This is an OPINION blog. If something I say bothers you, either take it up with me or just don't come to my blog - it won't hurt my feelings. This page was created to let my thoughts run free like the wild animals they quickly become. Thanks for reading and have a nice day.
As a writer and a nerd I am a stickler for detail. As a nanny I watch an unbelievable amount of Disney.
I cannot express to you, dear Tumblr, how desperately I want to re-write all of the current shows and movies that feature āTinkerbellā. I donāt know who this sweet and caring pixie is, but it sure as hell aināt the spitfire bitch we all love to hate.
Not ok, Disney. Not. Ok.
...and don't even get me started on the mermaids or the fact that there are sweet children pirates...
The windows rattled, burdened by the force of the howling from outside. They would shake and quiver, attempting to remain firm in the barrage of wind that attempted to shatter them to pieces. With every moment that they fought back they pictured their fate. The windows saw themselves falling to bits. Their glass would shatter, creating a pattern across the floor that now stood sturdily beneath them. The wood that bound them together would splinter and crack, fighting until every bit of it was torn into shreds of its former self. The hinges that secured them to the walls would fall loose only to be left hanging from single screws that had somehow maintained their position. This was to be their fate, and the windows knew it.
They could feel the wind growing stronger, filling up its powerful lungs only to release another blast of icy air against their stubborn hold. They would not budge. With every burst of new energy the wind found the windows clutched their supports and fought back. They would begin a revolution if they needed to, but they would not give in. This was their purpose, this was their reason for being. They would hold fast and protect the home. The house would not falter because the windows were made well and would do their job at any cost. They would survive this storm if it was the last thing they did. They were made to create a warm and safe environment inside the house, and that is what they would do.
Soon enough the wind died down. The great lungs that had been so powerful before now tired and withdrew to rest until the next time. The storm had passed, and the windows succeeded in their purpose. Before long the sun arrived, smiling warmth down on the little house that had been protected by its loyal windows. The inhabitants awoke from their nightly slumber, unaware of the ferocious winds that had threatened their home. Sleepy faces smiled at one another, grateful to be alive and to have a home together. They went about their days, taking for granted nothing that had been given to them. They opened the windows to give them a rest and allow a soft breeze to bring the Springtime into the home. It was a beautiful day and the home was protected.
Without looking at him, she followed his footsteps and climbed the rust colored steps that matched the walls around her. His steady hand reached out and opened the door, waiting for her to enter ahead of him. This was her life, others waiting to follow behind her in whatever she did, and yet somehow she had a feeling that all of that was about to change. Public school had never even been a thought before. It had always been like a fairy tale, a campfire story told to rich kids to frighten them into behaving. Large ugly buildings where children of all ages congregated behind locked doors to mingle and attempt to learn all at the same pace were a thing of nightmares, not reality. Walking through the hallways adorned with gray lockers and off-white paint was almost suffocating. If she hadn't been so distracted by her thoughts she might have felt the walls closing in on her. Weren't they supposed to have cheesy posters or something? The high schools in movies always had club advertisements and ridiculous motivational posters plastered all over the walls. Somehow this place didn't quite seem real without them.
There were people everywhere. Kids ranging in ages from fourteen to eighteen moved to the sides of the hallways as she passed. They parted like the Red Sea, and she was Moses with a man in a suit instead of a blessed staff. Dark Prada sunglasses concealed the uncertainty in her eyes as she glanced around at her new peers. She could see them sizing her up, taking in the loose fitting sleeveless band tee, her shredded gray skinny jeans,Ā and calf-length studded combat boots. Chocolate brown hair fell naturally around her face in a way that generally made people wonder whether she'd spent all morning making it look windswept or if she'd merely rolled out of bed and put on clothes. Dark red lipstick stood out in contrast with her alabaster skin. Beneath the sunglasses were guarded grey eyes rimmed withĀ lashes worthy of anyone's envyĀ and darkened with smoky shadow and liquid black liner. Bracelets of varying sizes took up half of each forearm. She'd made her earrings herself out of guitar picks from her favorite concerts, and a thin black cord wrapped tightly around her neck to serve as a necklace.
