Shane and Ilyaās daughter has to do a family tree project in class. Theyāve done a great job at emphasizing to her that parents can be any two people that love each other and she understands that other kids might not know that. The rest of the project will be pretty straight forward - Shane doesnāt have any siblings and their daughter doesnāt know much about Ilyaās family at this age besides that papa has a mama that watches over them and that loves her very much. Shane is still nervous about it and having a Very Normal Shane Reaction wondering if she will feel left out for not having a mom and feeling sad that she will never know her papas family and wondering if she is lonely and if they should have another kid. When they get an email from the school asking them to come in at pickup to discuss her family tree Ilya is already angry and ready to pick a fight with whatever stupid kid is bullying their daughter for having two dads. They walk into the classroom and their daughter is standing with her arms crossed insisting that there is nothing wrong with her project and when the teacher slides it across the table they see something so bizarre that they donāt know where to start. Sheās drawn on only one side of the tree - Ilya and Shane both stemming from Yuna and David. Next to them are about ten stick figures of different sizes all with hearts around them. While theyāre trying to decipher what on earth she has drawn she starts presenting it with her little finger saying āsee? Dad is grandma Yuna and grandpa Davidās son and Papa is grandma Yuna and grandpa Davidās son, too.ā And then she moves her finger along with āand thatās uncle Hayden, uncle Troy and uncle Harris, uncle Evan, uncle Lucaā¦.ā And as sheās naming every stick figure Shane is trying to figure out how heās going to explain to her teacher that he is not married to one of his 10 brothers when he is actually an only child and Ilya has to turn away because heās crying at the reminder that the family that adopted him adopted her as well and there has never been a child that has been so loved
shane hollander is literally so lucky Chappell only got big in 2024 because if in 2014 he heard "knee deep in the passenger seat and you're eating me out, is it casual now?"
dude. he would start vibrating at a frequency that renders him invisible to all but the eyes of those fucked up shrimp.
and if in 2016 he heard GOOD LUCK BABE??? "when you wake up next to him her in the middle of the night, with your head in your hands you're nothing more then his her wife husband, and when you think about me, all of those years ago, you know I hate to say it but I TOLD YOU SO?????" MOTHERFUCKER there would be CARNAGE I think it would cause a legit mental break I think he would go on a rampage and kill people
shane hollander is literally so lucky Chappell only got big in 2024 because if in 2014 he heard "knee deep in the passenger seat and you're eating me out, is it casual now?"
dude. he would start vibrating at a frequency that renders him invisible to all but the eyes of those fucked up shrimp.
and if in 2016 he heard GOOD LUCK BABE??? "when you wake up next to him her in the middle of the night, with your head in your hands you're nothing more then his her wife husband, and when you think about me, all of those years ago, you know I hate to say it but I TOLD YOU SO?????" MOTHERFUCKER there would be CARNAGE I think it would cause a legit mental break I think he would go on a rampage and kill people
I'm all for Ilya picking up Shane in a sexual scenario. H o w e v e r, I do believe Shane is the one picking Ilya up in any other context. Ilya fell asleep while they were watching tv? Shane is carrying him to bed. Ilya refusing to go somewhere and stomping his foot and being stubborn? Shane throws him over his shoulder and carries him kicking and screaming. Ilya hurt his ankle while they were playing football at the cottage? Shane is carrying him inside and coddling his ass (he's fine but he's acting like he just got shot).
Which is why myshane is the one carrying myilyushka into the house after their wedding with the Pike kids.
i don't really know book hayden so he ain't got nothing to do with me, but i do sometimes get a little mmmmmm when people in comment sections on stuff from me (and i'm not hating! you engaged with the fic how you did, and i am glad that you were engaged enough to comment! i love comments!) immediately jump into hating hayden for not immediately being on board with shane and ilya dating.
and what he knows of rozanov is stuff like shane saying he offered his condolences after his father's death, hayden saying "oh, i should do that," and then being told that rozanov was offered this kindness and told shane to fuck off. and i get why shane was so protective about not wanting to let anyone know there's anything but rivalry between them but still!! hayden isn't getting ilya ever! he's getting rozanov.
