She vaguely knew what it was. But she had no ties to it. No incentive to give gifts. She had never practiced the yearly tradition in her existing memories... the best present she’d received was peace and quiet in her prison for the week or two the researchers took off at this time of year.
There was no way she was going to give anyone a gift. Nor would anyone give her a gift. As it was meant to be. No one cared enough for her to think of her in that way. She was a competitor, an opponent, an enemy -- and at best, a teammate, or a colleague.
So when she woke up on Christmas day to a wrapped box by her door and a note attached, she was speechless; confused; surprised.
from your secret santa.
Wraith blinked at the note. Secret Santa...? She hadn’t signed up for anything like that. Was this someone pulling a prank on her?
With the final month of the year here, it’s your chance to send the mun or muse something you’ve wanted to tell them! Whether you haven’t had the chance to or you’ve been too shy, now’s the time to say what you feel, and don’t hold back!
like this post if you want wraith to give your character some kind of christmas present. if you have a specific idea or want it to be romantic/pre-established reply & tell me.
tomorrow: wraith gets a “relationships” page. i’m also going to add a link to my drabbles tag just to keep it organized.
i’m looking to start establishing mains on my blog, so if you’re interested, i’m only a message away! “mains” just means your portrayal of x character is the one my wraith will default to when she thinks of them. that, and, i’ll probably be pretty active with interactions/memes/etc. it doesn’t mean there will be any sort of romantic/intimate relationship or otherwise between our muses.
this is in no way an exclusivity thing! i’ll also consider multiple of each character as mains, but for now, i’m going to lock it into one while i get it all running.
bang & mirage are currently taken. everyone else is open.
edit: i realize that ppl may want to generally like this post so i will actually make a separate post calling for mains lol. maybe tomorrow.
fandom: apex legends
pairing: bangawraith
words: 1103
ao3: here
What did love feel like?
She’d tried watching romantic comedies, but all they did was make her roll her eyes and shut the TV off. Was that really what ‘love’ was? All that cheesy, mushy crap honestly seemed so fake, it was awful to watch.
Maybe it just wasn’t for her. Love, that is. She didn’t think she was capable of acting like that towards anyone.
---
“... I got you.”
Oh. Oh.
Confusion flashed over Wraith’s expression as Bangalore helped her up, her voice... soft. She quickly tended to her wounds, mostly to give herself something to do as a distraction from...
She peeked a quick glance at Bangalore, suddenly noticing all sorts of little details she had missed about the other woman before-- how she held herself with confidence, her strong, toned back straightened to attention; how even while their squad was almost wiped, having to hide and heal, she stayed vigilant and ready to attack at a moment’s notice, looking to defend her team even if she was outnumbered--
Oh.
---
It still wasn’t love.
Wraith wasn’t one to play with her food, but she wasn’t feeling too hungry right then, far too distracted with her thoughts. She poked at her mashed potatoes with her fork absentmindedly, thinking back to the match from earlier.
Nope, not love. In fact, it wasn’t anything at all. Why would she catch feelings for Bangalore of all people? She was a die-hard IMC soldier who liked taunting Wraith a little too much when she just so happened to get the upper hand. They were practically rivals.
Still... after Bangalore had picked her up and they’d healed in a house, they had some surprisingly good chemistry for the rest of the game, picking up the win together. Wraith wasn’t sure what happened -- in the past, and honestly, even up until that crucial moment, they were never on the same page. It had always cost them the match, made their attitudes sour (they were both sore losers), and so whenever they would catch each other on opposing squads in 1v1s, they took more pleasure in showing the other up -- to prove they were right.
At least, those were her motivations. She didn’t claim to understand Bangalore. Couldn’t.
There were a lot of things about that woman she didn’t understand. How could someone still be sympathetic towards the IMC after the shit they pulled? Was she misunderstanding her intentions? And also, how could she go from this general attitude of ‘I’m better than you’ to treating Wraith like... that.
I got you.
Her tone had been so gentle.
Wraith wanted to hear it again.
---
Wraith had one arm propped up on the side of the couch with her cheek pressed to her palm, wearing an indifferent expression as she watched this girl pine after her crush. No matter how many times she tried watching this sort of thing, she just didn’t get it.
