creepycorvid05 @cole-crow - Tumblr Blog

sorry i turned your shy, innocent daughter into a rowdy and unashamedly horny man. yeah he's so much happier now. yeahhh sorry it's permanent too. might do it again tomorrow

gloryhollanovjah

#hisshane

tinylilemrys

Shane walks into the kitchen one day to find Ilya crying in front of a pot of stew. At first Ilya tries to dry his eyes and tell Shane he's fine. But when Shane pushes a bit more, he admits that he's trying to make a dish he remembers from his childhood, but he can't get it to taste like it used to. And it's not like he's ever going to be able to get the recipe from his mom, so he's just having a bit of a crisis about it. And Shane just holds him while Ilya cries it out and apologises for crying, but all the while Shane is plotting.

Shane starts collecting recipes - as many versions of the same recipe as he can. The next time Ilya goes out for a brand deal or press thing, and Shane's alone at home for the day, he takes the opportunity to meticulously print out cards with the recipes on them so he can keep track, borrows every pot and pan he can from his parents, the neighbours, his teammates, whoever, and starts making all the different recipes, labelling them as he goes.

That evening when Ilya gets home to the overwhelming smell of cooking and sees Shane surrounded by what looks like every pot in Ottawa, he first thinks Shane's had a bit of a mental breakdown. But then he sees the recipe cards and realises what Shane's been making.

"I know we might not find the exact same one, but I thought if we tried a bunch of different ones, you could at least find the one that's the closest."

It's so Shane. Who else would think to make what feels like a hundred pots of the same stew in one day in the hopes that just one of them would help give Ilya a little taste of home?

And Ilya falls in love with his beautiful, thoughtful, wonderful husband all over again.

erin-go-blah

Connor probably never dropped a skincare video à la Hudson because it’s just [checks notes] acquiring eternal youth in exchange for a portrait in the attic that bears the marks of your sin.

“Why would I need sunscreen, Hudson? Aging is for 🪞Portrait Connor!🪞”

(✨Surprise twist✨ - the portrait is *also* beautiful because my son has never done anything wrong ever ever.)

cole-crow

CONNOR STORRIE AS DORIAN GRAY CONNOR STORRIE AS DORIAN GRAY AND IDK THEY DO THE WHOLE THING WITH BASIL AND LET IT BE THE GAY LOVE AFFAIR WILDE WANTED CONNOR STORRIE AS DORIAN GRAY PLEASE ILL BE BASIL

jaymanclayton

As much as David loves Yuna and Shane, you just know some days he's just happy to have Ilya, who is emotionally intelligent and has a great sense of humour and some balance in his approach to hockey.

They exchange looks often, "you're hearing what I'm hearing?" and they probably cook together too.

galecstatic

this is right where a shane hollander truly belongs

gaspipegeoff

imagine a 13 year old hockey fan who loves making little plushies of her favorite hockey guys to give as gifts when she goes to games, she makes both a shane and ilya and giggles to herself when she puts them together on her shelf, but then it takes a long time for her to get to a game where she has a chance to gift the plushies and she gets really attatched to seeing them together on the shelf. She finally gets to go to a Boston game and give ilya his doll and he loves it so so much that he carries it everywhere and she's so happy. Then she goes home and see poor shane all alone on the shelf and makes herself sad until she can finally go to a metros game. Shane is equally giddy about the doll (if not more since Ilya has been rubbing it in his face for weeks that a fan handmade something like that for him and now shane can prove he is also worthy of a cute doll)

Years down the road when she's probably in highschool and has completely forgotten about her dumb hockey phase (of course she still watches hockey ocassionally but she doesnt have the time to make dolls to hand deliver to players anymore) she's scrolling instagram and sees that shane and ilya have gotten together, two posts later she sees a post from ilya's instagram, with no caption, of her shane and ilya dolls she made sitting next to eachother on a shelf.

and somehow that heals a piece of her inner child

ilyashaneconnorhudson

caralikesgay

ok this is mostly a collection of ilya "good top" rozanov headcanons that took on a life of their own

ilya's reputation as a "womanizer" and a "ladies man" takes hold pretty early in his career

he's got a girl in every port, the man's having a lot of sex everywhere

(most of his teammates know that he's got a special fondness for jane in montreal, but that's neither here nor there)

shane genuinely isn't jealous, what ilya does when they're apart isn't his business, as long as he has ilya's undivided attention when they're together, which he absolutely does

someone makes a joke on twitter that all of the women he's banged ought to start a club

this leads to someone making a shirt that says "i hooked up with ilya rozanov and all i got was this lousy t-shirt" and starts selling it on etsy. a bunch of other people make copycat shirts and variations

the fad fades pretty quickly, but there's a brief moment in time where they seem to be everywhere, and jane texts lily every time he sees someone wearing one out in the wild

lily mostly responds with laughing emoji, but one time he responds with "i think that one's real i remember her" and shane has to remind himself that he's not jealous and it's not his business and he has to delete the picture so he doesn't go back and study it

not long after boston wins the cup, a package arrives at shane's secret sex condo, it's a version of the shirt that says "i slept with STANLEY CUP WINNER ilya rozanov and all i got was this lousy t-shirt"

shane is mortified, but also more than a little turned on. at some point he wears it under his other clothes when he meets up with ilya for a hook-up and ilya goes absolutely feral when he sees it

years later, when the whole dallas kent situation hits the fan, people start taking to twitter talking shit about other NHL players (and other pro-athletes in general) who treated them poorly

someone tweets out "i've never really talked about this because i'm not one to kiss and tell and it's really no one's business, but i just want to say that in like 2014 i hooked up with ilya rozanov and he was the most considerate lover i'd ever had. i was relatively inexperienced and so down bad for him that i would have done anything he said, but he checked in with me every step of the way, and *also* gave me crazy orgasms to boot"