like as a friend, if my friend (who is funny and snarky in private but tends to be pretty quiet and reserved in larger settings and doesn't assume that he has a space in places socially and has to be directly invited) said he's suddenly dating someone with a reputation for sleeping around, starting fights, and being cocky and smug all the time...yeah. i'd have concerns. i'd be on edge about it and very ready to be critical of the guy because this is my FRIEND. i care about them. i want them to be happy and with someone who treats them right, and EVERYTHING i know about this guy is that he's an asshole who responds even to nice gestures with being prickly.
and yeah, there is a chance for hayden to observe what's actually going on between the two of them in private...but ilya also pokes back. and i get why! guy is coming at him with all of this energy and clear doubt about him being worthy of shane! who WOULDN'T get snarky back. but if i already have doubts about this guy and then everything i see even in private is that he's the same asshole i already thought he was...not exactly encouraging me to jump on board with the whole thing.
and everyone TOTALLY is entitled to play dolls however they want, but i'm always like. yeah hayden doesn't like rozanov. he doesn't really get a chance to meet ilya.
June 12, 2016. Putting a date on this for when it gets reblogged months from now by people who think the post is about something from 30, 40 years ago.
I am a survivor of the Pulse nightclub shooting, having grown up in Orlando and just turned 20 a month prior. If you didnāt know, there were several families who refused to claim the bodies of their relatives due to their sexuality. One family even had their relativeās name removed from the memorial. Murdered by the same hate with which their families reject them in both life and death.
Many, many people celebrated Pulse. We were told we deserved it. That it was Godās punishment for our sin of loving the same sex. We are sent messages like these I received in 2018:
We in the community often call the victim count 49+ to include the survivors who couldnāt live with the pain.
The event was never officially declared a hate crime or targeted homophobic attack and is rarely listed as one in databases.
At our vigils for those slaughtered, Extremist Christian groups showed up to protest, holding signs like this:
ID: Me kissing a woman I was casually seeing in front of an angry looking man with a āSodomy is Sinā sign.
Please understand how much more than just a mass shooting this was. We are still to this day harassed and told we deserved it by some.
This year was the sixth anniversary. The first couple years I received dozens of messages checking in on me on 6/12. Year 5 got enough news coverage for people to think to reach out to me. This year it was my therapist, the woman I kissed in that photo, and a couple of other gun violence survivor friends. People are forgetting already.
anyway good morning a crucial tenet of hollanovās relationship is that theyāre equals and theyāre the only people in the world who could ever be each otherās equal. they were supposed to stand alone at the top but theyāre there together. shane does not view ilya as a lazy useless inconvenience. ilya does not view shane as a nagging killjoy. they are equals and they both think the other is the best thing since sliced bread and they love each other but more importantly they LIKE each other. stop making them not like each other!
like ilya spends his entire life being told (by people objectively shittier than he is) that heās not good enough, heās lazy, heās undisciplined, he lets people down. and then he meets the one person who would actually be in a position to assess whether ilya is any of those things, and shane just earnestly looks into his fucking soul and says no, they were wrong. āyouāre an awesome player to watchā āi donāt know that side of you at allā āthis isnāt what this is. me and youā
and itās such a fucking tragedy that people are trying to push MyIlya back into a setting where heās constantly being lectured about his inadequacies by the very person that canonically reminds him all the time that those inadequacies were figments of his dadās imagination
AU where Shane and Ilya don't hook up or have a decades-long secret. They don't really know each other at all, except to play each other.
Shane comes out of the closet sometime after Scott does, and in some random, lighthearted interview, they ask him what he's looking for in a man. And Shane's just, off-hand like, "Well, he'd have to have at least one Stanley Cup. Obviously." And when he gets a good reaction from that, he keeps going, like "Needs to be amazing at hockey. Definitely needs to be at least an All-Star, if not a captain. Hot too. If he can't bench-press me, I'm not interested."
