Beneath the Floorboards

Hello, I am Marlene. I am a hard-working and dedicated Trilingual Speech Language Pathologist serving the pediatric population. I am a wife and dog mom. My ministry is in the children I serve and to my family. I believe the love of God is for ANYONE who chooses to receive His love. I believe my religion calls for being active in social justice and reform. Thank you for visiting!

[conversationwiththesky]

The Suddenly-Unpopular-Christian Award goes to...

Tumblr used to be a place I went to when I was feeling alone and misunderstood. Mostly, in regards to practicing American Sign Language (ASL) and being a hearing person in the Deaf community. And here I am again after many years. Why?

Given the year we’ve had, during the world-freakin-pandemic, I believe it’s safe to say that it has served as a bit of a litmus test for people and communities alike. 

As a recent beginner, and believer of, PROFESSIONAL PSYCHOTHERAPY I have learned the beauty of healing trauma, developing healthier coping mechanisms, and learn a lot about the underlying reasons for my problems with worry, anxiety, and fear. During my first session, I was identified as having signs of depression and PTSD. 

That was quite a surprise for me because I thought struggling was kind of normal and that my issues were probably just in my head and needed help snapping out of it (partly due to false religious teaching). But as soon as my therapist laid it out for me (what PTSD and depression look like), I was relieved to know that there were actual, valid reasons why I was struggling to function normally then and also in the past. But more on that later...

In tonight’s therapy session, I learned WHY I used to have such a difficult time visualizing what it would be like to live shame-free, guilt-free, and actually live out my life purpose without all those unhelpful thoughts and feelings weighing me down. Why did I believe it such a inconceivable idea? Then my therapist reminded me who had first walked into the teletherapy-door just a couple months ago. This strange person who: 

1) believed everything was about ‘my failure’ 2) spoke terribly to their inner child  3) a few more fun things... (again, more on that later)

But how could a self-proclaimed, long-time “Christian”, “spiritual Christian”, even “progressive Christian”, be so dysfunctional? This is the type of thinking I was conditioned to before. If I still struggled or had issues it was because I wasn’t a good enough Christian yet. That people who weren’t having as hard a time must be ‘better Christians’ than me. 

This is what brings me back to my undergrad blog! Hello, again! Because in all my years in the Church (the Western Christian church) I didn’t have access to (and wasn’t encouraged to seek) professional mental health services. Not until now, at age 29, have I finally made breakthrough that “prayer”, “devotionals”, and “service” to God hadn’t tapped into even though I had tried desperately to reach a new level of “enlightenment”. Ironically, I probably considered therapy because of the hard work of non-Christians who have paved the way for mental health services to be made more accessible to the general public. So, thank you! Thank you to all of the non-religious people who have fought for mental health services for ALL people. As a person from the gross majority (Christians in America), thank God for YOU!

In the Church I’ve heard the message of “the real crisis is suicide in our nation. It’s a nation that needs Jesus! We need to share the Gospel to people in depression, anxiety... blah blah blah”. While it’s a well-intentioned message, I disagree wholeheartedly with that approach because:

1) There are suicidal people in the church that you’re talking to now 2) If the Christian Gospel was all we needed to combat suicide (or the primary need), wouldn’t the country with the highest number of Christian churches be lowest in the world for suicide rates?

I am not the kind of person that has looked to leave my faith entirely or change ideologies, but I am the kind of person that has found it increasingly difficult to relate to the Christian “brand” that is out in the world at this time. As a matter of fact, it sort of disgusts me to be associated with my religion at times. There are times where I am okay with the tension and there are other times where it actually makes me loathe, grieve, and mourn. 

I know that I’m not alone (nationally and worldwide) but it sure as heck feels lonely when the majority of people who used to pat my head for being a “good Christian” are now people I do not look up to in the faith and have lost respect for. And it’s not even for the more common reasons like, “I was fired from my ministry job by this group of elders” or “I got too close to the fire and got burned by the church”. I would say that I was/am in excellent standing with the Church and its members, but now it’s ME who has a HUGE bone to pick with Christians in the church whom I believe the Bible calls “lukewarm”. 

I believe it’s lukewarm not to take a strong stand against social injustice. I believe it’s lukewarm not to condemn racism, homophobia, and xenophobia. And where does this land me? In the eyes of the community of Christians I used to appease, I would be viewed as a heretic. More about this in future posts...

If there are any Christians, or ex-Christians, out there who are now reformed, deconstructed, or barely getting started on their journey I am HERE for it! 

