Sanity is not statistical

the world is r ○ u n d my s q □ a r e don't fit at all 19 || Level Two || Room 206 Anxiety, Panic attacks, Depression and Alcohol Abuse. (I track #cordeliafountaine)

[cordeliafountaine]

New beginnings || Cordelia + Esmeralda

[esmeralda-anderson-deactivated2]

"Yeah, just fine." Esmeralda yelled down as she curled up on a branch with her book happily finding herself in her little comfort zone that she had made years before. As a little girl, the young woman just knew she belonged far away from everything around her. She knew she had to find a little place to escape from the horrors of her every day life, and the trees were her home. They were her safety for a while. Now that she was in Thornewood with Will as her new home. The trees were just a vacation at that point, and she really needed a vacation. 

As Cordelia gave up the Olde English, Esmeralda sighed a bit glad to not have to work at speaking. She wasn’t really feeling like it all that much anymore anyways. She was just to tired to use her brain to do such things. “I’m fine. It and my side are only a little painful. How did you find out about that?” It was actually a huge lie, but she didn’t really want to talk about it all that much. “I’m sorry you’ve been going through so much. It sounds really difficult. I’m glad that you’re coming out now though.” 

[cordeliafountaine]

"If you say so," Cordelia called back, dismissing the thought. Esmeralda would probably tell her about it, if she were in pain, so there was no use pushing the subject. Unless, she's lying. The young brunette had always had a knack for playing hide and seek, and had found her favourite hiding spot whilst playing the game with her mother, when she was younger. Granted, her parents had always encouraged her to read, but on the rare occasions when she wasn't allowed to, or was supposed to do other things instead, she could often be found sitting up in the tree with a book or two in her lap. 

"I had coffee with Thomas the other day, and he mentioned it. The psychiatrist with the lush eyebrows, y'know? I'm sure you know him loads better than I do. You sure you're okay?" Cordelia asked again, looking up at Esmeralda from where she was laying. "Thank you," She replied a bit more quietly, although still loud enough for the other girl to hear. "I'm sure it's better than I make it out to be, but we all have our own problems," She shrugged, offering her a small smile. "What's happened in your life lately?" Other than getting stabbed by that patient with no name. 

[cordeliafountaine]

New beginnings || Cordelia + Kane

[kane-matthews]

"Neither? So you just like hiding under trees for fun or something?", he raised an eyebrow, exhaling some smoke from his mouth. He made a noise that was part scoff and part laugh. "Hell no. I mean, I don’t like people, but I have no problem loudly telling them so", he chuckled, smirking faintly. "Excuse me? Are you saying I don’t look friendly or something?", he raised an eyebrow. "And you just met me too. How rude", he shook his head in mock offense. 

[cordeliafountaine]

Cordelia merely looked at him, amused by his observation. "Does it look like I'm hiding? Simply felt like getting some fresh, unpolluted air, that's all." She paused, glancing at the offensive cigarette. "Being in a mental asylum can be a bit... overwhelming, at times." Delia shrugged, before scrunching up her nose in distaste as he exhaled the smoke. "Somehow, that doesn't surprise me one bit. You seem like the overly arrogant asshole who states his opinion whether or not it's wanted in the first place. Don't worry, I'm the same. Except, slightly less offensive. Maybe." She offered him a small smile, before staring straight ahead again, trying to ignore the smoke. "Oh, sure you do. You look like puppies and rainbows, all things nice all wrapped up in this big bundle of friendliness." A seconds or two passed where she tried to keep her serious facade, before bursting out laughing, only checking to see if he'd gotten offended or not after her silly little moment had passed. 

[cordeliafountaine]

New beginnings || Cordelia + Esmeralda

[esmeralda-anderson-deactivated2]

Esmeralda groaned a little as she pulled herself up remembering the still very painful side. She knew she should stop climbing up in trees after getting stabbed, but she just couldn’t help herself. She needed a place to hide away when Will was away doing what he needed to be doing to get better. Esmeralda too went to therapy, but Will was still having to socialize more than her thanks to his previous state of being antisocial more than her. 