And it's all in fun, except two days after the interview prints, Ilya Rozanov shows up at his door like "knock, knock. I am here to apply for boyfriend position. Do you need resume? I brought my Stanley Cup ring, just in case."
i truly do have so much to say about ilyaās bisexuality iām just so bad at actually articulating it but
the way that people frame it as if him choosing shane means heās not attracted to women anymore, or that heās not attracted to anyone except shane anymore
the way people act like it wouldāve been so easy for him to just choose to end up with a woman instead as if the only thing a bisexual person could possibly care about in a partner is 1. can i fuck them 2. can i avoid homophobia
the way people pathologise his history of casual sex to try and make out like it wasnāt his choice and it was never something he actually enjoyed
the way ilya being with women/talking to shane about women during the situationship is seen as inherently more slutty and fuckboy-esque than if heād done the same but with men
the way people act that him choosing shane is proof that heās actually gay bc no bisexual man would ever choose a man as their long term partner. the way people act like itās a good thing bc thank god ilya isnāt one of those real bisexuals, the ones who cheat and lie and can never be satisfied with one partner and will always insist on forcing their partner into an open relationship or a threesome
the way ilya wonāt read this shit but your bi friends will
bi ilya ā¤ļø bi monogamous ilya ā¤ļø bi ilya who loves shane and chose to build a life with him and is committed to him ā¤ļø bi ilya who is still attracted to women ā¤ļø bi ilya who is attracted to women more than heās attracted to men ā¤ļø bi ilya whoās attracted to shane most of all ā¤ļø bi ilya who couldāve fallen in love with anyone but he fell in love with shane and chose him over and over again every single time ā¤ļø
Personally I do think that sometimes non-hockey fans can end up mischaracterizing Shane and Ilya because they don't know enough about hockey/hockey playstyles
The Ilya we see in Heated rivalry would not be throwing the first punch, he's not an enforcer. Ilya is a star center and a Pest. He wouldn't be doing his job correctly if he was punching players every other game, it would end up with not enough ice time to let him be the playmaker he's paid to be.
But being a pest can be playmaking! Find a player to bait, emotionally push them just enough that they try to fight you, and then get the fuck out of there before the ref gives you both penalties. This gets your team the power play. There is probably someone on Ilya's line dedicated to helping him get out of the fights he starts, and finishing them for him!
I also think this is also something that Shane would respect. Ilya is good at it and it's a good strategy for his team. I don't think Shane would see it as some dirty tactic, because Shane probably thinks everyone with a brain can see it for what it is! He probably thinks everyone should be able to see that being an asshole is a tactic for Ilya, that it's something to ignore and not fall for, that it's a strategy and not personal beef.
I think Shane's more disappointed when a Metro falls for it. Shane sees it as Ilya set up a Looney Toons ass obvious trap and one of his teammates ran into it. Why be mad at Bugs Bunny when you can be mad at your defenceman for falling for a fucking Bugs Bunny trap.
Personally I do think that sometimes non-hockey fans can end up mischaracterizing Shane and Ilya because they don't know enough about hockey/hockey playstyles
The Ilya we see in Heated rivalry would not be throwing the first punch, he's not an enforcer. Ilya is a star center and a Pest. He wouldn't be doing his job correctly if he was punching players every other game, it would end up with not enough ice time to let him be the playmaker he's paid to be.
But being a pest can be playmaking! Find a player to bait, emotionally push them just enough that they try to fight you, and then get the fuck out of there before the ref gives you both penalties. This gets your team the power play. There is probably someone on Ilya's line dedicated to helping him get out of the fights he starts, and finishing them for him!
I also think this is also something that Shane would respect. Ilya is good at it and it's a good strategy for his team. I don't think Shane would see it as some dirty tactic, because Shane probably thinks everyone with a brain can see it for what it is! He probably thinks everyone should be able to see that being an asshole is a tactic for Ilya, that it's something to ignore and not fall for, that it's a strategy and not personal beef.
I think Shane's more disappointed when a Metro falls for it. Shane sees it as Ilya set up a Looney Toons ass obvious trap and one of his teammates ran into it. Why be mad at Bugs Bunny when you can be mad at your defenceman for falling for a fucking Bugs Bunny trap.
When Grace inevitably dies on Erid they build him a statue. It is grand in that it is not towering, but built methodically with the utmost love respect and care. Adrian and Rocky oversee itās construction and they ensure the Grace depicted not as a godlike saviour but a silly little space blob who taught their planets pebbles about relativity and who learnt to speak a language not made for his body. They make sure he is seen to be kind and brave. Lastly, they ensure an Eridian is carved with him so he will always have someone to watch him sleep.