“You two used to fight all the time. What makes you think you like them?” -- MC’s friend.
“I just... started seeing them differently. I don’t really know.” -- MC.
“Uh-huh. I need more details. Explain.” -- MC’s friend.
“How do you go from hating someone to suddenly liking them?” Wraith muttered aloud to herself, moving for the remote. This was exactly what she was talking about... it was too fake. She couldn’t watch anymore.
“They did something... I didn’t expect. And I... started noticing new things about them.” -- MC.
Wraith paused, remote in hand, her finger hovering over the “OFF” button. Slowly, she lowered her arm, continuing to watch.
“What did you start noticing?” -- MC’s friend.
“I don’t know. Maybe they’re not as bad as I thought? When I watch them, lately, they actually seem... pretty nice. Maybe I was wrong about them.” -- MC.
“So you’re seeing a lot of good things all of a sudden.” -- MC’s friend.
She thought back to Bangalore’s cheer of “hell yeah!” when Wraith had taken down the final opponent. To how she’d been attentive -- and maybe this had always been the case, but Wraith hadn’t noticed it before -- to the things her squad needed, actively pinging them when she came across them. To her proud smile as they were declared the champions. Her knowledge. Strength. Resourcefulness--
Huh.
-- actually, the more she sat and thought about all of the good things Bangalore did, the more she realized they outweighed the bad. Not only that, but... the bad things, maybe, weren’t so bad to begin with.
Like, their rivalry... was pretty fun. And challenging. It brought Wraith a lot of satisfaction... not because she hated Bangalore or anything, but, more because she knew they were matched evenly -- she was a worthy opponent.
Subconsciously, Wraith leaned forward as she watched the screen, her interest in the movie growing with each line of dialogue.
“Oh, what am I supposed to do?!” -- MC.
“Why not just tell them?” -- MC’s friend.
“But they hate me! We’ve never gotten along, there’s no way they feel the same way...” -- MC.
That was definitely true.
Even if Wraith wanted to entertain that she had... some sort of feelings for the other Legend, there was no way it was reciprocated. Whatsoever. She didn’t think anything could convince her to even attempt to talk to her about it -- and it wasn’t even the rejection she was afraid of. She didn’t want to be laughed at in her face. No thanks.
“You’ll never know unless you try.” -- MC’s friend.
It was at that moment Wraith shut the TV off. This was too much. She was way in over her head.
She unlocked her phone, scrolling through her contacts. Wraith knew she had Bangalore’s number somewhere... probably in some group text she never checked. It took her a minute to find it, but it was there. Slowly, she opened a new message, input her number, and stared at the screen.
... Did she even want to know?
Really, she’d barely processed how she felt about Bangalore in the first place. It would be the smarter decision for her to sit on these new thoughts, not just for tonight, but forever -- since when did she have time for romance in the first place? -- but her hesitations didn’t stop her from typing a message.
[To: Bangalore] hey. it’s wraith. are you up? i know it’s late. sorry.
She thumbed over the ‘send’ button, contemplating.
Well. Wraith knew she wouldn’t be able to get to the bottom of this -- how she felt, how Bangalore felt, what she wanted, any of it -- unless she confronted her with it in person.
♞ — What does your muse believe happens after death? Do they believe in an afterlife and why/why not? If they do, what do they imagine this afterlife to be?
life philosophy headcanons – accepting
wraith has seen death.
not like the death you can respawn from in the games. she has witnessed her own death. (and yet, because of her amnesia, she can’t help but feel she’s already died once and came back to life – she lived one life already and can’t remember it.) when you see an infinite number of universes spanning in multiple directions, it’s difficult not to find one, on the rare occasion, where your own death occurs. just like how voidwalker wraith stumbled across our wraith about to be terminated at the right time.
she has no clue what happens afterwards. other than the obvious. people close to you grieve (in her case, no one would), the world goes on, forgetting all about you in the process.
to the person who’s actually dead, though? well… she has guesses.
