Nathan

he/him, +18. i like writing

[cornerfigure]

⚠️ disclaimer ⚠️

(you can read "about me" below)

this account may contain negative thoughts, depressive themes, traumacore imagery, and other emotionally heavy content. sharing these things helps me process my own feelings, but i understand they can be upsetting or triggering for others. please take care of yourself and curate your experience accordingly. nothing i post is meant to romanticize suffering or discourage recovery. i fully support seeking help, healing, and taking care of your mental health.

if this kind of content isnt good for you, its completely okay to mute, unfollow, scroll past or even block me. please dont report my posts simply for expressing my personal experiences. thank you

About me 🐺

hey, ive decided to get back on tumblr and i thought id write this post to "introduce myself" (?) to anyone whos even remotely interested in the person behind this account. ive been off social media for years and idk how to find "mutuals" anymore.

im nathan and im 23 years old. im queer and use he/him pronouns. i like:

photography

single player games

pokémon (absolutely not the trading card game) and specifically pokémon ranger shadows of almia,

winx,

backrooms,

creepypastas

dreamcore,

psychology,

deep conversations,

death note

omori (my favourite video game ever)

im getting interested in mlp. id like to explore more music too. i mostly listen to pretty mainstream stuff, so id love recommendations and to discover new artists. im also really interested in the furry and therian communities, but i honestly know almost nothing about either of them. if anyone feels like introducing me to them or just talking about them, id genuinely appreciate it.

Mental heatlh (?)

⚠️ tw, negative thoughs

ive been living with depression and suicidal thoughts since i was 11. ive already attempted several times and failed every time because as everyone knows thats all I am in life, a failure. they diagnosed me with various conditions (if anyones interested):

DTD (diagnosed when I was 12)

AuDHD and social anxiety (diagnosed when i was 18)

CPTSD, PTSD, major depressive disorder, BPDV and unspecified bipolar (diagnosed in 2024)

in 2024 i was hospitalized for 6 months, letting myself go only because they gave up on me. they told me my problems are chronic and that there is nothing that can be done with me.

all these things lead me to often be a bad friend, absent, impulsive and too emotional. also i live constantly with memory gaps. either i reply to messages immediately or i put them off for days, there is no middle ground, so if this also happens with you do not take it personally. if i have problems with a person i say it directly. also here with posts i could be active for a while, posting even multiple times a day and then disappearing for months.

The end (lol)

and thats it, idk what else to say. for any other questions you can ask me anonymously, comment here or text me in dm :)

[angeliec]

I never get sorrys I get my feelings ignored

[scoopstroopog]

"mike was the first person to treat el with kindness and like a human being"

put some respect on his fucking name please

[meaningenjoyer]

[cornerfigure]

so me

[kirangamedev]

[braaainwaaash]

[cornerfigure]

i keep thinking about how everyone says it gets better with time and i just keep waiting for the part where that actually starts. every year i tell myself maybe this one will finally be different and somehow i end up carrying even more than before. it is weird how i spent my whole childhood thinking if i could just survive a little longer everything would finally make sense. and now i am here and somehow it did get worse

[cornerfigure]

[icekingintl]

ɪ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ꜱᴏ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ꜱʜᴀᴍᴇ︕

[melanqole]

debauch

[cornerfigure]

how i see the world

[gblqhdjh7dvc3nlmebe6bvkafvz5j4]

[cornerfigure]

i swear every time i think about catechism or someone mentions church or i have to walk into one it just hurts. i hate religion especially christianity in a way i dont think people will ever understand. it literally feels like getting stabbed in the heart every single time

[dosecore]

[cornerfigure]

i think the worst part is that i genuinely did keep going. like thats the joke i guess. every single time i thought ok this is probably the thing that finally ruins me forever and then somehow i woke up the next day and kept existing anyway

i survived being a kid who was scared of everything and told nobody. i survived my parents. i survived watching my family fall apart. i survived being treated like a fucking disease at school. i survived years of people making me feel disgusting just for being in the same room as them. i survived hiding in my bedroom and not eating because going downstairs meant being perceived. i survived hurting myself. i survived wanting to die since i was 11. i survived people older than me taking things from me that i didnt even understand how to say no to yet. i survived becoming terrified of my own body. i survived 2021. somehow i even survived myself.

and everyone loves the idea of survival because they imagine it as this beautiful thing where one day you look back and realize it all made you stronger. but i dont feel stronger. i just feel like i have been going downstairs for my entire fucking life. every year i think surely this is the bottom. surely after this i get to become a person. surely eventually i will have a job and hobbies and dreams and a normal relationship with my body and i will shower regularly and answer messages and stop feeling like every basic human task requires me to manually operate my own brain.

and then theres another staircase

and another

and another

and another

and another

and another

and im so fucking tired of people being impressed that i am still walking because nobody ever asks why the building has this many floors underground.. like yeah i kept going. what else was i fucking supposed to do. i was a child. then i was a teenager. now im 23 and apparently i am an adult even though half of me still feels stuck in every bedroom i ever locked myself inside

[braaainwaaash]

[braaainwaaash]

[starmlnt]

✧ఌ𝓼𝓪𝔂𝓸-𝓷𝓪𝓻𝓪ఌ✧

[dosecore]

music: casual by virtual highway

[aasabovesoobeloww]

happy preacher daugther day