A Meat Bicycle for Two

[Hello, I'm Krieg. Don't let my rather... intimidating appearance scare ya' I'm actually a nice guy... is what I would say... what actually comes out of my mouth is...] "DON'T FORGET TO FLOSS AFTER I CAVE IN YOUR SKULL!" [Uuugh... close enough...]

[kavonnovak]

[conductorkrieg]

The Psycho and the Ghost

[shiny-ghost-intentions-blog]

A girl had been wondering the forest for sometime now just enjoying the sun and the calls of the other Pokemon. It was such a nice day she wished nothing would ruin it. 

She walked along the path, which was odd for her usual floating place to place, humming to herself as she walked. The noise around her drifted off into a light murmur before she noticed a clearing between the trees. That meant a meadow! And that meant she could lay down and roll around to her hearts content. Excitement rose in her belly and it made her start to jog to the opening. 

“Sunshine!!!!” The girl called out as she breached the trees and jumped into the sun only to fall back once her blue eyes landed on the person who blocked the way. He was huge compared to her, making her slink back in intimidation. 

The man himself was enough to make this shiny girl want to turn tail and run but then the axe in his hand made her stiff. He looked like he was ready to strike and kill her withing a moments notice. No hesitation. This made the purplette whimper and back away not letting her eyes off him. “S-Sorry…Uh. Maybe I’ll just…Uh… Go..Somewhere else?” Beyond those words she was to freaked to move. 

[conductorkrieg]

Krieg was ready to kill... but then he stopped himself. For a split second, he didn’t see the girl, he saw the pretty lady from Pandora... maybe it was just the similar hair colour but this girl reminded him of her. 

That was enough to calm him down.

[Thank god... look, if you want to get out of this place, ask her where the hell we are first] 

The voice inside his head ordered. Krieg began to strain. He wanted to ask her... but it was hard forming coherent thoughts and sentences. This girl was obviously scared out of her mind and to be honest with himself, he actually felt bad for it.

[Developing a conscious, are we?]

“Nnnngh... where... are... t-the... BLOOD RAGING MEAT-BICYCLES!?” Krieg lost himself right at the last second and began to lose control of his mouth. “Blood... the green poles will be splashed... IN THE BLOOD OF THE DESERVING! And I will be the PASSER OF JUDGEMENT!”

The rambling psycho grabbed his bald scalp and frantically shook his head. No that wasn’t what he wanted to say... 

[”Where are we?” Not hard... do it.]

“Nnnngh... SHUT UP LITTLE MAN!”

[conductorkrieg]

The Psycho and the Ghost

shiny-ghost-intentions

Krieg was definitely not on Pandora any more. There was no sand, dirt or blistering sun. Just lush, green trees and grassy clearings. 

The Psycho didn’t like it... it looked all wrong. His grip tightened on his axe. He wanted to chop down those trees... maybe it was just the confusion... or maybe it was just a kink to his insanity... the fact was, he was so used to the searing heat of the Pandoran sun and the endless expanses of desert that when he saw this lush forest, his brain just drew a blank.

Then again, his brain rarely drew anything to begin with.

[Never seen somethin’ like this before...]

His inner counterpart commented causing the outer Krieg to hit himself on the top of the head. This place was to peaceful... Krieg didn’t handle peace well... 

Suddenly, he heard a noise behind him... someone was here... tightening his grip further around the handle of his axe he turned to face the disturbance, all with the intention to kill...

[wueyahfantai]

Post the CUTEST Headcanons you can think for my muse. If they're adorable enough, I'll make them canon!

[conductorkrieg]

[fxlthyangel-deactivated20200309]

Pretty please~ reblog if you are a multiship blog!

[unaofthebahaclan-deactivated201]

The hulking Psycho kicked at the ground as he wondered through Sanctuary, playing around with his intimidating Buzz Saw Axe. "Bored... need to kill something... NEED TO DO SOMETHING!" He began to yell. "I PERFORM MY OWN STUNTS!!"

Boganella had been sitting on the roof of a random building, legs dangling off the side and a pistol being twirled around her fingers. That damn moon… Lots of memories there. Mostly of wankers getting their heads blown off.