she often wonders what the implications are of the existence of multiple universes in the first place. are the number of universes out there truly infinite? so there’s an infinite number of universes where you’re alive, as well as dead? and who knows what else, because infinity knows no bounds and who really knows what’s capable when it comes to life and physical laws in a universe outside of your own. maybe the universes she sees in the void are the ones closest tied to hers – because in the void, she’s seeing snapshots of other universes in that specific location, meaning a lot of conditions have to be met for the location to exist in the first place. she has no clue what the limitations are on any of this.
anyway. back to death.
while phasing, you take no damage. you’re literally in a space between worlds. so it’s possible, somehow, for your body to transcend physical limitations and essentially ‘leave’ your own universe. okay. so the question becomes, are “you” – the conscious part of you that makes decisions and experiences emotions, has memories and a culture that shape you, etc., separate from your physical body? or is everything about you and your personality set in stone and limited by your biology? like, if your body dies, do you die, too?
i personally don’t think wraith would believe in biological determinism. look at how she sees pathfinder, for example – he clearly has personalities and intentions of his own that most likely weren’t directly programmed into him, and she treats him like another person, calling him by the nickname “path.” i think, to her, who or what you’re made out of doesn’t directly determine who you are, though it will definitely influence it (her “scientific” side can’t completely deny biology’s effects, either).
i think she would speculate about anomalies like the void – or maybe even a space within the void, itself – that are maybe, like, spaces “between” life and death. considering there’s infinite possibilities for what’s out there, in some ways, it could be said that you never really die. or, that you’re never really alive in the first place, depending on how you want to look at it. and these infinite possibilities can lead to speculations of “infinite” realities after death, as well. who says you don’t just get reincarnated in another universe? who says your memories just up and disappear when your body stops functioning? who says the void is the only “space” that exists between universes, and that your mind, body, soul, essence, whatever, doesn’t just get transferred somewhere else?
either way, at the end of the day, the overwhelming number of possibilities out there brings the soul crushing thought that you aren’t unique, and that none of this really matters. it’s like the same feeling of insignificance you get when you look up at the stars and think about how small and meaningless you are and your planet is in the scope of everything, but tenfold. i think she just chooses to live in the “now” and not get caught up thinking about it so much, because she knows she’ll lose her mind that way.
as a last note: she has nightmares. nightmares that, after death, the void is all you get. this space between worlds, where you get to watch, and nothing else. essentially, limbo. the void already feels like death to her.
tl;dr: she has some ideas, nothing concrete. basically she feels like your soul/memories/personality/what have you aren’t 100% dependent on your body surviving and so there’s probably a place for them in existence… somewhere. whether it’s reincarnation or new universes she hasn’t seen or what have you. you don’t stop existing. and neither do “you” exist in the first place.
Send a symbol, receive an answer. For multimuses, specify muse:
♚ — Does your muse believe in objective right and wrong? Why do they hold this view?
♔ — Does your muse believe people are innately good or innately bad? Why do they believe this?
♞ — What does your muse believe happens after death? Do they believe in an afterlife and why/why not? If they do, what do they imagine this afterlife to be?
♘ — Do they believe humanity/their species, as a whole, to be moving in the ‘right’ direction or the ‘wrong’ one? Why do they believe this?
♖ — Do people, in your muse’s opinion, ever really change? Do they believe themselves to be capable of changing?
♟ — Does your muse believe in free will? Do they believe that people are mostly free?
♛ — Does your muse believe in luck? What about fate?
♙ — How hypocritical is your muse? If they can be hypocritical, do they realise this about themselves? How do they reconcile with it?
♕ — What does leading a ‘good’ life mean to your muse? Are they satisfied with the choices they make?
♝ — Is your muse concerned about being remembered after they die? If so, do they have anything specific notions about what they want to be remembered for?
