【 * ; ☽ SOLITAIRE

i don't care to be understood, i want to understand myself

[coranovak-blog]

ctrlkealan ;

He returned the smirk. “Well, in that case, you don’t have to worry about me changing at all any time soon.” He let out a small chuckle, taking the cigarette from her hands and bringing it up to his lips to take a drag himself. “Well, I hope you don’t mind sharing then.” Putting an arm around the shorter girl, he shrugged. “Probably some Elvis. Any requests?”

Her lips contorted into a frown when he stole her cigarette, rolling her eyes at the action. “I do, but I suppose that won’t stop you,” she responded, leaning into his side as he wrapped his arm around her, a familiar gesture. “None of my requests will be on there,” she said, taking the cigarette back from him and taking a drag, eyes shifting from the jukebox to the boy next to her. “So I suppose I’ll have to trust your judgement, this once.”

[coranovak-blog]

bowentbh ;

“Then for that, I thank you. Even if you continued, I would not leave you to be the subject of disrespect.” Watching her finish her drink, he raised his eyebrows to silently ask if she wanted another. On his side, Bowen had only taken three sips of his and he was not keen on getting intoxicated while in the 1950′s. Chuckling back, he shrugged, “I am unsure if we are vastly different or greatly similar people.”

“Then again, perhaps you should leave me,” she murmured, words meant more for herself than for her companion. Looking back up at him, she nods in response to his silent question, bringing a finger to her lips, nails freshly painted black. “Hm..., Well, if you’ll entertain the paradox, I believe us to be both, as you’re the only person in the house I consider an equal to my intelligence, yet we both have such different beliefs as to the true nature of humanity.”

[gemories-blog]

Cora Novak. 2001.

[coranovak-blog]

bowentbh ;

“Simply because it is a private manner. Although I am very open, you are much more self confident than I, Cora. Forgive me if I would rather not speak of it presently.” Despite seeing her eyes roll through his peripheral vision, Bowen remained silent until she allowed him the opportunity to interject “ –There was nothing in that which indicated the past was beautiful. I recognize the horrors of all eras, especially the one in which we are currently. I merely said that we must learn from the mistakes we have made and use the knowledge we gain to create a better future.”

“If only because I do not want you to abandon me in a bar filled with strangers, I’ll drop the subject and save it for another time, when we’re alone.” She took another sip from her scotch, finishing the golden drink as she listened to him. Cracking a smile, an effect of the liquor, she let out a short laugh, shaking her head at the boy. “You know, I’m not sure how we’ve ever managed to get along, Bowen, or if this acquaintanceship is meant to last. I misinterpret your words and we seem to have opposing points of view on nearly everything.”

[coranovak-blog]

quinnlmao ;

“This catcalling is getting on my last nerve. I get it, I’m attractive, but catcalling?” There’s a roll of her eyes and a huff that blows a stray hair from her face. “Anyway, I’m in the mood to do some major exploration. You in?”

“I don’t appreciate it either,” she murmurs, voice soft as the other’s more vibrant personality takes charge. “Exploration? Well, I suppose it couldn’t hurt, and I do need a way to kill the time before we can finally leave.” She looks up at the girl, blue hues meeting her brown ones. “Where would you like to venture to?”

[coranovak-blog]

bowentbh ;

Bowen shook his head furiously, “No, I am not acting skittish. I simply think it is improper to speak of intercourse in public. You have always been quite frivolous in regard to our past, therefor I feel uncomfortable speak of it. –At least not in the comfort of their own home. I am surprised you are not trying harder to fit in during our travels. I believe that is the point, to learn from the past and further our knowledge to better the future.”

“Why don’t you think it’s an appropriate topic of conversation?” Her blue eyes locked on him, suddenly curious. “Everyone engages in intercourse, it’s not like it’s some well kept secret. I just don’t understand why discussing it makes you uncomfortable.” She took a sip from her scotch, rolling her eyes at his words. “Again, we disagree. I see no point in studying the past, looking back with rose-colored glasses on our history — it’s the future that intrigues me.”

[coranovak-blog]

valentineffs ;

A scientific girl who didn’t believe in God or another higher power, how surprising. Valentine could’ve called that from the moment she laid eyes on Cora, it was probably the only thing she could be sure of. To be honest, she didn’t really know what she believed. She hadn’t been around her parents long enough to really pick up on any type of religious things they might’ve believed in and nobody in the house really seemed open about what they believed in. Valentine didn’t have an opinion on such ordeals and for the first time, she was lost for words. Cora’s voice brought her back to reality and she glanced down at the dark chocolate before plucking a small lollipop and extending it out for her to take. “I’ll trade ya.”

