my name is jorts | i'm old | they/them started from the bottom (giving half the hankcon fandom a collective santa kink) now we’re here (✨🔮 manifesting: all my homies thirst for wulbren bongle🔮✨)
pairing: hankcon
rated: E
wordcount: 146,904
tags: alternate universe - canon divergence, cryptid hunters, supernatural elements, mutual pining, slow burn, banter, humor, fluff and angst, angst with a happy ending (for more tags, check the ao3 link)
summary:
Hank Anderson is a former police officer with a drinking problem, a car he hasn't cleaned out in three years, and a Quest.
He's looking for Bigfoot; instead he finds Connor.
Connor is a sarcastic piece of deviant shit. He also happens to be an incredibly advanced reconstructive tool who fell into Hank's lap for the price of a little electricity.
That's all.
And that's fine.
***
This fic is not new by any means but I never posted it here and I figured I should because, you know. Twitter. This is the fucking-guy-to-friends-to-lovers, Hankcon-in-the-woods-looking-for-Bigfoot fic that somehow turned into my magnum opus and took me 2 years to write. I would be over the moon if anyone who hasn't read it yet wanted to give it a chance!
Wyll often falls into a pattern of black and white thinking where the sentient beings of Faerun can be sorted into one of two basic categories: monster (bad) and person (good). Monsters are acceptable to kill and in some cases, their death is morally necessary. People on the other hand, may be flawed but are ultimately valuable beings worth protecting at all costs (at least, at all cost to Very Heroic Wyll). This is a theme bg3 plays with more generally. We see it in the discourse around Astarion (“Can a vampire demonstrate empathy?” “Can a vampire love?”) as well as Minsc (“if minsc can be evil, and Nine Fingers Keene can be good… what then?”). Many more such examples!
Ulder Ravengard thinks in a similar way, and we have to imagine that Wyll learned much of this thought patterning from him. What’s so interesting about Wyll’s story in particular is that he must bear the repercussions of his father’s moral categorizing. When Wyll takes Mizora’s deal, he gets shunted straight into his father’s Bad Category. In Wyll’s own words, “He thought I was a fool or a traitor, and Duke Ravengard suffers neither.” Notice it’s “Duke Ravengard” and not “My Father”, but I can’t explore that rn.
Though Wyll gets redeemed in his father’s eyes depending on the players choices, we fall short of seeing Ulder acknowledge that his way of looking at the world is fundamentally cruel. Instead of fully confronting that the world is complex, Ulder simply shifts Wyll back into the Good Category. Wyll is reframed as Good, and thus worthy of love again. Nothing has really ontologically changed for Ulder Ravengard. Love from Ulder Ravengard was conditional and remains conditional.
What I find compelling and relatable in Wyll is that he wants to be Good. And not only that, he wants the people he loves to think he is Good, too. Though Wyll can read as very confident and generally happy on the surface, there’s an undercurrent that doesn’t get totally probed in the writing: if I am not Good, then what is left?
hi trans people i hope you get to live. i hope you get to laugh so fucking loud and revel in how the wind blows through your hair and i hope you get to dress the way you like and i hope you get complimented on it. i hope you get to kiss someone or hug someone or hold hands with someone or be told how wonderful you are. i hope you get to dance to weird music and i hope you go swimming with no concerns other than how much sunscreen to put on and i hope you sing bad karaoke with your friends. i hope a kid spots you from across the road and realizes they don't have to live one way forever. i hope we all live
trans people i hope you get to eat some really good food and gasp at the animals and insects you see every day i hope you pick up a new hobby and it turns out to be pretty fun i hope you try on that coat and it makes you feel confident. i hope you get to tell people your name and i hope they tell you how cool it is i hope you get to rest i hope you watch a movie and fall over laughing. i hope you rejoice in living because you deserve to be alive and you deserve to have a joyous life
imo the way you feel about groups it's fully socially acceptable to hate (like children or polyamorous people, among others) is the canary in the coal mine for underlying bigoted beliefs. if you're only supportive of marginalized groups when it's cool to do so, probably you don't actually care about marginalized groups, you care about other people thinking you care
there are 1 trillion people in the notes of this post saying "yeah! i mean i hate kids but they should have rights!" you hate kids? you mean you hate all members of an oppressed group solely for their membership in this group? right. why do you hate them? because they can't take care of themselves and need help? because they don't understand social norms and can be "annoying" and disrespect boundaries as a result? because they can be messy? because they don't understand things in the same way as you do? that's awesome. how do you feel about disabled people btw
saw a video that was like “everybody comment what you did today so we can see how everyone experienced something different” and the comments have me tearing up on this train. what the fuckkkk. the human experience
- Wulbren seems like a real arsehole.
