Only ever small things, usually when the dogs are around to be photogenic.
Claudius aka “Cloudy” by all accounts a brave and noble pup, is very good at being photogenic. Though even he has reservations about going into the basement:
Ignore the ominous glow. It’s nothing.
It’s just the sun making the hideous ocher walls glow. (I forget what I was flipping off, possibly one of the falling ceiling tiles) Fun story, the house has a giant copper earthing rod running through it, and the previous owners attached the drop down ceiling tiles to it. Via the metal frame. Yes we did find out cause I noticed sparks/flames in that far corner near the possessed microwave that likes to turn itself on and off, thanks for asking. (It is now safe.)
On the surface it’s honestly nothing all that special at a glance, it’s just 90s suburban beige with hand me down furniture. When we first moved in everything we owned actually fit in the living room:
And we still don’t have that much more furniture tbh, we’re slowly trying to replace things but between my medical bills and the house throwing up fun curve balls like “the wiring was installed by a madman” and “plumbing, how does that work”, it’s a slow process.
Actually this one is a funny story (for me), so some of you might remember when NONE of the water was draining in the house (which is separate from the story about how the plumber lost his knife in the pipes so now we have a switchblade lodged in the pipes because yes this has happened to us twice now) and ETD had to go into the basement bathroom—which the previous owner built himself so of course nothing works like it’s supposed to—and try to break the trap seal in a last ditch attempt to drain the bathtub.
Pictured: ETD about to face off with 70+ years of pipe deluge. Also yes the door is crooked, yes the walls are also crooked, and yes, the ceiling is … you know what, you get the idea.
At first we thought it wasn’t going to budge, and the trap had not only been painted shut but also maybe welded. And then from the other side of the house I heard a sound like dying whale song rattling through the pipes, a started “AUGH” and then the bathtub on the main floor drained, leaving behind the vague outline of a headless skeleton in its wake.
ETD came out of the basement looking like a B rate swamp monster, carrying a bucket I will not describe the contents of because even just thinking about it makes me feel vaguely nauseous. Also yes, this is the bathroom where I found tampons in a hole in the wall. It’s still in vast need of better renovation but at least there are no holes in the wall now. Or skeleton shapes.
We have managed to replace a few things though, like the murderous washer that liked to walk over concrete floor and pull its own plug out, which would then jettison into the sink full of water where the water drains out.
And the oven, which the control panel fell out of:
And ETD had to jury rig it back in place with scrap metal until we were able to afford the new oven we have right now:
The phrase “safe as houses” takes on a whole new terrifying meaning in this house, it really does.
We’ve replaced parts of the furnace several times (thanks to tumblr pulling through for us when it died in the dead of winter *cries*)—after we cleared out the tins of varnish stashed away in a hidden alcove. And we will eventually need to replace the water heater but we’ll get to that. Along with the welded shut door that goes to nowhere.
Still working on replacing the AC after it died 2 years ago though … and the window unit we bought which fell out the window into the window well below.
This thing falling out the window sounded like a bomb going off. It echoed.
We have managed to make some nice changes, like my office, which I’ll try and post pics of soon, and also the living room has a nice homey feel to it. Especially around Christmas time:
Which of course Legolas really helps to pulls together:
He see’s you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake.
Legolas is not just for Christmas no, oh no, he keeps on trend with the seasons.
Although I did let him keep his lights.
Fun fact, if you do happen to have a life size cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom in your house, make sure to turn his lights off before you go to bed.
It makes things slightly less pants wettingly terrifying when you get up at 3am to get a glass of water.
But if and when we finally do start to make proper renovations—instead of just running around trying to put out fires (literal or otherwise)—I will totally be up for letting you all see, complete with before and after shots, and everything else we find in between.
We’re quite a bit away from being able to do that yet, although fingers crossed it can be soon. I’d really love to restore this house to something that is both safe and beautiful because despite all the absolute bullshit, it is a great house. It’s solidly built at its core, and it’s in a great location. It’s just been badly treated and needs a lot of love and care. And maybe I anthropomorphize things too much, but I can relate to that. It’s home, y’know?
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