[cheesymcbriz]

i'm a senior and they don't fucking tell us anything

we're doing a senior parade! but you have to be able to drive because we assume you're like 18 and you should have your drivers liscense by now, but we're not telling you any of that ahead of time because you should just know.

we're going to kings island! do you have to pay? do you have to sign a form? who do you give these things to? where do you get these things? who are you going with? do you have to be with someone the whole time? do you have to do a buddy system type thing? do you have to check in with anybody at certain times because you're going to be there all day? don't worry about it! but it is necessary that you know this without having to ask anyone.

we're having a senior meeting! is anyone going to tell you when? is someone going to dismiss you? what information is going to be talked about? will you be able to leave your things in class because it'll be over before your next class starts? don't worry about it! but the things we talk about will be very important and necessary and you aren't allowed to use your phone to make notes for yourself to ensure you don't forget.

it's just so fucking infuriating. how am i supposed to know if no one will tell me? if you tell me contradicting information, i'm going to think contradictory thoughts. sorry i believed that you would tell me it ahead of time if it were really important. sorry i'm just so naive to believe what you say the first time you say it. how childish of me to not go out of my way to ask a million clarifying questions and be annoying and intentionally dense for the sake of getting information that you should've already told me.

how irresponsible of me. you're right, it's my fault, and i'm sorry.

fucking hell.

[cheesymcbriz]

i have a habit of wanting to blame things on my autism because it’s easy, but what if it isn’t?

what if it isn’t my autism making me some days outright unable to brush my teeth? what if i just don’t care enough about my hygiene?

what if it isn’t my autism that makes me unable to work on an assignment at home? what if im just too lazy?

what if it isn’t my autism that makes even the most delicious food look inedible? what if i’m just too picky?

what if it isn’t the autism making me unable to pick up on social clues? what if i’m just clueless?

what if i don’t need therapy? what if i just need to toughen up?

what if i’m the problem, and there is no solution?

what if i just need to work harder?

what if there isn’t anything i can fix, and i just need to learn how to deal with it?

[the-haiku-bot]

what if i don’t need

therapy? what if i just

need to toughen up?

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[harvestandhearth]

Ouch. Unfortunately, whether a "problem" is or isn't any of those things, they're still situations that are being experienced. So no matter where "blame" (There should be no blame or shame, but our brains don't like that concept) falls, taking steps to allievate your troubles is the most important thing. Cause you deserve better than feeling bad about whatever a situation is and sitting in it.

Shoutout to my therapist who is still trying to make me feel that. Whether it is or isn't my fault, it is my problem. And I don't deserve to suffer in my problems just cause they exist. And there are steps I can take to minimize the effects of these problems in my life!

Can't brush your teeth properly? Keep a toothbrush in some water (or even better, antiseptic non alcoholic mouthwash!) Near where you sit. You don't have to spit or rinse or all that, but you're still breaking up the biofilm that does the most damage to your teeth! No actually needing to care about hygiene required. Maybe chew xylitol gums and get xylitol candies like Zollipops- they change your mouth PH to reduce bacterial growth (like the kind of bacteria that causes bad breath and cavities).

Can't work on your assignment at home? Congrats, now you're going straight from school to the library for an hour. Or you're making a corner of your bedroom SPECIFICALLY for working on things- that is no longer a part of your bedroom, but your office, and you're only allowed to enter that few square feet when you're ready to be productive. Or you're gonna ask your teacher to hold you to multiple littler deadlines, no excuses, so that you can get smaller-ish chunks of work done at school- maybe during lunch, maybe during study hall, maybe on the bus. Even if you are lazy, you've identified that being at home is what triggers that laziness, so you can avoid it.

Can't pick up on social cues? Doesn't matter whether it's the Autism or not, you have a record of not being able to. Even if you are clueless, cluelessness isn't a moral failure. It is what it is, and sucks to deal with. And if it was in your control you'd probably have already fixed it because the frustration is a constant (trust me, I know). So you've gotta live with it no matter the cause, and judging yourself for it makes it harder unnecessarily.

What if you don't need therapy and need to "toughen up"? Cool. If you were gonna be tough on your own, you would be. Therapy can be a tool to help you toughen up. It's like exercise, therapy appointments put a little stress on you over time so you build up the ability to handle it, rather than overloading on stress in the gym of sucky real life and injuring yourself- setting you back on your ability to handle it.

What if you need to work harder? Has making yourself work harder EVER worked out long term before? Probably not, just added more stress to you. Instead consider how you can work DIFFERENTLY. Work around your problems if you can't tackle them outright. If you can't fix your problem, work on mitigating the problems that those problems cause.

What if you can't fix it, and you have to learn how to deal with it? Well, congratulations, you've cracked the code then. Now your job is to figure out how to make it as easy as possible on yourself to live with it. BECAUSE YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO SUFFER NO MATTER WHO'S FAULT IT IS.

[cheesymcbriz]

i come back to this specific reblog every once in a while because it was exactly what i needed to hear. every line feels like a warm hug. thank you.

[cheesymcbriz]

i still believe in santa after watching my mother move the elf on the shelf

i still believe in the tooth fairy after waking up to my father's hand under my pillow

i still believe in magic after the tricks are deconstructed

i still believe you're sorry after your umpteenth apology

i still believe in good despite the news that tells me otherwise

i still believe in kindness no matter how many people hurt me

i still believe in truth after seeing so many lies

i still believe even if it makes me naive

[cheesymcbriz]

I will forever mourn the fact that I will never truly know or feel what it is to be normal. I will never have or understand a true baseline because I am all that I will ever know. There are likely many struggles I have that have gone ignored and unnoticed because it is all I know. I will never truly grasp my abnormalities because in order to know what is abnormal I must have a normal to compare it to. And my normal will never be normal.

