hmmm why does my uterus hurt and why do i feel kinda off. weird. surely these are not the warning symptoms of a predictable biological process that occurs on a regular schedule. anyway. im going to wear white pants today.
Warnings: set in Act 3 (minor spoilers), reader is referred to as Tav exactly twice, reader is smaller than Karlach, POV changes, major character injury, blood, mentions of death, angst with a happy ending :)
Summary: A grievous injury leaves Tav incapacitated, and as the party struggles to heal her, Astarion blames himself for her pain.
~~~
Blood, smoke, and ash coat your throat as your breath heaves. The battle around you rages on, your companions facing off against the Banite chemists of Felogyr’s Fireworks. A stray firebolt had ignited the nearby smokepowder, setting off a chain reaction that shook the building and singed the very air. The blast hadn’t taken you down, nor had it eliminated all your foes.
The clashing of Lae’zel’s blades and Karlach’s war cry fills your ears. Hidden somewhere in the rubble, Astarion picks off enemies one by one with well timed sneak attacks. And you? You stand in the center of it all, ducking and dodging as two of the heavily armored Banites take turns swinging their weapons at you.
You retaliate as best as you can, but your strikes seem to bounce off their armor harmlessly. They advance on you, forcing you to back away, further from your friends. One, wielding a mace, raises his weapon to strike and catches your arm. The crushing weight of his blow has you scrambling backwards, taking your eyes off your foes for a brief moment to check behind you.
In that split second, an arrow flies over your head and burrows itself into the throat of the man who struck you. He chokes on his own blood for a moment, before crumbling to the ground. Dead.
As you face your remaining foe, you adjust your grip on your short sword to favor your injured arm and make a mental note to thank Astarion for having your back when this is over.
No longer on the defensive, you swing your sword upward, aiming for the Banite’s neck. He deflects with his longsword, before swiping down at your abdomen. His blade brushes against your leather armor before he reels back to swing again. Before he can bring his arms down, he freezes, wobbling on unsteady feet before joining his comrade on the floor, Karlach’s battle ax sticking out of his back.
She rushes over from where she’d thrown her weapon, the battle seemingly over, to pry it from the corpse before she stops in front of you.
“You alright, soldier?” her brows crease as she asks.
You gasp, still catching your breath as adrenaline courses through you, “Yeah. Thanks,” you respond with a grateful smile.
“You sure? That doesn’t look—“ she’s cut off as Astarion rushes over from behind you.
“Darling, where are you hurt?” his voice is rushed. He grabs your shoulders and turns you to face him, crimson eyes scanning your face for any sign of pain.
You smile at his concern, always looking out for you, “I’m fine, love. Are you alright?” you ask as you raise your hand to cup his cheek, your breath calming as the rush of battle fades. But Astarion does not look calm. His eyebrows are furrowed and his mouth is set in a grim frown as his eyes continue their search.
He ignores your question.
“Don’t be ridiculous, darling, I can smell it,” he casts his eyes downward, continuing his search. His eyes widen as they take you in, any color in his pale face drains. You follow his line of sight. You see it before you feel it. Blood.
At once, the adrenaline high you’d been riding vanishes. The leather of your armor, just over your abdomen has been shredded, blood oozes from beneath it, soaking your underclothes and dripping out onto the floor. You can only imagine what your flesh looks like beneath the mess. Your head spins and your vision blurs before the pain rushes to greet you, the force of it knocking your knees out from under you.
As you collapse, your three companions jump into action. Astarion, with wide eyes and frantic movements grabs you by the arms and gently lowers you to the floor, settling your head on his lap as he kneels beside you. Karlach digs through the pack, searching for anything that might help you as Lae’zel rushes to stabilize your wound.
You writhe in agony as she applies a cruel pressure to your stomach, gasping for air as Astarion reaches to hold your hand. You squeeze as the pain shoots through you, burning and searing hotter than any fire. His face hovers over yours, a blurry mess of white and red before you squeeze your eyes shut against the pain.
