[coolgirlontheweb]

All throughout their trekking Eridar didn’t stop talking once, not even to catch his breath. Malena had never seen him so exhilarated. She supposed this wasn't unexpected, given he spent most of his days cutting down trees, which must have been intolerably dull. Whilst she had been silently judging the two Guards, he had rattled on about numerous topics, moving from one to the other so fast that by the time she had tuned back in he was barely enunciating anymore. Elycea had simply resorted to nodding furiously whenever his voice would increase in pitch or volume. He spoke about everything that came to mind: what precious metals would be used to forge the medallions this year, the duration of the ceremony, and which infamous nobles were rumoured to be in attendance. 

Over time Imperial City dwellers had converted the medallion ceremony into an assembly of their own, using it as an excuse to spectate upon the common folk and fraternize once more before they retreated back to their homes at the end of the summer. This year’s renowned attendees apparently included Ilos Dasiadar and Sigbert Mullen, the latter of which was one of the richest merchants in the Empire. The story went that through an immense campaign of flattery, wit, and supposed good business sense, he had single handedly raised himself from the ‘barren soil of the West to the fertile nucleus of all wealth and refinement in the Empire’, as he had famously put it. 

‘‘Admirable man’’. Eridar said. ‘’Admirable, albeit completely deluded. No matter how many big old houses you buy up or how many robes you pile on, it’ll never amount to an invitation to the castle, or any real recognition from all those nobles he orbits. He lacks the history and the blood. He’s too heavy-handed’’, He said. 

‘Well, he seems wonderful. What about the other one?’ Elycea asked, ‘‘What was the name?’’

‘‘Ilos?’’, Eridar said with a raised eyebrow.

‘’What’s he about?’’ Elycea said.

‘‘Well, that’s just it. No one really knows.’’ Eridar replied with a smile he was failing to suppress. “You see, Dasiadar is a strange one. Consensus is that he’s a merchant, though it’s unclear what exactly he trades”. 

‘’Well, what do we know? What does he look like?’’ Malena pestered. 

‘’For certain? He dons a long dark cloak and has a long dark face”.

Eridar took a quick glance around and lowered his voice. “But what has stuck about him is his arrogance. Apparently he’s a distant cousin to the Imperial family. And a decade ago the Emperor summoned him to live in the Castle, but he never turned up. Never before had the nerve been seen”.

“Well, why has he decided to show up for the ceremony?”, Malena said. “I doubt this is an occasion he cares for”.

“Who knows, or rather who cares?”, Eridar laughed merrily. 

Malena couldn't help but notice how most everything he had mentioned were in fact rumours he had no doubt picked up from other soldiers, but her father’s eyes shone bright as he spoke, and his voice carried a sense of optimism she had never heard from him before, and so it felt cruel to bring him back down to earth. She supposed that if any nobility were to be in attendance at the ceremony, there would be absolutely no pleasantries exchanged between each other. Truthfully, it was audacious to believe you would even get a glimpse of them.

Despite this, she couldn’t pretend there wasn’t a pool of excitement brewing within herself as well. She knew bits and pieces about the Imperial City, mostly from boastful classmates who had made the journey for their own fathers or brothers’ medallion ceremonies. They would return to be surrounded by hoards of people, all craning their necks to hear what they had to report. Malena had always assumed they embellished their experiences for attention’s sake, but with every step she took her preconceptions were faltering. Elycea seemed to have bought into the sensation too: Eridar’s zeal was so infectious that they hung onto the words that they could decipher, and by the time they had arrived at the carriage park, and much to Magard’s dismay, the Nightshades each had a wide grin plastered onto their faces.

[coolgirlontheweb]

[kosmogrl]

[supermodelshrine]

Christy

[xi4ngling]

𓋼𓍊 ༚.°⋆ Heart-Shaped Box ༚.°⋆𓋼𓍊

[xi4ngling]

I H3ART YOU! </3

[coolgirlontheweb]

currently reading about american hegemony

[coolgirlontheweb]

my eremika heart isn’t ready for january 9th <\3...

[coolgirlontheweb]

i feel sick

[coolgirlontheweb]

<333

[s-eulg]

idk...

[hachies]

ⰔⱄⰔⱄⰔⱄⰔⱄ

[rawooi-deactivated20250314]

¿Por qué le tienes tanto miedo a la muerte? (GIF BY ME AND EDIT DON'T REPOST)

[k17tys]

૮ ˃𓈒꒧ ˂ ა

[coolgirlontheweb]

[coolgirlontheweb]

the narrator (my year of rest and relaxation) - INFJ

her most probable type is an unhealthy INFJ, since they also have Ni-Se but also an auxiliary Fe that we could suggest manifests extremely unhealthily. under-developed aux Fe makes more sense than aux Te as well, since she doesn't direct mental energy toward efficient thought or effective problem solving at any time whatsoever. tertiary Ti during her 'year of rest and relaxation' makes a lot more sense than dominant Ti as well.

