DEH Forever!

My header is by @illilluminate

[shez-a-dove-deactivated20161204]

@ the mutuals I don’t interact with a lot I love u and hope ur doing well

[milkmeats]

reblog if you want your followers to tell you what fictional character you remind them of

!!!!!!!!

please

!!!!!!!!

[sstars-in-our-eyes]

I beg

[grandeslut-deactivated20130502]

[drryland]

33,363 notes, well done society

[fiestymikefaist-deactivated2020]

Me

[connormurphyobsessed]

???

Okay so I have of writing excerpts that I'm thinking of posting. I have a few in my que. What do y'all think?

[connormurphyobsessed]

Sup

Do you like funny stuff? Welp I kind of do stuff like that on my personal. Follow it at @superfrankie111

[connormurphyobsessed]

Connor Murphy Imagine/Drabble : Stuck in Place

Hello! Ella here! I wrote this on my phone FYI and it’s kinda crappy but I did write it so I’ll let you all read it. TW: talk of suicide, sex is mentioned maybe once or twice

The insistent tapping on my window was what made me utterly aware and angered by his existence. Everyday like clockwork he would tap on my window to let me know that he was ready for me to help him in math. I was not expert by any means, but I was a hell of a lot better than Connor. I never knew Connor well until I was asked to help him in math. I said yes because I’m a push over and we lived next door to each other so his mom could pester me. Nothing between us was out of the ordinary. He became my high school boyfriend. We would fool around and spend our spare moments together even if we didn’t have much in common, but that’s what lonely people do sometimes to fill the void. Some people have drugs, or gambling, or maybe sex and I had Connor to distract me, sometimes with sex of course. Over the course of year I got to know the in’s and out’s of Connor and how his mind worked. He crumpled in on himself for days but would do everything he could to get out of his despair. Sadly his despair was a monster and it had no mercy. The day he killed himself I heard no tapping on the window. I didn’t notice in all honesty. I was caught up in my own world like almost everyone is. I only knew something was a wrong when the police cars surrounded the house. I suddenly became aware of the fact I hadn’t seen Connor that day. I knew somewhere deep inside that he was dead right away. I’ll remember him and his face for a long time, but then it will fade. Every time anyone kills themselves I’ll be taken back to his funeral and the way he understood that sometimes you can’t escape the bad thoughts. When I kiss someone else for the first time after him I’ll remember his lips on mine and try to forget. When I have sex with someone new his face will be on my mind when the person next to me falls asleep. I’ll go to college and make mistakes and memories. When I’m all alone and a song he loved comes on I’ll be taken aback and cry on my dorm room floor. I’ll graduate and visit home and see his house and be brought back to when we first kissed on the swings in his backyard. It will be the first time I think of him in a long time and I won’t be able to remember his voice as clearly. I’ll get a job I like and meet a man who loves me beyond words and who I love with my whole heart. I’ll get married to him and Connor’s parents and sister will come to my wedding. I’ll think of him for just a moment when I walk down to my soon to be husband and I see his parents face. I’ll have three kids, two boys and a girl. I won’t think about him for years and years until one day I’ve dropped my kids off at school and I head home. I’ll be in my living room going through boxes that have been with me throughout many moves and heartbreaks and triumphs. In one of the boxes I’ll find an old math test that Connor had aced. I’m not sure why I kept it, but suddenly I’m sobbing so hard my body feels like it will break. I’m wasn’t the 17 year old who kissed Connor before school and braided his hair when we were alone anymore. I was an adult who had gone to college, had jobs that I hated and loved, found the man of my dreams after some jerks and almost rights, I had three beautiful children, and had a life full of love. Connor didn’t. He was still that 18 year old and would be forever. I moved on in life and couldn’t even remember his eye color because that’s what I had to do, and Connor will forever be standing still.

[connormurphyobsessed]

Take your time dude, I understand the struggle of writing, school, and dealing with a disorder at once. The most important thing is that you're happy. Sometimes you just have to let somethings give for a little while. Get some rest, your work is awesome and as much as I love it, it seems that you need to spend some time on your irl life right now. I wish you the best of luck! <3 ~Ghost Anon

Ghost anon, thank you! I'm trying my best and thank you for understanding. It's not easy but kind words make it so much better. I hope life is wonderful for you! And if not message me or if it's great do the same❤

[connormurphyobsessed]

i hope you keep writing on here but if not - that's okay! i know what it's like to not have any motivation for something even after you say you're gonna do it, it sucks but it's okay, nobody's rushing you. take your time to see if you can write out even a small lil oneshot, nobody's gonna pressure you and if they can, they can kiss your ass. this is your blog and you can take your damn time with whatever you wanna do. best of luck! :-)

Thank you so much! I don't even know how to put it into words that you took the time to write to me so thank you for being amazing!

[connormurphyobsessed]

LET'S TALK

Okay so hey guys. I know I keep saying I’m back but I keep losing all inspiration. If I’m being honest since school started I’ve been super busy. Also my OCD has been literal hell. My mind is constantly getting stuck and things and spiraling in. Today I read some fics I wrote but never published and it made me happy and sad. I think I want to keep writing on here but it may be hard for to because of my mind. Thank you all and I hope you undestand. Love you all, Ella

[edmunsonburner]

Ben Platt has officially left Dear Evan Hansen

[stormcellarwitch]

This just in

@connormurphyobsessed is one of my best friends and I love her

[connormurphyobsessed]

This just in, you are one of my best friends and I love you.

[stormcellarwitch]

This just in

@connormurphyobsessed is one of my best friends and I love her

[connormurphyobsessed]

Please please make a second part to your last fic? I felt like crying omg, amazing honestly!!

I will!

[connormurphyobsessed]

Hey hi hello, please do not leave us on a FRIGGIN CLIFFHANGER please don't be Rick Riordan. Please and thankyou-Mikki (your fics are greattt btw)

Thank you! And I'll be starting on the second half today.

[connormurphyobsessed]

I think that anon was just of how fabulous you are. Don’t let anyone get to you, not even people who don’t even know how to handle their own emotions. I agree with the ask before mine, you handled it very well and I am also proud of Dat :3

Thank you! ❤❤

[connormurphyobsessed]

have you thought about joining a horse cult

Horse cults are the best cults

[connormurphyobsessed]

I'M HERE AND ALIVE

Hi! I know people have been wondering where I've been, I've been away for family issues. I'm back now though!