Inspired
I am feeling inspired. It’s a rarity, but I am. Even as I'm writing this, I can feel it slipping away. As an artist, inspiration is pretty much the base for my work. I guess I shouldn't say I lack inspiration because I could hear a tune in the distance and feel the urge to create; It’s the willpower and discipline I lack. This is very frustrating because it means that I get very little done when I am bursting at the seems with creativity. Especially with all of the responsibilities of daily life getting in the way, it just never seems to get done. My passion takes a back seat to reality.
As I sit here, urning to make some form of art, I am overwhelmed with my schoolwork and responsibility. I feel that I owe my future self the curtesy to study and prepare, yet I have no desire to help myself out. This is the conundrum that is me. I often refer to myself as a highly functioning dysfunctional being due the perfectionism and ambition that clashes with the low drive and lack of mental stability rooted in the fibers of my makeup; A walking oxymoron, if you will. Yes, I frustrate myself immensely but what can one do but live with it.
I don’t know what I want, where I want to end up, etc but my other side is striving and a achieving some goal for no other reason but to end up successful at whatever I am doing but all of this means very little to me. I’m pretty much on autopilot 90% of the time. I just hope that I'm able to navigate myself at some point in the future.