Her attention was grabbed by the psycho’s shouting. That was one of Pandora’s Vault Hunters, wasn’t it? Craig or something.

She leaped down and landed behind him. “Oi, why don’t ya shut the fuck up and go bandit hunting?”

[unaofthebahaclan-deactivated201]

Boganella cackled and got to her feet to walk over to where Kreig was, just in time to see him mutate into… monster was the first word that popped into her head.

“Holy shit.” she said softly, ducking behind a fallen barrel to use as cover and, if necessary, a hiding place. Hopefully he’d be able to control himself so as to not attack her, but she wasn’t gonna count on it, especially not now.

“You betta’ hope he doesn’t break into the stronghold, fuckface.” she said into her echo, still speaking to Deirdre. “Looks like he’s willing to kill everyone in there, ‘cluding you.”

[conductorkrieg]

“I’m gonna kill you, your sister, you’re mom, your dad, your brother, your grandma... AND YOUR PET DOG, SCRUFFY!!” He yelled to the last remaining bandit. The poor sod froze in fear, staring up at the hulk of a mutant breathing heavily through the familiar hockey-esque mask. 

If you listened carefully, you could actually hear his bowels evacuating themselves... and the wet patch on the little guy’s crotch didn’t help either.

From a distance, this almost looked like your standard interaction between two bandits... 

Krieg cocked his head to the side as his one eye stared down at the quivering psycho. Eventually, he simply passed out from sheer shock. Soon afterward, Krieg’s body began to, for lack of a better term, deflate to his original size. His features returning to his regular proportions.

Turing to Boganella, he thrust his fist into the air. “I ate all the tiny chocolate ants!”

[unaofthebahaclan-deactivated201]

The hulking Psycho kicked at the ground as he wondered through Sanctuary, playing around with his intimidating Buzz Saw Axe. "Bored... need to kill something... NEED TO DO SOMETHING!" He began to yell. "I PERFORM MY OWN STUNTS!!"

Boganella had been sitting on the roof of a random building, legs dangling off the side and a pistol being twirled around her fingers. That damn moon… Lots of memories there. Mostly of wankers getting their heads blown off.

Her attention was grabbed by the psycho’s shouting. That was one of Pandora’s Vault Hunters, wasn’t it? Craig or something.

She leaped down and landed behind him. “Oi, why don’t ya shut the fuck up and go bandit hunting?”

[unaofthebahaclan-deactivated201]

Boganella chuckled and sat down on the body of a bruiser. “Me an’ the psycho here are just here to send a message. Don’t fuck with Sanctuary, cause we can and will kill you and throw your clan of shitheads and wankers into the void. Got it?”

“Yeah, whatever, just get out of here!”

“I can’t do that, darl. Craig’s not gonna leave till he gets bored. Ain’t that right, badass?”

[conductorkrieg]

“I WILL MURDER THE BOREDOM!!” Kried screamed in response. Nothing could stop him now. That said, he was keeping himself from entering the stronghold itself, after all, he was satisfied with what he had at the minute.

By now, the bandits had managed to get quite a few good shots on him... but that wasn’t exactly good for them.

The pain had caused something to snap inside his stomach. With a resonating growl of anger his entire body began to change... swell... distort. He was turning into the one thing you definitely didn’t want to tangle with.

“MY ANGER IS THE PAIN OF YOUR KILL STICKS!!” he bellowed before throwing away his shotgun entirely and charging into the horde of bandits with his axe ready to kill. “I’LL MAKE YOU CRY TEARS OF BLOOD!”

The small fragment of his sanity, his inner counterpart, only hoped this rage didn’t turn to the girl. Come to think of it... where was she? The outer one was to busy to even consider it... the inner one was sure she was fine. 

[unaofthebahaclan-deactivated201]

The hulking Psycho kicked at the ground as he wondered through Sanctuary, playing around with his intimidating Buzz Saw Axe. "Bored... need to kill something... NEED TO DO SOMETHING!" He began to yell. "I PERFORM MY OWN STUNTS!!"

