Conversations with a baby @conversationswithababy - Tumblr Blog

Me: NO. NO EATING DIRTY DIAPERS. Why are you such a disgusting baby??

Baby: 😁😁😁

#baby #diapers #dirty diaper #why does she always want to eat them lately??#conversations with a baby

Me: What part of "Daddy is sleeping" did you not understand??

Baby: I'm eight months old so like... All of it.

#sigh #she is always at her loudest when he's sleeping #it's a gift #baby #loud baby #shhh #8 months old

Me: Open up for the bananas!

Baby: 😶

Me: Choo choo! The train wants to go through the tunnel!

Baby: 😶

Me: Choooo choooo! Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga! Open up for the choo choo!!

Baby: 😶

Me: Baby if you don't open up this train is going to crash and everyone on board is going to die and you'll be responsible for informing their loved ones.

Baby: 😧

Me: Good girl! *feeds bananas*

#baby #conversations with a baby #feeding baby #facebook repost

Baby: So like did you forget you had a blog or...?

Me: No, I didn't, I just haven't had t-

Baby: I HAVE A POOPY DIAPER.

Me: *changes diaper* I haven't-

Baby: I AM LEGIT STARVING.

Me: *gives food* I h-

Baby: I AM SO SLEEPY OMG.

Me: *rocks to sleep* Goddam. So as I was saying, I haven't had any time to-

Baby: JUST KIDDING I'M AWAKE AND WANT TO PLAY WITH THE POWER OUTLET.

Me: CAN YOU SEE WHY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN MONTHS??

#baby #conversations with a baby #8 months old #she is... a handful

Baby: OH MY GOD MOMMY NO

Me: Sweetie, you're fine, we're just-

Baby: IT BURNS OH GOD IT BURNS

Me: Baby, y-

Baby: YOU ARE KILLING ME MOMMY WHY

Me: I'M JUST PUTTING YOU TO SLEEP CALM DOWN

Me: Alright Baby, are you ready to leave?

Baby: Yep, we're all good.

Me: You sure? You're not hungry?

Baby: Nope.

Me: Sleepy?

Baby: Nope.

Me: Have a dirty diaper?

Baby: ...Nope.

Me: ...

Baby: 😏

#baby #dirty diaper #every single time i need to leave the house with her #and she only poops once a day #i don't know how her timing is so impeccable

Baby: Mom, sing Baby Beluga for me.

Me: Okay :) *sings it*

Baby: Again.

Me: Well honey, Mommy only knows the first ver-

Baby: I SAID AGAIN.

Me: ...

Baby: OVER AND OVER AGAIN. UNTIL I FALL ASLEEP. AND THEN ANOTHER FOUR TIMES JUST IN CASE.

Me: Honey, you're tired.

Baby: I am.

Me: And you need your passy to fall asleep.

Baby: I do.

Me: So why do you keep spitting it out?

Baby: Oh I'm not spitting it out, I just keep accidentally smacking it out.

Me: Have you considered not flailing about?

Baby: You... want me to... fall asleep... without punching myself in the face for twenty minutes first?

Me: Yeah it makes falling asleep so much easier, you should try it!

Baby: ...

Me: ...

Baby: ...

Me: ...

Baby: Nah that sounds fake I'm not doing that.

#baby #sleepy baby #LEAVE THE PACIFIER IN YOUR MOUTH #your eyes are SO DAMN RED #just...#come on #you can do this

Baby: OH MY GOD MOM THERE'S ONE ON THIS ARM TOO!!

Baby: Mom.

Me: …

Baby: MOM.

Me: Ngggghhh

Baby: Mom stop sleeping, it’s wake up time!

Me: Ughhh fine yes okay. *removes Baby from crib and walks to living room*

Baby: HAHA PSYCH I JUST WANTED YOU TO PICK ME UP

Me: ???!

Baby: *is asleep*

#Baby #sleeping baby #she is tricksy and false

Baby: *wakes up from nap* Hey, Mom, I need my diaper changed.

Me: Ugh but you were sleeping so well, can't you just stay with a soiled diaper for a little while?

Baby: Uhhh, seriously? That's kind of a shitty thing to ask.

Me: Haha, shitty, get it?

Baby: Haha nice bro!

Me: 😀

Baby: But seriously wtf is wrong with you, change my diaper.

#Baby #sleeping baby #diapers #so many diapers

Baby: ...What is this??!

Me: ...What, your hand?

Baby: You KNEW about this??

Me: Yeah, it's part of you.

Baby: It... is part of me.

Me: Yes.

Baby: I control it.

Me: Yes.

Baby: It is my slave.

Me: I mean I guess?

Baby: I am it and it is me.

Me: Sure?

Baby: *stares at right hand intensely*

Me: Wait til you find out there's one on the other arm too!

#literally just the right hand #she hasn't discovered the left one yet #but she has been staring at the right hand for HOURS #obviously with breaks to scream about how tired and hungry she is of course #but otherwise #the right hand is the day's entertainment #baby

Me: *slams door*

Baby: *sleeps, undisturbed*

Me: *runs vacuum *

Baby: *sleeps, undisturbed*

Me: *spills contents of makeup bag from a height of six feet onto the linoleum*

Baby: *sleeps, undisturbed*

Me: *raises forkful of spaghetti to mouth*

Baby: *SCREAMS AT TOP OF LUNGS*

#the more delicious my food #the quicker and angrier she will wake up #if I have vegetable soup?#she'll sleep for another fifteen minutes #the day I made burritos #she woke up the instant they were ready #and screamed at the top of her lungs #for an HOUR #I get it kid #you've literally only had formula for your entire life #and it's not particularly tasty #but this is ridiculous #baby #angry baby #sleepy baby #VERY ANGRY BABY

Baby: *sleeps*

Me: *gazes at Baby lovingly*

Baby: *slowly opens eyes*

Me: :)

Baby: Were you... were you watching me sleep?

Me: Yep :)

Baby: Like this whole time? Just sitting there watching me?

Me: Pretty much, yeah :)

Baby: This is a huge red flag for our relationship, Mom.

Me: :)

#baby #sleeping #sleeping baby #she's just so cute #i can't help myself

Baby: Good morning, Mommy!

Me: It is FIVE AM.

Baby: Isn't it a beautiful day??

Me: The sun won't even come up for another two hours.

Baby: I love you! Come sing and dance and play with me!

Me: :) :) :) :)

#EVERY MORNING #AT FIVE #i am so tired #but she does not get it #five is not for waking #five is for sleeping #and when i tell her she just gives me this huge grin and giggles and fuck my heart is a puddle #baby #morning #early bird baby #I LOVE HER SO MUCH

Baby: Mom I am SO sleepy.

Me: Go to sleep?

Baby: Okay OR, hear me out... I could just cry for half an hour about how sleepy I am!

Me: Sure, that sounds reasonable.

#facebook repost #and also just regular repost #since i messed it up the first time #posting as Text instead of as Chat #completely ruined the blog's whole aesthetic #baby #sleepy #sleepy baby

Me: Awww is my baby talking to the couch?

Baby: U WANNA FUCKIN GO M8??

Me: ...Are you fighting with the couch?

Baby: U BETTER BE GLAD MY MOM IS HERE

Me: ...Are you LOSING a fight with the couch?

Baby: *throws weak right hook and falls asleep*

#fighting #baby #FIGHTING BABY #excellent use of tags #you're welcome #also i need to learn how to stop accidentally posting these to my main blog...#whoopsie daisy

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