She sighed and bit her lip as Cordelia started to apologize. “Nay, thou art not to blame. Not completely. Life hath been as quick as a four horse chariot down an empty street.” She ran her hand through her hair and laid her head back on the tree. “Where hath thou been?” 

[cordeliafountaine]

Cordelia shifted around so that she was laying comfortably on the ground instead, using her balled up hoodie as a makeshift pillow. Her eyes fluttered closed for a few seconds, before they snapped open as she heard Esmeralda's groan, as if she was in pain. "You okay, milady? Sounds as if thou art in great misery." She looked at the tree with fondness, questioning why she hadn't thought about climbing it prior to seeing Esmeralda actually doing it. It looks just like the one back home, except s m a l l e r.

"Oh, but I am. Almost fully, that is. Although life hath been quite busy, that is no excuse for my rotten behaviour. I owe you more than one apology, milady, I only recently heard about thine mishaps with the lunatics in this place. How's your neck?" She asked, referring to the stabbing-incident Thomas had told her about, glancing up at Ezzy sitting in the tree. "I've been locked up in me room, milady, inner demons plaguing me mind and all. Worry not, fair maiden, for... Damn it, I can't do this," A soft laugh escaped her, feeling a small smile tugging at her lips. "I'm sorry," She repeated, genuinely feeling bad for her behaviour as of lately. "I just really haven't felt like leaving my room. Dealing with my own thoughts were bad enough, couldn't bring myself to socialize whatsoever." 

[cordeliafountaine]

I mean this as politely as possible but how come you've only been replying to one person lately?

ooc; I’m currently working on the other replies that I owe, I apologize. To be perfectly honest with you, anon, it’s simply because I haven’t felt like roleplaying at all, and the only person I find easy roleplaying with is Ilie. It’s nothing personal against anyone else, it’s just that I’ve talked to her on a daily basis for the past 2yrs and we roleplay elsewhere as well, so that’s part of the reason why I tend to reply to the Kaidelia threads more often than others. Also; Kaiden’s more or less the only person Cordelia has any kind of plot with. Whether or not that is because people don’t tend to reply to my starters, or because of the fact that I’ve barely been active on here for a while is a different topic, but it is what it is. Feel free to message me off anon if you’d like for our characters to interact, ‘though I have a feeling I already know who this is. No offence taken, btw, just answering your question. (Also, part of the reason's because this is the first time anyone's questioned it, or commented on it in the first place. Didn't think anyone cared tbh, or missed interacting with Cordelia. -shrugs-)

[cordeliafountaine]

New beginnings || Cordelia + Kaiden

[kharchive-deactivated20151109]

"What’s there  n o t  to understand? I just told you, quite blatantly, that all I want is forgiveness,” Kaiden responded, his brows drawing together, truly puzzled. But then she said it; that she didn’t know what he should do to earn her forgiveness, either. Though, every word that left Cordelia’s mouth was honest. He had to give her that. Ducking his head, Kaiden absentmindedly dragged his shoe along the grass as he let out a humourless laugh. It came out more as a sigh, though. Dry humour curved the corner of his mouth, as he nodded without looking at her. “I know I can’t deny that... but what I’m apologizing for is for hurting you.”

Finally, Kaiden met her eyes. “I did mean everything. But I didn’t say what I did to hurt you. I said what I did because it’s.. it’s what I do.” It sounded dumb. He knew it. But he found himself narrowing his eyes, as if he wasn’t even sure how to explain it. “You have your own defense mechanism, and I have mine. It’s just like how you say I’m fine all the time; I hurt people before they can hurt me. But I took it too far, I know,” Kaiden’s voice dropped to a near whisper, as he grounded his teeth, his stare bearing a determined intensity.

