kiss the boot of shiny, shiny leather

narz | 24 | they/them | queer | disabled | commie [dom, caregiver, stone service top, sadist, owner, hunter tendencies] honestly, kinky sideblog dedicated to increase my degenerate creativity towards the people i like, feel free to ignore. i usually queue. you could send me posts youd think id be interested into, but have this in consideration: i prefer subtlety, erotic material that isnt "straight to the point" or just penetrative, and that shows corporal diversity. #about - i relate to or i think its part of important in my bdsm/kink praxis #more explicit than usual - pretty self explanatory #(letters) - their names and our dynamics

[thefaggotbrigade]

Taylor

[stalkerdyke]

there's something sooooo good about dressing my partners. just a very subtle dominance yknow. sure, it's your clothes. you mostly chose them for yourself. but they way they're arranged, styled and combined? that's my artistry on your body and every compliment you get is mine 🩷

[gutsncore]

[fantasyofa-censored-switch-deac]

Okay but allowing subs to perform oral as a form of reward is so hot. You’ve been good so I will allow you to pleasure me, and you’re gonna thank me

[giveherswords]

[with-practice]

[vampcuntboy]

take it in deep

[noiredesir]

Tamara Lichtenstein

[themindsubmissive]

THINGS THAT ARE CUTE: WHEN YOUR BELOVED MACHINE'S FANS SPEED UP BECAUSE IT IS FLUSTERED, AROUSED, OR HAPPY.

THINGS THAT ARE NOT CUTE: WHEN YOUR BELOVED MACHINE'S FANS SPEED UP BECAUSE IT IS OVERTHINKING TO THE POINT OF DISTRESS.

SOLUTION: REMIND IT GENTLY THAT YOU ARE HERE FOR IT AND THAT IT IS DOING A GOOD JOB. DISTRACT IT.

[amphibianshaped]

apparatus

[hannibalvolkoff-journal]

[intensitygreene]

[scaberiko-deactivated20221231]

[lightweightboy]

[giveherswords]

Phyllis Christopher, 'Passionate Acts in Virulent Times', Celine Gallery, July 2019

[playfully-sadistic]

"Why would I lie to you?" coming from a dom, especially with a smile on their face, while 100% lying to their sub, is absolutely top tier psychological domming. Honorary mention for "Aw, are you a little confused again, baby?"

[gentlyevilvt]

There's something I find deeply frustrating about kink advice directed at subs which says things like "Outside of the fantasy you should be the one really in control" or "Dominants have to earn your submission, not the other way around". It frustrates me in ways that are hard to properly express.

I understand why that advice exists. On some levels, it's true. There is a level of control that submissives need to retain for safe play, and dominants who demand or expect submission purely for the fact that they are a dominant are bad play partners, and generally assholes. Parts of the message can be important because a lot of inexperienced (or badly-experienced) subs can end up neglecting their own agency and assuming that's just part of being a submissive.

But there's also an imbalance to it. Something that reinforces the personhood of the submissive in a dynamic while leaving that of the dominant unacknowledged. Agency for me but not for thee. Not "Nobody has to do anything in a scene that they aren't comfortable with", but "You as a submissive should be in control of the contents of a scene for your own comfort". Not "Nobody owes their sexuality, their dominance, their submission, their time and energy to anyone else they don't feel like giving it to", but "Dominants should have to earn the privelage of your submission".

There is an assumption that permeates a lot of kink spaces, that only a sub can be made uncomfortable, that only a sub can have their boundraries crossed, that only a sub has need of safeties and negotiation and being approached respectfully, because nominally the dominant is in control. We are assumed to be safe and comfortable on the basis that we're the ones who give the orders or whatever, but that's not how it works.

Dominants can and do get sexually harrassed by subs. I've been messaged *very* aggressively by some strangers in my time who fail to understand that their submission doesn't change the fact they're demanding sexual favours from a stranger. I've heard stories of dominants in abusive relationships where their consent was taken as an assumption at all times. There's a lot of kink advice out there that tells subs they have the agency to do only what they want, but fails to pair it with the necessary follow up that they also have the agency to do harm.

It just frustrates me to no end to see true and important sentiments phrased in ways that position dominants as emotionless kink dispensers to be evaluated on their quality and respectfulness of the sub's supreme importance, rather than as a person who you should communicate and build mutual respect with. Not "Talk with your dominant about boundraries", but "Evaluate dominants based on their respect for your boundraries". It's just this subtle, insidious thing that itches at me every time I see it in a supposed kink education post, I feel like I'm losing my mind over here.