the jewel of california

sideblog for troye sivan, anything seen here is for ooc knowledge ondly. 

[colovrmeblue]

I just want someone out there who’s willing to make me feel good for a night. To make me feel desirable, to want me. I don’t care if there’s no strings, I just want to be wanted. 

[velvetvetiver]

The version of you right now is deserving of love. Not you two years ago when you had more of your shit together, or the five years later version where you’ll surely be thriving. The version of you right now. The one that might just be okay, or is really struggling, or is bored and unproductive. That version deserves love. Having trouble accepting this is fine, but actively denying it is not. Your value is intrinsic, and finding confidence in that is mandatory.

[inkskinned]

i am sorry that someone out there made you distrust love. that they walked into your life and broke apart the most beautiful feeling there is. that now you don’t trust family, don’t trust friendship. that you live waiting for people to abandon you, that you leave early so they don’t leave you.

[colovrmeblue]

Hey @ myself

bitch stop being dramatic would you

[colovrmeblue]

clears throat

so as it turns out Mat wanted to spend MORE time with me and was only salty ‘cos I left so early and thought the exact same thing that I thought about him. That I just wanted to sleep with him and that be that. I’m glad we talked ): He’s a cutie and I’m so glad that we both wanna see each other again. 

[colovrmeblue]

You go from chatting with me every day to leaving my messages unread so you don’t have to talk to me so of course I know something is up and of course I see you avoiding me. I don’t want to jump the gun, because hey, maybe you are busy and haven’t had proper time to talk but I’m trying to find the disconnect. Did you just want to sleep with me and let that be that? I mean I guess that’s fine, we didn’t talk about anything beforehand or whatever but I at least thought we could remain friends. I guess it’s too much to ask for people to be adults, huh?

[colovrmeblue]

Hey it’s weird when u ask me about the guy I was with before u don’t do that. Especially when we’ve not even met yet and it almost seems like you’re trying not to be jealous n shit ‘cos I didn’t come see you instead that day. You’ll get ur turn!! please don’t make this weird!! I want to change the topic!!

[colovrmeblue]

Jesus he’s got a busy week I didn’t mean to plan all these trips so close together but Bear, Troye, and Danny in a matter of a week. Not to be nasty but she might not be able to walk for her first show in April, bitch. 

[colovrmeblue]

I’m just really happy that I’m able to experience my sexuality how I want to as both Duc and Plastique. We are different, but we are one and I’m so happy that the people I’m seeing right now enjoy both. Think I’m attractive and beautiful and don’t mind me slipping between personalities, intermingling who I am and who Plastique is. I can be both feminine and masculine, I can be a beautiful mix of the two to make a perfectly rounded Duc. I am happy.

I feel free to be me. And I adore feeling wanted as both male and female presenting, desired even. 

[colovrmeblue]

Really been enjoying getting on with everyone so far and I love having people I talk to throughout the day. I might not be super quick to respond but they always come back with conversation and it’s nice to not have to feel pressured about responding all the time but it’s a slow pace of conversation. It’s there if I’m feeling social, and less pressure. I feel like that’s why so many people get overwhelmed when they do these ‘like this post to come chat’ things. So many people all at once is pretty exhausting, especially if you’re trying to do other things as well. Anyways, point being, I don’t feel pressured to keep a constant conversation going but I’m enjoying the conversation and friends that I have made. 

I’m getting to see Troye soon and he agreed to let me put him in drag. Not sure when that specifically is going to happen but seeing him and making him c*m is the goal. We haven’t settled on a time frame but he mentioned he’d be in the states this week so we’re stoked. Mat is being an absolute lush and flying me out to LA tomorrow so I can see him. He’s so agreeable and there’s no pressure or resistance there. He’s around a good bit and conversational and doesn’t make me feel like I expect too much. Shopping? He’s down. Feeding my ego? Also down. He’s just happy to be here. It’s cute. It feels like he’s trying but it’s also effortless for him. I feel spoiled already, I can’t imagine how he’ll be when we’re actually together. 

[colovrmeblue]

I was flirting and being extra because that’s the only way I know how to be, I didn’t think he’d be into it. She’s not mad at it though. 💁