summery: OJ seeks comfort from bomb after dwelling on an especially bad encounter with salt. He doesn’t get it. This is the ‘I’m not fighting your battles for you’ guy, after all.
Things were finally starting to get back to normal, and just in time for the new episode. Puddles of melted snow were almost all evaporated, trees were starting to grow new leaves, and the contestants breathed a sigh of relief to have dry ground to sleep on again. Even the nights were starting to get warm. It was nice.
OJ and bomb found themselves under the same tree they’d slept under together for as long as t̶h̶e̶y̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶r̶e̶m̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r they’d been competing on Inanimate Insanity. Maybe it was the relaxed mood, or the warming air, or just that OJ was ready, but the words caught in his throat for nearly a month finally found their way out.
“Hey, bomb?” Why was he shaking? Why did this feel so wrong to begin with?
Bomb looked over to him with a curious tilt of his head. “Y-y-yeah, O-OJ?”
“Do you, uh… do you remember the last challenge?” Was he scared bomb would be mad at him? He did say he didn’t want to fight his battles for him… but, he wasn’t asking for that this time, at least he was pretty sure. So it was okay, right?
Bomb chuckled endearingly. “It was a-a month a-a-ago, OJ, of course I r-re-remem-remember. Do y-you? Is that why you’re a-as-ask-asking? Is your m-memory starting to go?” he playfully flicked OJ’s forehead.
“H-hey!” he put his hands up in front of his face to stop further attack as he giggled. After a moment, he felt safe enough to let down his guard and keep talking. “I know you remember, I was just trying to start a conversation!”
“Oh really? What kind of con-conversation? Go on, just s-say what you wanna say al-already! Don-don’t pad things ou-out!”
“Alright, alright! Just give me a sec! This is hard to say!” Although he found himself giggling at his friend’s antics, his stomach hurt. It felt like there was a rock weighing it down. He was just so anxious…
“It… it’s just that… last challenge, after the cameras stopped rolling, I, uh…” he tried to gulp down the lump in his throat. It didn’t work. “Salt wanted to, uh, follow up on our chat from earlier, so she got us alone, and-”
He was cut off by his own surprise. Not the kind when you get a gift out of the blue, or a twist catches you off guard in a good book, but… it hurt. It made his stomach twist more than it already had, made his mouth go dry, made something well up behind his eyes. All in response to the sound of laughing that invaded his ears.
Bomb was laughing at him.
“And-and what, OJ? She con-confessed her undy-undying love for you? Gave y-you a peck on the lip-lips? What are you getting so s-ser-serious for? Scared me h-half to death! I thought you w-were gonna talk about some-something important or something!”
He kept laughing probably harder than OJ had ever heard him laugh before. His hands balled up into his pants. Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t you dare cry!
“It-no! That isn’t what happened!” OJ tried to make him stop. Why did that sound hurt so much? He usually loved hearing bomb laugh. “She-we didn’t end up talking, not a lot. She just started- she-she started touching me! Like, my arms, and my face, and my chest-”
“Ohhhh nooooo!” bomb flopped onto his back, one leg in the air as he dramatically held the back of his hand to his forehead. “Poor OJ! F-forced to be felt up by a h-ho-hot chick! Oh w-woe is him! St-stuck with the bur-burden of having a bea-beati-beautiful girl falling all o-over his dick! What h-horrors will the wo-world throw at him n-next?! Maybe be-becoming a mill-million-millionaire! Or curing c-can-cancer!”
This was somehow worse than the worst case scenario he’d thought over for weeks before this. A single tear managed to get past his desperation to keep it in. It was quickly swiped off his cheek by bomb, now sitting on his knees in front of him, a more sympathetic look on his face.
“L-list-listen, OJ. you really got-gotta stop act-acting like this is the-the worst thing that’s ever hap-happened to you. You-you’re blowing this wh-whole thing way out of pro-porpor-proportion! She’s just some g-girl with a cr-crush! This is wh-what girls do when th-they have crush-crushes! You’re being w-way too pre-precious about this, and it-it’s starting to get on oth-other people’s ner-nerves. No-no one’s gonna take you ser-serious-seriously if you keep act-acting like this. It-it’s just the truth.”
OJ stared at the dead grass beneath him through the whole rant. Something sharp went through his whole body. It was heavy too, and it made him feel terrible about himself. Shame. That was the word he was looking for.
“Are… are you sure?” he wasn’t used to his voice sounding so weak.
“Pos-positive. It’s nothing to be up-upset about! P-people are gonna start think-thinking you’re g-g-gay or some-something if you keep comp-complaining about get-getting to live ev-every- every guy's dream.”
“Other guys… want that to happen to them?” that couldn’t be right, every part of his body was screaming at him when her hands went under his clothes. But… maybe that’s just what arousal feels like, and he panicked at the new emotion?
‘Yep. if a ho-hot chick like h-her wanted to feel up my b-body like that, I woul-wouldn’t even need a mill-million dollars! I’d be a hap-happy man just like th-that! You’re lu-luck-lucky, OJ. stop taking it for gr-grant-granted.”
His body still didn’t get what he was saying, even though his mind did. He was just being stupid and precious about something that wasn’t even an issue. So why did everything hurt so much? Why did he feel sick, scared, guilty, uncomfortable, ashamed, betrayed?
“...alright. You’re right. I’ll stop whining.”
Bomb patted him on the back a bit forcefully. Well, he was a power lifter, so almost everything he did was a bit forceful. “Pr-proud of you, O-OJ. just-just humour her instead of freak-freaking out. If sh-she’s really not you-your type, she’ll lose in-inter-interest even-event-eventually. She seems to like th-the thrill of the ch-chase, so she’ll get bored.” he elbowed OJ in the side. “And may-maybe point her in my-my direction after you re-reject her. I’ll take her i-if you don’t w-wan-want her.” he winked.
The conversation died down pretty quick after that, mainly because they were both exhausted this late into the night.
Bomb fell asleep fast. OJ didn’t.
His body still felt awful, like every part of him was screaming to make it stop. He didn’t even know that ‘it’ was! He just felt… bad.
But that was okay. He just had to keep reminding himself that there was nothing to be afraid of.
This was normal.
What salt was doing to him was normal.
He was the weird one here. He was in the wrong.
It would all work out in the end. Because this was just how things were. This was normal.
God, he wished he could just be normal too. It wouldn’t hurt so much if he was.
(I better not see any notes like ‘I hope bomb gets his wish’. The answer is never ‘more victims’.)
young trans boys i need you to listen to me TOXIC MASCULINITY WILL NOT HELP YOU
being transmisogynistic, exorsexist, intersexist, etc towards the people around you wont only hurt them but you as well
no it doesn't make you more of a man, no it doesnt help your dysphoria, it just makes you miserable. you are man enough, when respecting the people around you
romaincrisis