- Don't judge him too harshly. He's been through a lot. When he's had some rest, he'll be back to his usual self.
Character Analysis: Wulbren Bongle (Baldur's Gate 3)
Who is Wulbren?
Wulbren first comes across like someone the player should probably be on the side of. He's an imprisoned Ironhand gnome, he's clearly suffered under larger powers, and he's tied to resistance against Gortash and the Steel Watch. In broad outline, that sounds straightforward. Once he's actually free and speaking for himself, the picture gets a lot less comfortable - he isn't just angry at oppression, but fixated on Ironhand status, old grudges, and the idea that only the harshest response counts as a serious one.
He's also very clearly a leader. Wulbren is decisive, forceful, and sure of himself in a way that makes it easy to see why other Ironhands follow him - he doesn't sound uncertain, and he doesn't leave much room for discussion once he's decided what the correct course is, which gives him real presence but also means he's hard to move once he's settled on an enemy or a goal. He's the sort of person who treats hesitation as weakness and compromise as a sign that someone isn't fully committed.
The Gondians are what make him more than just a harsh resistance figure - if he were only focused on destroying the Steel Watch and bringing down Gortash, he would be much easier to read as basically justified. Instead, he keeps folding the Gondians into that same hostility even when it's obvious they're being coerced and their families are being used against them. He doesn't really adjust to that information - he keeps wanting punishment anyway. That's the point where he starts feeling less like a freedom fighter and more like someone whose hatred has become bigger than the cause that first gave it direction.
Barcus makes the same point in a more personal way. Barcus cares about him very openly and goes to a great deal of effort to find him, and Wulbren answers that with irritation and contempt. He can handle followers much better than he can handle affection, which shows how much of him is built around pride and hardness. By the time the player knows him properly, he feels like someone who's let anger take up too much space in both his politics and his personal life.
Psychology
Wulbren's psychology is built around grievance, pride, and control. He reads as someone who's taken the historical wound of the Ironhands and made it the centre of his entire worldview. He's a descendant of Wolverforce Bongle, so his fixation on the Gondians may be fueled by that family history and by the old claim that the Gondians falsely took credit for Ironhand achievement, which shows how personal and inherited his rage is. He isn't reacting only to present-day politics, but living inside a story of clan humiliation and restoration, and he seems to need that story badly enough that it now overrides more immediate moral reality.
What makes him difficult is that he isn't simply reckless - he can plan, command, survive imprisonment, and keep a movement coherent. The problem is that his sense of purpose has become so rigid that he can't really tolerate information that should complicate it. The Gondians being coerced by Banites, their families being imprisoned in the Iron Throne, and the sheer scale of Gortash's exploitation should all make him narrow his target onto the actual machinery of oppression - instead, he keeps reaching for exterminatory language and a purer kind of revenge. I think that says a lot about him - once hatred becomes part of a person's identity, facts that should soften or redirect it can start to feel like threats rather than corrections.
He also seems to need hierarchy in a very personal way. Wulbren doesn't come across as someone who merely has leadership responsibilities, but as someone who wants leadership to confirm that he's the one with the spine, vision, and right to decide who belongs on the right side of history, which is one reason Barcus unsettles him so much. Barcus' presence carries history, affection, and a much less bloodthirsty view of what Ironhand survival could look like. Wulbren can't really absorb that without becoming less certain of himself, so he handles Barcus with contempt instead. It's easier for him to belittle loyalty than to admit loyalty might be making a moral claim on him.
There's also a strong pattern of emotional narrowing in him. Wulbren doesn't seem comfortable with tenderness, ambiguity, or gratitude unless they can be subordinated to the larger cause. Barcus searches tireslessly for him, crosses the Underdark and surface in pursuit of him, and still gets treated like an irritation once Wulbren is rescued. That doesn't feel like ordinary grouchiness as much as someone who's spent so long reducing relationships to utility, politics, and mission that more vulnerable forms of attachment now register as weakness or interference. He may still feel them somewhere underneath, but the game gives very little sign that he knows how to let them matter.
The ugliest part of him is how moralised his hostility has become. Wulbren isn't just angry at the Gondians, but seems to need them to remain guilty so that his own extremity can keep feeling righteous. Once he's turned a people into the symbol of everything stolen from Ironhand pride, any softer reading becomes dangerous to him, because it would force him to admit that what he wants is no longer only justice, but revenge - revenge broad enough to kill people who are themselves under coercion. That's where he stops feeling like a hard-edged liberator and starts to feel like a fanatic with a cause good enough to hide how much damage he now wants permission to do.
