I Paid the Iron Price

A man that enjoyed the pleasure of life for a long time and now see's the cashier in the karma check out. His castle in the sky is no more...soon

[convalescencediary]

Its not that I don’t love God, I just don’t hate evil. It is beyond the realm of it feeling good to be bad. My heart was deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? I flawlessly equated the lack of harsh punishment to divine blessing.

[convalescencediary]

The Millage of my Heart

Now the only things I wish to do, are the very things that tear my heart in two.

[convalescencediary]

Let’s Talk About it

[convalescencediary]

Before we can harness our feelings let’s continue to understand them

[convalescencediary]

Let’s learn what Emotion is

[convalescencediary]

Am I drowning or is it simple my inability to swim

There is a chronic over use of self diagnosed depression. This is due to societal disregard of sadness as a relevant emotion to feel in adulthood.

[convalescencediary]

Wait I can’t Keep up

Not every friend will make it to the finish line. It doesn't mean that the bond wasn't strong nor the bond wasn't real but, it faded and such is life. I am okay with not being surrounded by day one homies because I have changed since the time when the struggle was real. With all this being said, it hurts I cannot lie. It hurts when you don't have your shit in order or you didn't fulfill your end of the ambition barging. This lead to you being the friend that had to be left behind. Undrafted in the progress of their life but I get it, I get it ... Your hustle don't ever go unnoticed, I'm with you I'm with it. I ain't mad at you

[convalescencediary]

2015 Drinking at a Bar part 3

Now my watch begins, oh karma over draft my account for you know my comfort in paying came from the secret knowledge I never had the funds required to delight in this way of life.

[convalescencediary]

Yeah I went to church today

02/08/2015

I went to church today under much protest. The message was the Mule walked on . The evangelist focused on the spirit of rebellion. I will do what I want to do but I must know that whatever righteous case I think am am crusading for, when the dust settles it will move on and someone else will feel the pain and hurt I felt and take up the crusade. I however  will be left with my own wake.

I will forever reflect on his closing words that i internalized to myself;

I don’t know what the lord has planed for me, the potential; on my future but the devil wants to DESTROY me. DESTORY me and move on.

[convalescencediary]

2015 Drinking at a Bar part 2

I no longer believe in “if I had to do it all again, I wouldn’t take away the pain, because it made me who I am.” I long for the tranquility of knowledge because gaining wisdom hurts to much.

[convalescencediary]

2015 Drinking at a Bar part 1

I swear I am happy here but, I can’t deny if I could I would go back. Back to all the should of, would of, could of’s. I have no problem paying the price my life choices cost me. I will pay them in full. Though I regret nothing I would do everything different...If that makes sense.

[psychottic]

It’s ironic that you do things that can kill you just so you can feel alive.

Alex (boys-and-suicide)

[convalescencediary]

Any black person that see’s a person in black make up and is offended know   you are not free.You are a liar if you say I am black and am proud. For the sight of your skin complexion should not insight a negative emotion, unless you see yourself as a second class being. A white person is not offend when they see a mime. So I ask you who taught you to disdain your essence??

[convalescencediary]

Happy New Years...

01/09/2015

So I was moved to try to remember and write down the names of all the women I have slept with. I started with first and last names , then soon I could recall only first names. Then memory faded and regrettable I had to resort to their descriptions. When I thought I couldn’t sink any lower, I couldn’t even remember faces and just described the even of the fucking. Like the how and where, Shame took over and I stopped the list...I check me phone and there was no miss calls no missed text. I pulled my bed sheets tighter with no resistance. Confirming I was sleeping alone once again. I need help, who can live like this.

[zachlilley]

Yeah Its my fault, it always is but,

why develop feelings for people when you can just walk into traffic and achieve the same results

[convalescencediary]

Convalescence is the gradual recovery of health and strength after illness or injury. This blog Convalescencediary is over a year old.  Regrettably I am still in the rehab stage of my life. I didn't make it worse its just the same. Can't really say "Happy Birthday", is "Solemn Festivities" a thing? In truth I didn't sink further in the quick sand but I didn't stand up either.

[convalescencediary]

Nature Boy Nat King Cole

Today I saw the first girl I ever loved  and she still doesn't want me.