♡ — How would your muse define love? Do they believe in soulmates? Do they believe this definition of love is achievable?
sexuality & gender diversity headcanons. here’s one for the lgbtq+ muses: put a number in my ask, and i’ll tell you about my muse’s gender or orientational identity and their relationship with it. tw: topics of homophobia, transphobia, dysphoria and discussion of internalised oppresive attitudes in some of the questions. if you want to help your followers to pick out questions a bit, tag this post with your muse’s label(s) as you reblog!
what do you label your muse as, and how do they label themselves? is there a difference, and if so, why?
has your muse’s understanding of their own identity changed after realising they aren’t cishet, and do you see it developing further in the future?
when did your muse first realise they’re attracted to the gender(s) that they are?
when did your muse first realise they’re not attracted to the gender(s) that they aren’t?
when did your muse first become aware that they’re not cis?
when did your muse first become aware that their gender identity isn’t within the binary?
how public is your muse about their gender / sexuality / romantic attraction?
is your muse out as lgbtq+? how specifically and in what situations, if that varies.
how much does your muse’s gender identity and presentation differ from one another? is this a source of issues, or does the relationship between the two feel natural?
how does your muse feel about not being cis or straight? are they content with it, proud, ashamed? would the situation be the same if the culture or surrounding support systems were different?
have there been other meaningful people of the same or similar identities in your muse’s life that they’ve looked for support or understanding from? how did that go, and was the impact positive or negative in the end?
what are your muse’s feelings towards stereotypes relating to their identity? do they affect their self-image, or how they perceive others?
was your muse ever in denial about the matter? do you have any examples of specific instances where it was particularly obvious?
has your muse had feelings or experiences that seem to / do conflict with their identity? are these general knowledge? does it alter how others see them, or how they see themselves?
if the thing that originally caused them to realise / start the chain reaction to realising they weren’t cishet had not happened, how much longer would it had take to end up here?
do they consider to ‘always have been’, or do they see the phases in their life before coming out as ‘back when i was [cis/straight/allo]’?
how are their feelings towards pride and related phenomenons?
how does their family feel about the matter? friends? coworkers?—and does their thoughts matter to your muse?
what’s your muse’s relationship with the current state of their body?
what are your muse’s feelings towards the culture of romance and sexuality as it pertains to their identity?
what words do they reclaim, what are they okay with being reclaimed, and what do they do not want to used to describe them?
do you practice exclusivity with partners/have any mains?
hi anon, thanks for asking.
i haven't given much thought to exclusivity, considering i haven't developed too many actual relationships or dynamics with other rpers yet on this blog. a lot of what i've written has been my headcanons for dynamics & stuff. i think my tentative answer for now is, wraith won't be exclusive with anyone in particular. i like having freedom to explore with my muses.
i will definitely have mains, however. which are yet to be determined, so if anyone's interested, hmu ;) lol. though i think i can say for certain that @afraidofchange is my main bangalore -- and if you haven't checked out her blog yet i highly recommend it. she's an amazing writer and her bang is hella on point.
words: 841
pairing: dark sparks (wraith/wattson)
fandom: apex legends
ao3: here
Wraith’s personality was quite fitting to her alias -- often appearing out of nowhere, springing questions and comments on other Legends out of the blue. In this case, she’d caught Wattson in the common area, walking up to her with her latest curiosity in mind.
“... Wattson. The ring.” She crossed her arms over her chest, trying not to appear too interested (when she really was). “How does it work?”
“Oh, mon chéri! I am so glad you asked!” Wattson clapped her hands together excitedly, before grabbing Wraith’s arm, dragging her over to her room. “Allons-y, allow me to show you! I’ve been waiting forever for someone to ask, but no one ever seems interested!”
“No one?” Wraith quirked a brow, allowing the younger girl to pull her around. Had she been the first to ask, then? Strange. She never normally had so much intrigue in other people’s research, but the ring was exceptional technology. Plus, learning more about it could provide valuable information to help her dominate the games. It seemed like a win-win. “You would think uncovering the secrets of the iconic ring would be a hot subject, but I guess no one really cares for science. A shame.”
For a moment, Wraith pondered over the recent knowledge she’d acquired about her own past, a couple months prior. Senior Science Pilot, Renee Blasey. It made sense, considering her knack for digging up information, and her drive for research -- not only related to her identity, but anything she acquired an interest in.
Like the ring.
“I know! You would think in such a technologically advanced society, people would respect it more! Of course life doesn’t work that way...” Wattson sighed. She had released Wraith’s arm long before and was now digging through her drawers, her voice muffled.