Cordelia said that she forgave him. But he couldn’t be sure if she meant it, or was saying so in order for him to leave her alone. “What I want is what I’m probably not going to get, really.” Threading his fingers through his hair, Kaiden shook his head as he shrugged a shoulder. He looked off to the side and dropped his hand. “I just want things to go back to normal. But, evidently, that can’t happen because trust’s so sacred to you, isn’t it?” For a moment, Kaiden merely closed his eyes, his head still turned to the side. But as his eyes slowly opened, they lost its fire. “I fucked up, didn’t I?” he asked rhetorically.

[cordeliafountaine]

"Well, if that's all you want from me, then, there you have it. Forgiveness granted. Apology accepted. Can I leave now?" Cordelia replied dryly, the sarcasm lacing her words evident even to her own ears. Even though she didn't mean any of the words she'd just said, she'd rather spend her time trying to convince him that he'd been forgiven, rather than having him go after her with his ideas of an a p o l o g y, asking for something she didn't know how to give. Her tongue darts out to dampen her bottom tier, brows furrowing in thought as she averted her gaze to the side. Teeth slowly dragged across the skin of her bottom lip, her mind working at full speed to process the words that had left his mouth.                             ... what I'm apologizing for is hurting you.

"Now that's just funny," came her reply, almost amused by the amount of distrust she felt towards him. "You see, there's a difference between what you say that you do, and what you actually did. You –-" A pause followed the word, a frustrated sigh escaping her. She looked to the side, briefly, before meeting his azure eyes again, determined to show him how wrong he was. Her determination lasted all 2 seconds before she simply let herself give up –– just this once. Cordelia found herself searching his gaze for answers she didn't even know she was looking for, as if there was something he could say that would make it all better. The worst part was, the reason for her being so bitter towards him wasn't even all about his actions or what he'd said. It was, to put it simply, because of her own failure, that she knowingly had put herself in the predicament that she was in. It was far easier to put the blame on him and focus on the hurt that he'd dealt out, instead of admitting that she was the cause of her own pain. 

Tucking a curl behind her ear proved to be the right distraction for her, allowing her brain to catch up with the conversation, rather than focus on her own thoughts. A short laugh escaped her, mildly surprised by his words; simply because she didn't fully understand them. "Normal? Please, do tell what your idea of normal would be for us." There is no us. "Trust is sacred to me," Cordelia paused, taking in Kaiden's seemingly defeated posture. Once he opened his eyes again, she could feel something h u r t i n g inside of her, as if it was her fault that he looked so... Tired. Defeated. Broken?

"And yes..." came her quiet reply, offering him a small smile, simply because she didn't have it in her to be upset, or to raise her voice. "You did."

[compassinq-deactivated20131214]

ANON HOUR. NOTHING DELETED. EVERYTHING ANSWERED

[kharchive-deactivated20151109]

Some questions, if you need inspiration.

[cordeliafountaine]

[cordeliafountaine]

Her gaze followed his foot’s movement, her eyes fluttering closed as she took a deep breath to gather her thoughts. Kaiden could act like everything was back to normal, but he seemed awfully keen on keeping his attention elsewhere –– refusing to meet her gaze. “Of course...

[cordeliafountaine]

A confused expression came over her features, perplexed by his stubborness when it came to getting her forgiveness. "Honestly, Kaiden, I really don't get it. What are you after, huh? Do you want some handwritten manual, or a list maybe? Do you think I have it all figured out, or that I'm not telling you -- just for kicks?" Her head canted to the side slightly, taking in the nuances of his ever shifting expressions. 'Odd,' she thought, her gaze wandering over his facial details before meeting his gaze again.

"I know that every word that left your mouth that day is nothing but your honest opinion. You can't apologize for that, nor can you deny it. The thing that bothers you is that while we're both good at pretending -- I'm much better at it, and you-" Cordelia broke off, allowing for the small smile she'd been fighting off to curve her lips, shaking her head slightly. "I know you better than you think. Wish that I didn't, but I do. What proof do I need? Call it assumptions all you want, but have you proved me wrong?" She challenged, her tone just as calm, if not a bit more tired than before.