Though she knew she looked nothing like people imagined, it was obvious that everyone knew who she was. It was pretty difficult to miss the only girl in school with a body guard. The expression on the students' faces ranged from pity to wonder, and the teachers were even less successful at hiding their curiosity. A brief sigh escaped her as she turned towards a doorway and bodies scurried to get out of her way. Sixteen years of being kept from the world had made her a commodity, something that people would pay to see. Now that she was out and attempting to integrate into society it seemed that people would never stop gawking. Normally she ignored those around her, but the glow of admiration from a girl to the right of the door practically blinded her as she was about to pass. Stopping briefly for a bit of fun, she turned her head and gave the girl an obvious once over before lifting the edge of her lips in a sexy smirk and turning to enter the room.
A swift intake of breath and a small squeak were all she heard before footsteps tore away from the door. A brief glance over her shoulder confirmed that the girl had run off, and her peers had found it amusing. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. Her oversized bag dropped at the base of a desk at the front of the room as she slouched into the seat. If they wanted to spend all of their time looking at her then she might as well give them a good view. Her suited muscle positioned himself in the corner of the room next to the door, silently watching everything and everyone. As she waited for some signal that class was to start, her heart began to race. This was really happening. She was at a public school, as a student, enrolled and waiting for an actual class to begin. Something between fear and excitement bubbled in her chest. Never before had she experienced stage fright, but she had a feeling that this was something similar to how that must feel.
Her anxiety climbed each time another student entered the room. Though her posture was slack and uncaring, as though sitting in this uncomfortable desk was the most natural thing in the world to her, she could feel the urge to run building as each second passed. Were anyone to pay enough attention they would notice her feet planted squarely on the ground and the muscles in her arms tightened as she forced herself to remain still and feign nonchalance. Her mind was spinning, blaming her father for all of this. If only he would have listened to her before. If only he hadn't married that monster. If only they hadn't been so desperate to go to Spain for a month. A hard wall shot up in her brain, keeping her thoughts from going any further. This was not the time or place for such things to be occupying her mind. She had different worries to deal with now.
A loud buzzing echoed above her head and caused her body to jerk involuntarily. A few more students hurried into the room and took their seats before the sound cut out suddenly, making her wonder if she'd only imagined the strange noise. The room was suddenly filled with a silence that was almost palpable. If anyone hadn't noticed her in the center of the front row before then it was obvious they all had now. Slow breaths forced their way in and out of her lungs as she fought back the slow blush that was attempting to creep up from her chest. It hadn't yet reached visible skin, but if she didn't calm down then it soon would. Her brain began to count in intervals of six, shutting out the world and all of the perils it birthed.
As her brain worked to put up walls, someone in the room decided to brave the silence. She'd known it would happen sooner rather than later, but she had hoped to get through at least one class first. A voice from the back of the room bounced off the walls, shoving its words into her ears with a force like a tornado. The pitch of the voice was deep, but somehow still managed to carry a slight whine in its words. Her chest clenched as she heard it, trying to somehow prevent her ears from hearing him by willing her not to breathe. It was a slap in the face, a challenge presented by one of her new classmates. It was a test, and she could feel the room watching to see if she would pass or fall on her face.
"So this is Veronica Jade. Everyone spends sixteen years trying to figure out if the daughter of Henry Jade even exists or if she's just a myth, and suddenly she's a student at Vickery Mills High. No one would even believe it was her if it weren't for the muscle in the corner. What's the matter, afraid some kids are going to be mean to you? Can't handle it if people aren't sunshine and rainbows? Hey Jade, tell me, do you give as good of head as the tabloids say you do? I hear you can work magic with your tongue. C'mon, why don't you come over here and show everyone what you can do."
It was as if the air had been vacuumed out of the room. Twenty students held their breath in anticipation of her response. The suit brought his weight forward, waiting for her to give him the go ahead to remove this bully. This was something she needed to handle herself, though. Thousands of scenarios hurried through her brain as she tried to figure out what to do. This was the moment that would define the rest of her high school career. The way she responded here would shape how every person in this building saw her for the next two years. Would she crumble and become the sissy disappointment, letting down every hope and dream any of these kids had ever had for her? Would she laugh and make pals with the kid who was attempting to torment her, effectively setting herself up to be just like him? Would she ignore it and become the strange silent girl who cloaks herself in mystery but isn't truly that exciting?