“Yeah. It’s unfortunate.”
“Aha! I have found it!” She raised a scroll in the air, triumphant. Wraith couldn’t help but smirk at her excitement as she brought it over to her desk, unrolling it to reveal its contents.
“Let’s see it then-- it’s on paper?” Wraith peered down, her eyes scanning over the neat handwriting and drawings, unable to hide her curiosity at this point. Honestly, she was impressed at how organized the blueprint was... compared to her chicken scratch (maintenance on the void tech required troubleshooting and problem solving, and by the end of her repairs, her notes were not legible whatsoever), it was both professional and presentable.
“Oui! I do have a digital copy, of course, and Syndicate has everything stored on their servers, but I like keeping my work physically on me. It makes me feel like I’m in charge!” She giggled, and Wraith, glancing over to the woman, fought an amused smile at the sight. “Get it? Charged?”
“I do everything written by hand, too. It’s easier. I even keep a paper journal.”
“Oh! Your phase equipment, correct?” Wraith blinked at the other Legend, momentarily caught off guard -- for the first time in the past five years, someone other than Path had asked her about her void tech? Normally others just accepted her abilities for whatever they did, were maybe creeped out that she heard voices, but otherwise, didn’t question the technicalities of it.
“Uh. Yeah, I guess so.”
“You must be a genius for taking care of such equipment! Did you create the technology yourself? How does it work-- ah, I am very curious if it is anything like the Titan Tactical Ability from the Ronin class, because--”
Wraith cleared her throat, interrupting Wattson’s onslaught of questions and praise. She sheepishly pointed to one of the equations on the blueprint, attempting to draw the woman’s attention back to her own research, dammit. She was flattered, but she didn’t want to show it.
“So, this variable is what generates the heat.”
“Génial! I am impressed you understand it! Yes, it is simple differential equations. You truly are a scientist yourself, aren’t you?”
Catching another one of Wattson’s brilliant smiles, Wraith couldn’t help her next comment, the wide grin threatening to stretch across her lips settling into a smirk instead. “I suppose you could say that. You seem ecstatic.”
“Hahaha! My, that was a good one! I didn’t take you as one to make puns, Wraith.”
That’s it. She couldn’t fight the smile anymore, and chose, instead, to indulge in this strange mix of comfort and cheerfulness she felt. “Yeah, well, I’m not, so don’t tell anyone. Especially Mirage. I’ll never hear the end of it.”
Wattson pat Wraith’s shoulder happily, giggling. “Your secret is well safe with me, mon amie. I currently do not have any plans to tell anyone.”
Wraith shoved the woman’s shoulder gently in a playful gesture. “Hey. Cut it out. Any more puns, and my brain’s going to short circuit.”
On into the evening they laughed together (and for Wraith, it was really one of the first times she had let herself completely relax around someone else, finding it refreshing), discussing science, the ring, the games, their competitors, and whatever else they could think about.
1. she goes pretty minimalist to avoid making a clutter because she already knows she won't clean or organize it. she doesn't have many personal items to begin with and she either keeps them in a small box or wears them.
2. probably keeps a trash bag in her room somewhere bc she has a habit of eating alone.
3. showers semi-regularly, especially after a match, but there's no guarantee she's going to give herself time to brush her hair out or anything like that. messy buns are optimal and quick and efficient in combat. she at least tries to detangle her hair before putting it up.
4. doesn't really use a lot of beauty products. on good days she'll wear makeup (mostly dark eyeshadow/liner/etc.). honestly her shampoo is probably 3 in 1 shampoo/conditioner/bodywash lmao, the cheap stuff marketed for men. her showers are fast and efficient (unless she wants to sit there under scalding water and stew). pretty basic deoderant too.
5. laundry gets stowed. never hung up. who has time for that. her void tech, however, is well maintained.
6. she has an irregular sleep schedule. some nights she's basically only taking a nap. other nights she's out for a full 12 hours. no consistency. she struggles with insomnia and can be pretty nocturnal when there's not much going on during the day.
7. a lot of her free time is just spent training and researching.