"To be perfectly frank with you, I don't k n o w, Kaiden. I really, really don't. Actually, scratch that. You're forgiven. Will you leave me alone now?" She asked, barely able to keep the hint of defeat out of her voice. Cordelia had made progress when she didn't have to deal with him, 'though she could feel her newly found resolve crumbling to pieces as she was forced to stand in front of him -- his pleading gaze colliding hard with her unforgiving one. "Trust is s a c r e d for me, Kaiden. I don't think you quite understand the concept, 'cause you wouldn't be standing here like this if you did. What do you /want/ from me?"

[cordeliafountaine]

New beginnings || Cordelia + Kaiden

[kharchive-deactivated20151109]

"I prefer the same, actually. You can’t do anything to relieve yourself from the heat — that’s the difference." Chuffing a light laugh, Kaiden shrugged a shoulder. However, his eyes were downcast, as he idly tapped at a daisy’s stalk with the side of his shoe; either aimless, or refusing to meet eye contact. "They should care; they live here now," he remarked, finally lifting his gaze. 

Just like that, Kaiden regretted making eye contact with Cordelia in the first place, as she offered a sickeningly sweet smile. Just like that, he felt a pang of rage and indignation.

              Is this all I’ll ever get for apologizing now?

                                     Bitter smiles and constant denial?

But he did mean every insult he fired at her; that part was true. It was when she rose to her feet and whispered a bitter reply into his ear, that Kaiden lost it. And yet, he wasn’t quite angry enough to raise his voice. He found himself tired instead. As Cordelia started towards the asylum, Kaiden turned to watch her go. Impulsive, desperate, reckless; all three could’ve been used to describe his next move. “What the fuck do you want from me?” Although she couldn’t see him, Kaiden’s brows drew together as pure defeat contorted his features, his arms splayed out. “I’ve apologized; I’ve admitted that I’ve done wrong. What more do you  w a n t, Cordelia?”

[cordeliafountaine]

Her gaze followed his foot's movement, her eyes fluttering closed as she took a deep breath to gather her thoughts. Kaiden could act like everything was back to normal, but he seemed awfully keen on keeping his attention elsewhere –– refusing to meet her gaze. "Of course you can. It's not as effective though, and heat makes you lazy." Cordelia shrugged, almost laughing out loud at the absurdity of the situation. She could hardly stand to be in his presence, barely able to have a conversation with him without triggering her anxiety, and there she was; discussing the fucking w e a t h e r of all things. "Maybe some people only view it as a temporary solution." Delia replied absently, raising her gaze to find him, surprisingly, staring back at her. 

Cordelia honestly didn't know how to make it more clear to him than she already had. He wasn't good for her. In no capacity w h a t s o e v e r. Frankly, the mere idea that he thought that two half-arsed apologies would be enough for her, for him to ease his guilty conscience; disturbed her.  A sigh of relief escaped her lips as she'd moved a distance without him stopping her, 'though she was secretly disappointed that he couldn't even be bothered to stop her. He would have if he cared, she thought to herself, the corner of her mouth curving into a small smile. But he doesn't.

Brows furrowed in annoyance as she heard Kaiden call out to her, halting in her steps as she allowed for him to finish before turning around to face him. Although, loud voices would work well to trigger her anxiety normally, Cordelia found herself to be perfectly at ease, taking in his seemingly defeated posture. "What I want from you...?" She questioned, looking at him in confusion. "The question is; what do you want from me?" Eyebrow slightly arched as she seemed to search his gaze for the answer, truly curious about why he seemed so insistent on getting her to accept his apology. "I want nothing from you, nor do I want anything to do with you. I don't want your apologies, your pity or your guilt." Her feet brought her closer to him, not feeling like raising her voice. "Don't you understand that, Kaiden? You don't owe me anything, nor do I owe you any forgiveness. It's as s i m p l e as that. You're not sorry about anything, so what do I have to forgive you for?"  A step back allowed her to truly take in his expression, wishing she had it in her to say the words 'I forgive you' and just move on with her life, but she didn't. He doesn't deserve my forgiveness, 'cause he's not sorry at a l l. 

