Alhyska @cold-panties - Tumblr Blog

22:42

Je me sens toujours comme une grosse merde qu’on a abandonné quand on avait plus besoin d’elle. J’essaie de chercher un sens à rester en vie mais honnêtement j’aimerai juste cesser de respirer.

#v #rupture

cold-panties

00:08

Au plus le temps passe, et au plus je m’attache réellement à Valentin. Je commence à moins me méfier, à me dire que je peux m’attacher et qu’il ne m’abandonnera pas. Au fond, je culpabilise parce que je me dis que je ne suis pas une bonne petite amie. Il aimerait sûrement quelqu’un de plus affective. Mais je ne peux pas être affective si j’ai peur de l’abandon.

cold-panties

Il m’a quitté en disant que c’était comme si je n’existais pas quand je ne suis pas avec lui.

#valentin

19:24

Hier je me suis fait vomir pour la première fois de ma vie. Et sincèrement, je me suis sentie si heureuse d’en être capable.

20:39

Pourquoi je n’existe pour les gens uniquement que quand ils sont seuls ?

23:12

https://fr.asexuality.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=8707 Parce que j’ai l’impression d’être enfin compris quelque part.

#ace #asexualité #asexuel

I wish I could have or not have sex because I want to instead of forcing myself because you want it.

Tu vaux tellement mieux que la totalité des bad boy réunis

Une inconnue à moi.

lettersandroses

I felt like a little girl lost in the woods most of my life. Every person trying to approach me, trying to be a part of my life, was trying to hurt me, to use me. Just like you did. Because if the person that shared my bloodline made me feel so unhappy all the time, why and how would someone else be any different?

What I’ll never tell my abusive father. (via lettersandroses)

its-so-traumatizing

Do you know how abuse feels like?

A friend asked me to make her a cup of peppermint tea. After making it I realized that I accidentally made chamomile tea instead of the one she asked for.

I stood in the kitchen, panicking, shaking and crying, thinking that she’d throw the cup at my face, calling me a stupid bitch.

I’m 20 years old and I don’t live with my abusive parents anymore.

Our bodies may grow, but the abused little child will always live within our hearts.

Je suis une trainée seulement pour qu'on m'aime.

furiousgoldfish

Abusive parents are always completely unobservant and ungrateful for their most kind, hardworking and responsible children. You all should have been noticed and praised for all the work you did. Every time you handled a problem on your own, that’s extraordinary work right there that shouldn’t have even been on you, and yet you handled it because you had to, and no one even acknowledged it. Every time you’ve done a chore for the sake of not upsetting parents, every time you willingly chose to be a buffer between your parents, or parents and other people, you’ve been doing hard sacrificing work, you damaged your own self-worth in process, and nobody even noticed.

You should have been seen, you should have been comforted, and told that you did more than should have been expected of you. Every time you swallowed your emotions and pretended everything was fine, every time you tried to make things better for your abusers and they showed zero gratitude and took it for granted, every time you went thru most painful and devastating moments of your life alone and unseen and unheard, you should have been seen and heard. You should have been comforted. Even more, you should have been cherished, your sacrifices appreciated and then made up to you, you should have been fretted over, lifted up, gushed up and made feel like you were the center of someone’s world, like what you’re going thru is someone’s first priority.

Here’s to all of you. I know you’ve suffered. I know you’ve been scared. I know you’ve worked hard. I know you spent days in pain and neglect in return. I know you felt like nothing you do was ever good enough. I know you no longer expect to be heard or seen. I know you buried it all inside. I see you. You deserved to be seen every moment of it.

willow-ploessl

I believe that people with functioning and loving parents don’t understand the extent of abusive parents. I believe that children who are getting verbally abused, don’t get the full attention and care that is needed for them to recover.

