To say that 2020 has been a difficult year would be the biggest understatement.
In the beginning of the year, I remember thinking that 2020 will be the best year yet. I had so many plans: EDC and my hooding ceremony in May, my defense in July, graduation in August and then a solo backpacking trip through Europe from August to September. Unfortunately, all those plans fell through when we got locked down.
It felt like the entire world paused in March because of the pandemic, which brought so many challenges along with it. All the while, I was also at a point of transition in my life, trying to graduate from my master’s program and going back out into “the real world.” On a day to day basis, nothing changed. Months later, I know I am not the same person I was back in March. All the time in lockdown forced me to slow down my life and gave me time to be alone with my thoughts and feelings, both things that I was never good at.
But with all that self-reflection, I feel as though I was able to make changes in my life and grow as a person. One of the biggest improvements is my relationship with my parents. Growing up, my parents were not people I talked to about my life. I told them the big ticket items: I picked my major, going to graduate, etc. but to me, those were superficial things. When more information about covid started to be discovered, like the demographics, I panicked. My parents fell right into that age group. I started calling them 2-3 times a week to check in, see how they’re doing. Along the way, those 5-minute “I’m just calling to see if you’re okay” phone calls turned into FaceTimes of us just talking about anything really. I don’t know what changed in our relationship that caused that shift because on my part, it wasn’t a conscious decision to be more open about my life. It kinda just happened and I am grateful. I think that before all of this, I was too busy growing up that I forgot that they were also growing older.
That realization, I think, came about because for once in my life, I feel ... settled. Content, even. I spent all of my 20s driven by my insane need to check off things in my “to accomplish” list as soon as I could that I had tunnel vision. I don’t think that that was necessarily a bad thing. But I do feel like I was constantly chasing something because there was always this next thing that I wanted. But right now, in this moment of my life, I’m right where I’m supposed to be. I have everything that I want. That’s not to say that I no longer have things I want to accomplish because I do but the difference is, I’m not hurdling myself to it, trying to get it done in warped speed.
Growing as a person, I think, also forced me to examine my relationship with others. One of the hardest lessons I had to learn in 2020--one I’m still learning, to be truthful--is to walk away from someone because I deserve better than what they were giving me, whether that was a significant other or a friend. It was difficult because of course I care for them and want them in my life. But the sad truth is, sometimes as you grow up, you grow apart. And when I really stopped and thought about it, I was no longer happy. So what other choice was there but to walk away when that relationship was no longer benefiting you? But on the other side of this are relationships that as you grow up, you continue to grow together. And on this end, I am very fortunate to have the friends that I have, new and old.
2020 has been one hell of a year but having experienced it, I feel that I am coming out of it a better person.
baratheonpilled
janainaart
jacobvanloon
germansingergirl