Boganella had been sitting on the roof of a random building, legs dangling off the side and a pistol being twirled around her fingers. That damn moon… Lots of memories there. Mostly of wankers getting their heads blown off.

Her attention was grabbed by the psycho’s shouting. That was one of Pandora’s Vault Hunters, wasn’t it? Craig or something.

She leaped down and landed behind him. “Oi, why don’t ya shut the fuck up and go bandit hunting?”

[unaofthebahaclan-deactivated201]

Boganella lagged behind to look through the remains, looting whatever guns, shields, grenade mods, and ammo she could find. There was even some money and a few bars of Eridium! So awesome.

Of course, in his excitement and bloodlust, Kreig had missed a few bandits who attacked her while she looted. She made short work of them, though.

Her ECHO, and Kreig’s, suddenly activated, connecting them to the new Bloodshot boss.

"What the hell do you think you’re doing?" Delilah demanded. "I haven’t even done anything yet, and already there are Vault Hunters slaughtering my men."

[conductorkrieg]

The mass of sadistic rage didn’t care about the ECHO call. He acknowledged it... but didn’t care. That said, it did manage to bring him out of his blood rage somewhat. His inner counterpart became a little more clearer in his mind.

[I don’t really care much for these idiots... but remember ya’ got that girl with you.]

“Nnngh... SHUT UP!” 

From the outside, it would look like Krieg was yelling back at the ECHO, and to be honest, the sane part of his mind was thankful about that. 

[conductorkrieg]

"Oops..." [hi thar!]

((I assume this is for the “walk in on my muse” meme))

1. Your muse walking in on mine naked

Krieg had no idea why he was naked. Come to think of it... he didn’t really care. He wasn’t exactly the kind of person to adhere to social norms... besides, part of the reason he was wanted by Hyperion was public indecency.

All that aside, at least it was only the Crimson Raider HQ that had to endure the sight of the raging psycho in all his scarred glory. 

“MY MEAT FLESH IS FREE FROM THE FABRIC PRISON!!!”  

That... was indeed the case, although Krieg probably didn’t mean for that to be such a twisted innuendo.

[unaofthebahaclan-deactivated201]

The hulking Psycho kicked at the ground as he wondered through Sanctuary, playing around with his intimidating Buzz Saw Axe. "Bored... need to kill something... NEED TO DO SOMETHING!" He began to yell. "I PERFORM MY OWN STUNTS!!"

Boganella had been sitting on the roof of a random building, legs dangling off the side and a pistol being twirled around her fingers. That damn moon… Lots of memories there. Mostly of wankers getting their heads blown off.

Her attention was grabbed by the psycho’s shouting. That was one of Pandora’s Vault Hunters, wasn’t it? Craig or something.

She leaped down and landed behind him. “Oi, why don’t ya shut the fuck up and go bandit hunting?”

[unaofthebahaclan-deactivated201]

Subtlety clearly wasn’t even in this guy’s vocabulary. It wasn’t really in Boganella’s, either, though, so she wasn’t going to complain.

The robot followed after Kreig, managing to keep up with him despite his speed. This invasion of the Bloodshot Stronghold would be her first, since she hadn’t been on Pandora that long - Elpis had gotten much more of her attention, as many dead scavs could attest to.

She didn’t go through the gate until Kreig had and she was sure that most of the bandits around the area had been slaughtered.

[conductorkrieg]

Indeed, Krieg had already threw himself into the heat of battle at the entrance. Although he was toting his Torgue shotgun, he was using it more as a club than a gun that shot explosions. This, coupled with his axe, made for an excellent dance of slaughter.

It was most likely these Bandits thought they were being attacked by one of their own. That was usually the case, but, being as insane as they were, they probably attacked each other to begin with. It wasn’t like the psychopathic rage beast cared. 

“All these ants are like the bits of CHOCOLATE in my ice cream... yes... I’LL EAT YOU ALL!!” 

Yeah... subtlety definitely was not in his vocabulary...