[thornewoodconfessions-deactivat]

[fillingboxes]

Tell my muse their fatal flaw in your muse's eye.

[cordeliafountaine]

New beginnings || Cordelia + Kaiden

[kharchive-deactivated20151109]

She smiled, and for a second, Kaiden felt a pang of envy. Why can’t I pretend I’m okay like that? He knew she was pretending; the cocky part of him knew that he did have an effect on her. All the same, he still stood there; he was still, although he wished he wasn’t, concerned.

              — He was going to try to look unaffected.  

"Really? The cold’s always bothered me; the only thing I like about the cold is it involves hot drinks." Sticking his thumbs in his pockets and shrugging, Kaiden offered a scrunched up nose of a smile. "Oh, I’m here to clean up the place; we really don’t have enough Groundskeepers. Either that, or." He bent down to pick up a stray bottle cap, examining it through narrowed eyes before he stowed it in his pocket. "People are pigs sometimes." 

And then there it was: behind the attempts at humour, the languid smile etched onto his features disappeared, as if he took off a mask. Kai could lie to himself pretty well. But not so much, towards others. “I’m sorry about everything I said in the hallway, by the way… I took it too far,” his eyes flitted over to her, “there was some stupid shit I spouted too, which I — God.” Kaiden sharply inhaled, his eyes closing for a moment, as if he physically needed to restrain his anger. “I feel like an idiot.”

[cordeliafountaine]

Assessing people’s expressions and body language had always been a habit of hers, and seeing Kaiden in front of her was no exception; she knew him better than that, just as much as he could probably tell that she wasn’t being genuine. Fake it ‘til you make it, right? she thought to herself, a somewhat bitter smile replacing the faint one from before. Though, it was only for a moment or two, her eyes closed for a few seconds before she met his gaze again, a familiar expression of serenity gracing her features.   "Hot drinks are one of the perks, yes. Though, I much prefer extreme cold over extreme heat." Cordelia replied conversationally, as if she was making small talk with a stranger or an acquaintance. He was anything but, even though he felt more like a stranger than anything.                  –– I thought I knew you, but you proved me w r o n g.   

"Think it’s a combination of both, really. Frankly, most of the patients simply don’t care." Cordelia shrugged and looked off to the side, finding the topic to be incredibly dull; the mere action of speaking with him in a civil manner brought up the anxiety she’d been suppressing lately.  A few moments passed before she craned her head to look up at him again, she was sitting down on the ground after all. There we have it, she thought, noticing the way his smile faltered until it disappeared altogether. You can’t lie to me.  Cordelia merely smiled at him as he spoke, as if he’d just made a comment on the weather they were having. “Don’t worry about it, Dr Hendrix.” Making perfectly sure that her facial expression didn’t give anything away before rising off the ground, she dusted herself off before standing before him, meeting his gaze again. “You might be sorry now, after having thought about it for quite some time, but you sure as hell weren’t sorry then. I’m just glad I got to hear what you truly think about me. Brutal honesty ‘til the end, huh?” She laughed softly, averting her gaze as she paused to collect herself. “But hey, that’s all in the past. There’s no need to discuss it anymore.” She smirked faintly, and then leaned in to speak near his ear. “Wouldn’t want the whole garden to know how you broke my h e a r t, do we?” 

As if she hadn’t just brought it all up again, she leaned back once she’d finished speaking, only to meet his gaze briefly, before stepping back. “Think I’ve had enough.”  Whether her comment referred to him, their arguments, or that she’d gotten enough fresh air remained for him to interpret, though she wouldn’t stick around for him to do so, walking past him towards the asylum as soon as she’d finished speaking. 

