JUST ANOTHER MILLENNIAL.

OH, NO. DON'T MIND ME. I'M JUST SOME SHITBRAINED VAGABOND. PROBABLY HAVE RABIES. IF, FOR SOME UNGODLY REASON YOU DECIDE IT'S A GOOD IDEA TO GET TO KNOW ME.THE NAME'S KARKAT. GADS WORKS TOO. I'M NOT TOO STRONG. I'M NOT TOO BRIGHT. I DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE A HOME. BUT FUCK. AT LEAST I'M HONEST. --- [Beforan Karkat Vantas] [Dependant RP Blog] [BEFORUS AU]

[cursedcuttlefish]

)(e)(, I know t)(at feeling…

Sounds fun? Im not all t)(at s)(ore )(ow to respond to t)(at?

[contentiousgadabout-blog]

I DIDN’T REALLY EXPECT YOU TO. THAT’S JUST MY WHINY WAY OF SAYING THAT I’M MORE OR LESS DOING FUCKALL AS WELL. I’M MOVING BETWEEN ARGUABLY-POPULATED CESSPOOLS AT THE MOMENT, BECAUSE THE HOOFBEASTMANURE REALLY HIT THE BREEZE BLENDER IN MY LAST TOWN. NOT ALL THAT EVENTFUL, GIVEN THAT THE MOST EXCITING THING THAT HAPPENED IN THE PAST FEW NIGHTS WAS MY BARKFRIEND CATCHING A CHEESE CRITTER.

[crankycrabisdone]

OH PLEASE, A KANKRI GET OUTDO US IN TERMS OF MASSIVE WALLS OF TEXT, AND HE CAN MAKE IT EVEN MORE PRETENSIONS AND SHIT FILLED. I HAVE A FEELING THAT WHATEVER WE CAN SAY, A KANKRI CAN MAKE IT SOUND A LOT WORSE. I MAY JUMP ON THE ASOCIAL CHOO CHOO TRAIN JUST CAUSE WE REALLY HAVE A REASON TO BE ASOCIAL, DON’T WE?

YEAH, LIKE REALLY PEOPLE? I AM NOT GLUED TO MY CHAIR EVERY SINGLE DAY. I HAVE OTHER SHIT I NEED TO DO AS WELL, LIKE WALKING THE DOG AND THE EGG, FEEDING THEM, ORGANIZING THE CLSUTERFUCKING MESSES AROUND MY HIVE, ALL THAT AND THEN GET TO REPLIES.

[contentiousgadabout-blog]

WHAT THE FUCK IS A KANKRI? THAT SOUNDS LIKE A DISEASE. DON’T LET HIM BLOW YOU, HE’S GOT FUCKING KANKRI SORES. SOON ENOUGH YOU’LL BE TALKIN’ RIGHT OF YOUR SPINAL CREVICE. 

HONESTLY. I...WAIT.

EGG. YOU WALK AND FEED. AN EGG. AM I MISSING SOMETHING, HERE? BECAUSE WHAT I IMAGINE WHEN YOU SAY EGG IS NOT SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN DO EITHER OF THOSE THINGS WITH.

[iamnotathief-blog]

Do you never relax?

Also, I’m a thief, Karkat, not a murderer. Where’s the challenge in stealing something if the person is dead? Give me some credit, at least. Half the fun is the aftermath of the marks realizing their precious valua8les are no longer there.

Is what I do really so 8ad that I deserve death? That’s so cruel and unnecessary. Then again, my 8rushes with the law have kept that theme up so perhaps it’s what I’d get regardless, whether it’s deserved or not!

How’s that pup of yours?

[contentiousgadabout-blog]

NEVER. THAT WOULD GARISHLY CLASH WITH THIS CHOLERIC AESTHETIC I’VE GOT GOING ON. YOU GOTTA KEEP UP YOUR IMAGE, RISK. THAT’S LIKE. ARCHETYPES 101.