Strengths and Flaws
Wulbren's clearest strength is force of will. He survives imprisonment at Moonrise, keeps his people organised, and remains completely oriented toward action once he's free. He doesn't drift, hesitate, or lose sight of his objective. In a setting full of frightened or compromised people, his certainty has obvious political value - it helps explain why he can lead the Ironhands at all.
He's also strategic, not just angry - he has runepowder, sabotage plans, a clear target in the Steel Watch Foundry, and a movement built around striking at Gortash's power base. The game gives him enough practical competence that his menace never feels empty. He's effective enough that the player can't dismiss him as all talk.
Another real strength is that he can inspire loyalty among the Ironhands even when his personal warmth is nearly absent - that's not the same thing as being beloved, but it still matters. Wulbren can embody a cause, and some characters are good at exactly that even while failing badly in ordinary human (or... gnomian) relationships. He gives his people clarity, anger, and direction. For a wounded movement, that can be enough to keep followers around long after kindness would have failed.
His worst quality is his absolutism. Once Wulbren decides someone belongs on the wrong side of the historical ledger, he becomes very hard to move. The Gondians can be enslaved, their families can be held hostage, and they can still remain, to him, a people to eradicate rather than victims to separate from the system exploiting them.
He's also cruel in personal ways that matter. Barcus is the clearest example - he searches for Wulbren tirelessly, follows him, and still approaches him with loyalty and concern, and Wulbren answers that with condescension and dismissal. The problem isn't merely that he lacks gratitude, but that he treats care as something beneath him once it asks anything that might soften his ideological edge, which makes him much harder to respect than a purely mission-focused extremist would be.
A third flaw is that he seems to trust hatred more than judgment. Hatred keeps him energised, but it also narrows him until he starts to treat destruction as proof of seriousness. By Act 3, he's one of those characters for whom being willing to go further than everyone else starts standing in for being more correct than everyone else. The game very pointedly gives Barcus as the alternative to that mentality, and Wulbren looks worse every time the contrast is highlighted.
Relationships
BARCUS WROOT
Barcus exposes the gap between what Wulbren's become politically and what he can no longer tolerate personally. Their relationship shows that Wulbren isn't merely harsh in public or ruthless toward enemies - he's also let ideology and pride eat into the part of him that should be able to respond to love, loyalty, and shared history with something other than contempt. Barcus' possible rise as his replacement is one of the game's clearest moral judgments on him.
Just for Fun / Typology
MBTI - ENTJ
He has a very strong Te style of moving through the world. He doesn't approach politics or conflict as something to sit with contemplatively for long - he organises, commands, assigns enemies, defines objectives, and expects movement. Even his personality has that executive hardness to it - he sounds like someone who believes decisiveness is proof of seriousness, and who'd rather be feared as the one willing to act than liked as the one still debating.
Ni also fits the way his whole politics have narrowed around one historical vision - Ironhand restoration through Gondian destruction and the breaking of the Steel Watch. Wulbren doesn't seem interested in a wide field of alternatives once that vision's set; he keeps steering back to the same conclusion, the same enemy, and the same future he thinks history owes him.
I could potentially see INTJ because he's rigid, strategic, and intensely focused, but Wulbren's whole personality is so outwardly forceful. He doesn't only have a plan, he needs to direct people through it, impose it on the group, and embody the movement publicly. The game presents him much more as a commanding political force than as a colder, more inward strategist.
MORAL ALIGNMENT - Lawful Evil
He's too invested in hierarchy, clan history, inherited grievance, and organised retaliation for a Chaotic label to fit. Wulbren believes in causes, structures, and the rightness of a hard line. His extremity isn't random, but disciplined around a political and historical framework that he treats as morally binding.
Evil fits because he's willing to kill people who are themselves under coercion, he treats extermination as an acceptable answer to historical grievance, and he repeatedly chooses vengeance over any more discriminating form of justice. He doesn't need to be cackling or sadistic for that to be true - his cause gives him enough cover to keep calling it necessity, but the game is very clear that it's more than that.
Conclusion
Wulbren is one of the more effective unpleasant political characters in the game because he isn't only rude, but a believable example of how resistance can harden into chauvinism, how inherited grievance can become identity, and how a leader can still be useful to his people while becoming morally worse and worse company to keep.
He would be easier to dismiss if he were incompetent or cartoonish - instead, he's capable enough to matter, cruel enough to do damage, and rigid enough that the game has to give you Barcus as a living alternative to him.
