For Every Heart that Beats

Grad School Student, Animal Lover, Hopeless Romantic, ESFP

[countingdais-blog]

[countingdais-blog]

[countingdais-blog]

Loss

I can't help but think about how hard it is to lose a friend to death. I never thought that it would be something I'd understand, at least to the extent that I do at 27. Yes, of course everyone will experience loss at sometime in their life, but you always assume it's going to be when you're old. The wrinkly, white hair kind of old. I guess life never turns out how we expect to. When I see someone younger than me losing a friend my heart only breaks all over again like it's happening to me... but worse because it's not to me. I know how it feels. I know how it feels to be completely hopeless, empty, hurt, heartbroken, sad, lost, and knowing there's nothing we can do to bring that person back but cry our eyes and heart out. I remember uncontrollable sobbing and silent, still tears streaming down my face. For these experiences to be happening to someone who has yet to really have gone through much (not that at 27, I have either) is so sad to me. An 18 year old boy, who loses his best friend has to experience the pain of death before his first broken heart? Or college frat party hangover? Why can't it be like slowly building a tolerance for the cold pool, inching in one stair at a time. Because life never turns out how we expect it to.

[countingdais-blog]

October 19th 3pm Check In

Obsessing Over: My new vacuumed sealed reusable water bottle by Thermos. It keeps my drink hot for 12 hours and cold for 24 (not kidding). Get one.

Working On: The same work project I have been trying to finish all morning (it’s Friday, give me a break).  

Thinking About: how I’m going to make my Halloween costume! Cookieee cookieee cookie! Anticipating: Chile in December! Only one more flight to book (SantiagoàPunta Arenas) to get me to Patagonia on the second leg of my South American tour! Yipppeee! Listening To: My Spotify playlist Hats & Boots (prepping for Stagecoach), more specifically “Springsteen” by Eric Church Drinking: Water from my Thermos, but thinking about opening this pack of Apple Cider soon. Wishing: For a positive change to just “happen.” I’ve been on and off in a rut and really just trying to make a new routine, but having a difficulty finding it. There have been a few big changes happening around me so hopefully I can just hang in there until the storm passes.

[explodingdog]

Maybe

[countingdais-blog]

we are all oscillating between states of finding new things to be happy about in life and feeling utterly trapped by the monotony of the day-to-day. If the everyday becomes overwhelming (and it will at some point, it always will) there are a million things you can do to assuage it. But the first step is always taking action, is realizing that the things you think are ingrained in your life (your social circle, your job, your apartment, your hobbies, even your city) are as ready to be changed as you are willing to change them. The only thing that is sure not to help, however, is complaining about how stagnant your life is.

Thought Catalog

[countingdais-blog]

Nailed it: HIMYM Season 7, Episode 1

Ted: I used to believe in destiny. You know? I’d go to the bagel place, see a pretty girl in line, reading my favorite novel, whistling the song that’s been stuck in my head all week, and I'd think, “Wow, hey — maybe she’s the one.” Now I think, "I just know that bitch is going to take the last whole wheat everything bagel."

Robin: You’ve just been focused on work.

Ted: No. It’s more than that. I’ve stopped believing. Not in some depressed, I’m-gonna-cry-during-my-toast way. Not in a way I even noticed until tonight. It’s just, everyday, I think I believe a little less, and a little less, and a little less, and that sucks. What do I do about that, Scherbatsky?

Robin: You’re Ted Mosby. You start believing again.

Ted: In what? Destiny?

Robin: Chemistry. If you have chemistry, you only need one other thing.

Ted: What’s that?

Robin: Timing. But timing’s a bitch.

[p-lot]

[explodingdog]

Get up, Get it together.

[countingdais-blog]

Just a Card

I've really started to appreciate the small gesture of a hand written card. The amazing little card shop right down the street from my office probably motivates me the most! I don't really know what triggered it, but it does give me the warm fuzzies when I get one, so why not return the favor!

This week I've written four cards:

Bon Voyage

Happy Birthday

Thank you

"Thought this was cute"

A little card can go a long way...

[countingdais-blog]

Day in the life... Of finals week

[countingdais-blog]

I need to get here.

"The controlling insight speaks to what you should stop doing because the great challenge of sustained success occurs once you identify your strengths and begin to enjoy success."

[countingdais-blog]

2 years

It's not possible to live the next two years (maybe three) like this.

Work. Gym. Study/HW. Sleep.Work. School. Sleep. Rinse and Repeat. 

[countingdais-blog]

MBA Reading

Takeaway from this week's reading assignments

"People who have power deny it, people who want it try not to look like they're seeking it, and those who are good at it are secretive about how they do so."

[countingdais-blog]

I didn't know how I'd follow my last post... until I got this in the mail. I'm so grateful to have the life I have and the friends I get to spend it with.

[countingdais-blog]

First Real Life Grad School Experience

This post is deep.

Thanks to a mandatory course workshop I spent three days/night with my OB classmates  exploring each one our individual strengths, shared our life experiences and secrets, went out to drink together, and basically let our walls down to 16 complete strangers. After that weekend, class had a whole new dynamic… we really were like family.

Last night at the beginning of class the professor gave us some news, the kind that you never want to hear. Sunday night one of our classmates had passed away. It was like a 10 ton brick had fallen through the ceiling into the classroom and on my heart. I considered him one of the closest classmates I’ve made within these past 7 weeks. I’ve even blogged about him. He wrote me texts every so often making sure my day was going well or trying to remind me to keep on shining. Of course he had his quirks, but never once did I question that it all came from great intent and an overall good guy.

I take news like this far worse than ever, more so as the past few years have gone by because the emotions I feel bring me back to when I found out I lost my best friend two years ago. It’s the endless questions that run through my head, the what if’s, the regrets, the hopelessness that drives me so far from “here.”

He was too young. He was just embarking on an new adventure in Grad school… with us. He leaves good friends, his sisters, and loving parents.

Until we meet again.

[heyfrancis-deactivated20180123]