I DON’T KNOW. YOU’RE A QUESTIONABLE PERSON. IT WOULDN’T SURPRISE ME IF YOU’VE LAIN WASTE TO A HANDFUL OF PEOPLE. BESIDES. WHAT’LL HAPPEN IF SOMEONE FINALLY CATCHES YOU? SURELY, REGARDLESS OF HOW DOWNRIGHT MAGNANIMOUS YOU ARE, YOU WOULDN’T JUST LET THEM GO.

WHO FUCKING KNOWS. I WOULDN’T CONDEMN YOU TO IT, BUT I’M POSITIVE THAT THE GOVERNMENT WOULD CRAFT SOME SELF-RIGHTEOUS EXCUSE TO BEHEAD YOU FOR THE “BENEFIT OF SOCIETY” OR SOMETHING EQUALLY SELF-SERVING AND SANCTIMONIOUS.

SHE’S FINE. NOT REALLY A PUP, ANYMORE. I DECIDED TO NAME HER SASHA, WHICH — GASP — ISN’T COMPLIANT WITH THE SIX-LETTER NAMING CONVENTION. I’M SUCH A *REBEL* AREN’T I? BUT SHE’S DOING WELL. I MAKE SURE THAT SHE’S FED. SHE’S TOO CUTE TO DIE OF STARVATION.

[crankycrabisdone]

REALLY? FIRST TIME MEETING AN ALTERNATE OF YOURS? DON’T WORRY, I AM SURE YOU ARE GOING TO MEET MORE OF YOURSELF IN THE FUTURE, I HAVEN’T THOUGH, DON’T KNOW WHY. MAYBE OTHER KARKATS ARE JUST REPELLED BY ME OR SOMETHING, WHO THE FUCK KNOWS.

ANYONE WHO REALLY HAS A PROBLEM WITH IT CAN UNDERSTAND THAT YOU CAN’T BE AT YOUR HUSKTOP 100% OF THE TIME, AND YOU WILL GET TO THE REPLY AS SOON AS YOU CAN.

[contentiousgadabout-blog]

IT’S PROBABLY BECAUSE MASSIVE WALLS OF SCREECHING TEXT AREN’T EXACTLY WHAT MOST WOULD CONSIDER “PALATABLE.” OR MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE WE’RE ALL ASOCIAL BASTARDS WHO WOULD RATHER INSERT OUR OWN BONE BULGES INTO A BREEZE BLENDER THAN HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE EXCRUCIATING REALIZATION THAT WE’RE ALL PUERILE PISSGRUBS.

THAT’S PROBABLY A SENSIBLE WAY TO LOOK AT IT. NOT THAT I CAN EXPECT MOST PEOPLE TO BE SENSIBLE. I MEAN, WHO THE FUCK WOULD THINK THAT’D BE A REASONABLE THING TO DO? EXPECTING OTHERS TO THINK? UN-FUCKING-SPEAKABLE.

[deathsabeach-deactivated2016021]

Well it wouldn’t be coddling more like just giving someone food, but okay. W)(at a creative metap)(or you )(ave going on.

O)( s)(e is. S)(e’s sweet and pretty and adorable and nice and cuddly and likes cows.

[contentiousgadabout-blog]

TRUST ME. ACCEPTING FOOD IS A FUCKING GATEWAY CHARITY. ONCE YOU BECOME ACCUSTOMED TO IT, IT’S ALL DOWNHILL FROM THERE. THEN YOU END UP LIKE ALL OF THE OTHER CULLED LOWBLOODS. AND THANK YOU. I TRY.

COWS? WHAT THE FUCK IS A COW? SORRY. I’M NEW HERE, AND I’M NOT YET DOWN WITH THIS HIP INTERNET LINGO. BUT UH. SHE SOUNDS LIKE A NICE MOIRAIL. THAT’S GOOD. I’M HAPPY FOR YOU, REALLY. IT ONLY LOOKS LIKE I’M PERPETUALLY FURIOUS AT EVERYONE I MEET. 

[megidokidoki-blog]

honestly based on your reaction i think you might ironically enough live a longer life without my presence

you never actually seem all that happy with my morbidity :(

[contentiousgadabout-blog]

I’D PROBABLY LIVE A LONGER LIFE IF I DIDN’T DO HALF OF THE THINGS THAT I DO ON THE REGULAR. FOR EXAMPLE, EATING A PALTRY MEAL ABOUT ONCE A DAY, IF I’M LUCKY, WHEN I’M MAKING MY WAY BETWEEN THE VARIOUS SHITHOLES I CONSIDER TEMPORARY RESIDENCES. NEVER STOPPED ME FROM DOING ANYTHING.

