Coffee Speaks

I'm Emily. I'm not addicted to coffee. I just need it to survive. • 27 • CisFemale • She/Her • Bisexual • Geek • College Graduate in History/Theatre • Future grad student in Stage Management

[thebsdboys]

OK first you’re being a total dick right now,

[inkskinned]

Every day I handle more money than I will ever make. Every day.

At the start of my employment, my boss showed me videos of people stealing, and we both had a chuckle about it. How silly they were! There was a camera overhead, and it’s not to watch the shoppers. See, we can’t actually stop shoplifters. They get away with it maybe nine out of ten times. But we, who are watched and tallied and witnessed? We are always caught.

At first it was hard to hold one hundred dollars bills. An amount I had never seen before. An amount that didn’t exist in my household. It’s normal now. Here is something that is not for me.

“What the hell, I’ll take another,” says the man, pondering our 200 dollar watches. What the hell. Total comes to 580 and not even a flinch in his face. I have been working for 11 hours today and made only 110 dollars. It will go to my rent. Today I work for free, it feels. When I get my check, I will have 35 dollars left for food and saving.

The six hundreds he hands me go into the cash register. For a moment, I imagine having money. Then I put it away, counting out his change.

I know for a fact we sell our products for double what they are worth. That I could be making commission. That they could hand me those 580 dollars and change my life and not even mark the difference in their checkbooks. He’s not the only sale they make today, but I am the reason they made it. He’s not the only one spending 600 dollars, but if I hadn’t spent two hours with him telling me about his life, he wouldn’t have spent any. I go home. I don’t own a watch.

I have watched and rewatched a video on how to make salmon four ways. My shopping list is always the same. Pasta. Rice. Tuna. If I can afford butter it was a good week. I dream of the world I will never walk in, where I can throw the best fish fillet in the cart with a shrug. I hold hundreds in my hand and look up at the camera. I put them under the cash drawer.

I go to work. I scrap together my savings. I eat my bowl of rice slowly. My manager takes a paid week off from work just for his birthday. He owns a yacht. 

I’m not worth the cost of a watch.

[imightbeacoffeesnob]

Ok so i would love to learn about roasting coffee. Has anyone looked in to that? Does anyone know anything about it?

[skullself-deactivated20220205]

@werewolfstripclub paging the coffee nerd

[coffee-speaks]

/looks at post /looks at my URL /BLINKS RAPIDLY AT YOU

[nentuaby]

Heck, I bet there’s a special, secret lounge accessible only to students who convincingly give the door an answer it hadn’t had in mind.

Do you think Ravenclaws ever argue with the door to their tower? I bet they do. Like, the eagle says their answer to the riddle is wrong, but they argue the point and the eagle eventually comes around to their side and lets them in. 

[lullabyknell]

Okay, but I actually think about this all the time. Ravenclaws and their problems with their dormitory door. 

Like, imagine Su Li and Lisa Turpin coming back from dinner having some conversation or another about how they have some Herbology essay due tomorrow and neither of them did it because they were too distracted with a tangent they got on while doing their Potions homework. And Lisa’s going, “Alright, Su, Tony’s already got the books, so we just have to buckle down and do this. We got this. It’s fine. We’ll just go in and work our asses off.” They get to the door and knock, still talking, entirely on muscle memory. They’re barely listening when the eagle asks them, “Where do Vanished objects go?” Lisa’s brain is a little too fried with worry to think at the moment, but she’s not too concerned about getting in because Su looks calm and thoughtful about this one. And then Su turns to her and goes, “Where DO Vanished objects go?” Damn it all to hell, Lisa knows that look. “Su. Su, no. It’s a riddle, Su. It’s just a riddle.” “Yeah, I know it’s a riddle, but it’s also a legitimate question. I mean, Vanished objects have to go SOMEWHERE, right? For you to Conjure them again afterwards? Or are you just creating an identical object out of nothing? Or maybe not nothing… what are Conjured objects made of, do you think?” “Su, we really have to write this Herbology essay.” “I know. But it’s an interesting question. I bet somebody’s done a study on this. I heard Padma say that Conjured objects are different to real ones. Do you think that there’d be a way to tell if your Conjured object was the same one you’d Vanished? Like, if you bespelled it with a charm and it came back with the spells?” “Well… I once heard an upper-year say that Vanishing bespelled objects is tricky. They were looking into it for their Curse-Breaking apprenticeship. But it might be possible. I definitely don’t think it’s possible to Conjure bespelled objects from nothing.” “It might be. I read this book where somebody talked about conjuring a Sneak-o-scope and those are definitely enchanted objects.” “Was it a Gilderoy Lockhart book? Because that sounds like bullshit to me.” “No, I can show you. It was in a Auror’s Memoirs. I just returned them to the library this morning, so I bet nobody’s taken them out yet. And-” “That sounds like an unreliable source.” “AND I was reading this Charms book the other day that referenced a book on the specifics of Vanishing objects that had an author who was an expert in their field and a retiree from the Department of Mysteries with the same last name as the book by the Auror.” “I’m not believing this until I see a source.” “Fine, come on!” The eagle knocker has long since settled back into its resting state by then, Su and Lisa immediately run off to the library, arguing the whole way, and the next day, Professor Sprout gives the extremely apologetic students an extension on the essay while sighing, “Ravenclaws.”