[unaofthebahaclan-deactivated201]

The hulking Psycho kicked at the ground as he wondered through Sanctuary, playing around with his intimidating Buzz Saw Axe. "Bored... need to kill something... NEED TO DO SOMETHING!" He began to yell. "I PERFORM MY OWN STUNTS!!"

Boganella had been sitting on the roof of a random building, legs dangling off the side and a pistol being twirled around her fingers. That damn moon… Lots of memories there. Mostly of wankers getting their heads blown off.

Her attention was grabbed by the psycho’s shouting. That was one of Pandora’s Vault Hunters, wasn’t it? Craig or something.

She leaped down and landed behind him. “Oi, why don’t ya shut the fuck up and go bandit hunting?”

[unaofthebahaclan-deactivated201]

“Hell yeah. Lookin’ forward to seeing you tear into those fucks.” Boganella said eagerly. She punched the destination into the Fast Travel and warped to Three Horns, with the Bloodshot Stronghold visible a distance away.

[conductorkrieg]

Krieg knew this place well. The Stronghold was a place he could really cut loose in. Everywhere you turned there was a bandit begging to be crushed. It pleased the outer Krieg even more so when his inner counterpart didn’t bother trying to stop him.

“The puppets of my agony will strike at the heart of the beast AND BLOOD WILL GUSH THROUGH THE VALLEY OF MY SOUL!” 

By now, Krieg had pretty much forgotten this was actually the girls idea... in fact, the raging Psycho had forgotten she was even their, or at least it seemed he had. 

He began a full on sprint to the stronghold screaming profanities as he did so, he was itching to kill something.

[alwaysinthekitchxn]

Send me the name of a video game and I'll reply with my character's reaction while playing it.

[unaofthebahaclan-deactivated201]

The hulking Psycho kicked at the ground as he wondered through Sanctuary, playing around with his intimidating Buzz Saw Axe. "Bored... need to kill something... NEED TO DO SOMETHING!" He began to yell. "I PERFORM MY OWN STUNTS!!"

Boganella had been sitting on the roof of a random building, legs dangling off the side and a pistol being twirled around her fingers. That damn moon… Lots of memories there. Mostly of wankers getting their heads blown off.

Her attention was grabbed by the psycho’s shouting. That was one of Pandora’s Vault Hunters, wasn’t it? Craig or something.

She leaped down and landed behind him. “Oi, why don’t ya shut the fuck up and go bandit hunting?”

[unaofthebahaclan-deactivated201]

A grin crossed the robot’s face as she turned and walked towards the Fast Travel Station. “Come on then, big guy. This is gonna be fun.”

Judging by the bloke’s excitement, she probably wouldn’t have to lift a finger. He’d do all the killing himself.

[conductorkrieg]

Krieg had every intention of doing all the killing. A standard skirmish with the other Vault Hunters usually ended in him standing atop a pile of dead bandits, loaders and Hyperion engineers laughing sadistically. 

Probably not the image of sanity...

Giggling to himself, he followed the girl thinking about it.

“I WILL PUT PAIN INTO HIS HIDE!!!”

[unaofthebahaclan-deactivated201]

The hulking Psycho kicked at the ground as he wondered through Sanctuary, playing around with his intimidating Buzz Saw Axe. "Bored... need to kill something... NEED TO DO SOMETHING!" He began to yell. "I PERFORM MY OWN STUNTS!!"

Boganella had been sitting on the roof of a random building, legs dangling off the side and a pistol being twirled around her fingers. That damn moon… Lots of memories there. Mostly of wankers getting their heads blown off.

Her attention was grabbed by the psycho’s shouting. That was one of Pandora’s Vault Hunters, wasn’t it? Craig or something.

She leaped down and landed behind him. “Oi, why don’t ya shut the fuck up and go bandit hunting?”

[unaofthebahaclan-deactivated201]

“Obviously.”

The robot sighed and pulled out her ECHO to scroll through recent Pandoran news. “Bloodshots are back with a new leader. You wanna go make sure that arsehole knows not to mess with Sanctuary?”

[conductorkrieg]

Murder?

Krieg liked murder. Under the mask, Krieg wore a beastly grin. Nodding his head vigorously, he tightened his grip on his axe. 