[1uvs]

He was a shitty person and I was a shitty person and we both thought that we could fix each other

[cordeliafountaine]

New beginnings || Cordelia + Kane

[kane-matthews]

Despite the small setback with the sprinklers, Kane was actually in a slightly less grumpy mood that day-he’d managed to bum a pack of cigarettes off a guard, and was just heading out for a smoke. Actually, perhaps ‘bum’ wasn’t the right word. The fact was Kane had actually stolen them out of the man’s pocket while the guard had been asleep. But then again, served him right, for being stupid enough to sleep on the job. He’d also drawn something rather inappropriate on the man’s face in sharpie, but no one had to know about that.

He didn’t even notice the girl, since he was so focused on the task at hand-finding a quiet spot for a smoke, that he didn’t even realize she was there until he’d sat down about five feet away from her, under a tree. Looking up, he raised an eyebrow. What was with these people and their need to constantly try and be friendly, he thought to himself. Personally, he’d have been perfectly happy with them just ignoring each other, especially since he hadn’t even realized she was there in the first place. Grunting noncommittally, he took out a cigarette and his lighter, hoping she’d get the hint that he wasn’t really looking to start a conversation now. At for him it was polite-normally he probably would’ve made a rude comment by now on any other day. He lit his cigarette and happily took a drag. “So, quiet type, or just antisocial?”, he regarded her, raising an eyebrow, though his his tone wasn’t quite friendly, already feeling a little better now that he was able to smoke again. 

[cordeliafountaine]

New guy. Interesting. Or, he's been here for a while and I haven't noticed, since I've been to busy locking myself up to notice anything, Cordelia thought sarcastically, turning her head in his direction as he sat down next to her. Awfully social too, we're off to a great start, an amused smile made its way across delicate features, leaning her back against the trunk again as she faced forwards, figuring that they wouldn't be talking any time soon, if at all. She had gone out to the gardens for a breath of fresh air, but there was something inside of her that craved human interaction, especially since she'd deprived herself of it for so long.  The smell of tobacco hit her nostrils, making her scrunch up her nose slightly in distaste. Vile, useless, cancer-sticks. "Neither," came Cordelia's reply, though she didn't quite face him as she spoke. "You don't seem like either one, though I wouldn't peg you for the friendliest patient either," The words escaped her mouth without a second thought, not bothering to filter her thoughts whatsoever. Cordelia would make an effort, normally, but she frankly didn't have it in her to pretend. She didn't necessarily dislike the guy, but first impressions mattered to her, and he hadn't made a very good one. That, coupled with her terrible mood left her slightly on edge, wary of what he was actually like. 

[cordeliafountaine]

New beginnings || Cordelia + Kaiden

[kharchive-deactivated20151109]

Kaiden was strolling through the gardens, seeing as he was on break. Typically, he’d go out and sate his hunger. But this time, Kaiden thought to check the gardens; to see if anyone left behind any unwanted rubbish again. Spoiled beauty never failed to irk him. 

Halting in his steps, he furrowed his brows as a voice barely passed his ears, before turning to face the source. Of course it was her; she always sat here. Kaiden fell silent for a brief moment. Rage almost overtook him, urging him to move away. But instead, there seemed to be dead weights at his feet. Raking his fingers through his hair, Kai tangled them in the tufts of hair at the back of his neck. “Hi.” Mustering the softest smile he could, he laughed softly, dropping his hand. “Why’re you outside? It’s cold.”

[cordeliafountaine]

A sense of foreboding came over her, almost knowing who it was before they'd rounded the corner. Great. It's him; she thought dryly to herself. Just the person I needed to see. Something inside her ached at the very sight of him, but Cordelia found that the saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' wasn't true in her case. Sure, Cordelia'd be lying if she said that she didn't miss him at all, however –– gone were the feelings of n o s t a l g i a and missing what they used to have; there were only bitter and hurt feelings left.  Her gaze raised from the spot on the ground, forcing herself to keep the faint smile on her features as she somewhat easily met his gaze. I'm going to act like I'm fine. And he's going to believe it, came her stubborn thoughts, nagging at her to not show him anymore weakness than she already had. 

"Frankly, I needed some fresh air. The cold doesn't bother me," came her polite reply, ignoring the fact that she did feel the cold now that he'd mentioned it, silently cursing him for it. "And you?" She asked a few moments later, knowing that it was only polite to do so. Though, when it came down to it,                                                     –– Cordelia honestly did not c a r e.

