completely fucking insane @coldxcigs - Tumblr Blog

Posts

my name is Cam. this is my vent blog

trigger warnings first:

i have 3dnos/bul!m1@ and trying to avoid being medically overweight again. im pro recovery completely.

im asd, ocd, bdd, mdd. possible adhd and cluster b/“dark triad“

trans guy. not transmasc exactly, more binary

black + poor. so expect Black Suffering™️ and shit

“professional“ theif bc capitalism and the reasons above

species dysphoria ranting

"irl yandere" shit because im deranged + the ocd hates me

14. dni if youre going to be a cunt about my edginess plz

new tw: sexual trauma + shit

also HUGE trigger warning for slef harn and su1c!d3!

dni: fatphobes, pro@n4, racists, queerphobes, radqueers, radfems, proshitters, transid, ableists, "all lives matter" fuckers, anti transandrophobia, thinks trans guys are just "woman lite", anti tone tags, general dni criteria. fuck you guys actually. i'll find you if you talk to me

interact: irl yans, dark triad havers, autistics, bipoc, commies, ftm guys, angry people, ed havers who arent horrible people, therians + otherkin, other chubby or plus size people, xenogender enjoyers

ok thats the intro post. i'll be angry posting so much by the way plz dni if it's triggering /gen

ooooo im not dead yet

im not posting here anymore (lies) but im going to keep it so i can study my mental state from last year

#i hate it here

conscious-love

When love is unreliable and you are a child, you assume that it is the nature of love – its quality – to be unreliable. Children do not find fault with their parents until later. In the beginning the love you get is the love that sets.

Jeanette Winterson, Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?

this account is honestly fucking boring. i cant get silly and joke around on this one, or my like?? child account or whatever because it's strictly decent vibes. cant post this on my VERY bad vent account because its not the absolute bottom of the barrel scraped off the bathroom wall grotesque mutated thoughts i have, but also it doesn't really belong here because its the Dad sucks and I want Violence™️ account. so like i want to delete this one but then my other accs will be gone so? umn

#mewow #im still in agony dont worry yall #i just dont like the vibe in here rn #im breaking character #ya boy can only mask irl and online for so long until the lines blur #im gonna gut myself hows that

wearing my stained as fuck pink barbie hoodie because i feel like a fem queen todayyy

#why cant it be night all the time?????#i just want to feel like a creature #gn

what the heeeeeeellll I CANT FUCKING SLEEP :(

#this sucks major balls because i cant even sleep yet snyway #i have to use my energy to take a shower so i can purgë because im mentally ill #did you guys know i like erased all my weight loss progress #umm #incase youre wondering im not 'obese' or whatever just kind of chubby ('''''''normal''''''' according to everyone else)#but i genuinely donttt care #i DO im putting off actually enjoying my summer because of it #im stressed the fuck out and i just sleep to ignore my problems like a hot bitch #real hot girl shit 💋#(im a boy)#(im not hot)#(im not real also)

fuck (joyful)

#loud incorrect buzzer #i meant (ouch)#im going insane if tou cant tell #auah

damn i just hit post

sorry if you read that shit thats on you

#what i say before writing another 'rough draft' of the same fucking characters and showing my mom #sorry guys the Grossposting was bound to start sometime #ooooooh let the liiiiight iiiiiiiiin

oml i forgot i had tumblr for a minute

anyway the thoughts are back they are consuming my flesh

#like okay #like #ok #i really just dont care #i just dont care #i try and i try but i dont care #like apathy and complexes are all i am #i just dont care at all about it #about death or about reality #i dig into that mine but theres bombs everywhere and every little step is a risk #but not one that matters because i know where the bombs are #so i step on one just to see if it will work and BOOM--my legs blown into pieces #pieces #and i do it again and again and some mine-bombs dont get set off #and the thrill is great #but as i dig deeper and deeper its just #its just black #just black rocks i hit with a pickax or whatever trying to get something #and then theres a bomb #and another #and more until my face is bloody and grotesque #a missing nose. raw cheekbones. flesh melting and peeling off my face #and it all feels like nothing #the adrenaline i felt before just fuels me #even if i dont feel anything at all anymore. im not even excited.#i know its coming #i just dont care at all.#i just dont

