They say you don't grow up, you just grow old

Cooper Anderson. 27. I'm done trying to play the nice guy. If you can't handle the real world then keep living in your bubbles.. but don't expect me to conform to that. I'm super proud of my little brother, Blaine. He's so strong and he's fighting for himself too. I know he'll get there one day. My heart has been stole by my two greatest loves, Rhiannon and Bentley. I don't know what I'd do without them. [I do not own any pictures or gifs used on this blog.]

[cooper-ian-anderson]

July 13th, 2020

There are no words great enough to express the anguish felt around the Glee community today. There is nothing I, personally, can say to commemorate the absolute force that was Naya Rivera. So, I’ll just say this:

Naya, you brought us laughter, tears, and created a place in the world for so many young women and little girls who were still trying to figure out where they belonged. You honored us with your confidence, grace, talents, and beauty in a way unmatched by those around you. 

We as a community dreaded this day already and now we have a reason to be devastated once more. We love you and we miss you, but we know that Cory has you now.

Be at peace. 

[rhiannon-anderson]

In all yesterday's excitement for Bentley, I forgot to give Cooper his present!

[rhiannon-anderson]

Dad is going to take care of her for the weekend we’re gone. Don’t worry, my mom is coming out here, too, because she said she doesn’t trust him alone with Bentley for a whole three days. I’ve got it covered.

And I did have to do it. We have both taken so much from each other sometimes and we don’t always give each other the things that we could have if our relationship hadn’t started off so differently than it normally would have. Do, um, are you alright with that? 

[cooper-ian-anderson]

Yeah, well. I agree with your mother. 

I don’t know what to say. Yes, yeah. That’s fine. Thank you, Nannon. 

[cooper-ian-anderson]

I swear, I’m getting Bentley a leash.

Sometimes I just can’t keep up with her. She’s like lightning, you blink and she’s gone. 

[rhiannon-anderson]

In all yesterday's excitement for Bentley, I forgot to give Cooper his present!

[rhiannon-anderson]

So I planned a small little weekend getaway for us in the mountains, so we can just like…talk. And exist. Together. Because we never really got that, you know? Everything happened very quickly, and it was all just a snowball of cancer and getting pregnant and married and moving over seas and coming back and then whatever. We didn’t get fun relationship-y things. So I am making it happen for us.

Also, if you go up to your paint studio, you may find a great many a new item in there…like, a great many.

[cooper-ian-anderson]

You.. what? I.. what about Bentley?

Rhiannon, you didn't have to do that.

[rhiannon-anderson]

In all yesterday's excitement for Bentley, I forgot to give Cooper his present!

So Cooooooop do you want it old maaaaaaan?!

[cooper-ian-anderson]

Duh. 

[cooper-ian-anderson]

Daddeh: Kid, ye be'er jus' leave 'er now. I'd've done i' ages ago. Ge' i' over wi'.

Cooper: I’m not leaving. Also is there a reason for anonymity, Daddeh?

[daddeh-ellis]

I forgot my wee li’l log in. I think ye need ta leave ‘er. Le’s be hones’!

[cooper-ian-anderson]

Well that wasn't very smart now was it? I think you need to not worry about my relationship. I'm not leaving her. 

[rhiannon-anderson]

I won't okay? I did it to make a point and now I'm like sick that I did that. I'm sorry and it won't ever happen again and we don't have to talk about it. Just know I realize what I did and I am disgusted that I did.

I never said I thought you'd say she has to go and it's not that you've said anything about divorce I just...sometimes...Does it matter what I say here in explanation? Or am I just going to hear again that "you're being ridiculous, Rhiannon" and "why don't you trust me Rhiannon" and "why can't you accept that I'm going to be around forever Rhiannon"? Like should I even explain or is it going to get brushed off still?

[cooper-ian-anderson]

I don't try to brush you off, Rhiannon, but I don't understand where these fears come from when I have reassured you time and again that it's not going to happen. That when we got married we made vows and I'm fully committed to those. Trust me, I'm sure I'm as tired of explaining myself as you are.

[cooper-ian-anderson]

You say that but I'm smart. She didn't want me before. She could not want me again, that happens all the time when you get adopted I heard stuff about it at school once when this kid met his real dad and then he was like yay i have a dad and then his dad disappeared again and said he never wanted him and thats not cool and then that kid left our school and now i'm the only adopted kid that i know. Also you can call me Sawyer. I'm ten so i'm not such a kiddo anymore.

She wants you. Rhiannon loves her children, this I know. I would never tell her that you couldn't be a part of her life or she yours. I can't imagine how tough it would be to find a parent and then have them suddenly disappear but I promise, if that happens, it won't be because I forced the issue, okay? Hey, I call everyone younger than me 'Kiddo.' You're just going to have to get used to that. 