All of these options raced through her mind in the span of a single blink. As much as she would like to choose how others saw her, his words sparked a fire of anger within her. The adrenaline that had been fueling her energy all morning was set ablaze by his disrespect, and the decision was suddenly made for her. Slowly she reached up and removed her sunglasses, placing them carefully on the desk in front of her. She could feel every eye in the room trained on her as she turned in her seat, placing her feet to one side of the desk and lifting herself to a standing position. With careful steps she sauntered towards the boy who was obviously the source of the voice. Her hips swayed slightly as she moved, a lazy smirk on her lips and danger dancing in her eyes.
It wasn't difficult to size the kid up in the few seconds it took to reach him. His build and cocky smile would have made it obvious that he was a football player even if he hadn't been wearing a school jersey. The way he leaned back in his chair made it seem as if he wanted everyone to think he were at ease with himself, laughing at the world, but she could see the uncertainty hidden deep in the brown eyes that watched her approach. She had seen the concealed pain and fear often enough in mirrors to recognize it in someone else. This was a boy who needed to prove that he was worth being on top, even to himself. The top was a lonely place, she knew this from experience. Even though high school had a different dynamic than the world she knew, how the system worked was uniform across the world. This was one of the school's token popular kids, and she was about to take him down a notch.
Leaning forward as she reached him, she bent at the waist and placed both hands on his desk. Her lips stretched in a way that to anyone else it would look like she were smiling, but the jock could see the threat in her eyes. She was a lioness showing her teeth. His facade faltered for only a second as he realized what was about to happen, but there was no turning back now and so he replaced it almost immediately with a little bit of effort. He had made a mistake, and she was thrilled to see that he knew it. She leaned over his desk a little more, making sure that there were only about six inches between their faces and allowing anyone behind her a fantastic view of the ass she put so much effort into toning. Heart racing, she prayed that no one around her could hear it as loudly as it pounded in her ears. Anger, adrenaline, fear, and something that resembled excitement flooded through her and gave her the courage to speak.
"The tabloids don't know shit. Baby, I could make you cum without even touching you. You'll never get to experience the pleasure I could bring to you, though. See, I've heard stories about the big bad football players who think they're hot shit. Honestly I was a little worried about how I would handle averageĀ bullies like you. I figured you might have some different ammo or more creative tactics than the trashy magazines. This is really disappointing for me. Turns out you get everything you need from reading People and Star and other ridiculous tabloids. Now, you have two choices here. Either you can get some better material and come back when you've grown enough of a brain to make this battle of wits a little more even, or you can attempt to show your classmates that you're smarter than me and I'll not only prove you wrong, but also use mystical powers of deduction to figure out which guy in here you think is the cutest and reveal your crush to the world. Your choice meat head."
The jock's face was about the color of a tomato by the time her raspy voice had finished tearing him apart. Her teeth exhibiting smile had turned into an almost lustful glare as she'd watched the transformation. His confidence was gone, the cocky slouch tightened and transformed into a defensive position that suggested he would prefer to be anywhere but in that room. It was a powerful feeling, standing over the obviously admired student and feeling the revered hush that fell on the room as she knocked him off his pedestal. Veronica had never thought she could gain such pleasure out of making someone else feel bad about themselves. The thought was quickly dashed from her mind and she told herself that she was only pleased to have put the bully in his place. She ignored the growing feeling of desire pooling in the pit of her belly as she watched him contemplate how to respond. It had nothing to do with how cruel she was being. It merely the stress, tension, and adrenaline of the morning attempting to find an outlet.
Just as the bully was about to attempt a response, a loud slam sounded at the entrance to the room and all heads whipped around to see who had entered. Veronica's breath caught in her throat as she laid eyes on him for the first time. He was perfect. He wore faded jeans, a white button down shirt, and a tweed jacket. Intelligent green eyes attempted to hide behind thick rimmed glasses as they surveyed the classroom, obviously taking note of what was out of place and checking for trouble. Her lips parted slightly as she inhaled, noticing the dark edge of a tattoo trying to peek out above the buttons at the top of his shirt. Suddenly the rest of the room was gone. The students had disappeared. There was nothing and no one there but for the girl and this strangely gorgeous creature before her. She wanted to run her fingers through his thick copper hair, kiss each and every freckle, and press herself against his slim figure until the day turned to night and back again. Her mind was attempting to run wild with fantasies when she was jerked back to reality as he opened his mouth and words were directed towards her.