[cordeliafountaine]

New beginnings || Cordelia + Esmeralda

[esmeralda-anderson-deactivated2]

Esmeralda didn’t want to stay in the room when Will was gone. The walls felt like they were closing in on her and smothering her. The longer she stayed the harder it was to breathe, and she just couldn’t stay in there any longer. She wrote a quick note, grabbed a book, and moved quickly towards the garden which she had been doing a lot lately thanks to her anxiety. 

As she saw Cordelia, she frowned a little before replying rather quickly, “Hello.” She quickly pulled herself into the tree above Cordelia before starting to climb higher. There was a part of her that was a little angry at Cordelia. She hated that the woman seemed to never come out from where ever she was to even say hello to Esmeralda. She had to come out at some point, and never did she even try to find Ezzy. She told herself that she didn’t care since they had only talked a few times before, but when it came down to it she did care at least a little. 

[cordeliafountaine]

A pang of guilt hit her as she saw Esmeralda, realizing that she hadn't spoken to her in nearly two months. Ouch. No wonder she's not happy to see me, Cordelia thought to herself, willing herself to act rational about it, and not get hurt by the girl's rather cold greeting. Her gaze followed Esmeralda's movements, and found herself smiling faintly as she started climbing the tree, the whole thing reminding her of the tree in her garden back home; the one she used to spend countless hours in. "I owe you an apology, milady." She spoke slightly louder than before, as Esmeralda was a few feet above from where she was sitting. Even though Cordelia could tell herself that she didn't owe anyone apologies, as they hadn't come looking for her either, she felt like she had to try, at least, if she ever hoped to rekindle her former friendships. She'd been the one to lock herself up in the first place, and she couldn't blame anyone else for that. Well, apart from h i m.

[cordeliafountaine]

New beginnings || Cordelia + ?

Having locked herself up for the better part of the last two months had really done a number on her sanity, and Cordelia felt like she'd have a panic attack if she'd stayed in her room for more than a few minutes –– leading to a frantic looking patient hurriedly making her way out to the gardens. A sigh of relief escaped her lips as she slid down next to her favourite tree, the one with a wide trunk, obscuring her from the guards standing by the entrance. Moments passed where she was able to calm down, and truly enjoy a breath of fresh air, but the moment of serenity was cut short when she could hear footsteps approaching in her direction.

Cordelia silently wished that the person would just leave her alone, but knowing her luck, that wouldn't h a p p e n. Turning her head to face the stranger, she offered them a faint smile, not knowing who it was until they walked around the tree. "Hi...?" 

[prop-michaels]

Anger Management || Prop + Cordelia

[prop-michaels]

"I was supposed to be applying to law school after this semester", he muttered bitterly, hating the sight of the letter in Cordelia’s hands. Even just seeing it was making him angry. Before he could stop himself, he had knocked it out of her hands and stepped on it, before kicking it away as though it contained the plague. 

"Really? That’s kind of a dick thing to do", Prop shook his head as Cordelia mentioned her father. "You can’t just abandon family like that. Especially not if you’re stuffing them into a fucking mental hospital!". Though he was infuriated at his parents at the moment, to be fair, they did visit him, along with his little sisters, and that was at least something.

"Hmmmm…..I think I could handle the gloating as long as I still got to see you", Prop couldn’t help but smile. He really had missed Cordelia, and it was so nice to see that she hadn’t left without saying goodbye, like he’d feared. "Just be careful though…. I mean, are you sure it’s really a good idea to gloat a lot to the big angry guy who’s in Thornewood in part because he tends to punch people way too easily?", he joked, gesturing to himself. He was kind of afraid of seeming too violent, since Cordelia didn’t seem like the type to like violence, but on the other hand, making fun of himself would at least help him feel a little better. "Hey, you find someone who would actually appreciate getting punched, and I’d be impressed!”, he replied, feeling better and better as they spoke. At least it was helping take his mind off things. Being angry alone had always been much worse for him, because his anger would just stew, and he’d end up completely blowing up. “But so….there is someone who upset you?”, he asked, frowning in concern. He had wondered why she’d been so isolated, and if there was someone who’d inspired it….well, they’d be lucky if all Prop did was punch them. “What happened? I was really worried, you know”