The silence that passed between them unsettled her, as she never knew how to interpret their conversations, let alone their pauses in speech. Nervously shifting he weight between her legs, she was relieved when the girl spoke again, albeit it wasn’t much to go off of. “Here,” she said, pulling a bar from her bag and exchanging it with the girl for her lollipop. Though Cora didn’t necessarily want to try to sugary treat, she felt obligated to try it, in an attempt to forge some sort of an amicable relationship with the other. So she unwrapped it and popped it in her mouth, slightly disgusted by how sweet it was. “So,” she said, after pulling the lollipop from her lips and twirling the candy in her fingers. “Is there anything you want to do in particular, now that we’re finally out for a bit?”

[bocademiel]

Visit Original Link

[coranovak-blog]

..❝ i can’t open up and cry, cause i’ve been silent all my life. i feel numb most of the time, the lower i get the higher i’ll climb; and i will wonder why i got dark only to shine. looking for the golden light, oh, it’s a reasonable sacrifice.

[coranovak-blog]

ctrlkealan ;

“Good point,” he responded with a nod. He grinned down at the shorter girl. “You expectin’ me to decrease my game anytime soon?” he asked her jokingly as he watched her light her cigarette. “Are you allowed to smoke in here?”

“I’d never expect you to change, at least not too much,” she told him with a smirk. “I think I might actually be sad if you did.” She raised a brow at his words, and took a drag before replying, exhaling smoke along with her words. “It’s the ‘50s, Kealan, you can smoke anywhere.” Stepping away from the wall and taking her place next to the boy, she eyed the song selection, lip tucked between her teeth. “So, what are you gonna play?”

[wordsnquotes]

I am different. And I don’t understand exactly how. And I don’t understand just why.

Ellen Hopkins 

[coranovak-blog]

alecsux ;

The many apologies she’s thrown his way had grown tiresome. Refusing to even acknowledge any of them, or how difficult it could be to understand the masses of words he’d thrown at her and how they shift from one mood to another without flinching. Despite all the willing concepts hovering in vague detail, a concrete habit Alec developed for no apparent reason. Harsh tones masking any hint of sentiment. “Traveling can suck shit, I get it, it’s fucking weird. Just - before walking into a crowd of people make sure you’re okay, okay?” He states, finally moving his gaze to fall on her at the first indication of smoke. Soon to focus on the cigarette between her fingers. “Nah, light me up one of those though. You can tell me about your whole timephobia for a while.”

She nods again at his words, not able to think of any response that needs to be said. She understands, and she’s sure he knows that; her body language conveys it, even if her words fail her. Taking a drag from her cigarette, she blows out the smoke, her lips tilting up into a smirk at his request. “Here,” she tells him, tossing him her pack and holding out the lighter. “That might be the only good thing about this era, no one worried about cigarettes.” Leaning her back against the wall, taffeta scratching against the rough bricks, she takes another drag before replying, allowing the dark smoke to shroud her face. “Timephobia isn’t a term. The correct one would be chronophobia, the fear of time, or more specifically, of time running out,” she says, rolling her eyes at his words. “But it’s not something I particularly enjoy talking about. It isn’t simple like math or physics — it has no logical purpose, just a feeling that takes over. It’s horrid.”

[coranovak-blog]

alecsux ;

Isolation from the affluence of frames scattered across concrete was definitely something he was grateful for. Not only due to his own selfish need idea of exclusive space. But also because as his gaze narrowed towards the girl who now found difficulty breathing, Alec couldn’t help the minimal amount of worry now encasing portions of his being. Shaking it off strategically he nods, actions projecting that he understood yet nothing surfaced on his expression to match it. “If people saw you like that they’d all start asking questions and shit, and that’s really fucking careless. Get someone to walk with you next time, I can yell at a few assholes if you pick me but I mean, if you know things are going to get bad try to save yourself first.” He voices, refusing to look at Cora directly. A hand running through his hair, “you’re okay though, right? Like not on the verge of a panic attack.”

Her lips contort into a frown, though she knows he’s right; after all these years she should be used to traveling, shouldn’t have such volatile reactions to the act. Looking up at him, and seeing that he refuses to gaze in her direction causes her frown to deepen, confused by his differing emotions regarding her. “I don’t especially want anyone to know that I’m so awful with traveling,” she responds after a few moments of silent thought, running a hand through her tangled curls. “I’m fine, just a bit shaken up is all.” Fully embarrassed by the situation, she averts her gaze from the boy and reaches into the depths of her purse, fishing for a cigarette. Finally she procures one, propping it between her lips and deftly lighting it. After she takes a drag she feels calmer, the familiar taste of nicotine filling her senses. “I’m sorry for all that,” she apologizes again, eyes locked on the cigarette in her hand. “We don’t have to linger in this alleyway, if there’s somewhere you want to go.”

[coranovak-blog]

ctrlkealan ;

“I have never actually used a jukebox before,“ Kealan said, looking intently at the big machine in front of him as he flipped through music. “This is kinda exciting. Plus, I do look pretty great in a leather jacket, if I do say so myself.” He shrugged his jacket playfully and chuckled.