Or imagine there’s some Muggleborn student who has an astrophysicist for one parent and a biologist for the other, and they think magic is amazing, but they’re also really into Muggle science as well. “Which came first,” the eagle knocker asks them at one point, “the phoenix or the fire?” And they’re immediately like, “the fire.” While their friend is like, “Benny, no, that’s not how this works. My brother told me about things like this, it’s one of those paradox questions.” “What? No way. Fire came first.” “Benny…” “Fire is a chemical reaction and, as far as I can tell, phoenixes are a fiery bird that probably evolved just like everything else did on this planet. We’re a really small speck on the cosmic calendar, Raleigh, and I’m saying that unless phoenixes are actually aliens - which would be AWESOME, you-” “Benny…” “-have to admit - fire came first. There are trillions of stars that haved burned and died billions of years before our sun was even born. This is just like that chicken and the egg question, in that it sounds like a paradox but it’s actually not, because the egg existed long before the bird we know as the chicken ever evolved-” “Benny!” “What?” “You… the door opened.” “What? Oh cool. Finally, someone who recognizes science in this nutty place.” About a week later, Benny completely disrupts and derails their Astronomy class by arguing with Professor Sinestra about the school curriculum (that hasn’t been updated in more than fifty years or more) being “WAY TOO OUT OF DATE, PROFESSOR! THIS TEXTBOOK WAS WRITTEN IN 1910! THESE TELESCOPES ARE RIDICULOUS! WHEN’S THE LAST TIME A WIZARD WENT TO AN ACTUAL PLANETARIUM?! OH MY GOD, DO WIZARDS EVEN KNOW THAT THE AMERICANS HAVE GONE TO THE MOON?” And the wizardborn kids are like, “The Americans have WHAT?” While poor Raleigh has his face in his hands and isn’t even surprised.

Or imagine other things. Like that time the first years has to stand around for two hours after the Welcoming Feast because their Prefects gave them a short speech, a small tour, and then got into an “academic disagreement” (as the house of Ravenclaw has come to call them) over the riddle. So there’s this group of eleven-year-olds playing party games in the hall while their fifteen-year-old “mentors” yell at each other over the riddle. And they only got inside in the end because someone actually managed to notice that the first years never came in and “Hey, that’s sort of weird”, and sent some second year to go look for them.

Or when NEWTs season came around, and there was a seventh year SO STRESSED that they came back from the library at three in the morning and when the eagle knocker asked them a riddle, they just burst into tears and sobbed against the door for ten minutes before the eagle awkwardly declared, “Nicely answered!” and let them in anyway.

I mean, Ravenclaws… they’d be a mess.

[jollysunflora]

#oh god I can’t stop giggling#this is so perfect and accurate though????#like#oh my god#I love shit like this#I can just… so perfectly imagine that seventh year just curling up on the floor WEEPING while the eagle is just like….#Rowena never fucking prepared me for this

[iamhannalashay]

Just kinda wanna be braless and eat fruit in peace tbh

[amorphousursa]

So did Eve and look where that got her

[teawitch]

I don’t know about you, but there are days when I could go for being braless, eating fruit and bringing about the downfall of man. 

[defydamage]

Reblog if all you want to do is be braless and eat fruit and bring about the downfall of man.

[rawrkrite]

Alright so I lead an “alternative lifestyle”. Because of reasons, it includes using specialized networks to affiliate with other people who, at least in essence, share my interests.