"Of course I do", Prop returned the smile. "Hell, it’s never easy having to deal with your shit, but better telling you than some shrink who’s paid to pretend to feel bad for me", he scoffed, sitting down next to her. "Okay. Well, apology accepted then". He really wasn’t going to blame Cordelia or get upset. Sure, he’d been kind of pissed when he’d thought she’d left without saying goodbye, but seeing her again…it just sort of made any frustration he might have had at her disappearance leave him. Besides, everyone at Thornewood was dealing with problems, and he couldn’t fault her for having them. He nodded, understanding. "I know…it’s awful. Like you never know what’s going to set it off", he sighed, putting an arm around her, in a hopefully comforting way. "But hey, don’t do anything crazy, okay? Or if you do, come tell me first, that way I can at least make sure it’s not too crazy", he smiled slightly.

[cordeliafountaine]

"Prop..." Cordelia started, unsure as to what she could actually say to make him feel any better, but no words came to mind. "Don't punish yourself for it. It's not your–– Hey!" She exclaimed, holding her hand to her body. "What did that piece of paper do to you?" The ghost of a smirk painted delicate features, even though the situation wasn't amusing.  "Well, he can. And he did, so..." She shrugged, playing it off as a casual matter, as if it didn't bother her at all. Which, it did. "I've disgraced the family after all, and I'm stuck in a mental asylum. I've been disappointing him all my life, basically, so I'm not surprised that he shipped me off here." Cordelia offered him a bitter smile, finding herself missing her mother more than ever as soon as she was reminded of her less than idealistic relationship with her dad. 

"Aww, did you mis me that much?" She nudged him playfully, turning to face him with a genuine smile adorning her features. There was something about Prop's easy-going attitude that made her perfectly at ease, their interactions and conversations feeling effortless. Or, at least, much more effortless than her other friends and acquaintances. "Oh, puh-lease. As if you'd ever punch me." She paused, searching his expression for... something, before smiling amusedly. "I know you wouldn't." Cordelia leaned her back against the tree trunk, facing forwards again as she took in the different flowers and plants in the garden. "I'm sure I could find someone. I mean, there are some odd kinks out there." she merely raised an eyebrow, teasing him slightly. 

As he questioned her about what, or who'd upset her, her expression became slightly sour, the smile disappearing completely. "Let's just put it this way... I've been going through a really rough time, and.. that, coupled with having a relationship with someone that I shouldn't have... didn't really end well. The break-up's messed me up more than I was before and I––" Cordelia broke off, realizing that she'd told him more than she'd meant to. "Let's talk abut something less depressing, shall we?" She leaned against him, resting her head against his shoulder as she relaxed in his presence. "Sorry about that. How's your life been? Did anything interesting happen whilst I was locked up in my room?" "I know what you mean. I've had the most terrible luck when it's come to my therapists, and I doubt I'll ever get out of here if I keep on changing them like I have. I mean, sure, me and Kaiden didn't work out. Then I got switched over to someone who actually did understand me and helped me a bit, and then he moved away, and now I'm stuck with the frigid doctor Kaiden cheated on me with. Good luck having the one your ex cheated on you with as your therapist, the one responsible for your mental wellbeing, the one responsible for me getting out of here someda–– S h i t. Shitshitshit, I wasn't supposed to tell you that!" Cordelia got up quickly, covering her mouth as if that would somehow bring back the words that had just left her mouth. Pacing the small path next to the tree, back and forth, she nervously rubbed her fingers together as she did when she was anxious, brows furrowing in thought. "I shouldn't have told you that. I really shouldn't have. I–– I should go. Yeah, I should just–– I'll see you later."