"Miss, I realize that you are a new student, but that does not change the rules. Once the bell has rung all students should be in their seats and ready to begin the class. My tardiness is unacceptable, but that does not excuse you from the rules. Please return to your seat and pull out your supplies. The rest of you who know the rules and have followed them, turn to page thirty one and we shall pick up where we left off yesterday."
His voice was like honey dripping over her skin. It took a moment for her to realize what he'd actually said, and by then it was obvious that the class had noticed her hesitancy to move. With an attempted air of rebellion, she strutted slowly back to her desk and slid into the seat in what she hoped was a fluid motion. She placed her sunglasses on her head and reached into her bag to pull out the book she'd been provided, a notebook, and a sharpened pencil. Humiliation was attempting to banish all other feelings from her mind, but she was too caught up in those eyes for anything else to matter. She didn't hear a word he said for the rest of the class. Her mind was too lost in the sea of green, trying to wrap itself around the fact that this Adonis was her teacher and she would be forced to look but not touch for however long she was in this school. Nothing else mattered more than finding a way to sate the heat that was growing within her as she watched him. Time flew by too quickly, and by the end of class Veronica had begun to form a plan.
I would like to follow up on my first post about "the unicorn". Today's note to you revolves around the reactions that "the unicorn" will bring from the people around you. Now, let me first note that my Unicorn and I knew almost immediately that this was going to work. It took us all of one date to realize that we were perfect for each other. Please note, it doesn't always happen this way. In fact, it usually DOESN'T happen this way. Never in a million years did I think it would happen this way for me, especially in my early twenties. It did, though, so you're just going to have to trust me that I'm one hundred and twelve percent positive about all of it. I know that yesterday I sounded like a love sick puppy who was doomed to trip and fall into a deep pit of despair when it all blew up in my face. Trust me, that's not going to happen.
The cautious supporter - This is the person who will support your decisions no matter what they are. They may see things you don't, and perhaps worry about your wellbeing should things fail, but they know that you are an adult and can make your own decisions. This person will be there for you if it fails, and if it doesn't they will cheer you on and be happy so long as you are happy.
The mama bear - This is the over protective friend who wants nothing but your happiness and safety. Sometimes this person can be overbearing, and will often be the first to threaten your "unicorn" should anything happen to you. This person usually means well, but can also cause problems if they don't realize when to butt out and let you make your own decisions.
The false friend - This person can be tricky to detect. They will tell you how happy they are that you are happy. They will ask for all the juicy details on your new relationship. Every chance they get, this person will throw their opinions your way. Whether you ask for it or not, this person is going to tell you all the reasons you shouldn't do this or you should do that. They will cite personal experience, and try to tell you that their past is why you should listen to them. They will whisper poison in your ear because that is what is in their heart, and you must be careful not to listen.
Now, I'm not saying that these are the only types of reactions, or that your friends can only be one of these. People are complex, and it's difficult (if not impossible) to clump them into such vague groups and call it a day. I just wanted to outline a little bit of this and to talk about each of the different kind of reaction. As I've stated all over my blog - this page is for me to vent out frustrations and put my thoughts into some sort of order. If you don't want my opinions on things, well then you don't need to keep reading. Don't worry, it won't hurt my feelings. I'm not here to gain followers or become famous or whatever. I just needed a place to write. Anyways, back on topic.
Let's go in the order I've just written them, shall we? Great. The cautious supporter is probably one of the best friends you can have in this situation, or really in any situation. This is the person who will stick by you no matter what, even if they think you're being an idiot. They allow you to make your own decisions, your own mistakes, and won't judge you or make fun of you when you have to deal with the consequences. Even if they think you're making a poor choice they'll support you, perhaps give you their opinion if you want it, and be there through the whole of it. Then, if things fall through, they'll help pick up the pieces and put you back together once all is said and done. What this person wants above all else is for you to be happy. If they see that your "unicorn" is making you happy, even if just for the moment, then they'll stand by your decision to be with this person.
The mama bear is a tricky type of friend to judge in this situation. Often times this person is not only a mama bear, but perhaps a cautious supporter or false friend as well. This friend tries to look out for your best interests, but often times their maternal instincts get in the way of their eyes. For one reason or another their main goal is protection. Sometimes this protective nature can go overboard and get in the way of your happiness. Sometimes this protective nature can bring things to light that you wouldn't have seen or thought about before, and can wind up helping you. The mentality of the mama bear is to protect her cub (you), but the way this person goes about it is what determines whether or not they're truly being a good friend.