I am /SICK/ of people who ignore the bio section. I choose not to interact with those that don’t fill out their own, and (for months now) my own is so arrogantly worded, it literally says in it I don’t have certain desires, don’t want certain outcomes, or want certain relationship-minded people. It says quite explicitly my goals in using the service are X, Y, or Z.

Yet, somehow, I keep attracting those that think they’re special for some reason or another? That I’ll want what they want, quite literally because they want that from me. That, “(I) just don’t know what (I) really want”, or they KNOW how good of a match we are, completely blind to my personality, my situation, my chosen profession.

Even better, there’s a good subset of people that want to psychoanalyze my use of the community, as if they aren’t using the community for the same outcome, more or less.

I’m frustrated. I’m baffled. More, I’m kinda pissed to the point of revoking my membership… But, at the same time, there’s no better way of even looking for what I’m trying to find.

[coffee-speaks]

I don’t know if the comfort-through-mutual-bitching is of any use here but...  this is LITERALLY THE ENTIRE EXPERIENCE of trying to date as a female.  My profile on everything has a literal list of “if you start off calling me baby, I’m ignoring you.  I will not give out my number.  I do not do hookups.”

9/10 interactions are “hey baby ur hot can we text”

NO.  NO WE CANNOT.

And, of course, since I’m openly poly/bi on all my profiles, there’s the inundation of “so me and my gf are...”

NO.  I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING UNICORN AND IF YOU READ MY PROFILE YOU WOULD KNOW THAT.

[kellylugosisdead-deactivated202]

Rose Armor Gown by Lillyxandra

[dumbledemort]

What was your favorite prop or costume from the “Harry Potter” films?

[marlowfication-deactivated20181]

Voldemort wearing garter belts.

Do you know how this makes me feel.

[lovelyactors]

[harrypottermovieproblems]

*we interrupt your regularly scheduled broadcasting* ….This is honestly neither a statement for nor against the movies, but I felt that everyone definitely needed to see it. For… reasons?

[angryschnauzer]

I cannot unsee Voldemort in Stockings.

[ida-backwards-intherain]

#I’d heard the story behind this but never seen the pictures…

[gifsboom]

Can you believe the size of this dog? Tibetan Mastiff. [video]

[celtic-pyro-deactivated20230725]

That’s not a dog, that’s a bear. A very fluffy, friendly bear.

[allforbeeb]

If you consider yourself body positive,

please support bodies even if they fall outside of your preferences

[folieadeuxover]

why i can't take Ravenclaws seriously

in Shakespearean english, a euphemism for a guys you-know-what was “wit”. so, “the length of a man’s wit” is actually a clever euphemism for talking about how ‘manly’ a guy was/ how big his dick was.

…brings a whole new meaning to “wit beyond measure is a man’s greatest treasure”

[nargles-of-ni]

Ok but having a motto that sounds very stuffy but is actually just a dick joke is the most ravenclaw thing ever.

[coffee-speaks]

Person: I don't like musicals, they're all so happy

Every theater person ever: oh honey

[ma-pi-ma]

[exyandgaysoliloquys]

@scarlett-carson

[scarlett-carson]

Basically.

[scarjo-daily]

Scarlett Johansson photographed by Craig McDean for Vanity Fair, 2014

[wnq-writers]

You think you’ve seen her naked because she took her clothes off? You’ve kissed her lips, and you’ve climbed inside her. Somehow you think that’s enough to know and love someone. Tell me about her nightmares? The ones that have her twitching next to you as you snore on, oblivious. Look down at your unblemished hands and tell me how many times you’ve cut yourself on the pieces of her broken heart. Tell me why she paints, Why she writes, Why she takes long baths. Tell me about her life, her childhood. Tell me about the first man who broke her heart. Tell me about her father and her brother. Tell me about her demons, and her fears. Tell me about her insecurities and the conversations she has with herself. Tell me about everything she wants from life. Tell me all the tiny little things she’s wished upon a star for. Tell me why her favorite city is her favorite city. Tell me why she flinches, ever so slightly, when you call her beautiful. Tell me all the little things you hate about her, and I’ll tell you why I love them. Tell me about her darkness, and I’ll tell you about her light. No my friend, you may have seen her body, but you have still yet to see her naked.

whatifgodisacat, Naked  (via wnq-writers)

[michellepsychologist]

[zen pencils]

[shitmystudentswrite]

Dreaded first sentence

Throughout history people have dressed themselves for various reasons.