i wanna kill someone

#i want to maim. i want to bite i want to tear i want to kick i want to rip i want to kill #homicidal ideation #akanwvs #call this an overreaction but i hate being trans sometimes #everyone treats me like a freak or a delicate little delusional lesbian #FUCK YOU seriously if the first thing you think of me is 'girl'#fuck you genuinely if you are someone who likes to strip blk women of their womanhood #and then spin around and spit in the face of a black trans man #firstly im not a woman or a girl or a female ot whatever the fuck #secondly?? isnt this what you wanted? for me to be a man??#and now youre pissed because i refuse to call myself a girl in any serious context #FUCK YOU.#and a special fuck you to cis lesbians who like to try and be buddy buddy w me bc 'we're both afab girl girls!!' fuck off #i am not a woman.

imback

i literally just got out of a bad depressive episode and i guess im going back now

#besides that i fucking hate my neck #so short and stubby and fucking gross!#how do people even misgender me.#ig its because im black and people see blk women as men anyway. so when they see a black guy who isnt the most cis person ever theyre like #''woman''#but seriously what even the fuck?#i dont look like a normal girl #im tall and wide and ''husky''. dont look like a girl an people misgender me without fail even after knowing me for years.#on that note my mom keeps saying i should just wear girl colors to this function #because i want to wear a dress because i just fucking like?? wearing dresses genuinely. and she says #i might as well say w my clothes ''im a girl'' by wearing the other colors (genders are color coded at the function)#and im just like ''im not a fucking girl?? why do you keep saying this?''#and i bring it up one in an unassuming and nice way and shes like groaning and drained like 'neeevermind' can you be fucking for real #i wouldnt SAY ANYTHING if you would stop implying that im 'basically a girl' in these situations #shes done it plenty of times before #and maybe its nothing to you but frankly! she wouldnt do this w a cis guy and ive made it plenty clear for years that i am not a girl #so it feels like a slap in the face #i cant bring it up because she'll make a big deal out of it (irony ig)#i am properly pissed off hoonnnestly #i hate when people have the nerve to roll their eyes when THEY misgender me. i genuinely would not fucking care if you just idk #didnt act so fucking annoying whenever i say something! like tell me why you keep telling me to be a girl here. just tell me #anyway i want to choke and maim #not directed at my mom #i js have anger issues because of whtvr it is (idfk which mental issue is causing this. misdirected anger ftw)#tahgeheve eqg raghhhgghhh #amazeballs

cheesymcbriz

i have a habit of wanting to blame things on my autism because it’s easy, but what if it isn’t?

what if it isn’t my autism making me some days outright unable to brush my teeth? what if i just don’t care enough about my hygiene?

what if it isn’t my autism that makes me unable to work on an assignment at home? what if im just too lazy?

what if it isn’t my autism that makes even the most delicious food look inedible? what if i’m just too picky?

what if it isn’t the autism making me unable to pick up on social clues? what if i’m just clueless?

what if i don’t need therapy? what if i just need to toughen up?

what if i’m the problem, and there is no solution?

what if i just need to work harder?

what if there isn’t anything i can fix, and i just need to learn how to deal with it?

gritting my teeth so i dont fucking kill my dad

#^^lol #for context he is abusive #i probably should have said that

anyway "did you fall or did you let go" is going to be the death of me

#how is my acc not banned yet????((#BRO 'did you fall or did you let go' im reevaluating my entire life thanx

i kinda wanna be quiet and let everything fall apart for my own sake but i do t want to turn my back on people given that that's one of my least favorite things ever. like i need to get out but i need to save them but they dont want to be saved!

#skwbwyve i hate #i hate i want to go home #i want to go home #childhood trauma #dysfunctional family

mmm alshanga

#death again yum yum #lasagna lasagna #i actually hate lasagna it's disgusting

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

completely fucking insane