Self Soothing - A Holiday Guide
This time of year can be hard. This time of year can be especially hard for us LGBTQ+ folks that may be surrounded by triggers and negativity while enduring time with our families of origin. This time of year may mean time away from your safe spaces and supportive core which is why implementing self soothing techniques can be a useful tool this holiday season!
Self Soothing is Dialectical Behavioral Therapy technique that can assist in easing emotional distress or stress caused by triggering stimuli. Finding healthy ways to self soothe can be imperative this time of year. Self soothing can be done using all five senses and can help someone feel safe and present while employing grounding techniques and mindfulness during times of intense emotional distress. A few self soothing exercises can include:
Safety Statement: When you are actively triggered a safety statement can help ease disorientation that may be caused by past trauma. Create a safety statement to help keep you present. You can either say this mentally, out loud, or write it out. Your safety statement should include your name, the date, your location, and, of course, a statement of safety. For example: “My name is Emily Wicker. I am safe right now. It is 12:00 p.m. on December 26th, 2018 I am in the present, not in the past. I am safe right now. I am in Albuquerque, New Mexico in my apartment building at 12345 Street. I am safe right now.”
Mindful Observation of an Object: To help you stay grounded and present in times of intense stress pick something up. It can be anything; a book, a toy, a rock, a spoon, an ornament, a piece of a pine tree, a candy cane, literally anything. Mindfully take note of the weight of it in your hands, is it heavy? Is it light? Examine the surface of the object. Is it damaged? It is smooth? Is it squishy or soft? Does it vary? What colors are present? Press it against different parts of your body. Your cheek, your knuckles, the center of your palm. How do all of those sensations vary? Smell it. Does it have scent? Does it smell like you thought it would? Gently tap it with your finger or tap it against a hard surface. What does it sound like? Is it hollow? Is is solid? *Only for non-toxic and food items* place it on your tongue or in your mouth. What does it taste like? What temperature is it in your mouth? Is it soft or hard? What sensation does it have on your tongue?
Physical Grounding: To activate your parasympathetic nervous system to aid in calming physical grounding can be a useful tool. You can be seated, laying down, or standing to physically ground yourself. Let’s start with breathing. Place one hand on your belly and one hand on your chest just below you collar bone. Breathe in. You should feel your belly expand out and your chest and shoulders should stay still. Remember, keep those shoulders steady, deep breathing should always come from your core do your best to keep your shoulders and chest from rising and falling. Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, breath out for four counts, and hold for four counts. Holding breaths prevents hyperventilating. Continue to breathe and now turn your focus to the base of your feet. Dig in your heels or press your feet as hard as you can into the ground notice the tension in your toes and feel the support of your ankles. Keep breathing. Flex the muscles in your shins and calves and relax them. If you’re seated, feel the weight of the seat supporting you. Begin to scan up your body. How does each body part feel? Flex and release each muscle in each extremity as you move upward. Keep breathing. Flex the muscles in your face. Tighten your cheeks, purse your lips, squeeze your eyes shut, furrow your brow. Keep breathing.
There are thousands of ways to self soothe and some can work well for you while others may not be as successful. Testing and practicing during both times of stress and calm may be a good idea to hone in on which self soothing technique will work best for you.
Emotions will happen to us. It is a natural human response to an outside stimuli. So, just as you would not fault yourself for sweating on a hot day, you should never fault yourself for feeling or “losing control” of any sort of emotion. With practice, coping with those emotions may be something we can have control over. Please know you are never alone and you are strong.
Sending you all big love,
*This post nor any mental health advice should be taken in the stead of the advice and treatment of your licensed mental health provider. Please seek professional help if you are experiencing thoughts of harming yourself or others. National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
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