and women start coming out of the woodwork responding to the thread with similar sentiments, that he'd set the bar for future hookups and relationships

and people are like "damn, consent king ilya rozanov, didn't have that on my bingo card this year" and "this man was really fucking his way across north america as a service to *us* teaching millennial women to have higher standards for their partners"

someone tweets out "i hooked up with ilya rozanov and all i got was multiple orgasms and really high expectations about consent" and it goes stupid viral

several months later when the fanmail debacle happens and hollanov are outed, that particular corner of social media has another meltdown along the lines of "and he's even bisexual? this makes so much sense"

someone jokes about getting shane a shirt, since he's a member of the club, this tweet makes its way back to harris, who feels like he should warn shane and ilya

ilya posts a picture to instagram of his husband lounging, wearing The Shirt, his underwear, and nothing else. the shirt is very obviously not new, has been worn and washed many times

in the picture, shane's left hand is draped casually across his stomach, wedding ring glinting in the light, as if to remind everyone: this one's mine

cole-crow

i canon this yes

stormsthatrage

Heated Rivalry AU where Ilya dips out early from a post-game party with Boston, and someone gets the idea to put on a Hollonov compilation as a joke.

The whole team settles in with rapt attention, ready to roast the shit out of Roz over it via group chat, only to see. Well. It's a series of interview clips over the years. It's made up exclusively of three things. One, clips of Hollander "stealing" linguistically challenging questions that the whole team knows Rozanov hates. Two, clips of Rozanov derailing questions that are about Hollander's "representation of his community," which gossip on the street says makes Hollander uncomfortable. Three, Hollander and Rozanov commenting individually on the rivalry, with vicious comments such as. "He's of course a great player, but he'll find us difficult to beat." Such fire in Rozanov's comments are especially damning, given his whole chirp-king-schtick. The video editor, with all the obsession and perception of a true fangirl, makes sure to circle every instance where you can see the shadow of Hollander and Rozanov pressing their feet together - and in one instance holding hands - beneath the interview table. (You wouldn't see it unless you're looking for it - or unless someone circles it in red for you.)

The video finishes, and the team sits in a kind of shocked silence as the next video auto-plays. This one is a compilation of Rozanov chirping Hollander on the ice. Here, the editor has helpfully drawn an arrow to Hollander's face whenever he blushes. The editor has also inserted text overlays with comments like. "Look at how fiercely Rozanov insults his rival." And then puts smaller arrows pointing to Roz's body language, with helpful texts like "excited wiggle indicating absolute fury," and "besotted grin indicating deep hatred." The sarcasm is distressingly accurate in its point.

(Listen, the whole team knows what Roz looks like when he's chirping someone. This - this is not it. This is not it at all. This is him when he's being silly with people he really likes. What is going on.)

The video finishes, and this time someone has the presence of mind to stop the auto-play before another mind-breaking thing comes up.

Someone else, trying to lighten the silence with a joke, and maybe dismiss it all as a fever dream, says, "Montreal Jane? More like Montreal Shane, am I right?"

And. Well.

Once it's out there, there's no coming back from it.

Cliff asks aloud, to no one in particular, "Are we just stupid?"

stormsthatrage

@munsons-mutiny It is a crime to leave this in the tags. I would give my firstborn to see your ideas in fic form.

I think I may already owe you my soul just for getting to read your continuation of the idea. How does it feel to be better than someone on their own post?

letsboldlygomotherfuckers

"not so gay you can't fuck rose landry" is such a funny line Ilya baby they dated for 45 minutes and Shane immediately came crawling back to you, came out as gay, and told you he has feelings for you. being too gay to fuck rose landry is quite literally the reason he realised/accepted he's in love with you and decided to lock that down

hollanovices

thinking about how shane and ilya's expressions of queerness are so different and how it doesn't relate to their preferred positions during sex at all, because it's so refreshing to see.

shane is a bottom through and through, but unlike in many other queer media, he isn't effeminate or delicate. he's masculine and brash and jocky, he works his grill and sets up fires and wears fucking.. khaki pants or whatever. he's just a guy. a guy that prefers to be fucked.

ilya likes topping (although he would be down for whatever as long as it makes shane happy) but he isn't some burly, macho "i will dominate you" dude like tops are shown. he wears his cunty little jean paul gaultier tiger print and slutty tank tops, and he's sassy and has a gay accent in russian and makes these flamboyant hand gestures. they don't take away from his masculinity, but the important thing is that ilya doesn't have to be gruff and manly and stoic.

and it makes me so happy to see that the weird gender role adjacent stereotypes about topping and bottoming arent placed on them.

fluentisonus

remember in p.e. when they'd take a bunch of insecure teenagers & be like "today we're going to play basketball" and then not teach you how to play basketball. and then put you in a group with guys who were obsessed with basketball and would get mad at you for not knowing how to play basketball. why did they do that

my-2nd-account

Ilya covering Shane's entire body with his, sobbing all over Shane's chest and clinging to him like a koala, while Shane runs his fingers through Ilya's hair and kisses his forehead after they've just confessed their love to eachother gotta be one of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen on television.

suraks-sweet-tits

After Shane takes a paycut to join the centaurs Ilya continues the joke that as his "very wealthy husband" it is his responsibility to provide for Shane now. This is completely ridiculous because thanks to his endorsements Shane still makes more money than Ilya and even his lower salary is still an obscene amount of money. Plus they share a bank account. Unfortunately, despite all of those things, the joke still flips a switch in Ilya's brain.

suraks-sweet-tits

@you-needajelloshot you are so right but no one can tell me otherwise that the first time he says it Shane is just like "oh because I have more of them than you?"