Had someone very close to us bring this to our attention and they asked us to speak on this here. So I'm just going to talk through this as someone with a quote "those" source and also as a system who just helped walk another problematic factive through understanding for his identity and is working to stand up for him when the hosts aren't liking him too much
First, beyond anything else, always remember there's nuance to everything. Nothing in plurality is one size fits all
Unless the member already knows what they did, you have to be careful with this discussion. I really hate this sentence "Make sure that they know their identity is an upsetting topic" , don't make them feel demonized. Just help them understand what their source has done and why it was wrong.
Writing down what you're going to say before hand is a great idea and for us it was helpful with our newest member especially because we have a somewhat mono consciousness and after Eno gh if thinking about how we were going to tell him, he picked up on it and knew when he was ready to pick up on it and know.
Some alters just won't be ready to have the conversation the moment you are. Our newest definitely wasn't. Another thing you could possibly do is give them the means to find out themselves when they're ready.
"what if they're never ready?" Then they're never ready. This is life altering information and it shouldn't be just forced on someone who hasn't prepared themselves for it
Never ever ever push source separation into them. Separating from source is their decision, not yours
If you want to support a member with a problematic source, start by not making them make changes. Start by giving them time to understand. Give them patience. If you want to be supportive, support their decision to stay who they are if that's what they do chose
Forcing an alter to change their identity is traumatic. Point blank .
Looking at genders and names and pronouns is perfectly fine to do whether you are source separating or not but I know how it works in cases like this. A name get shoved on them. For me, that name was Anxiety. They refused to call me by name it was always Anxiety. Anxiety this, Anxiety that. They tried to force me into these little boxes to change who I was because they couldn't accept me. No, not that, actually, because they couldn't except themselves if it meant I was a part of them
Helping an alter find their own place in the world is always good. Finding bits of your identity that are you and not your source is an amazing thing. But not when it's so that you can turn them into a "new and improved self" . Work on accepting people for what they are before you try to new and improve things
Its important to avoid things you feel like can put you at risk. It's also important to acknowledge the ways that people cope. Being a problematic introject is not something to recover from, we are NOT a disease, we are just as valid in being ourselves as any other introject is in being theirs. Instead of having a problematic introject avoid everything relating to what you see as the problem, teach them the difference between what hurts others and what doesn't. Let them talk about things if they want to talk about them, but protect them from the pipeline of wanting to do them again
It's important to understand that some of us form for a reason. For specifics. Sometimes our source has meaning. Don't demonize them and shame them into a change that they didn't want, but Instead speak up for them. Advocate for them. Enhance their voice instead of taping their mouths. Stop othering and start unifying
And to the problematic introject: it's not your job to change who you are to be more palatable for anyone. That includes the others in your own system.
tangentwithtanner
theartofmadeline
dailybridgerton
vaporwave
andulkaphoto