Irina is a smart and curious child with big dreams. She gets into figure skating. Sheās good, she wants to be the best. In her late teens she gets a boyfriend. Heās good at first, sweet, but soon starts getting jealous and controlling. Every time sheās not with him, she has to tell him what sheās doing and with whom. She stops going out, she gets more and more isolated. Sheās with him all the time. Itās not enough. When she arrives 5 minutes later than the agreed upon time, he accuses her of cheating and hits her.
Sheās 19 now, she hasnāt been with him for almost a year. Sheās doing better. Her mother asks her if she doesnāt want to start going out again. She means well. Sheās so beautiful. She meets an older man. He isnāt as sweet as her first boyfriend was, but look where that got her. He treats her well and clearly cares about her. He works for the police and is well connected. Heāll protect her.
Sheās 20 now and pregnant. She wanted to try figure skating again. Or maybe go to college. Grigori keeps calling her a silly girl. He tells her she only has to make him look good. Sheās so pretty. She just needs to not embarrass him. Canāt she see how the other wives behave? How is it so difficult to organize a party? Doesnāt she have everything she needs?
Alexei is born and sheās so tired. She doesnāt know what sheās doing wrong. She wants her mother but Grigori barely lets her see her. Alexei is a difficult baby, she thinks. He cries all the time. She canāt get him to eat. She canāt get him to sleep. She has barely slept herself. āHow is this so difficult for you?ā, she hears, āevery woman does it.ā She dreams of disappearing.
Alexei finally sleeps for a few hours and meal time is easier now that he eats solid foods. She likes spending time with him. But he needs her too much sometimes. Thereās something in him that reminds her of Grigori. She doesnāt dwell on that; she canāt resent her own child. She dreams of having her own house, of skating, of going to school again.
Grigori thinks she spends too much time with Alexei. Heās a big boy now, he shouldnāt need his mother so much. He starts getting jealous of his own son. She leaves Alexei crying sometimes; itās better that way. She needs to pay attention to Grigori.
Alexei has a fever and Grigori tells her to get dressed; they have a party to attend. She tells him no; she will stay and take care of her child. He grabs her, locks her in her room, and reminds her of her place in the house. She can hear Alexei crying, a weak cry. She starts screaming and banging on the door, she has to get out. Something breaks and she canāt hear Alexei anymore. Her throat is raw from screaming when the door is open. āYou will remember what I can do.ā She doesnāt say no again. She starts thinking of her plan to leave, she will try to take Alexei. She will be good for now.
Sheās pregnant again. She canāt sleep; she canāt eat. Alexei is acting strange, has more tantrums. Heās cruel sometimes, he keeps reminding her of Grigori. She canāt have another son. She will not survive all the crying and sleepless nights. She keeps making monsters. She mustnāt think that. Alexei keeps asking for her attention. Grigori reminds her she needs to spend time with him; she is not to lock herself with her child again. She needs to leave. Her life is over. She will never escape now.
The moments she has alone, she keeps talking to her son. Ilya, she will name him. Heās her only comfort now. She begs him to please help her. He canāt be difficult. She will do her best to protect him, but he has to be good. She tells him her fears, she confides in him. Sheās terrified. āPlease donāt be like your brother, please.ā She loves Alexei, she does. āI wonāt survive if you are like him.ā She will need to find a way to leave.
Ilya is born. He looks like her. Heās a sweet baby, nothing like Alexei. He eats when she asks. He sleeps through the night. He never cries. She worries about that sometimes but when she looks at him, he looks well. Big eyes focused on her. Heās starting to smile now, every time he looks at her, he smiles. She canāt help but smile back. She continues to talk to him, tells him all her worries, asks him to help her. Heās all sheās got.
Alexei is getting more difficult now. He never stands still, always running, always breaking things. Grigori doesnāt like that, tells her she doesnāt know how to raise him. Alexei gets in trouble in preschool, heās hitting other kids. The teachers say heās a cruel boy. Grigori makes him change schools. She wonders if they were right, if whatever is wrong with Grigori, whatever is wrong with her that makes her hate her own child sometimes, has been passed to him. But then she sees the way he is with Ilya, so gentle, so careful, always making him laugh. Ilya canāt take his eyes off him, always trying to copy him. Ilyaās first word is Alexeiās name. Ilya is like that, bringing the best in everyone.