My father is destructive, possessive, hurtful and selfish. All I’ve ever wanted is a father who truely loves and cares for me, someone who won’t snap at any given chance. I am constantly terrified in my own home to disagree with something he says because I know he will snap and take it out on either me or my mother. He tortures me mentally on a daily basis, and I hate the fact that I am being forced to live in the same house with him. My mother however will do nothing to stop him, nor will she do anything to make sure I’m okay. Earlier tonight I walked out with a tear stained face because I had been crying for 20 minutes straight, she didn’t even look twice before giving me a straight face answer and continued watching tv… I feel so alone because of the fact that nobody understands, i have people I can talk to, but they don’t truely understand the way that it’s messing with my head… I’m so mentally exhausted, I don’t know how long I can do this for.

furiousgoldfish

Common experiences with abusive dad:

acts like you don’t exist until the second they want smth from you

pretends he’s your boss and gives you orders, treats you like factory worker

doesn’t know absolutely anything about you except what vulnerability to hit to trigger you into thinking you owe him obedience

demands you to be interested in his opinions and forces you to participate in activities he likes, never considers your interests

completely ignorant of you most of the time, then over-controlling, strict and ruthless when he wants something

disregards your personal space, enjoys poking and physically disturbing you, humiliates you in front of other people

is extremely strict on how you’re not allowed to embarrass him in front of other people, will treat you differently if others are present

clings to “traditional” values where children owe obedience in return for shelter, claims himself as the “provider” and expects endless gratitude

disregards your time and personal activities, expects you to be ready to receive orders from him at anytime

gets extremely angry and aggressive if called out, reaches for violence and terror if he’s not obeyed instantly

doesn’t hold back with yelling, shouting and heavy threats if his status is challenged

values his reputation more than entire family

values money and his personal pleasure more than family members

pretends to be the victim in absolutely any situation, if you as much as don’t idealize and adore him, you are hurting his poor feelings and you should know better that he actually cares deep inside about you even if it doesn’t show in any of his words or actions whatsoever

will patronize you, compete with you on how smart he is, gross you out, do childish pranks, act like a toddler and have zero emotional maturity

very blatantly prioritizes his social circle over you and will put much more energy and willpower into pleasing and impressing his “buddies” while you can go and raise yourself if you like

threatens to kick you out of “his” house as if he was renting you your place and not living together with his family members in a home meant for that

pretends your worth is nothing compared to his, works on lowering your confidence and will put you down especially when you are feeling a bit encouraged and happy with yourself

tries to control your opinions and makes you feel like you’re stupid for having independent thought that differs from his

shamelessly indulges in perverse, disgusting, dehumanizing and cruel behavior right in front of you

generates dumbest and most disgusting excuses for his behavior, however you are not allowed to put one step out of line or you’re deemed a waste of space and ungrateful brat

ready to explode with anger when confronted with even little truth about himself

01:49

Peut-être que finalement ça commence à me blesser beaucoup trop que Valentin se comporte comme si nous étions amis. On ne fait rien ensemble, rien à deux, rien comme un couple. Si je ne dis pas que ça ne va pas, il ne le sait pas. On s’envoie 10 messages sur la journée et un je t’aime avant de dormir car il faut bien dire je t’aime pour nous percer d’illusions. Mais la vérité, c’est qu’il ne m’aime plus comme moi je l’aime.

Joeuisigeun imi Geudeurege eopseo Mageul su eopsi Samuchineun mam Chamji mothae deo Na neoreul wihaeseo

Meokgureume ssain Gipeojineun bam Naeryeochyeora Thunde Drop thunder gutge Georeo jamgeulge BOCA

Where is the love

#song #dreamcatcher #boca #kpop

thisisthesadplace

I had a friend who got a C on his paper was able to tell his parents.

I knew a girl who called her mom when she got dumped by her boyfriend and her mom calmed her down and made her laugh.

I had a friend who left her door open and played music when she was home with her parents. Her parents learned the words to the songs.

I know I won’t be able to do any of these. I know people with healthy relationships with their parents, and while it makes me sad and jealous that I can’t have that, it makes me happy that others do.

furiousgoldfish

Let’s play, “was I abused” game! Reblog and bold the things your parents have done to you! Italicize if you’re not sure. (copy paste it all and then bold)