The last of the three examples I've given is actually the inspiration for this post. The false friend is a tricky and incredibly painful creature, especially in the situation of a "unicorn". Please note, a false friend is not always someone easily detectable and it is also not someone you want to keep in your life. This person thrives on negativity, whether inwardly or outwardly, and creates a darkness within themselves that is not always noticed. No matter how hard this person tries to be happy for you because you are happy, they can't seem to get over the jealousy in their heart. Something in this person's past has poisoned them, and instead of allowing their past to teach them and moving forward they seethe in the negative emotions brought on by whatever it is that brought them down. Often times this is caused by a relationship (or multiple relationships) that ended badly. They may act healed on the outside, but deep in their heart they have died a little bit. This person closes themselves off to everyone around them, teaching themselves not to trust or to love or to know true happiness again. They turn to ice, and often times they are able to hide this ice with practice.
Now, on to story time. Hooray! Story time! At the end of February I moved from the apartment I had lived in for a year to a new place. My roommate and I were sticking together, and we were also adding a friend of mine from college. To differentiate these two we shall call my roommate for a year Torch and my friend from college Roxie. Now, Torch and I have known one another since high school. Our friendship goes back about six years. My friendship with Roxie goes back about three. I introduced the two of them at my twenty first birthday party, so they've known one another for a little over a year. Long story short, the apartment we moved into was not safe. Roxie and I moved out, but due to financial and other reasons Torch was forced to stay. It's ok, though, because he's a dude and less likely to have anything bad happen.
I started dating The Unicorn about a week before Roxie and I moved. From the very first night she met him it was awkward. I had told him all about how much I loved her and how well their personalities would mesh. They'd get along great, I'd said. I still believe that if she hadn't acted the way she has they could have been great friends. When he came to hang out at our apartment after dinner she immediately put up walls and closed herself off. She'd rather sit across the room and stare at him than actually join the conversation. Even when he tried to joke with her and bring her out of her shell she resisted. Now, we wrote this first encounter off as stress since after he left the roommates were going to have to figure out the whole apartment situation. That's fine. Everyone has stressful days. If that were the only time that things had been that way it would have been easily overlooked. The problem persisted, though, and continued to grow.
Every night that week The Unicorn was back. It was obvious that we were moving quickly, but I've already explained that in my previous post.Ā No matter how many times The Unicorn tried to talk to Roxie and get her to open up and be friendly he was shut down. She spoke to me several times about how I was going about this all wrong. She told me that I needed to be careful and learn from her past. She decided that I was going to make her mistakes, and that The Unicorn was going to break my heart. No matter how many times she said she would give him a chance, she had already made up her mind about him and wouldn't even hold a conversation. It was breaking my heart to see one of my best friends completely shut out my Unicorn.
Roxie would say over and over again that she was going to give him a chance. She would talk about how she wanted me to be happy, and she hoped he was everything I said he was. Over and over and over I heard the same things, and as she repeated herself and refused to listen to me I began to shut down. At one point she even cornered both the Unicorn and myself, talking at us about how we were moving too fast and she didn't yet trust him. There was nothing we could say to get her to change her mind, we knew that, and there was nothing we could do to get her to come out of her room and hang out. She began avoiding the apartment, and that was when I decided it was time to talk to her.
The Unicorn had basically been living with us for three weeks when Roxie and I sat down for our conversation. It was revealed to me that she was uncomfortable having The Unicorn staying at our apartment every night. When I asked why the only answer I could get out of her was that he was there and she didn't know him. Because she didn't yet know him she couldn't trust him, and just the fact that he was in the apartment all the time made her uncomfortable. Ready for a tangent?
Every day people find roommates on Craigslist. These are people who have never met and know nothing about one another, and yet they decide to live together. Kids go off to college and get a roommate randomly selected by the school. This is often someone they've never met and know nothing about, and yet they live together because they have to. People in these situations are less uncomfortable than Roxie was making herself out to be. This is not some random guy coming over and crashing on the couch. This is my Unicorn, the love of my life, who I will marry one day. I trust him with everything, and she has somehow decided that because he's inside the walls of our apartment she is uncomfortable.
