A heavenly explosion of stars @cosmicxencounters-blog - Tumblr Blog

Yesterday, I was thinking about how if I don’t change my mindset, I’ll continue struggling with these thoughts until I can help when I’m on my own on like 3 years or so. I’ve already been dealing with this for so long. I can’t imagine three more years. Also, relapse seems like an option these days.

cosmicxencounters-blog

how weird, it's 3 years later...and I am still dealing with this. and I am definitely not in a better place than I was 3 years ago.

Hang in there. You're so strong; keep fighting and don't let this beat you.

Thank you <3 I'm trying.

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Orange self-harm recovery bracelet - available here.

lately I feel like I'm just regressing

fuck

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“You’re beautiful. You’re worth more than harming yourself.”

-Demi Lovato (via laughing-while-i-singg)

I under-ate today…I also ran on having barely any food before…that was silly of me. I don't want to say that I was restricting purposefully…I just kept putting my run off and didn't want to eat a big meal before. I made up for it later, which is good. But I didn't feel all that strong during my run. Today was a lot better mentallly though. No triggers, really, which is awesome. Progress, kind of, I guess.

#ed #ednos #recovery #relapse

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You would think, and society does, that the people who are suffering the most are the people who are at the lowest weights, the people who look the sickest. The people who have their every skipped meal etched outwardly on every protruding bone of their body.

Actually, it’s not. It’s the people in-between. The people who have gained the weight, but have still lost their minds. Because, with nutrition comes feelings. With food comes a tidal wave of emotions that have been blocked out, numbed inside a cage of bones for so long that, when they’re finally let out, after all this time, they knock you off of your feet and onto your face.

Society sees this, and tells you that you’re asking for attention. That you look fine, so you must be fine. That you need to just give it up and move on.

And I just want to stop and say no. No. I believe you. I believe that you hurt, I believe that feeling is the worst, because I’m in this with you. Don’t let people who don’t understand tell you how sick you are or how bad you feel. You and I both know that eating disorders, at their core, are not about weight. How sick a person is cannot be determined by their appearance.

I believe you.