WHAT!? NO. I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING ADORE THE CONSTANT ALLUSIONS TO THE TRANSIENCE OF LIFE AND THE EVANESCENCE OF OUR BEINGS. REALLY PICKS UP YOUR DAY.

[megidokidoki-blog]

well as were so often reminded we only have so many moments to share!

[contentiousgadabout-blog]

THAT. WAS SUFFICIENTLY FUCKING MORBID. YOU KNOW, THAT’S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU, ARADIA. YOU’RE A CONSTANT REMINDER OF THE LOOMING THREAT OF DEATH AND THE TRANSIENT NATURE OF OUR SHIT-STAINED MORTAL BODIES. WHATEVER WOULD I DO WITHOUT THAT MACABRE REASSURANCE THAT SOMEHOW GRACES ALL OF OUR ENCOUNTERS?

[megidokidoki-blog]

it might just be a while since ive seen him but it seems like karkat is even louder here than in person

[contentiousgadabout-blog]

OH. HELLO, ARADIA. NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. HI. HOW ARE YOU DOING? OH! WELL, THAT’S JUST SWELL. I’M PERFECTLY FINE HERE, MYSELF. JUST ME AND THE BARKFRIEND, ROUGHING IT OUT. HOW’S STACEY? OH, MAN! SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT THAT. SHE WAS A GOOD KID. SEND MY CONDOLENCES TO HER FAMILY. HOW’S THE LAWN COMING? DO YOU STILL HAVE THAT MARCHBUG PROBLEM? HOW’RE THE GRUBS?

MAN. SUCH A RIVETING REUNION WE’RE HAVING. I’M SO GLAD I’M ABLE TO SHARE THIS MOMENT WITH YOU.

[cursedcuttlefish]

Sounds )(ectic.

I am Feferi and nofin is reely up wit)( me, )(ow aboat you?

[contentiousgadabout-blog]

LET’S JUST SAY THAT WAS THE MOST ATTENTION I’VE GOTTEN IN ONE DAY SINCE THE LAST TIME I CLOCKED AN UNEXPECTING PETULANT PEDESTRIAN IN HIS SNOOTY CARTILAGINOUS NUB IN A CROWD OF PEOPLE AND BOOKED IT FOR THE HILLS.

THAT’S TOO BAD. I AM ENJOYING THE EXCESSES OF GLUTTONY RIGHT NOW, WITH SOME SOGGY BREAD LOAF.

[hotmomblr-deactivated20151010]

suspsup w u  im roxy :3

[contentiousgadabout-blog]

I’M PRETTY GOOD. I’M CHOWING DOWN ON SOME STALE BREAD. VERY WHOLESOME MEAL, I ASSURE YOU. I’D OFFER TO BREAK OFF A PIECE FOR YOU, BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW I’D GET IT TO YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE IN THE ODD SCENARIO THAT YOU’D ACTUALLY ACCEPT. I WOULDN’T ASSUME YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE SOME SLIGHTLY EXPIRED LOAF, BUT I’VE SEEN WEIRDER, AND I’M NOT IN THE MOOD TO CRUSH A GIRL’S EXPECTATIONS AS I INFORM HER THAT NO, SHE CANNOT PARTAKE IN THE WONDERS OF THIS TASTELESS BREAD. I AM TRULY SORRY.

NICE TO MEET YOU, ROXY. 

[deathsabeach-deactivated2016021]

You don’t )(ave anyt)(ing to eat? O)( no! W)(y don’t you let me send you somet)(ing. I )(ave no idea w)(at t)(e Capital is, but if you still )(ave to scavenge for food t)(ere, it can’t be all too great.

Give me your coords. I’m sending you food.

In otter news, I’m doing okay. I’m telling every person I talk to on t)(is website about my new moirail, w)(ose name is Maxine by t)(e way.