Alright, about her discomfort. Remember how I said she'd been avoiding the apartment? Well, since we never saw her and we stayed mostly in my room I'd like to know how she was aware of his presence. Unless she came creeping into my room every night to check, there's no way for her to be positive that he was even there. We wouldn't see her for days, and when we did see her it was either because we passed her on the way to my bathroom or because The Unicorn made dinner for everyone to celebrate Roxie passing a test she'd been studying for. If you aren't even positive that someone is around, why are you uncomfortable at the thought of the possibility that they are there? Why are you uncomfortable in the first place if this is someone your roommate and one of your best friends trusts to stay in her bed every night? You're not. You've made The Unicorn and myself uncomfortable by avoiding us and shutting us out. You've created the discomfort yourself, and rather than admit this to yourself you've decided to grow the issue and blame it on me. There was no other excuse for her 'discomfort' than him being there. His presence made her uncomfortable, even though he'd been nothing but respectful, helpful, and attempt to be her friend.
Roxie issued an ultimatum. The Unicorn had to go. No matter what we said she would not budge on the matter. Now, you're probably wondering why this is such a big deal. I'll tell you. The Unicorn, previous to staying with me, was staying with his parents for financial reasons. He could afford to move out with a roommate, but not on his own. His parents live at least an hour from where Roxie and I live. Add that commute to the fact that both of us are working an average of 50 hours a week. Now, take that and factor in that every other weekend the Unicorn has his daughter and so I don't get to see him. What you get from that wonky math is that if we were to go along with her demands I would basically be seeing The Unicorn for a few hours every other weekend. We've both done long distance relationships, and they don't work.
I was put in the position of choosing between one of my best friends of three years and the man who is going to be by my side for the rest of my life. Roxie had backed me into a corner, thinking that somehow this would make me see her skewed point of view when she wouldn't bother to look at mine. I told her that it felt like she was making me choose between them. At that she began to 'explain' that when she said she needed time to get to know and trust The Unicorn it would probably only take about two months. I explained to her the math that I put to you in the paragraph above, and then pointed out that if that's all the time we had together we weren't going to be spending it trying to convince her to like him. We would be spending that time together, making up for the weeks lost. If we were to kneel to her demands, she would be effectively forcing us to commit relationship suicide.
Something I haven't brought up, which should really be obvious to anyone who has somehow discovered this page and is reading this post. It's none of Roxie's damn business who I have in my room and when. She claimed to have a say in this because her name is on the lease. If he is not in her bedroom then she has no say. He's hardly even in the community rooms. Most of our time is spent in the bedroom or when we need to go to the bathroom. We use the kitchen to cook and then go back and hang out in the bedroom. We go out and smoke on the patio and the go back and hang out in the bedroom. Catching my drift? Even if we were hanging out in the common areas, she has no right to tell me who I can and cannot have over and for how long. It is none of her damn business who I have in my room and when and for what amount of time.
Last night we had a talk with Roxie. During this talk she continuously made excuses, citing her past and explaining to him why she didn't yet trust him. We stat there for probably two hours talking. The issue we were supposedly discussing was the living situation. 98% of what was said during those approximately two hours had less than nothing to do with the situation at hand. Roxie talked about her past, her terrible taste in men, and her trust issues. The Unicorn called her bluff and cut her off a the knees. I sat there and sent text messages back and forth with Froggy talking about what was going on. When finally it came back to the point, The Unicorn and I took a break to discuss things and smoke like chimneys. The stress was overwhelming, and we were both livid. Once our discussion was over we went back inside and asked Roxie to join us back in the living room.
We countered her ultimatum with our own. Either she pulled her head out of her ass and let him stay, or we were both going to leave. Don't worry, I left out the part about pulling her head out of her ass. Of course her reaction was less than calm, and she stormed off into her room after a few choice words. To her our ultimatum hadn't given her the choice of sucking it up and dealing. To her our words had not been "either, or", but instead had been "we're leaving you in the dust". Somehow she had become so blindly stubborn that there was no option but for us to leave. So now, for the third time in only a little bit over a month, I have to apartment hunt and find a new place to live.