Thank you for reading this post. I will not take it personally for any unfollows. I am thankful you even read this because maybe you could point me to some page similar or refer to somebody else dealing with religious trauma. Thank you!

[curlsandstems]

Lemme bless y’all with this video

[the-witch-of-geek]

ok but how is he doing that

[freak-priest]

he’s wearing false rubber thumbs with a touch-based LED in them! when he puts his index finger to his thumb, it turns the light on.

[helloarmchairphilosopher]

I just realized the doc is wearing a kippah…

[agent-superwholockian-deactivat]

He’s an orthodox jewish wizard dentist and his Instagram is full of tricks like this one that he does for his young patients to help them feel calm!

[danielle-mertina]

This is so awesome because so many kids are terrified of going to the dentist!

[conversationwiththesky]

Aroma: Day 2!

Hola ya’ll! So today was a very interesting day on the mission trip. Please stay tuned for how to pray for us as we continue this missionary trip for the next 8 days. 

We began the day with another delicious Taiwanese crepe breakfast and milk teas! Then we headed to Aroma for our morning trainings about cultural lenses in the Taipei area. We reviewed the book The 3D Gospel: Ministry in Guilt, Shame, and Fear Cultures by Jayson Georges in a group discussion format. We discussed the applications to the culture(s) present in the different areas of Taipei and how it relates to Western Deaf Culture. The conversation was filled with meaningful insight and dialogue about what it’s like to be a Deaf person in Taiwan with a primarily Shame-Honor and Fear-Power culture(s). Deafness and disabilities are seen as a curse or lack of good fortune from the parents and/or ancestors. The Deaf community in Taipei also faces unique challenges like how to identify as a proud, culturally Deaf person and how to ‘label’ themselves and being Deaf and proud. 

This lead us perfectly into a brief training about Deaf culture for the Aroma staff! Rebecca (Canada/Taiwan) and Bruce (U.S.A) gave a brief and engaging presentation about Deaf/deaf/HOH demographics, visual communication, and cultural tidbits. Aroma staff had the opportunity to direct their questions towards our leaders and encourage them to approach us personally with any questions or comments they have about our Deaf/DeafBlind/ASL team! 

The neatest thing was when our Taiwanese representative/teacher/Deaf friend came into the picture and gave us his personal perspective on the Deaf community. He taught our team Taiwanese Sign Language (TSL) which was so fun for everybody. We were all a bit confused and challenged in the best possible way. We are so excited to learn their local sign language in order to partner with them in validating and establishing their language, culture, and identities as Taiwanese Deaf people. Incredible experience and the best part is we get to do it again tomorrow! 

The following activity was the most difficult for our team as we had a ‘cultural tour’ where we walked in the streets of Taipei in order to view different areas of spiritual attack or cultural significance. We visited the areas where prostitution takes place (illegally), areas where homeless people gather, and the biggest Buddhist/Taoist temple in our area. During this time (around 5:00pm) it became very hot as we walked in the sun and heat. We were all struggling but in particular one of our team members suffered heat exhaustion and had to take a taxi to our next location. Once the entire team reached our next location we cooled down and rested a bit. We had a moment of complication when some of us weren’t feeling well and needed to have private conferences with each other in order to work out some kinks in our team dynamic. 

We then continued our trainings by discussing spiritual warfare and English teaching ministries. This was when we had to opportunity to start thinking about how we will adapt their “coffee talk” and “Bible talk” events for the Deaf community in Taipei and anticipate logistical challenges along the way. After this we enjoyed a delicious dinner served to us at the second Aroma location and made our way back to the hostel where the team came together to share our personal experiences/challenges and pray over each other. 

Please pray for us as we battle heat exhaustion, high cognitive demands of navigating multiple languages/cultures, and for God to mobilize us as we continue reaching out to Taiwanese Deaf people. 

[conversationwiththesky]

Day 1 at Aroma Coffeehouse!

Today was our first day out on the ‘mission field’ at Aroma Coffeehouse ministry. The happiest part of the morning was when our dear friend Jamie arrived in Taipei after missing his flight from the U.S. We were so happy that he arrived happy and excited to join us. Thankfully he had no issues on his flight– on the contrary, he loved it! 

We had our first orientation training today where we initiated our multi-step multi-language interpreting experience. English to ASL to Tactile ASL and back in a variety of situations– during lecture, walking around town, and in a social dinner situation. It went ‘pretty’ seamless as we all learned to work together and jump in as needed. Thankfully we have two certified interpreters on the team who take the content-heavy interpreting and 3-4 of us willing hearts to help as needed with the lighter interpreting situations. 