Physical abuse

parent slapped me to prove their point/teach me a lesson

parent spanked me as a “punishment” saying it was for my own good

parent pulled on my hair to force me to move

parent threw things at me while angry, things heavy enough to hurt me

parent trapped me into a room/corner so I couldn’t escape them

parent hit me when I wouldn’t obey them/tried to confront them

parent used a twig/stick/belt to lash at my body

parent grabbed me to force me to pay attention to them

parent pinned me down and physically prevented me from escaping

parent brought me into situations where I feared for my life

parent made it painfully obvious for me that I’ll obey them or suffer injuries

parent threatened to beat me if I wouldn’t do as they say

parent forcefully fed me something I refused to eat

parent made an attempt at strangling/drowning/burning me

parent banged my head/body into the wall/furniture

parent forced me into sexual activities

Emotional abuse

parent called me derogatory names and slurs more than once

parent said my name mostly with hatred and scorn in their voice

parent degraded and humiliated me in front of others for fun

parent insulted and devalued something really important to me

parent deprived me of something that meant the world to me

parent yelled and swore at me in anger more than once

parent blamed me for things that were out of my control/not my fault

parent shamed me for my physical appearance

parent guilt-tripped me for not pleasing them well enough

parent regarded me as a burden, and shamed me for needing them at all

parent insisted I couldn’t take a joke after I got hurt from their insults

parent never comforted me/got angry if I reached for comfort

parent punished me for crying/showing fear/showing trauma symptoms

parent humiliated me for showing excitement and happiness

parent subtly let me know that my feelings and my problems don’t matter

parent got angry at me for feeling depressed/angry/tired/suicidal

parent blamed me for feeling depressed/angry/tired/suicidal

parent compared me to cousins/other children to prove how I’m the worst

parent decided for me how I feel when it was convenient for them

parent told me that I was crazy/delusional/need to be locked away

parent threatened me with kicking me out/sending away if I don’t change

parent refused to accept my sexuality/tried to force it to change

parent required for me to act normal to protect family’s reputation

parent isolated me from family activities they all enjoy

parent assured me that nobody will ever want me

parent insisted that I was lucky and that I could have had it much worse

parent made me responsible for their well being and made me the caretaker

parent insisted that their harmful acts were all made “out of love”

parent demanded me to be available for their requests at any time

parent punished me for trying to establish boundaries

parent destroyed my belongings as a revenge

parent made inappropriate sex jokes and comments in my presence

parent denied doing any of this and insists that all the blame is on me

Psychological Abuse

parent kept pointing out my flaws as proofs that I wont achieve anything

parent called me stupid, incompetent, ignorant, while withholding information that I needed to know in order to complete tasks

parent would change their side of the agreement in crucial moment and then pretend it was obvious from the start

parent stalked me/distrusted me without any reason/invaded my privacy

parent attacked my insecurities and vulnerabilities in any argument

parent forced me into degrading actions while they watched me do it

parent threatened to leave me

parent accused me regularly of behaving the way they did

parent never acknowledged, praised or approved of my actions

parent always demanded they are right without any proof/explanation

parent insisted that they’re a great parent using financial support as proof

parent insisted that I should be grateful for how good they are to me

parent gaslighted me and tried to make me believe my memories weren’t real if I confronted them with what they did

Neglect

parent didn’t notice I haven’t been eating properly

parent didn’t notice I was sick/didn’t care for me while I was sick

parent didn’t notice I was injured

parent didn’t notice I didn’t have clothes/shoes I needed for school

parent didn’t notice I suffered from trauma

parent didn’t notice I was anxious and stressed

parent didn’t notice I was depressed

parent didn’t notice I was cutting myself

parent didn’t notice I was suicidal

parent didn’t notice I was being sexually abused

parent didn’t notice I was being bullied

parent failed to get me medical attention when it was needed

parent failed to teach me the very basics of self care

parent didn’t seem to notice any of my needs and feelings except the absolute minimum I required to survive

when I notified them of these things, they denied it, accused me of lying, decided it wasn’t happening and/or blamed me for it

Financial Abuse

parent made me feel ashamed for needing money

parent made me feel like I’m a financial burden to them

parent only gave me minimal money to survive

parent made sure I never have a decent amount of money on me

parent took the money I earned from me

parent used the money to blackmail me (if you continue this way let’s see who will pay for your bus ticket!)

parent insisted since they “pay for my stuff” they have the right to control my behaviour and actions

parent had enough money for luxury but kept me without anything

parent refused to get my medicine/get me medical attention because it’s too expensive while they got everything for themselves

parent would keep me anxious over if they would pay my expenses or not

parent would make me do as much work for them as possible before they would pay for a necessity

parent kept me in the dark over family finances even when I was of age

parent would make sure I never have enough money to escape them

If you bold more than 5 things, you have been through abuse. For some particular ones, even one true thing on this list means you’ve been badly harmed by your parents. Also this list is not complete, there are many more abusive behaviours not listed here, feel free to add!