My darling imaginary readers, I just want you to know how badly things like this hurt. It sucks that my friend has been so poisoned by her past that she's become unhinged and put a dagger through the heart of our friendship. It sucks to know how easy it was for her to allow something so trivial to come between us. It sucks to lose a friend, no matter how poorly she had been acting. I wish that she could have been reasoned with. I wish that she could have opened her eyes and seen how wonderful The Unicorn is. I wish she could have managed to pull her head out of her ass and experience light on her face again. I wish that ice and darkness weren't fighting to take control of her heart. Most of all, I wish her the best of luck in finding happiness of her own and learning to bathe in the sunlight and warmth of life again.
The Unicorn and I will be moving in together. The timing is not ideal, we agree with that, but we will do what we have to. So long as we are together we know that we can make everything alright. Friends come and go, and it's a painful thing to experience, but a "unicorn" is forever. I will miss Roxie, especially since I was so excited to live with her, but I learned a while back what kind of people to keep in my life. Perhaps one day she will free herself of the poison that's infecting her heart. Maybe then we can be happy together once more. For now, though, I am ridding myself of the negativity. I won't let someone else's jealousy, ignorance, and misery ruin my happiness. The Unicorn is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I'll do whatever it takes to make sure I don't lose him. I love him.
Now, you may be wondering what this has to do with āthe unicornā. Donāt worry, Iām getting there. Because of my outrageous personality and quirky interests I have a wide variety of friends. Iāve always been a floater, willing and able to strike up a lengthy conversation with just about anyone. Now, there are several things to note about me before I get to this next part. Iām open minded, but also incredibly stubborn. I donāt see the point in sugar coating things and am generally very blunt in my honesty. I am INCREDIBLY friendly and outgoing (as Iāve said several times, itās just that important) and tend to be on the go quite a bit. All of this being said, I tend to attract two very specific types of men. Often times I am ogled by the shy nerdy guys who picture themselves with a girl like me because of my extreme nerdiness and their desire to be more outgoing. The other type of man who is drawn to me is the somewhat closet asshole. These are men who at first present themselves as genuinely good guys, and only after a little bit of time do they reveal their true colors.
See where Iām going yet? No? Ok, well let me lay it out for you. Men are all pigs and assholes. Donāt get defensive or start wailing about how generalizing is bad, just keep reading. There is not a man on Earth who does not have some level of asshole within him. There is not a woman on Earth who can not be ranked on the crazy bitch scale. Our challenge in life (romantically anyways) is to find the person whose level of asshole or crazy bitch is compatible with ours. Thatās not to say that they have to have around the same level on a bar graph or anything. Basically our task is to figure out just how much asshole or crazy bitch we can handle for the rest of our lives, and then go out in search of someone who falls into that category.
Now, on to āthe unicornā. My best friend, letās call her Froggy, and I have had TERRIBLE luck with men in the past. We both dated some of the worst types of men that you could come across. I wonāt get into that because itās none of your damn business. Just know that there are some exes on our lists that rank high on the asshole scale. Like, really high. Anyways, she somehow managed to find her āunicornā at the ripe age of seventeen. A āunicornā is a bit more than I led you to believe at the beginning of this. It is not necessarily the perfect man (or woman) in general. āThe unicornā is the perfect man for each individual woman (or a woman for a man, or a woman for a woman, or a man for a man). Everyone has a āunicornā out there somewhere. For Froggy he was waiting for her at college. Their personalities mesh better than any couple Iāve ever seen. From the moment he saw her he knew theyād get married, and from the moment I met him I knew it, too. They communicate, they work well together in every aspect, and dammit the way they look at each other is almost sickening. Itās true that her fiance, letās call him Vader, is quite the asshole. He makes rude jokes, is often crass, and isnāt afraid to speak his mind - even when others donāt want to hear the thoughts. Heās the perfect level of asshole for her, and heās loads of fun to be around.
Now, I just made Vader sound like a really nasty guy. Before I go on, I need a tangent to explain something else to you. He is one of the greatest men I have ever known. He is respectful to my Froggy, cooks and cleans, cares for her parentsā house and dogs, and is thoughtful and caring towards those whom he loves. Though his jokes may offend some people and not everyone will understand the way he words things, itās generally in good fun or to get a reaction out of whomever is near. Heās always good for a laugh, and he treats my Froggy so well that I could never think less of him for any of his faults. Besides, I think his jokes are hilarious and itās fun to team up with him to see how much we can make Froggy squirm. Ok, tangent over and back to āthe unicornā.