[rhiannon-anderson]

For Cooper | A Gesture of Sorts

[rhiannon-anderson]

Of course I don’t think it doesn’t embarrass you. I never said that it did or it didn’t, and I get that I’ve messed up before, Cooper, but I swear this is it. I swear. Do you think I would swear on my daughter that this was it if I didn’t mean it? Are you kidding me? I didn’t mean that I hate that she said Dada first. That was the wrong word. I was just a little jealous, but I also know that she’s your first child, and how amazing that must have been for you. I’m not trying to cheapen that, even if it sounds like I am. I’m messing this all up, and I can’t stop. 

I’m not going to fight with you, either, and I understand that you feel awful, and I feel awful that you feel awful, but I need to know now how this is going to affect our marriage. Because we may not fight, but if this ends in us and a divorce, I need to know now. You already don’t trust me, and I thought I was okay with that, but I’m not. I understand that this is all my fault, but I just need to know where all of this stands. I’ll tell Sawyer I can’t be her mom if I have to. Whatever it takes to make this better, Cooper. I swear. You are my husband, and I am your wife. We come first, and I’m sorry that I haven’t always done that before, but I am now. I have been.

[cooper-ian-anderson]

I'm asking you right now to please never swear on our daughter again. I don't want to talk about it but please. I know how important she is to you and that you'd never risk her life, but please.. just don't. Okay? 

You think I want a divorce? You think that I'd tell you Sawyer had to go? I.. when, in any conversation that we've had, have I ever come across as someone who would do that?

[cooper-ian-anderson]

Shenandoah - Sissel

[cooper-ian-anderson]

Daddeh: Kid, ye be'er jus' leave 'er now. I'd've done i' ages ago. Ge' i' over wi'.

Cooper: I’m not leaving. Also is there a reason for anonymity, Daddeh?

[rhiannon-anderson]

For Cooper | A Gesture of Sorts

[rhiannon-anderson]

So is the rest of our life going to go like this? Everything is going to come back down to the fact that I never told you about Sawyer? Just like before it was that I never told you about Tristan? I get that you won’t believe me when I say that there’s nothing else. But there is nothing else. I swear. I swear on Bentley that there is nothing else that you don’t know like this. Don’t apologize for being hurt, that’s not what I’m saying. I just thought you’d understand that I kept these things a secret because I’m not proud of my life before you. I’m truly not. It’s embarrassing and degrading.

[cooper-ian-anderson]

Did I say that? Ever? Please stop putting words in my mouth. I just.. I don't get it. You know everything about me. I told you about Quinn and.. and Tyler and about how much I hate that I never finished college... do you think I'm proud of all that? You think it doesn't embarrass me? I just.. I really tried this past week to not get upset about this, because you told me the whole story and I really appreciated that, but it still hurts. It's never not going to and I'm sorry, but it's always going to be there. Don't you dare, ever, swear on our daughter, because I know you, Rhiannon, and there will always be something else. It may not be something like Sawyer or Tristan but you hate that Bentley said 'Dada' first and that was something recent. That was special to me. It was our daughter's first word and I didn't care what it was because it was huge and it mattered, and now I know that you hate it. 

I'm not going to fight with you. I love you but I feel awful right now. 

[whoismrrobot]

#Collars, here’s a special thank you from the team behind the Final Con.

[rhiannon-anderson]

For Cooper | A Gesture of Sorts

[rhiannon-anderson]

Yes. I would be a little hurt. But honestly, I’d be happier to know that you were finally opening up and being honest with me. Which is what I was doing, and now it just feels wrong. Every time I try to do it, it feels wrong. But if I don’t do it, then I’m wrong for not doing it. Do you see why I always feel like I’m the wrong one?

[cooper-ian-anderson]

Except that this isn't the first time that you've told me that there wasn't anything else, so I can't be totally happy about that when in the back of my mind I'm conditioned to think that there's more. So then it's okay for it to turn around on me and make me feel bad for having feelings? I'm sorry you feel like you're the wrong one, Rhiannon, but I'm not sorry for feeling hurt. 

[rhiannon-anderson]

My husband forgot my birthday.

[cooper-ian-anderson]

I did?

[rhiannon-anderson]

Did you? I didn’t even notice. I must have just zeroed in on them and then nOT CARED ABOUT MY OTHER SHOES BECAUSE PRETTY.

[cooper-ian-anderson]

Haha. Well as long as you like them. 

[rhiannon-anderson]

For Cooper | A Gesture of Sorts

[rhiannon-anderson]

So when I lie, you’re pissed, and when I’m honest, you don’t know? I don’t get what you want from me exactly. But it can’t be complete honesty because every time I’ve tried the whole ‘Let’s be totally honest about things that I would normally keep from Cooper’ it’s never ended right. It’s just ended in me feeling worse for telling you these things.

[cooper-ian-anderson]

I'm sorry that I don't know. But.. Do you think that if I told you some of those things you wouldn't be a little bit hurt?

[rhiannon-anderson]

For Cooper | A Gesture of Sorts

[rhiannon-anderson]

A good you don’t know what to say? Or a bad and you’re angry you don’t really know what to say?

[cooper-ian-anderson]

It's an.. I don't know. Parts are good and parts are bad and parts are just.. kind of painful.