Ilya is 3 now. He loves playing with mama. They are picking flowers outside when he sees Alexei. He rushes to him and offers him the prettiest one, tall and golden yellow with pink on the outside. Alexei doesnāt even look at it and shoves him to the side. His father is right behind, an angry look on his face. He pats his head and goes inside. Thereās loud noises. He looks at the ground and the flower is destroyed. His mama is hugging him and thatās when he notices heās crying. āForgive himā he hears her say, āhe doesnāt know how to do better. Maybe we can make him a drawing to cheer him up.ā At night he goes to Alexeiās room to give him the drawing but he doesnāt go in. He notices some bruises on his wrist, like he sees in mama sometimes. He wonders if she noticed.
Mama is lying in bed. She had been there with her eyes open for a few hours, the way she is sometimes, when he went to her. Sheās petting his hair now, itās nice. āHave I ever told you about the boy I dated before I met your father?ā He hears her talk about a man whoād scream at her and hit her. She tells him about leaving him. She seems so small, her eyes are on the ceiling, her voice goes on. He closes his eyes and hugs her. āWhat is wrong with me to keep choosing this? How can they sense it in me?ā She is the strongest person he knows. He can hear Alexei turning up the volume of the TV in the living room.
Ilya started hockey lessons. He loves how fast he can go, itās like heās flying. His father goes to see him sometimes, itās the only time heās seen him smile at him. He prefers when he goes with mama, she always tells him heās the best. The coach is talking to his father now. He has his ear to the door but he canāt make out any of the words. When his father opens the door he doesnāt say a word. Later, he takes him out to eat ice-cream and tells him heāll be the best no matter what it takes. It doesnāt feel good like when mama tells him, it feels like an order.
Yesterday kids at school made fun of him for playing with flowers. They say heās like a girl with pretty curly hair. But they donāt say it kindly like his mama when she tells him heās beautiful. They say it with fists and kicks that left a bruise on his tummy. So he decided, today he will not be going to school. Mama finds him in bed, he tells her heās scared. āYes, itās scary,ā he hears, ābut youāre brave.ā
Heās alone at school today but he prefers it that way, no one bothers him. He sees a girl coming his way and he wants her to leave. He will not be rude though, so he just makes a silly face at her. She beams, takes his hand and says āyouāre such a stupid boy, Iām Svetaā They are running now and he never wants to stop. He thinks he loves her.
Alexei has been watching TV for over an hour now. He promised Ilya he would play with him, so Ilya decided to turn it off to remind him. Heās chasing him through the house now, but heās not mad, he can hear him laughing. He turns back to look at him smile, when his father opens the door. It hits him and he falls to the floor. Heās never seen his father so angry. Two punches followed by a whimper and his brother is on the floor. āYou should know better, you canāt let him do whatever he wants.ā āYes papa, thank you papa.ā His father leaves without looking at him. Ilya reaches for his brother, he wants to comfort him, but gets shoved away. Thereās blood on his shirt now and an ache on his ribs. Good, itās him who deserved to get hurt.
Heās going home from school when some older boys show up. He knows they are trouble. They are going after him, and heās running as fast as he can when Alexei shows up. He can rest now, Alexei will always protect him.
Heās trying to skate but his legs are too heavy. Heās too hot and too cold at the same time. His head hurts. Keeping upright is hard but he knows if he sits down, he will not be able to stand up again. He throws up and his coach is calling him. He will be calling his parents. āPlease donāt, please donātā, he dreads seeing his fatherās face if he has to leave early. Itās his mama who picks him up. The way home is hard, heās too tired. She helps him get into bed. Heās burning up. āHeās lazy and a liar, you canāt believe everything that boy says, youāre turning him too soft,ā he can hear his fatherās voice on the phone. His mama comes back. She gently rubs his back, his face, his wrists. āNo Ilyusha, he loves you.ā He falls asleep.