[contentiousgadabout-blog]

ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT. I WOULD PREFER TO WITHER AWAY, LANGUISHING IN THE SUN’S BLISTERING GAZE LIKE A BEACHED AQUATIC LUSUS AFTER AN OIL SLICK.

I MEAN, THANKS FOR THE OFFER, I GUESS, BUT I’VE GOT A THING AGAINST ACCEPTING CHARITY. TRUST ME, IF BEING CODDLED LIKE A ORPHANED GRUB WAS MY KIND OF THING, ALL I’D HAVE TO DO WAS STAND AT STREETCORNER LOOKING LIKE A WAYWARD MINIATURE BARKFRIEND. LEAGUES OF THE OPULENT WOULD SWARM ME IN A HEARTBEAT TO ENSURE THAT I GROW CORPULENT ON NUTRIENTS LEECHED FROM THE COLLECTIVE TEAT OF SOCIETY.

BUT. UH. THAT’S COOL. THE MOIRAIL THING, I MEAN. I DON’T KNOW WHO THIS MAXINE IS, BUT I’M SURE THEY’RE AN UPSTANDING INDIVIDUAL BRIMMING WITH KINDNESS.

[caligoascendant]

No matter where I go.  Or who I speak to.  I will find someone who loves someone’s Stuffed Servant and wants 20 of them to be absolutely smothered in.  What a life this is.  I’ll keep it in mind, of course.  Just in case your end is looming. 

[contentiousgadabout-blog]

WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULDN’T WANT THEIR DEMISE TO BE AT THE HANDS OF TWENTY CUDDLY BARKBEAST CREATURES? THAT’S AN EXISTENCE I DON’T WANT TO EVEN KNOW ABOUT. HOW CAN ONE BE SO COLD? SO BITTER?

[caligoascendant]

Sadly, I cannot give you any barkfriends I find.  I would have to give them to a Vassal of mine who absolutely adores dogs. Absolutely loves them.  Their Stuffed Servants are even called Mwags.  And they look like big soft dogs with massive tongues.  So they swarm whoever they see and give em big sloppy dog kisses. 

[contentiousgadabout-blog]

OH MY GOD. OH MY FUCKING GOD. I DON’T KNOW WHAT A VASSAL OR A STUFFED SERVANT IS, AND I DON’T REALLY FUCKING CARE. I WANT 20 OF THOSE THINGS. THAT’S HOW I WANT TO DIE. 

[deathsabeach-deactivated2016021]

)(i, Karkat. I’m Fey, )(ow are you doing?

[contentiousgadabout-blog]

HI THERE, FEY. I’M UH. I’M ALRIGHT. KIND OF HUNGRY. BEEN LOOKING FOR SOME FOOD FOR HOURS. CAN’T FIND SHIT. I HAD A NICE CAN OF BEANS LAST NIGHT, AND I HONESTLY WISH I SAVED SOME OF THEM. I SHOULD PROBABLY MOVE BACK INTO THE CAPITAL, HONESTLY. MAYBE THEN I COULD SCAVENGE WITH SOME DEGREE OF EFFICACY. PERHAPS, GASP, EVEN RAID VRISKA’S FRIDGE. NOW WOULDN’T THAT BE A DISPLAY OF SOME DELICIOUS MINOR POETIC JUSTICE?

...ANYWAYS. I’M RAMBLING. SORRY. I TEND TO DO THAT. HOW ARE YOU?

[caligoascendant]

Note to self: Give no Elephants to Karkat.  Ever…

[contentiousgadabout-blog]

KEEP THOSE BEASTS OF BURDEN OUT OF MY SIGHT. MY WRATH SHALL DESCEND UPON THEM LIKE AN INFERNAL TEMPEST OF IRE.

BUT GIVE ME ALL OF THE BARKFRIENDS YOU CAN FIND. I WILL TAKE CARE OF EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW, CONSIDERING I’M FUCKING HOMELESS. BUT. I’LL FIGURE IT OUT. MY BARKFRIEND EATS FIRST.