For years I have struggled with my long line of over the limit assholes. Watching Froggy and Vader in their happiness put a sickening jealousy within me, and I was certain that the perfect man for me was some fairy tale that people had made up to make me feel better. He was a āunicornā, a myth based on someoneās fact that was never to be true for me. I know, I know, boo hoo lonely woman who canāt find a man. Well, thatās something everyone goes through so itās nothing of which to be ashamed. I learned to be ok with being on my own, and to even enjoy it. I learned that I had to love myself before I could expect anyone else to love me. I learned how to be strong and self-sufficient. I am an independent creature, and itās hard enough to find someone who can keep up with me friends wise - so how am I going to expect every guy I see to keep up with me in a romantic sense? It sucks being alone sometimes, Iām not going to lie to you about that. Thereās a natural human need for companionship that is born in each of us, but you have to learn to hold out and be patient. Wait for the right companion, for āthe unicornā instead of a horse with a paper towel roll stuck to its head.
Youāve probably already figured out that Iāve now found my āunicornā. It's kind of a funny situation, actually. We knew each other briefly in high school. We had the same group of friends, though I was a freshman when he was a senior. Actually, we figured out that he was the one who inadvertently gave me one of my most interesting high school nicknames (that's a story for another time, though). A little while back we happened to reconnect on a website that we were both using. At first neither of us really recognized the other. It was when we started talking about our pasts and realized that we went to the same high school that things began to click into place. It wasn't long before we were dating, and then 'the rest is history'. It's a corny phrase, but I think it fits very well in this situation.
The Unicorn is actually the reason Iām writing this first blog. I asked him what I should write about first, and his answer was āthe unicornā. When first he suggested it I wasn't entirely sure how to go about this task. I wondered if I should write about him specifically. Should I tell the world of tumblr how wonderful he is? Should I say that he's the perfect gentleman and he opens doors and pumps my gas? Should I talk about how he understands me better than anyone has ever done before? Should I talk about how we struggle with outside influences, but somehow have been on the same page since the first date? I could go on and on about how certain things should or shouldn't work out the way they have with us. I could talk for days about all of the nice and happy feelings he gives me. I could bore you to tears with explanations of his wonderfulness. That's not the point though.
The point is that I'm not sitting here in a haze of perfume scented smoke that's clouding my vision. I'm not suddenly viewing the world through rose colored glasses. I haven't met this man and suddenly decided that he is going to be my "unicorn" whether he likes it or not. He is my "unicorn" because he knows me better than almost anyone and he still loves me. No matter what I do or say, he knows who I am deep down and is ok with that. Every relationship has problems and disagreements, but we work through them together and we communicate and come out on the other side banged up and bruised but still together. We have the same values, morals, and opinions on the important things. Though we have different hobbies and interests and may disagree on some smaller issues, that doesn't matter so long as we're on the same page with the things that are important to us.
We are comfortable holding an intellectual conversation for hours, or merely sitting side by side in silence. When he's gone for extended periods of time it's like part of me has been taken away, and a hole is created that cannot be filled until he returns. I can hardly breathe without him, but I'm still alright being on my own for a little while. I don't lose my individuality because we're together, and he would never want that of me. He will never push me to do anything I don't want to do, or try to change me. He loves me for who I am, faults and brokenness included, and for that and so many other reasons I love him. I am able to grow myself as our relationship grows and develops, and I know that every day I am a better person for being with him. In case you haven't figured it out, whenever I refer to the love of my life he's going to be called "The Unicorn".
Well, I knew Iād go off on tangents, but thatās part of the purpose of this blog. āThe unicornā isnāt some mythical creature, some imaginary man that will never appear. āThe unicornā is the partner who makes the wait worth it. That magical moment in your life that knocks the breath out of you and can push you over with a feather is out there. He or she is just the right level of asshole or crazy bitch for you, and chances are theyāre looking for you, too. You are someoneās āunicornā. Just remember that when youāre out there searching for the glitter-covered creature to come running your way. Just as youāre hoping for someone to be the perfect fit for you, theyāre wanting the same thing. You are perfect and magical and you are going to mean everything in the world to someone some day. Just be patient and keep that horn in good shape, because some day itās going to shine alongside the horn of your perfect match. Find your āunicornā imaginary reader, and get ready to be theirs.