His father is screaming at mama. He canāt make out all the words but itās enough; āsissy, soft, youāre ruining him.ā He grabs her and pins her down, red, angry face so close to hers. Heās at his fatherās back, tiny fingers trying to hold his hands; heās in the air now, being taken to the bathroom. He locks Ilya in there. He can hear everything in the other room. āIāve calm down, papa. Thank you, papa.ā He opens the door now, he can leave. Heās on his mamaās bed, can feel her making soft circles on his wrist. Later at night, when he can hear his father snoring, he goes into their room. He crawls to his motherās side and notices sheās looking at him, tears in her eyes that wonāt fall. He lies on the floor and holds her hand, watches her as she falls asleep. It becomes a habit; he always has to check on her.
Alexei broke a window playing football. Heās not breathing right, words scrambled on their way out of his mouth. āYou have to tell him it was you. He wonāt hurt you.ā Ilya can still see his fatherās hand on his arm.
Ilya got punched today, some boys at school who didnāt like him. Sveta is helping him clean his wounds like she has done so many times before. Alexei sees him and Ilya feels a little safer. āWhen will you learn to toughen up? Such a fag.ā Sveta kicks his shin.
Word gets around that Ilya is the best at hockey. Heās bigger now, stronger. Boys donāt mess with him anymore. Heās learned that he can be loud and mean, and everyone wants to be around him. Heās never felt more alone.
His father is going to hit his mama, heās sure. He raises his hand and Ilya holds it. āStop.ā His father is looking at him, twists his arm. It hurts but he doesnāt show it. It gets him to stop. āMy sweet guardian angel, you will always protect me,ā his mama tells him. āPromise me youāll always be my sweet, soft boy. He canāt take that from you.ā He turns his head away from her, tears running down his face.
Heās beating records now. He can hear his coaches saying heās the best theyāve ever seen. He remembers skating for the first time with his mama. He will get her out of here, he will be the best and make sure they will escape.
His mama spends days on her bed, not moving, barely eating. He talks to her one day, asks her if sheās ever thought of leaving. āI canāt leave you Ilyusha, youāre my reason to stay.ā āTake me with you,ā he doesnāt say.
His mama is having a good day today. They spent the whole morning together like when he was little. They have to go to school in the evening, Alexei is receiving an award. Itās almost time, heās changed his clothes. His mama is napping but heāll have to wake her. She wonāt move, she wonāt breathe. Sheās holding her necklace, heās holding her. Thereās a ringing in his ears, he can hear a high, ragged sound but he canāt tell where itās coming from. His father is in the room now, telling him to move. His feet wonāt cooperate. He gets pushed away. āThis was an accident,ā his tone brooks no argument. In his own room, he realizes his throat is raw. He looks at his hand and sees the cross staring at him. āYouāre free now. You should have taken me with youā, he doesnāt say.
Alexei wonāt look at Ilya anymore. Ilya keeps practicing and heās getting better and better, no one can compare to him. Alexei wonāt look at him. His father brings him to parties, introduces him to all the right people. He will be a star. āI have to keep him in line, he gets lazy otherwise.ā Alexei is in a bathroom somewhere hooking up with a girl and doing coke. He still wonāt look at him. Ilya gets more and more popular. Alexei will join the police, like father did before. His father wonāt look at Alexei.
He meets Sasha. He likes him. Heās fun and Ilya can be fun with him. People enjoy when heās fun. Sasha can be soft too, in his own way. Ilya appreciates that, he hasnāt been soft in a long time.
Ilya starts hooking up with girls sometimes and heās having fun. They like that he doesnāt care and when heās a little mean. He prefers Sveta though, they can cuddle afterwards.
He sleeps with Sasha and thatās a different rush. He feels unstoppable. Heās the best, even Sveta thinks so, and she knows more than anyone else.
He knows heās good but now heāll have an opportunity to show it too. Shane Hollander thinks he canāt see right through him, but he wonāt act so nice once Ilya beats him. He knows what heās like, perfect, golden boy, from a perfect, golden family. Heās not used to competition. But why does he seem genuine then?
Hollander is good. Not as good as him, but good. Playing is fun again. And heās learning that teasing him is even more fun. He keeps thinking about him, but thatās only because heās not used to having someone on his level.
