I have not posted here since my breakup, which happened around 2020. I had a lot of personal growth, so much self reflectioon. I am not sure to why I decided to write. Maybe because I need some form of “journaling,” since my hand writing is utter caca.
I miss the days where we were all indoors. I felt close to my family, friends, and others. felt mentally, emotionally, and physically at my best; maybe because I just prefer being alone in my own little corner and not wasting time. Which is something I noticed when the world opened up. I feel more alone than ever. Going to job intereviews after graduating uni is tiring, and as I mentioned, I feel as though I am wasting time and enegry just to drive somewhere for about 30 - to an hour; to have a 15 - 30 min interview. Like dog, one thing I learned from lockdown was how ineffective we are at times. Why must we waste time dressing up, starting our cars, get stuck in traffic, getting stressed about because we do not want to miss our interview, and to stress because the location maybe is confusing.
Just meeting on dicsord, zoom, and/or face time will literally save so much time.
I learned so much during the lockdown from software, bussniess, marketing, managing, teamwork, organizing, controlling my emotions better, and overall being a much wiser person that I am compared to before.
I also miss the family time. Since we were all forced to be indoors; we had no choice but to interact, get along and forced to deal with our family issues rather than telling ourselves we are “extroverts” just to avoid reflection. Which is something I think most intorverts are able to relate now since the lockdown is over. I was actually “happy” for once. I was single, therefore, no one to really care for if that makes any sense. I know many love being in a romantic relantionship; however, I now find them to be very stressful. As someone who has ADHD, we will MONOFOCUS so hard on the relantionship; creating an imbalance between our own lives and our romantic partners. I finally feel free. Happy. I do thank my ex so much for slapping reality to my face. To finally know what a “real” romantic relantionship should be, and as one of my brothers would “a best friend where you two can fuck.” So sorry if that rubs to whomever is reading this the wrong way. I used to think breakups were the end of the world, however, they are not. We need breakups to remember who we are as individuals, to remeber our goals in life. Never forget who you are.
The lockdown allowed those who were stagnant in their lives to finally sit there and ponder. Ponder to the point of relization that they were not doing their best; simply, they were not becoming the person they always wished to become. With lockdown over, we are now even more distracted. No longer we are aiming to be the best, now just doing.
Realizing most, if not all my friends have ADHD is kind of funny because they remind me of the me before medication. It is an eye opener.
Sadly, the world has opened up, and some of our close friends are massive extroverts; leaving some of us very alone. As they say, “good things come to an end.” Also, I do know how crul me writing this may come off to those who lost people they loved, I am deeply sorry.
I just miss being with my friends, happy, and aiming towards new heights without interference from the outside world.