“I don’t think many people have,” she replied with a shrug. “It’s not a common practice in the twenty-first century.” Fishing for a cigarette in her purse, she merely hummed in response to his words, eyes rolling to the back of her head. “Still quick to self-praise, I see, no matter the year,” she said, amusement clear in her tone as she propped the cigarette between her lips and deftly lit it.

[coranovak-blog]

elorabanks ;

“You know, we could always go and buy you a new outfit if you really don’t like yours.” She said, helping the girl sit down at one of the booths. “If you want I’d gladly trade you outfits if you like, although you are much taller than me and much skinner..” She trailed, realizing the plan wouldn’t work. “I’m going to get you a milkshake, alright? My treat.” Elora walked off, going up to the counter, buying the girl a milkshake, and herself one as well. Walking back to the table she sat down her milkshake infont of her with a smile on her face. “Here you go, don’t you love how good they look? If only they looked like this back home.. well, from what I’ve seen online.” 

She shook her head at the girl’s suggestion, knowing it would be more trouble than it was worth. “No, it’s fine, I can manage,” she said, giving the girl a small smile in an attempt to reassure her. “Besides, I couldn’t pull that off like you do. I haven’t got the body for it.” She shrugged, unfazed by their differing body types and tapped her freshly painted fingernails against the wooden table as she waited for the girl to return. “Thank you,” she murmured, lifting her eyes to meet Elora’s and giving her another small smile. “It does look quite beautiful,” she agreed, lifting the cherry from the top of the whipped cream and popping it in her mouth, twirling the stem in her fingers. “It is quite sad we don’t get out often..., Is there anything you’re looking forward to doing now that we’re here?”

[coranovak-blog]

fcukindiana ;

     Indiana usually stuck to the few same people in the group of teenagers, and evidently, Cora was not one of those. It was odd how scarce their relationship was due to their circumstances, but still the dark haired girl felt more comfortable gravitating towards a familiar face in this situation. “If you’re always going to ‘observe’ how will you be able to experience?” She grinned through her galling comment. “Dance with me, Cora.”

    Her lips turned down into a frown at the girl’s words, and she took a moment to consider them, fingers tapping against her chin. After a few minutes of silence in which her mind was anything but, she nodded, blue hues meeting the girl’s brown eyes. “Alright, I’ll give it a try, for the experience,” she said, elevating herself from her seat and looking to the brunette for guidance, unsure of where she was supposed to go or how she was supposed to move. “You’ll have to lead, though.”

[coranovak-blog]

valentineffs ;

“Looks like your knowledge of scientific facts comes in handy sometimes,” she offered Cora a small smile before leaning against the counter as she waited for the girl to pay for her candy. If she was being honest, Cora was quite interesting and that’s probably the reason Valentine spent half of her time either annoyed or intrigued by her. “Differing tastes in candy, differing opinions, differing looks- it’s what makes everyone beautifully human. Whatever made us like this, if it’s a higher power, science, whatever…I find it very fascinating.” Valentine was trying to relate to something Cora could talk about and for some reason, she didn’t really understand why she was suddenly trying so hard to make small talk with her- it was almost annoying. “Dark chocolate’s healthy for you, isn’t it?”

She returned the girl’s smile, still confused by the great disparity from their previous interaction to this one. She considered asking the girl, mouth opening to voice the words in her head, but she stopped herself, closing it once more. What good would it do to ask such questions, especially if a vicious response was the most likely scenario? “It is all quite fascinating,” she finally said, a small smile on her lips. “I tend to favor science, as the idea of a higher power has never seemed practical to me. There are too many loopholes in such a theory, it’s not foolproof like the equations I’m used to.” For a brief moment, she wondered if she’d overstepped, if the girl would suddenly claim some deep conviction for god and she’d be left floundering again. “It’s supposed to be, though I prefer it for the taste,” she offered the girl the bag, “Would you like some?”

[coranovak-blog]

bowentbh ;

“Anytime,” He nodded and took a sip of his drink, almost spitting it out when she spoke again. His embarrassment was surely noticed, although he tried to hide it. “Yes, you do. You - you definitely could be a proper prostitute, if you wanted.” Bowen cleared his throat and took another drink, awkwardly staring at the wooden bar as he remembered all the times they had slept together. Turning his head slightly, he saw her eyebrow raise and scooted closer, glancing in the direction her eyes looked.

She lowered her glass back to the bar, blue hues gazing at Bowen curiously. “Are you always going to act so skittish around these kinds of topics? We used to engage in intercourse, I don’t see why that should have an effect on our current acquaintanceship.” She took another sip, eyes once again locking on the men who were staring at her. “It’s probably the first time they’ve ever seen a woman drink scotch,” she mused, a hint of annoyance in her tone. “A pity we go back in time at all — all we ever see is discrimination and a lack of knowledge.”