He gets drafted first. He is the best like he promised his mama. He escaped, but he isnāt free.
Hollander is a surprise. Heās never had this much fun with anyone else. Heās a risk and thatās part of it. He keeps feeling wrong-footed, he doesnāt follow the same script as everyone else. He hides so much and yet heās so genuine. He canāt stop poking him, and poking him, and poking him. And Hollander lets him. Seems to like it. Itās exhilarating.
He needs to be pushed, to be teased, to be touched. But he also craves gentleness and softness. Ilya can give him that without it being more.
He sees his face on a stupid ad. He wants to text him. He had a good practice today. He wants to text him. Heās making friends, and going out. He wants to text him. He texts Sveta instead.
Hollander wants him, thatās clear. And thatās good, heās used to being wanted, he likes being needed. He can give him what he wants. He can make it fun, so Hollander will keep coming back.
Ilya is back in Russia. His father is getting sicker, Alexei is unbearable, only talks to him to ask for more. Ilya almost hit him today. He really is his fatherās son.
Ilya needs Hollander, wants to text him. But heās reminded of the poison that is his family, heās reminded of the risks. He wonāt risk Hollander.
He wins the Stanley Cup. He escaped, but he still isnāt free. āFor you Mama, it was always for you.ā
Hollander still wants him and it gets easier to breathe. He likes how he reacts to his teasing and itās good sex, thatās the only reason. No point in stopping, itās just having fun and they both clearly enjoy it. He wonāt ruin him though, he wonāt get close, thereās no reason to. Ilya dreams of an escape, but he will just keep hanging around for as long as he wants him to.
It keeps being fun. Heās never felt more alive. Playing is better than ever. He goes out, his teammates like him. Heās popular, everyone wants him. Heās not hooking up with random people as much but thatās because heās feeling better than ever, he doesnāt need it as much anymore, and thatās the only reason.
He wonders what Hollander is doing, what he's eating, what he's reading. He collects little pieces of information, how he looks when he focuses, how he talks to reporters and how he chirps on the ice. He wants to know.
Heās counting down the days to meeting Hollander. Heās texting him. He thinks it would be good to hang out with him more, outside of sex. He wants him to stay the night. He wants him to drink the ginger ale he bought for him. He wants to cook him a meal and he wants him to eat it. He wants to kiss him. He wants to hold him. He wants and wants and wants.
He learned that he canāt want things a long time ago, but heās stupid, it takes too many times for it to truly sink in. Every time he sees Shane with her, heās reminded of the same lesson. He wasnāt made to have, only to give.
He knows Shane wants him, heāll just have to accept that itās only for this. He can be fun, he can give him that.
Seeing Shane again is better and worse than he could have anticipated. He canāt stop looking at him. Maybe he can have him again, and without her, which is better than he imagined.
Shane wants more, but he doesnāt understand. Ilya isnāt that, he isnāt big and fun and laid back, heās broken, and small, and scared. He canāt want that, so why does it feel like maybe he can?
His father dies and he has no reason to see his brother again. It should be freeing, heās not sure why it doesnāt feel that way.
He calls Shane, he always wants to talk to him. For once, he is the one who wants more, more, more, but heās learning to be happy with what he gets.
He canāt breathe. He wants to go to him and hold his hand. Heās not moving. Is he breathing? He needs to get to him. His feet wonāt cooperate. He gets pushed away. Everything his heart touches dies.
Heās fine and smiling and relaxed. He is okay. He will be okay. He wants to comfort him. He wants to give him everything he asks for. He canāt tell him no, but he doesnāt know how to make this possible.
Scott Hunter is kissing a man and he hopes. Maybe he will be free.
Heās scared, but he can be brave, he can be soft. Heās trying, he shares little by little and Shane catches him. He can be loud, and fun, and mean, and scared, and small, and soft. Heās always there. He looks at big sad eyes with tears that wonāt fall and he remembers. He hears him laugh and sees him smile and he remembers. He wants to hide, but heās held and he remembers. Shane looks at him and sees him and he remembers. He can be loved.
titsay
andulkaphoto
dailybridgerton
stormborns