“Hey, hey. Focus on me, right here love,” he tries desperately to keep your attention as he brushes your hair away from your eyes. As if he can sense you nodding off, he looks up, “Karlach, we need a potion, a spell— something.”
She shuffles around behind him, practically dumping all of your supplies out before shouting, “We only have one, we need to get her back to camp.” She sounds panicked, passing Astarion the lone potion of healing.
He curses under his breath, turning back to you. You blink slowly, mumbling deliriously through your pain, “Sorry… Star, love you,” He shushes you as he lifts your head to pour the potion down your throat, tender in his panic. You swallow greedily, looking back up to him, focusing on his eyes. Those deep scarlet eyes which usually hold so much love are now filled with fear.
“Pretty,” you sigh, before darkness creeps along the edge of your vision and finally engulfs you.
…
Astarion is stunned for a moment.
“Tav?” he whispers, nudging your shoulder. When you don’t respond he turns around, shouting this time, “Karlach!”
“On it, Fangs,” she resolves, abandoning the pile of loot she’d scattered in her mad search for a healing potion. She kneels next to your immobile form, gently lifting you from under your knees and back, carefully positioning your head to rest on her shoulder.
Lae’zel backs away from your body, releasing the pressure she kept on your wound with a hiss, “Tsk’va! We must hurry, she’s lost too much blood.”
Astarion stares blankly at the puddle you’ve left behind– far too big for the amount of time you spent laying there as Karlach makes toward the stairs, disappearing around the corner. The only thing running through his mind is you. Your gasps of pain, your slowing heartbeat, the light in your eyes.
Before he can dive too deep into despair, Lae’zel is shaking him by the shoulders, “Snap out of it! You’re useless here, we must follow Karlach and get her back safely. Come!” she orders as she stands to leave. Her command awakens something within him, something accustomed to following orders. He stands, and dashes to catch up with Karlach and Lae’zel, both of whom had already made their way out to the city streets.
Karlach was jogging as quickly as she could without jostling you too much, and Lae’zel took a defensive position close behind her, ready to strike should someone dare to intercept them as they made their way to the Elfsong. He follows close behind, tears gathering in his eyes and blood rushing in his ears, and he realizes it’s your blood pumping through him.
He’d fed on you last night, and now you’d been hurt. Maybe if he had been able to control himself, if he wasn’t such a horrific, bloodsucking monster, you would have fought better, moved faster… This was his fault.
The only person he’d ever loved, on death’s door because of him. He didn’t notice when the tears began to fall, but once they started there was no stopping them. Lae’zel glanced over at him as the group passed the Baldur’s Mouth and cursed, “Chk! Astarion, run ahead. Tell Shadowheart to get ready. Now!”
Another command. He rushed ahead, almost instinctively, to obey, running as fast as his legs would carry him. When he finally climbed the stairs and burst through the doors he made a beeline for Shadowheart’s bunk. She was reading when he barged in on her. She glanced up, dropping the book when she took in his appearance: blood splattered on his hands and face, eyes wild, and panting from his sprint.
“Tav. Hurt,” he gasped, “No more potions.”
A steely expression overtook her features and she gave a curt nod, understanding what was needed. She led the way back to their common area as Lae’zel slammed the doors open, making way for Karlach to bring you in.
His breath hitched. You looked so fragile, so small in Karlach’s arms. The shaky rise and fall of your chest was his only comfort as he listened for your heartbeat. Slow, but still beating.
Karlach and Shadowheart kneel down, right there in the doorway to get to work, unwilling to waste precious moments moving you to a bed. The others gather nearby, worry marring their faces as they look on. As Shadowheart begins her healing incantations Gale places a gentle hand on Astarion’s shoulder.
“Come on, my friend. Staring won’t help her now. Why don’t you get cleaned up so you can care for her properly when she wakes?”
Astarion knows he is trying to distract him, trying to remove him from the situation should something go wrong, but he can’t find the energy to resist. He nods his head absentmindedly and allows Gale to lead him away.
