cryptids anonymous

hi I'm Bronwyn

[treecitysessions]

[nepofledgling]

it’s always “poor little meow meow” or “evil bastard” or “I could make him worse” what about men who are normal 🙄what about men who pay taxes and are well adjusted individuals and not at all insane

[nepofledgling]

don’t know if I can defend myself here

[the-davest-of-uncles]

[prokopetz]

"Isn't it weird that [thing humans commonly eat] is poisonous to literally every domesticated animal" I mean, there's a pretty good chance that [thing humans commonly eat] is at least mildly poisonous to humans, too. One of our quirks as a species is that we think our food is bland if it doesn't have enough poison in it.

[xeansicemane]

Humans have a really weird mix of mundane superpowers.

We're not fast and don't have a lot of natural weaponry but we're bizarrely tolerant to a broad range of toxins to the point that one toxin is considered a morning necessity for some to perform at work. Gotta love us.

[vexwerewolf]

[missmacfire]

[egberts]

i was about to talk shit on how impractical round food storage containers are when fridges are square but if we didn't have them then where would soup go? certainly not a square container

[vim-artisan]

i have soup in a rectangular container in my fridge rn

[egberts]

that's fucked up bro

[pageofmemes]

[considerate-lampshade]

It's my 10 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

Holy shit 10 years on this hellsite completely wasted rip

[brucesterling]

[nikolamiprosciutto-deactivated2]

[hilariousgrindr]

[theprogrocker]

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008), dir. David Fincher

[lakevida]

i thought you were 22? it says 23 in ur bio

you're never gonna believe what happened to me

[windsroad]

why do people in dnd each occupy a 5ft by 5ft square, how far apart do you think people need to be? why are dnd minis afraid of touching

[windsroad]

dnd minis standing five feet apart in a dungeon cuz they’re not gay

[brunhiddensmusings]

look, if the guy to my left has to do the turbo-macarena while charging a bolt of flesh melting while the guy on my right is doing every bruce lee move at the same time and the guy in front of me is flourishing a broadaxe like hes doing yo-yo tricks im going to give each of them enough floorspace to not liquefy myself

[pileofknives]

[shimmervee]

be sure to leave out milk and cookies for brutus tonight

[statelywingmanor]

You can leave as many cookies as you want but he’ll only et two

[romanceyourdemons]

traditional child-rearing sensibilities maintain that if a mother gives her son attention he’ll turn out gay, and if she doesn’t he’ll turn out autistic. if this is true, then logically every gay autistic person was raised by a mother in a constant state of quantum uncertainty, simultaneously giving and not giving affection. i call this hypothetical parent georgine bauer—schroedinger’s mother

[rozecrest]

hey don’t cry. spiro the bald eagle failing at catching a crab, okay?

[mikkeneko]

oh mood

[roach-works]

pessimist: the eagle has failed to catch a crab

optimist: the crab has succeeded at catching an eagle

[baphonnicula]

nowhere else

[johnnycrass]

[fairycosmos]

[rivers-for-me]

reblog to give warm bread to your mutuals

[proudspoonie]

[huffylemon]

[energyprison]

[Showing you my camera roll] oh yeah heres me lost in the forbidden wood, afraid

[energyprison]

Thats me scared because i found the witches hut

[energyprison]

These next few are me running

[diomedrian]

she's not wrong