it's the bpd, but thanks

unsolicited insight into the life of a bpd;she/her, taurus, spiritual fairy🌞

[conflictedanonymous]

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent

Eleanor Roosevelt 

Just a classic quote that resonates with me for a variety of reasons

[conflictedanonymous]

You know what sucks? 

When you start seeing someone new and they decide, whilst having a bad day which I understand we all have, to start listing all the things that you don’t share in common. 

[conflictedanonymous]

Why is it so difficult to leave something that you know is bad for you?

[conflictedanonymous]

I haven’t posted for a couple days. That will be because my mood has been significantly elevated as opposed too the past couple weeks. Everything is very up and down, literally like a roller coaster. I challenge anybody to 24 hours in my brain, you’ll soon want your own back. Believe me. 

[slfcare]

this pandemic will end and you’ll claim the window seat in your favorite cafe, stand in a crowd at a concert, visit a museum and make crappy art in the park. sometimes things feel like they’ll go on forever, sometimes bad things feel heavier than good things, sometimes life feels like it’s slowing down and all you’re doing is waiting for the full stop— but just because this hopelessness is all that you’re feeling right now, doesn’t mean that it’s all there is. there’s always more and you will experience that, and you will feel alive again.

[conflictedanonymous]

I needed this. 

[conflictedanonymous]

Note To Self

Before getting all worked up and annoyed, ask yourself, ‘Do I need to be getting so worked up before I’ve even considered if there is a solution?’ ‘Process things calmly and objectively before getting emotional about them’.

[conflictedanonymous]

SO much passion for so many different things but no motivation to do any of them. Lacking in self-esteem as well as confidence. Need more self discipline. 

[conflictedanonymous]

How do I stop existing and start living? 

[conflictedanonymous]

I wonder if there is anybody out there who is as much dependent on cannabis as I am? Mental health problems or not. I can’t help but put myself into a state of shame very time I feel as though I need to smoke a spliff. It is a vicious cycle that seems to be impossible to break. I smoke to escape my mood swings but I know that the cannabis is also playing a role in the mood swings themselves. Catch 22. I need to smoke to feel numb, but I don’t want to rely on the numbness in order to make myself feel better. Having no practical coping strategies doesn’t exactly help either. Taking deep breaths DOES NOT help me. It is a short term solution for a long term problem which is why I choose the weed. Lasts longer. 

[conflictedanonymous]

Within ten minutes of waking up this morning, I experienced around three to four different moods. These moods come in waves. Some of them are short lived and other stick around for longer. I had to smoke a spliff within an our of waking up in order to mellow out myself and my mood. 

[conflictedanonymous]

This morning I have completed my very first workout! It was only for 20 minutes doing a variety of tummy and glute exercises but I feel as though it’s the starting point towards feeling much more confident about my body. I have been feeling slightly unhappy and self conscious about the way that my body is looking at the moment. I would say that I haven’t been particularly looking after myself nor have I been eating correctly. Going for a walk with the dog every day is helping to keep me active but I know that it isn’t enough. I have in my head this strange concept that as soon as I turn 25, my body will no longer look the same as it once did nor will I have time to make the changes that I want to make. I know this doesn’t make any sense and is something that I have fabricated but I am worried that if I don’t do something soon then slowly but surely I am going to fall more and more out of love with my body. 

[conflictedanonymous]

I have been awake for no less than two hours (medication makes me drowsy as fuck) and already I have encountered posts on Facebook and Instagram that have caused me to feel upset. I am debating whether or not to even keep my accounts on those platforms, they do nothing but make me compare myself and my life to others. I know comparison is the thief of joy but when these platforms are so easily accessible, it creates quite the problem. Here’s hoping my self-esteem picks up today

[conflictedanonymous]

My ex-boyfriend plays on my mind so often. I miss him.

[conflictedanonymous]

I like to see the beauty in things as much as I can. I saw these when taking a walk during the start of the first lockdown (March 2020). Spring is such a nice season. These flowers starting to emerge somehow symbolized to me new beginnings. There are so many new beginnings all around us, all the time. The birth of a new baby, the start of a new relationship, somebody just received great news.. so many new things! So many reasons for so many people to be happy. It amazes me that such small things have such beauty in them and could mean so many different things to so many different people. Keep smiling. 

[conflictedanonymous]

I keep wondering if I am supposed to be manifesting the things that I want or do I wait for the universe to send them my way? 

I am a strong believer in the law of attraction so I generally do try to manifest the things that I want but it seems that I only ever get the opposite. Maybe that’s because of karma? I have so many questions 

[conflictedanonymous]

Where is your safe space? 

Where do you feel most at peace?

Where can you unwind and feel free enough to get lost in your own thoughts?

[conflictedanonymous]

The sky, so beautiful. So serene. So still. Beneath it lies a world of chaos. Do you think the clouds know what goes on beneath them? Sometimes to ground ourselves, we find looking at the sky helps clear the mind. Do the spirits in they sky wonder what on Earth we’re all doing down here?