…
It’s dark when you wake, and it takes a moment for you to assess your surroundings. Your head pounds, a splitting headache causing you to groan, the sound catching on your dry throat. Before you can sit up, a hand tightens its already-present grip on your own. You look to your side and see the disheveled form of your love.
“Star?” you croak, “What happened?” He swallows thickly, before taking a deep breath and moving his seat closer to your bedside.
“You almost died,” his voice breaks on the final word, you can hear the tears in his voice, but you wait for him to continue, “Bastard nearly split you open, it took everything Shadowheart had to keep you alive.” And you faintly feel what remains of the wound that nearly ended you. It’s a dull ache, nowhere near as debilitating as before.
Your breath catches, “Gods,” you whisper, “The others? Are they alright?”
He quells your rising panic before it can take root, “They’re fine, love. Don’t worry about them, worry about yourself for once. How do you feel?”
‘My head hurts…” you whisper. He lets go of your hand for a moment, turning in the dark to retrieve something. When he faces you again, his hand cradles the back of your neck as the other raises a glass of water to your lips.
“Drink darling, this will help.”
The water soothes your sore throat as it passes your lips. When you finish, Astarion sets the glass on your bedside table and takes your hand back into his own, “Shadowheart will be back in the morning once she’s recovered, and Gale is brewing more healing potions than we’ll ever need. This will never happen again.” His hand squeezes your own with his promise.
You nod at his declaration, as if the sheer power of his will could prevent you from falling wounded.
“How long have I been asleep?” you venture.
“Just a few hours,” he whispers, reaching to brush his hand over your forehead. Whether it was to clear any hair from your eyes or simply to touch you as much as possible– you couldn’t tell.
“Will you lay with me?”
“Darling, I thought you’d never ask,” he breathed, as if he was trying to cover his relief with that familiar self-assured persona, but couldn’t quite mask it. Carefully, he helped you shift over on the bed to make room for him. He crawled under the covers to join you, guiding you to rest your head on his chest. His arm wrapped firmly, yet gently, around your waist. You grasped at his shirt to ground yourself in the moment. You are here, you are safe.
His other hand came up to cover your own on his chest, thumb rubbing the back of your hand softly, and you sighed into him as you shuffled ever closer. His cool temperature soothed your lingering aches as your body heat sunk into him.
“I’m sorry I worried you,” you whispered into the dark. His hold around you tightened for but a moment at your admission.
“Don’t you dare apologize,” he hushed back, “I’m the one who should be sorry.”
“What do you mean?”
He took a deep breath, “I should have given you more cover fire, you were outnumbered. I shouldn’t have fed from you the night before a battle. I should have had a bloody potion to save you… It’s my fault you got hurt,” he confessed.
“Oh, my love,” you breathed, “It’s not your fault. It could never be your fault. It was just bad luck, please don’t do this to yourself,” you clutched his shirt as his breath hitched beneath you.
“Astarion listen to me,” your voice was stern, yet soft, “No one had healing supplies, it was not your responsibility alone. And I feed you because I love you and can’t stand the thought of you going hungry. It’s my decision, my choice, and my fault. Don’t you dare blame yourself for today.”
You felt him nod above you, silently agreeing with your conviction. He took a moment to compose himself, the day’s events overwhelming him at your insistent tone.
“I love you too,” he whispered, leaning down to plant a kiss on the crown of your head. You sighed in relief, melting into his embrace. “Now get some sleep darling, you’re much too assertive for the day you’ve had.”
You huff a soft laugh, glad to see a sliver of his charm shine through. But he’s right, your outburst did little to stave off the ache in your bones. You settle against Astarion, content to sleep in his hold, knowing that whatever the next day brings he will be right there beside you.
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Author's Notes: So I've never actually published a fic before. I've been reblogging/lurking from this page for like two years. I've been writing since I was young, but I never finish anything. Who knows, maybe I'll keep going. Let me know what you thought (critique greatly appreciated) and if you made it this far thank you so much I hope you enjoyed!!! :)
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