While our whole schedule was delayed quite a bit by the size/needs of our group, we did have some incredible experiences that set the tone for our trip! During a scavenger hunt in the Ximen area of Taipei (near the Aroma coffeehouse) we met a woman named Penny who was so kind to chat with us! She is Taiwanese, teaches English, and also attends a local church on the weekends. We sparked conversation with her during our hunt and chatted with her for about 10 minutes– such a kind soul. She ended up coming to Aroma approximately 1 hour later and we saw here there! We were so excited to get a picture with her and connect her with the English and Spiritual resources that Aroma has to offer. It was so encouraging to meet someone local who was genuinely interested in our group and came to visit us already. On our first day– wow! 

Later in the evening we were invited to a home-made dinner at one of the missionary family’s home. We got to interact with another missionary team that is serving at Aroma and get to know the interns better. During this time we were all extremely blessed and encouraged to witness our DeafBlind (DB) team member, Jamie, interact with a local Taiwanese man named Howard or “Howie”). Howie took it upon himself to approach Jamie on his own and develop a ‘form’ of tactile signing that they could both understand. They were able to communicate slowly but surely for maybe two hours! We observed them laughing and even praying for each other! We were blown away but this huge answer to our hopes and prayers for our team– specifically for Jamie. Thank God for the unique relationship between Jamie and Howie and how language and culture is not a barrier for those who want to connect with another human. Thank God for Howie’s bold and caring spirit. 

[tami-taylors-hair]

Really? This broad can’t think of one time Jesus got in trouble with the law? Like, once? Where it maybe led to a pretty significant consequence? Not once? 

[thespiderdork]

the fact that she equates “breaking the law” with “sin” perfectly fucking encapsulates the religious right in America

[conversationwiththesky]

*Christian eye roll* Ugh! So many steps back! Study Jesus! He broke hella laws!

[darlingtonbubbles]

Deaf/Hispanic/Vietnamese Wedding Experience

So! Yesterday I attended/worked a Deaf/Hispanic/Vietnamese Wedding. This was such an amazing experience I felt I had to share.

Now, I want to start off with saying the only community I’m involved in is the Deaf community. I was there as a friend of the Deaf couple and worked as an English speaking Deaf Interpreter. If anything mentioned brings offense to any of the listed communities please let me know and I can remove/change it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s nearly impossible for me to explain everything that happened at this extremely unique wedding. So, for the sake of time I’ll list the key points.

The couple getting married are both Deaf.

The groom is originally from Mexico.

The bride is originally from Vietnam.

Neither of the couples family can speak English.

There were quite a few things I didn’t expect that greatly surprised and excited me.

When there is a Hispanic wedding EVERYONE in the Hispanic community comes to party.

When there is a Vietnamese wedding EVERYONE comes to pay there respects (and also party).

This made for a wedding reception of 650+ people. The party was held in our towns convention center, had a team of parking people, a team of security guards, and then there was us. And by us I mean the only four English speaking, hearing people, that also know ASL, who knew what was going on.

There were maybe only 25-30 of the Deaf community there. We had all attended the ceremony and we were considered the mvps after the couples parents. The lead interpreter in our community was the head planner for this wedding and the couples right hand woman. You can imagine how stretched thin she was..which leads me to some other key points about this wedding.

Everything had to be translated into FOUR different languages.

This means a scentence was said in Spanish (Spanish was the majority), then translated into English, then translated into Sign Lanuage, and then to Vietnamese.

This also meant a team of interpreters had to follow the bride and groom around constantly.

Yeah, it was chaos. It was also amazing to watch and I’m so glad I was able to witness this once in a life time experience.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now! For some fun things that happened during the wedding and some fun facts!

The groom signed the song Marry Me to his wife during the ceremony and cried the whole time.

The flower girl had a dress triple the width of herself and couldn’t fit through the door (she was 4).

The bride had 5 (yes 5) different dresses. One of which was traditional Vietnamese.

The cake was traditional tres leches cake with fruit.

The food was made by both the Hispanic and Vietnamese communities and was brought by different families throughout the night.

The band was a Mariachi band complete with accordion and bedazzled blue suits. There was also a fog machine and colored lights.

Deaf people do dance and listen to music. It just has to be loud enough for them to feel it. I felt very sorry for those who weren’t warned and didn’t bring earplugs.

There were many traditional Hispanic dances preformed. Including one where the bride and groom held the veil in a bridge and all the men and then all the women line up and dance under and around it.

The couple had a photo of themselves with white matting around it for everyone to sign. It was interesting to me that everyone in the Hispanic community signed it “Familia (last name)”.

