down my neck before he licked a path along my throat.
I was on fire from the inside, melting under his hands as he held my hips. I started to rotate them in small circles and my pace increased as Joe continued to explore my body. Whimpers built in my throat before they escaped in little gasps of air.
“That’s it, baby. No one else can make you feel like this,” he whispered in my ear before he pulled it between his teeth and sucked gently before he released.
I gasped as he continued to guide my hips against his pelvis and I felt him harden through his shorts. I pressed my hips down slightly to give us both more.
Joe’s lips lifted from my skin and he leaned his head back, groaning in pleasure as my hips kept moving. My lips were all over his neck, kissing and nibbling at every inch of skin I could get to as I kissed down his bare chest.
“Not here,” he gasped out as my hand toyed with the drawstring of his shorts. I pulled away and pouted at him.
Joe shook his head at me with a smile and grasped my hips. He pulled my legs around his hips and stood, taking me with him.
I wrapped my arms around his neck to hold on and Joe smirked at me.
“Good girl.”
I groaned and buried my face in his neck causing him to chuckle.
Carefully, Joe placed his hands under my rear and walked up the stairs. He set me in the middle of the bed on his disheveled sheets before he crawled on top of me.
Reverently, he brought his hand to my cheek and guided my eyes to him.
“I love you,” he whispered.
Choked up, I whispered back, “I love you too.”
He dipped his head to ghost his lips over mine. He sat me up slightly so he could pull my shirt over my head. When Joe removed my simple black bra, he sat back and stared at me in awe.
“You’re perfect,” he said.
I couldn’t help but blush and look away at his words, causing him to chuckle. His hands found the band of my leggings before he slowly slid them off my hips and he tossed them across the room.
Gently, Joe leaned me back against the pillows and I sighed in delight as he draped his body over me.
Joe traced my collarbone before dipping between my breasts, his fingers skimming down my stomach before making their way back, purposely avoiding moving his hands to my aching heat.
He held my breasts in both hands, squeezing and tugging at my nipples. He leaned his head down and brought my right breast to his mouth, licking across my hardened nipple as he continued to squeeze and pinch my lest breast.
I cried out on a particularly rough bite, causing Joe to pull away and loosen his grip on my breasts, soothingly rubbing his hands over them before he switched to pay attention to the other.
I wrapped my legs around him, pulling him to me so our hips were connecting, friction passing between us on every rotation of our hips. There was a push and pull between us, each of us chasing the touch of the other, not wanting to break our connection.
Joe’s hand slipped between us, his two middle fingers slipping inside to temporarily relieve the ache I felt. His palm rested against my bud, creating a delicious friction that had me gasping every time he pulled back and then again as he grazed it on the next stroke into me.
“You look so pretty with your eyes rolled back in pleasure,” he groaned as he stared into my eyes.
“Joe,” I cried out, my legs tightening around his hips, chasing the feeling of his fingers as he pulled all the way out of me.
He chuckled darkly and sat back, raking his eyes up and over my body. He darted his tongue out, wetting his lips in anticipation before he pulled his lip into his mouth and chewed on it in contemplation.
“I need you to touch me, Joe,” I cried out breathlessly, my body chilled in anticipation and want, missing the feel of him. Desperate for his touch.
Joe swiped his lip with his thumb.
He groaned into my ear as he leaned down, “You’re doing s’good for me.”
His hips pumped in rhythm with mine, every time he pulled away my aching core followed, chasing him, not wanting to part from the connection.
As his tip grazed the spot inside of me that made me delirious, I cried out his name as he continually brushed against it.
“That’s it baby,” he groaned. “Come all over my cock. Show me how much you missed my cock, how much you need it.”
I choked on a sob of half desperation, half unadulterated delight.
Joe’s pace increased, his hips losing their rhythm as he got caught up in the moment. My core ached and fluttered around him, my orgasm quickly approaching without me able to control it.
I screwed my eyes tightly shut, pulled Joe into me tighter. My nails raked down his back, fairly certain I was drawing blood as Joe gasped above me, his lips on mine as he drove his tongue into my mouth at the same relentless pattern as his hips.
Joe’s hand slid between us again and he brushed over my clit just once, barely a touch, before my orgasm tore threw me on a cry.
He threw his head back and groaned as he spilled inside of me.
We laid there, connected, for a few minutes before Joe rolled over and pulled me into his side as he slipped his dick from me. When he pulled out, a rush of our release followed, making a mess of my inner thighs and the sheets.
I sighed, loving the feeling.
Joe stared down at the creamy mixture between my thighs before he dragged his finger through our mess. With a swoop of his fingers, he collected some on the tip of his finger and brought it to my lips, probing my mouth with it.
I groaned around his finger and watched the heat in his eyes flare in desperation.
“There she is,” he groaned. “There’s my dirty girl.”
I smirked at him in delight as he laid his head on the pillow next to me, resting my head on his chest and letting the night take us under.
germansingergirl
areudirty
theartofmadeline
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