[crankycrabisdone]

HOLY FUCK IT HAS BEEN A LONG ASS TIME SINCE I HAVE TALKED TO ONE OF ME, OR ONE OF YOU, UGH, KARKATS IN GENERAL. YOU TALK TO OTHER US’S REGULARLY? I SURPRISINGLY DON’T.

YEAH, THE CORRECT TERM IS ALTERNATE, OR OTHER YOU, OR WHATEVER THE OTHER YOU WANTS TO BE CALLED, WHO THE FUCK KNOWS. I AM WELL ACQUAINTED WITH THE 8 QUIRK TO KNOW THAT WAS A VRISKA INSPIRED WORD. YEAH I CAN TELL YOU ARE FAIRLY NEW TO THIS WHOLE THING, I WAS THERE AT ONE POINT TOO.

IT MAY BE EFFICIENT, BUT IT ALSO MEANS IT MIGHT BE A LITTLE HARDER TO KEEP UP WITH REPLIES. I DO THEM RARELY.

[contentiousgadabout-blog]

NOPE. THIS WOULD BE, SHOCKINGLY, THE FIRST TIME I’VE TALKED TO AN ALTERNATE OF MINE. I’LL GET ACCLIMATED TO THIS KIND OF BULLSHIT, EVENTUALLY. OR MAYBE NOT, AND I’LL BE ETERNALLY CONSIGNED TO FLAILING AROUND IN ABJECT CONFUSION. WHO EVEN GIVES A FUCK, REALLY? WELL. PROBABLY A LOT OF PEOPLE, ACTUALLY. BUT I’VE GOT NO QUALMS WITH FUTILITY. FUCK, THAT’S MORE OR LESS MY WHOLE LIFE.

I’LL TRY MY BEST. AND IF I MISS A REPLY, SO FUCKING WHAT. I’M SURE WHOMEVER I WAS CONVERSING WITH WILL FORGIVE ME. OR, PREFERABLY, THEY’LL REMIND ME BEFORE I EVER ACTUALLY HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO SOMEONE FOR THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY SHORT ATTENTION SPAN.

[iamnotathief-blog]

Karkat, you’re so hostile, and gutter-minded! I figured living among the elements for so long would have made you a far more peaceful person, especially with a work ethic like that. Clearly, I was mist8ken!

Hmm, I wonder if my “criminal exploits” can fall under this earning thing. I mean, I do acquire these priceless heirlooms and a8undant currency fair and square - it’s even sometimes challenging!

8esides, they were hardly going to 8e used 8y their original owners. Now they can look pretty all-together in large piles in whatever hole I’m currently occupying! 8ecause I earned them!

[contentiousgadabout-blog]

I PRACTICALLY EMBODY HOSTILITY. IT’S IN MY GODDAMN URL. CONTENTIOUS, VRISKA. I AM CONTENTIOUS. HONESTLY, I’M KIND OF DISAPPOINTED THAT YOU DIDN’T MAKE THIS CHARACTER ASSESSMENT AGES AGO.

WHAT YOU DESERVE IS A SWIFT AND JUST EXECUTION, PROBABLY. BUT I’M NOT EXACTLY ONE TO JUDGE, AM I? I FIGURE THAT I’M NOT EXACTLY IN A POSITION TO DO JACK SHIT ABOUT WHAT YOU DECIDE TO DO WITH YOUR TIME, SO IT’S KIND OF USELESS TO HOLD ANYTHING AGAINST YOU JUST BECAUSE YOUR PROFESSION MAKES YOU KIND OF A GODDAMN TERRIBLE PERSON. HONESTLY, THOUGH. I FEEL ZERO PITY FOR WHOMEVER YOU STOLE THAT PILE OF GARBAGE FROM.

SO SURE. YOU “EARNED IT” IN WHATEVER BULLSHIT, ASS-BACKWARDS WAY YOU CAN JUSTIFY YOUR ACTIONS WITH. I’M NOT GONNA CLAIM THE MORAL FUCKING HIGH GROUND, HERE. I DECKED A MAN IN THE FACE AND STOLE HIS PHONE. I’VE PROBABLY KILLED A FEW PEOPLE. PROBABLY NOT NEARLY AS MANY AS YOU HAVE. BUT I’M NOT EXACTLY WITHOUT SIN.