Confession: I used to belong to trump culture.
Not entirely willingly, mind. I was young, religious, and I made the naĆÆve mistake in thinking that all Christians were like the ones I had encountered at my home church: warm, tolerant, kind. I fell in love, and we did what young, hormonal Christian teenagers did: rushed into a marriage.
I realized my mistake almost immediately, but it took far too long to get out.
Personally, I endured abuse at the hands of my new husbandāmental, physical, sexual, economic, emotional. You name it, he did it. Brutal is an understatement. He systematically broke me down until I was a shell of a human being. Iām still dealing with the emotional fallout and physical side effects, and I probably will be for another decade at least.
Thatās personally, but letās talk his family. Because he was an extreme case, yes, but he was raised with the idea that women existed to keep their mouths shut and their legs open. I spit out two children faster than I could whip my head, because birth control wasnāt part of godās grand plan for my life. I was fulfilling my purpose as a mother, and wasnāt that great? My husband didnāt want the first baby. He wanted me for himself, see? Abortion was unthinkable, but he fully expected to carry a babyāmy babyāto term, then give it away.
Keeping him was my first rebellion. Keeping the next one was my second.
In the time I belonged to that family, I watched my mother-in-law endure the same, though less extreme mistreatment. I watched every young female family member be groped by the family patriarch. āThatās just how it is.ā I was shamed for making a fuss about it. I watched an older cousin try to sexually assault my teenage sister-in-law and she was the one who felt ashamed. We women made family dinners while the men sat on their asses. My husband and I lived with his parents for a short time. She and I would go to work each morningāan hour each wayāwith our husbands sitting in their robes in the living room, playing video games. When we returned hours later, weary, exhausted, they hadnāt moved. The standard greeting? āWhatās for dinner.ā
Thatās his family, and yes, some families are sexist, but letās talk about church. Thatās where all of this is validated, encouraged, taught. Imagine my shock, when I went to my new husbandsā family church and encountered muted xenophobia and racism, a heavy dose of homophobia, and some damned overt sexism (see above.)
Equal roles, but different. Sound familiar? This is still being taught to little girls today.
In church, I listened with quiet disgust as pastors preached about how awful my sisterāone of the gaysāwas. I piped up and asked how that sexual sin was any different than the two young church kids whoād just been caught āin a bad wayā, soon to expect their first baby. Sexual sin is sexual sin, isnāt it? I sure did get an earful for that one. We did church boycotts: Disney, Target. Every Sunday School class: Job, cookies, and lets pray God saves the moos-lims before they all come over and blow us up. We revered people with white savior complexes who went to be jesusās hands and feet and save the poor, helpless Africans.
Hate and ignorance, wrapped up in the holy Scripture. Hallelujah.
Meanwhile, I endured this abuse. This abuse, and every door slammed in my face as my husband hit me, tortured me. āStay true to your vows,ā the pastor would say.Ā āYou have communication issues,ā our sister-in-law would tell us. My mother-in-law: āLinds, you just have to accept it. Love is a choice.ā
āBut what about the part where it says that husbands are to love their wives like Christ loves the church?ā I asked.
My brother in law, joking: āThis is why women arenāt supposed to speak in church.ā
This America is alive and kicking, kids. Itās never gone away; itās just been lurking, behind closed doors. āPass the casual racism and meat loaf, would you? And get me a glass of water while youāre up. Ketchup, too.ā What Iām scared about, truly, is that I know this. And these ideas are now validated. Now mainstream. Almost 50% of our population believes this is a good idea.
āItās our time to take America back.ā
What in the hell, if theyāve been saying these things behind closed doors, and if they believe them In The Name Of Godāwhat in the hell are they going to say in the open, now? What in the hell are they going to do?
The 50s are revered as the aspirational yester-year, days gone by. Progress, as we call it, is godlessness to them. We, the godless libs, took Jesus out of schools. Weāve gone wrong ever since.
This is the America people want back, and thatās my first fear.
I got out. And Iām terrified that this, my success story, wonāt happen anymore.
Iām the rare statistic. I un-brainwashed and educated myself. I got counseling (against every Christian advice) to treat severe post-partum depression. In the process of becoming a healthier person, I realized what a goddamn mess I was.
It took three tries and a pastor-pseudo-therapist legitimately telling me, āYou know if he hits you again, Linds, Iām going to have to tell you to leave.āĀ
All regretful, like it was bad news.
āWhy should I stick around and wait for it to happen again?ā I asked.
He didnāt have an answer. I left the next week.
It took a few boldfaced lies (itās temporary, itās just a separation), and a few miracles, and a large support system of family and friends who all but plucked me out of that hell.
For leaving? My price was excommunication. From his family, our friends, our church. I am the heathen who Divorced my Husband and broke our home. In that entire city, only three people talk to me now.
(No loss, but it took a long time to recognize that.)
I never, ever would have made it on my own. I had two small children, a new job that barely paid a living wage, and I was, as Iāve said, a shell of a human being. I left him and went straight to the human services office. Without subsidized childcare, healthcare, and food supplements, we would have starved or been homeless. It never would have been possible.
These are the services that will probably be cut first.
How will anyone in my situation ever be able to leave? They wonāt. Not to mention federal funding for shelters, crisis counseling for families, healthcare for abused women, and legal services for domestic violence victims. Throw in a court system that doesnāt value women, and a cultural mentality that believes what happens behind closed doors should stay behind closed doorsā¦ What hope do abused, trapped women have? None in hell.
If this is what makes America great again, I want out. Iāve been there, done that, and Iām never, ever doing it again.
Youāll take it back over my cold, lifeless body.
prguitarman
baratheonpilled
2087
vaporwave
amandla
titsay