Ni-Se: she completely detaches herself, and ignores the corporeal world (Se) as she succumbs to and indulges too heavily in Ni's tendency for introspective thought. when Ni-doms rely too heavily upon Ni, they usually identify with Ni’s activities by using abstract meaning and purpose, as well as the ability to access intuitive truth to construct the foundation of their identity. thus, Ni will feel continually threatened by Se's perspective since it has the potential to disrupt or shatter their ego-image, which is something the narrator subconsciously definitely tries to protect - look at how much thought she gives herself and her current state as opposed to being receptive to the logical issues she encounters in the objective world and forming her own assessment of facts and problems (Ti).

Fe: auxiliary Fe would help support her Ni here, since a lot of the things she spends time dwelling on are her relationships - bad use of Ni-Fe in INFJs makes them relatively emotionally immature, and an unhealthy expression of Fe would make someone antagonistic, make faulty assumptions about people and society, and direct their emotional immaturity away from themselves (hence Fe being extraverted), like being overly judgmental of people.

chronic underdevelopment of Fe causes INFJs to:

- have an inexpressive or cynical manner (the narrator is extremely pessimistic and misanthropic, and applies her cynical judgment/worldview to people who participate in it, like reva - this is also a symptom of dominant Ni extremes).

- emotional immaturity and/or poor awareness of feeling

- unhealthy/unequal relationships; lack of support system (the narrator practically isolates herself from everyone, disregards any emotional support that reva, a supposed Fe dom, gives her. simultaneously though, she actively seeks out unhealthy relationships, like her whole relationship with trevor. remember the time she called trevor whilst practically unconscious with sleep?)

tertiary Ti: when healthy, according to Jung, the tertiary function acts as a "co-determining influence on consciousness". i wouldn't go as far as to say her Ti is developed, since if it was she would be able to make logical and empirical decisions to prevent and solve problems, but she doesn't do this and instead withdraws physical self entirely to avoid interaction that problems could arise from - dominant Ti doesn't work that way at all. i would suggest her Ti is extremely underdeveloped (it makes sense since she’s 24 and hasn’t experienced any problems in her privileged rich girl life to which she would have to apply tertiary Ti to), and is jolted into development out of it by 9/11.

her underdeveloped Ti made her unmotivated to deal with facts and solve problems in a rational way, so it may be the culprit, alongside Ni-Se, in why she started to ignore these problems and sleep in the first place. when a person encounters something that supports the development of Ti - in the narrator’s case, it’s 9/11 and reva’s death - they suddenly start to value being more assertive, self-sufficient, capable, coherent (in beliefs), and self-examining, which allows them to assume an equal position and a morally responsible role in their relationship to others/society - the Fe-Ti balance. the last line of the book is “there she is, a human being… and she is wide awake”, which is such a great indicator of/a clear reference to the narrator finally choosing to participate in the sensory physical world (Se), become self-sufficient and objectively examine the outside world in relation to their own purpose/meaning/direction (Ni-Ti) and apply a humanistic/emotional understanding to the outside world (Fe). when trying to get out of an introverted loop, the best thing you can do is participate in the extraverted world, so it makes sense that the narrator’s Ti-Se developed in response to such a world-changing event.

inferior Se: extraverted sensing is focused on engaging fully and immediately with sensory stimuli (which she ignores through taking pills to sleep), adapting to changes quickly, and making the most out of each moment’s opportunities (she makes no attempt to participate in anything, she even quits her job out of how difficult it became for her to live in the sensory world), but her Ni tends to misinterpret Se as being superficial, meaningless, or even base and vulgar (recall how much she judges reva for wanting to indulge in her own life) - she isn't concerned with the outside world for this reason and spends the entire book in deep rumination. in summary, Ni forcefully rejects the Se perspective because it fears that the sensory world or material life itself is insufficient for making life meaningful and, if one’s life is not meaningful in some abstract way, then one has no concrete reason to live - so she jumps headfirst into Ni and ignores every bit of Se to slip into sweet, unconscious sleep.

she's an unhealthy INFJ 9w1, the Ni-Se is a clear indicator of this, but understanding her Fe-Ti helps solidify it. in her year of rest and relaxation, the narrator went through extreme cognitive development, which basically gave her a metamorphosis of character and of self. there's a poem by a famous romantic poet, John Keats, called 'To Sleep' and it is basically dedicated to his love of sleep. he writes in it "Save me from curious Conscience", and the entire poem, but this line in particular, is the embodiment of the narrator.

[coolgirlontheweb]

university is so much work because i have to watch the lectures, go to seminars, do the readings and make notes on them, do the homework and the seminar exercises and it's for 4 different modules each. and the readings are around 400 pages a week.

and then i have my work experience, and i'm looking for an internship, and i have extra curricular articles to write for my society, this is so demanding lol.

i still want to be active on pdb to write my sasuke type arguments which means i'm always on my laptop and never get any time to rest or have a social life ever. the highlight of my day is literally going to get a coffee before class please my life is so monotonous.