There was one point in the night when all the Deaf simultaneously took off their cochlear implants. (Because of how loud it got.)

There were so many presents it took three trucks to carry them all (this was also my job at 12:30 AM). And the couples last present was an all expense payed trip to Disney.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you stuck around to read through this whole thing, I hope you enjoyed it and maybe even learned something! This was definitely an experience I’ll never forget.

[conversationwiththesky]

How fun! 😃 Sounds like a great time and happy you were able to enjoy the beautiful chaos. Sounds like a really good reception!

[cslife8]

[baileywilson013]

Maybe misusing the name of God isn’t so much about saying the shallow words, “Oh my God,” as it is about using the name of God to justify discrimination, oppression, injustice, racism, slavery, xenophobia, poverty, sexism, islamophobia, ableism, homophobia, war, & the list can go on. 

[questions-within-questions]

Amen

[gaslightgallows]

When I was a wee little Gaslight attending Catholic Sunday schools, and then later in college when I was taking a Bible as Literature class, both my stolid neighborhood deacon and my dapper Protestant professor said almost the exact same thing:

“Taking the Lord’s name in vain isn’t when someone says ‘God damn it.’ It’s when a mortal, fallible human being presumes to put words in God’s mouth and say ‘This is what God wants you to do.’“

[conversationwiththesky]

Something to think about!

[wordsnquotes]

Everything has changed and yet, I am more me than I’ve ever been.

Iain Thomas, I Wrote This For You (via wordsnquotes)

[sunandsaltyair-deactivated20170]

[stolentweets]

[wnq-writers]

The whole point of moving on is to be able look back without feeling the pain.
It’s knowing that you’re broken but the hurt won’t spill out of the cracks anymore.

yoursforeverbutnottoday, Under Repair (via wnq-writers)

[wnq-writers]

Healing is when you become something else, something better, and not something you were before.

juansendizon  (via wnq-writers)

[inspiredbyjesuslove]

[wnq-writers]

We crave your time. We crave you in the quiet of a Sunday afternoon, in the thunder of a Thursday storm. We don’t need much, just bring us your heart, pinned to your sleeve. Just bring us your mind, cupped within your palms. Bring us your closeness, your unhinged ribcage, your dreams and your aspirations. Bring us the key to the world you hold within you, and we will explore it. We will always explore it. We crave your understanding. We crave the ability to be who we are — the over thinking, daydreaming, messy hearted human beings who have the loudest worlds tucked beneath their skin. We crave acceptance — your arms around us when we need to leave the party, a smile on your face as we walk towards the exit, a nudge that says “It’s okay to be drained. It’s okay.” We crave your patience. We crave time — time to figure out the feelings that jump and leap and shout inside us. We tread so deeply, we sometimes drown. Love overstimulates us, it plants seeds in our lungs and sometimes it gets hard to breathe. We crave permission to pluck the weeds from within our chests, we crave permission to learn how to wade in our depths, until we know how to swim. We crave your confidence in us, in our ability to dig up what we want to express to you. Because we do care, we do; we just want to be sure of ourselves, we just want to be sure of our heart, before we allow someone to make a home within us. We crave your distance. We crave room to stretch our limbs, soft moments where nothing is expected of us. This is how we connect with our softness, this is how we connect with our quiet. When this happens, we crave the ability to be alone without hurting you — without causing you to retreat into your mind; without making you believe that you did something wrong or that we have lost interest. Trust me — if we love you, we love you, but we crave your compassion, your empathy, because moments alone with our hopes and our dreams are just as important as the moments we spend with you. They are our strength. They are our comfort, our fuel, our paradise. But most of all, we crave your knowledge of us. We crave the way you see the small things we do as declarations of our love. See, when we do extroverted things with you, when we come out with you and dance with you and laugh out loud with you, we want you to know what that means. How we love seeing you happy. How it makes it all worth it, even if it makes us weary. And when we invite you into our heads, when we show you our favourite dog eared books or cry in front of you while watching our favourite movie, when we share with you these extensions of who we are, and what shaped the very foundation of our souls, we want you to know what that means. How hard that is for us. How we try for you. How we will always try for you.

@biancasparacino, This Is What Every Introvert Craves In A Relationship on Thought Catalog  (via wnq-writers)

[wnq-writers]

She was one of those girls who breathed fire when confronted but loved so gently that it made you forget she could.

thewriterthatnobodynoticed (via wnq-writers)

[prophecysgirl]

literati rewatch » richard in stars hollow