[cheesymcbriz]

I want to be informed, to take a stance, to stand up for what I believe is right, and make a difference.

But I don't want it to consume me, to drown myself in anger and sorrow, to lose sight of joy for the sake of maybe being able to call myself a good person.

I want to be independent, to become my own person, to pursue my wants and make choices for myself

But I can't even take care of myself. The future is frightening. What if I make the wrong choices? What if it's already too late? Can I know my future wasn't already over before it begun? How do I balance my morality and my sanity?

Am I asking too much? Have I set the bar too high? Are my wants too much to ask? Am I making a point? Are my ramblings one of a kind or are they common and unremarkable?

Have I struck a cord yet? Am I making any sense yet? Am I boring yet? Is this good yet? Am I good yet?

Am I done yet?

[de-activated-offical]

No...no more pennies? That doesn't make any sense! I'm at a

[cheesymcbriz]

god damn it.

[mygoogledrivescaresme]

I love it when i find great posts and at the end haiku bot's just there

[cheesymcbriz]

me: I have to do my laundry

depression: you don't deserve to feel happiness

me:

me: what?

I then proceeded to procrastinate until I felt better, which caused me to feel worse because I don't deserve to feel even the slightest shred of comfort or joy, which launched me into this depressing and pathetic cycle that I find myself in.

depression, turns out, not very fun!

[cheesymcbriz]

i never know if i can afford to push myself.

could i be better if i tried harder? absolutely. problem is, what if this is my breaking point? what if i push too hard and become suicidal again? what if i find myself at rock bottom again and i don't get back to normal? is that worth a higher gpa or better grades or maybe capitalizing all that potential people would tell me about?

in the worst case scenario, where pushing myself doesn't work and i find myself back at rock bottom, will it have still been worth it?

how much am i willing to gamble for the potential to be better in the future?

[poetryofapollo]

Another one of the several headcanons in the fandom that I personally heavily divert from is Stoic Penelope/Bloodlusty Penelope, mainly because of how she is presented in the Odyssey (and my own interpretations of her character)

Give me a Penelope who feels her husband's absence too much, a Penelope who everyone thinks is borderline feral in her grief because she cries for him as much as she insists he will return, a Penelope who Telemachus would sometimes barely see for days on end because she would be too caught up in her sorrow to even bother leaving her bedroom, a Penelope who has to prevent herself from either screaming in anger or crying everytime someone even insinuates the idea that Odysseus has died, a Penelope who clings to her husband's shade so viciously that some even wonder if she has gone mad.

And as for the bloodlust/warrior-ish traits, give me a Penelope who would have not survived a week in war, a Penelope who would have despised the sight of blood or violence (Odysseus has the whole palace cleaned before waking her after the ordeal with the suitors), a Penelope who would have been relieved by the suitors' death but repulsed by the mere thought of the slaughter all the same. (She was from Sparta, yes, but not that Sparta)

Give me a Penelope who feels too much and is only able to hide so little.

[professionallylesbian]

Odysseus: I am not the man you married

Penelope: Myhusbandsayswhat

Odysseus: What?

Penelope: hA-

[murasaki-cha]

Antonius: Only the ocean and I will know~

Poseidon: Oh Tartarus nah!

Poseidon: The ocean will snitch! The ocean will snitch so hard!

Poseidon: The ocean will be pulling up to your king with a clipboard, tell him to sit down, and explain in incredible detail everything that happened with bullet points.

Poseidon: The ocean will be showing a PowerPoint presentation of the event.

[thequeershow]

Young Helen: I'm just saying you could be a little more direct.

Young Penelope: Okay, I can do that. *walking to Odysseus*

Young Penelope: Good evening, Mr. Hottie, owner of that monumental pair of thighs.

Young Penelope: Please, whenever you're with libi--

Young Helen: *covering her mouth* HAHAHA she's just kidding! She's so funny haha

Young Helen Taking Her Away: *whispering* Not like that, Penelope! Not like that!

[cheesymcbriz]

the worst part of the storm of life are the days of calm. when lightning halts and hail becomes light rain. because you know the worst is yet to come. you know better than to let down your guard and tear down your shelter just yet. you know better than to stop hiding, because as soon as you do the thunder will start again. and when the clouds finally start to part, when you are finally safe from the storms, the calm ocean still gives you anxiety. you become stuck waiting for the storm to start again, no matter how far away or how long it's been. is calm still something you can feel? or is that feeling another victim of the storm you were raised in.

[cheesymcbriz]

i close my eyes and picture

holding a blade between my fingers

dragging the edge along

my wrists

my arms

my neck

my ribs

my legs

covering my body

in scars and blood

transferring torture

from mental to physical

before opening my eyes

and moving on

[cheesymcbriz]

there are so many basic things that i am struggling to even start.

people tell me im smart, but a smart person wouldn't struggle to take care of themselves, to brush their teeth, to shower, to eat.

people tell me i'm kind, but would a kind person look at themself with this much cruelty? how could i be kind if i can't even be kind to the mirror?

am i only as good as i am when im alone? when im staring at the monster in my mirror, tearing them apart over and over as disgust claws out my heart, is that as good as i will ever be?

[theconcealedweapon]

Someone who openly celebrated sexual abuse of children has been arrested for sexual abuse of children.