[Now you’ve gone and done it, kid...]

“Mighty leaders rise to the challenge, facing mountains and men. I say NAY! Leaders fall... AND FALL HARD. Their blood shall splash on the face of their downfall... yes... YES... KILL THE LITTLE MAN!!!” Krieg began to ramble. He was losing himself in his own rambling

He began to stamp and a wild chuckle escaped from under his mask.

“DIE DIE DIE!! KILL KILL KILL!!!”

[unaofthebahaclan-deactivated201]

The hulking Psycho kicked at the ground as he wondered through Sanctuary, playing around with his intimidating Buzz Saw Axe. "Bored... need to kill something... NEED TO DO SOMETHING!" He began to yell. "I PERFORM MY OWN STUNTS!!"

Boganella had been sitting on the roof of a random building, legs dangling off the side and a pistol being twirled around her fingers. That damn moon… Lots of memories there. Mostly of wankers getting their heads blown off.

Her attention was grabbed by the psycho’s shouting. That was one of Pandora’s Vault Hunters, wasn’t it? Craig or something.

She leaped down and landed behind him. “Oi, why don’t ya shut the fuck up and go bandit hunting?”

[unaofthebahaclan-deactivated201]

Ugh, just like the regular psychos. Worse, probably, considering he’s obviously a hundred times tougher than them.

“What the fuck does that even mean? Can ya speak proper English or not?” she asked, an unamused expression on her face.

[conductorkrieg]

“I MURDER THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE” 

Inner Krieg groaned every time Outer Krieg spoke. it was always something to do with brutal murder but more often than not, Outer Krieg didn’t actually mean what he was saying... he just couldn’t help it.

Granted he had been getting better. He was replying with phrases that actually had some faint relevance. 

Still complete rambling most of the time.

[unaofthebahaclan-deactivated201]

The hulking Psycho kicked at the ground as he wondered through Sanctuary, playing around with his intimidating Buzz Saw Axe. "Bored... need to kill something... NEED TO DO SOMETHING!" He began to yell. "I PERFORM MY OWN STUNTS!!"

Boganella had been sitting on the roof of a random building, legs dangling off the side and a pistol being twirled around her fingers. That damn moon… Lots of memories there. Mostly of wankers getting their heads blown off.

Her attention was grabbed by the psycho’s shouting. That was one of Pandora’s Vault Hunters, wasn’t it? Craig or something.

She leaped down and landed behind him. “Oi, why don’t ya shut the fuck up and go bandit hunting?”

[conductorkrieg]

Krieg stopped in his tracks. Quickly turning around to face this newcomer he was taken aback to find it was a girl. 

Well this is strange, everyone usually gave him a very wide berth when he walked past. Yet here this girl was yelling back at him. The voice deep down in Krieg’s head could only manage to give a chuckle. 

[You’ve obviously got a death wish, kid] 

“I EAT MEAT-BICYCLES FOR SECOND BREAKFAST!!” was all the outer voice managed to say.

[inboxideas]

Put "Oops!" in my askbox

[conductorkrieg]

I’ll use a random number generator and respond to…

1. Your character walking in on mine naked. 2. Your character walking in on mine on the toilet. 3. Your character walking in on mine having a tea party with stuffed animals. 4. Your character walking in on mine in the shower. 5. Your character walking in on mine waking from a nightmare. 6. Your character walking in on mine kissing a stranger. 7. Your character walking in on mine making a shady transaction. 8. Your character walking in on mine in a revealing costume. 9. Your character walking in on mine in bed with someone. 10. Your character walking in on mine being attacked by a masked assailant. 11. Your character walking in on mine waiting in bed for them. 12. Your character walking in on mine singing at the top of their lungs. 13. Your character walking in on mine watching pornography. 14. Your character walking in on mine in the middle of a mental breakdown. 15. Your character walking in on mine piss drunk. 16. Your character walking in on mine having a heart attack. 17. Your character walking in on mine having an embarrassing fall. 18. Your character walking in on mine throwing up. 19. Your character walking in on mine masturbating. 20. Your character walking in on mine… [mun’s choice]