my love for apples is pure
its about as mushy as im going to get so be honored that you get to see it
this is like a once in a lifetime opportunity but hot damn i just cant help myself when its about apples
youre just a stranger on a social networking site for hipsters how can i trust you to keep your mouth shut about something that can ruin my reputation as a hardass everywhere
just watch tomorrow ill wake up to headlines about the resident coolbro lusting after the juicy insides of a granny smith in comic sans and font size twenty-four and then ill have to deal with thousands of hatemail from my beloved fans asking oh coolkid why
why are you macking on a fruity delight
but anyway im just saying you better keep it a secret
or else im going to have to kill you
gotta keep my rep intact and everything at all cost
i am not going to tell anyone jeeeeeeeez!!!!