And it was, as well, a long couple of weeks.
Everyone in the nest was acclimating, however slowly, to Goro being gone. After all, they’d already lost Zero Two and Hiro. And they’d all grown up having kids out of the Garden taken. It was still hard, but – chores went on. Life went on. It had to.
Everyone was acclimating, that was, except for Ichigo.
Ichigo never really felt like she’d been in control of her feelings. Not fully, anyway. They were large, and loud, and they bubbled out and burned her, and those around her, boiling water, or acid.
Goro had been the one to help keep those in check. Papa and the others are watching. This is no time for crying. Firm, gentle words. Grounding. Pulling back to reality.
He was coming back, she told herself. He’d be home soon. Things would be the same again.
Goro had always relied on her – and her on him, in turn. She’d known it, she’d noticed it, but she never knew how much she needed it. How much she needed him.
But now she felt alone. Disconnected from the squad. As though Goro had been her only link to the rest of them. As though Goro were the integral part to all of her friendships. All of her leadership. Like she was just faking it without him.
Ichigo had been working more, as a result. She set goals for the teams, and the ones that had the highest goals, she’d lend her help to. If they reached it earlier, she’d go further down the list. They were making good time. Good progress.
“What are you doing?” Ikuno’s voice came shrill and high through the halls of the nest – so much so it shocked Ichigo. Her shoes paused against the floor, heel of one still frozen just before it reached tile. Though Ichigo’s lips parted, she couldn’t find anything to say.
“Why are you overworking yourself again?” Her voice was desperate, and watery, and the surprise at that thought made Ichigo spin to her. Sure enough – there were tears in her eyes. Ikuno’s teeth clenched – only a moment of pause before she plowed on further.
“Is it because of Hiro? Or Goro? You’re being an idiot! You’re going to make yourself sick. Do you know how many people rely on you here?” She paused – seemed to wind herself up – and then burst, so loudly it echoed throughout the hall, “You’re being so selfish!”
All the wind was knocked out of her lungs. There was no air anywhere in the nest, she was sure. Ikuno’d swallowed it all with her words. Being selfish. Like Hiro was. Like what she and Goro thought about Hiro.
“I’m done caring about you!” Ikuno said, because she was a stronger person than Ichigo was, because she refused to be treated poorly, because she was mad – Ichigo didn’t really know. All she did know was that she only rose a hand to stop her after she’d walked away, and when she called, “Ikuno,” after her, weakly, she didn’t expect her to stop.
Now Ichigo was back in her room, staring at the ceiling from her bed, trying to breathe through holes strewn through her frame. Ikuno was right. She was being selfish.
Was she really just as bad as Hiro?
That first night was long, and sleep really only came until some time in the early hours of the morning; it was one of those sleeps where you didn’t realize you’d actually fallen asleep until you were jolting awake hours later. It didn’t exactly get easier from there on out, but a routine was created that made it feel a bit more normal.
The solitude was equal parts exhilarating and depressing for Goro. While he did feel like he was learning more about himself out here, there would always be that unbreakable connection to the rest of the squad, to Ichigo. Every choice he made, every action or lack of one, was solely on his shoulders -- for better or worse. He couldn’t ask for Ichigo’s opinion or advice on anything in the moment, nor feel her thoughts as easily as his own like they could do in Delphinium. It was bizarre; feeling like he was uncovering parts of himself, but in the process, half of him was elsewhere completely.
It made the physical exertion of exploring and gathering anything useful just that much more integral to him. It was both a purpose and a distraction. Every little thing he found or overcame was proof of why he’d chosen to come out here in the first place. He could do something useful that the others couldn’t. He was capable of contributing something more than just moral support and an extra pair of hands.
As he took his time going through the wreckage of one of the Greenhouses, Goro was surprised by the amount of stuff he’d found that was salvageable. He’d found a few things here or there that the others had asked him to look out for -- some were rather worse for wear, but Goro figured it was better than nothing, and that a little hard work could see them looking in better condition. The biggest find had been what Ikuno’d requested him to look for, though it had taken him the better part of a week to locate it and then work it out from the rubble of the area it’d been in.
Of course, the end of the day was where he wound down for the most part, and as the sun dipped lower in the sky, Goro always found himself smiling no matter how tired he was.
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