Aspiringdesigner.

I'm Cory; creative; 26/09/1991.scenic artist&scenographer. I can never make my mind up; it's a womans prerogative to change her mind.

[cory-anne]

It’s been a while since I’ve used this but it’s the only platform I have which doesn’t have anyone from work on.

I’m 30. I’m housesharing. And I’m incredibly lonely. After almost an hour of scrolling dating websites it just hits home even more that this isn’t where I thought I’d be.

And none of that “you need to love yourself” bullshit because I have no problems with myself or my own company, but the driving force of my life at the moment is being occupied by the fact that I’m alone.

I just want to come home and have someone ask about my day. Curl up next to me. Tell me they love me and build a life with me, but I have no idea what to do to change it. I meet people regularly through work, but it just hasn’t happened.

As tragic as it sounds, I just don’t want to be alone anymore.

[cory-anne]

I don’t know how im meant to feel about this.

I shouldn’t care. At all.

But I do.

And is it because I feel sorry for you, or has it brought me some hope? Do I even want it? Or am I even glad that you’ve maybe been hurt the way I was.

Fuck knows.

[cory-anne]

I wouldn’t say I suffer with mental issues. Nothings diagnosed, people struggle more than I do.

I have general life anxiety and worries.

Today has been super tough even though this morning was super positive.

Im struggling to decide what I want, to motivate myself and to keep myself sturdy.

Sometimes it helps just to type it out and acknowledge it.

Tomorrow’s another day.

[cory-anne]

Having a little moment.

Sat on the train reading a terrible magazine with someone writing about their love lives.

I still miss you occasionally. I keep saying I’m over it, but In fact no one seems to match up to you. Maybe it’s just because you actually ripped my heart to shreds, who knows.

I don’t know what I want from my life today. I keep thinking I’m getting there and then remember how lonely it is compared to how I felt last year with you and find it difficult. Who do I share my stories with now? My successes? My moments of ‘holy shit why do I still do this as a job’?’ Moments.

I want to be in London, but I can’t afford it.

I don’t know what to do to make things better because it would also be lonely up there in the big city.

I still want to go back to January 2016 where I thought everything with us was perfect and I had a plan.

You were my plan. Shame it didn’t work both ways eh?

[cory-anne]

Where did all the good men go?!

It’s been almost a year guys. No more hiding!

[cory-anne]

I pray that this time I will not be let down, and that this will succeed.

My faith is poor.

[help-n-quotes]

Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.

Louise Erdrich (via help-n-quotes)

[cory-anne]

Yep. It’s happened.

I miss Sex.

I’ve become THAT woman.

[wordsnquotes]

Take a shower, wash off the day. Drink a glass of water. Make the room dark. Lie down and close your eyes. Notice the silence. Notice your heart. Still beating. Still fighting. You made it, after all. You made it, another day. And you can make it one more. You’re doing just fine.

Charlotte Eriksson (via wordsnquotes)

[cory-anne]

Fuck I miss you. This years roll over has been really rough.

I’ve cried my way in. You have destroyed me and I resent it to within every inch.

Cheers.

Happy 2018.

[sweethoneydew]

I hope 2018 is gentle and kind to you. I hope you get to rest from the pain and suffering of breaking through your shell and begin to experience the bliss and joy of blossoming. I hope you are kind to others, and I hope you also remember to be kind to yourself. I hope you are able to heal from everything you’ve been through the past few years. I hope you are able to let go of all the pain you’ve been carrying in your bones and in your heart. I hope this is the year that makes you so grateful you’ve kept going through the nights you thought you couldn’t make it. I hope this is the year that will make you say it was all worth it, all of the pain you’ve felt and dark times you’ve been through. I hope this is the year you rediscover your light.

[cory-anne]

There is a beautiful man sleeping downstairs on my sofa, and I don’t know what to do about it.

Men problems.

[mysilentconfessionstoyou]

I’m always gonna have a soft spot for you… no matter how “moved on” I may be.

-There are just some people you can never get over.

-m.t.t.

[cory-anne]

I still miss you, but it's like I've stopped grieving for you and the future I thought we'd have.

I feel like no man will ever live up to what we had and what you meant to me.

I still wish you'd come back and this last three months could just have been a really bad dream.

I feel worse at this time of night when I remember how it felt to fall asleep next to you and for you to be the first thing I saw when I woke up.

Im trying my best to convince everyone I'm fixed, but I don't think I've ever felt this broken.

[fortheloveofsammi]

You’re gonna want to hate him, cursing his name at the bar and erasing photos from your phone. But you won’t know how, because both hatred and love burn with passion, different embers of the same fire, and you will never lose that spark when you look at him.

You’re gonna wish you never met him, lying still in your bed with wet eyes and a sore stomach, praying the pain will fade into numbness so you could just get some sleep. But you won’t regret a second spent with him, because those nights made you radiate life when you were used shivering alone in the cold.

You’re gonna want to give your heart to someone new, and you will. And you will finally accept that he is gone, finally believe you are okay with it. But when you find a love with eyes that reflect your smile, you won’t be able to be able to offer every piece of yourself. Because a part of you will always belong to him; and in a way, you will feel emptiness in everything you do.

You’ll lie next to your lover, wondering where he is sleeping. You’ll wear a ring, remembering that he liked you in white. You’ll watch your children grow, warning them of strangers with soft brown eyes.

You’ll be happy. Yes, you will. And you’ll be where you belong, with a love you so deserve. But you will always ache.

[cory-anne]

Since you left it feels like my entire world has imploded. You leaving was the kickstart for everything else going hideously wrong. It would have all happened anyway, probably. But I would have had you to go to and now it's like I have no one.

It's like I'm living someone else's nightmare, and I just need to wake up.

[cory-anne]

Someone needs to give me a break.

This last two months have been horrendous. I am getting rejection after rejection and when everyone else seems to be succeeding, I seem to be barely floating.

Please. A director. A company. A scheme. ANYTHING. I don't want to keep battling to hit a brick wall.

You used to be here for this and now you probably don't even think about me.