Rissa

Hello my name is marissa, I am a country kind of girl. Photography is my passion, Country is where I live and country music is my love

[countrypassionlove]

I am scared

I am scared to go see a doctor.

I am scared to get told I have a couple months to live. 

I am scared that this anxiety is controlling my life which it is and I don’t like it but I am scared to change it because it might not be anxiety it might be something worse. I have been diagnosed with anxiety when I was 12 years old. I kept getting pains in my side, feeling like somebody was strangling me, and I never slept well. My parents took me to the doctors and he told me that it was just anxiety and that I probably should go see someone about it. I saw one therapist about some family stuff but I didn’t like him so I never went back. 

I just want to feel normal again and not feel like my life is spiraling out of control, of course the way the world is going it’s not helping. With this whole mask thing I can’t wear one. I can’t breath when I am in public to begin with anyways so it doesn’t help at all.

[countrypassionlove]

Chicken eggs

so many eggs with 50 something hens oh my goodness anyone from vermont need eggs let me know 

[countrypassionlove]

Agoraphobia what is it? What are the treatments and do you have to take medication?

[countrypassionlove]

Anxiety

Anxiety sucks!!

I am anxious, annoyed, nervous, and just alone. This not working thing is getting on my nerves, because I am alone and I don’t have friend’s. When my boyfriend leave’s for work I am okay for a few minutes and then my brain start’s to send mix message’s and then I start to freak out because i am alone and i don’t like being alone at all. I need to go see a doctor so I can get help with this but I am to scared to call them and actually go see them because I literally can’t leave the house by myself. It’s so frustrating and irritating, I want to do things by myself but I can’t because I am scared something bad is going to happen and nobody will be around to help me. I try to concentrate on doing something and but then my brain just gets sidetracked and puts me back to step one ughhh. 

[countrypassionlove]

Looking for a job that i can do online at home!

[girlfromthe-subway]

[hplyrikz]

Clear your mind here

[countrypassionlove]

I am falling..

falling deep into the pit of depression

Not being able to see the light of anything anymore. Not wanting to be around anyone anymore. Just wanting to be alone and suffer by myself. No one deserves me. I don't deserve anyone. Everyone else deserves to be happy, not me. You see the tears fall but never care. No one cares about my feelings anymore so why should I care about anyone's anymore.

I am falling..

hard for some stupid guy who hurt me because he actually cared and made sure I was alright. He even came over the night I messaged him that I couldn’t be alone because I was freaking out. He found me curled up in a ball crying my eyes out.

I am falling so hard into loneliness and sadness and wishing he would come back around and stay, but he won’t even talk to me to even get his clothes back. It hurts because he was the one I opened up to and took down all the walls so that he could see me for who I truly was!

I am falling

Off the walls I built to protect myself from anymore heart ache and distress. The walls are so high that I can’t even see the ground. That’s why I am falling and no one will ever know!

[pretty-words-blog]

Your hands might hurt…

[hplyrikz]

Never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer care.

Unknown (via hplyrikz)

[menpale]

[countrypassionlove]

Awwwwww soo cute!!!

[voiceofnature]

Treehouse. Pictures by  Michael Victor

[countrypassionlove]

I so want this!! This magnificent!!

[hplyrikz]

Clear your mind here

[poetic-pics]

Fine…

[countrypassionlove]

A letter to Anxiety

Dear Anxiety,

I hope you are doing well these last few day’s because honestly you have treated me like crap. Keeping me up all hourse of the night letting me think no one likes me, I am not beautiful enough for anyone, and thinking if i was gone no one would miss me at all. Ohh yeah and one more thing thank you for reminding me of all the the bad times that i have had with trying something new. It get’s very irritating when I can’t sleep at all at night and keep thinking those bad thought’s that i am not good enough for anyone or anything.

My family and friend’s worry about me so much, they ask me if i am alright and I lie and say ohh it was just an episode or it was just a mood swing that i have or it’s my period mood swings. I get them like the week before my period, it really sucks and I am sorry. People have told me to get help. My parent’s tried taking me to a counselor because they thought it might help. Well it didnt and i didnt feel comfortable at all and i honestly found the man a little creepy too.

The one thing you already know about me is that i bottle all my feelings up until i basically explode or just actually talk to someone. Another thing you already know about me is that i cant talk about my feelings to someone in person I have to write my feelings down on paper, but you should have known that right Anxiety. Of course you don’t really care because you just cause anxiety attacks and I never know when they are coming at all. I could be having a beautiful and good day, someone does or say something and then BAM it hit’s out of nowhere the chest pain, can’t breath hardly, the left or right arm hurting, and the wonderful bad thought’s you send to my brain where you make it spin a thousand miles an hour’s.

The mood swing’s I get are happy, Anger, sometimes Suicidal thought’s, and then sadness. I cry all the time when i get them because I can’t feel stressed and can’t talk to anyone about it otherwise they will think i am crazy. This is why I am writing to Anxiety, because you understand me best. Of course you supposedly know’s me best that you send all the hurtful memories back to me making me feel worthless, like that time that my needed help for calling someone because he was so coked out of his mind or that one time where my supposed best friend started dating my ex three days after he broke up with me, and how about that time that my dad told me that he was divorcing my mom because he wasn’t happy and the marriage wasn’t working at all. I couldn’t do anything to stop those situation’s from happening and that made me very hurt and sad. I really need to let those memories go but i don’t know and it honestlyfeels like you have taken over my whole life Anxiety and that’s not okay at all. 

The feeling is like being in a black hole and never being able to climb out of it because someone keep’s taking out the ladder when i am about to reach for it. I love the people in my life at least the one’s that have actually stayed with me through all the bullshit from the past until today. The new friend’s that I have me through Okemo have always been there for me too. It’s nice to see how many people actually care about you when your completely stressed and having a panic or anxiety attack. I love them all for helping and making sure that I was alright.

Ya know what Anxiety I am going to kick your ass one day and may it be soon. You will not have the last laugh because I am going to have it haha, and then your going to have to bother someone else because i am sorry but i don’t want you around anymore. I love my family and my friend’s dearly and I want to be there for them for as long as I can be. I hope you have a wonderful day terrorizing someone else Anxiety. Behave yourself!!

                                                                                Sincerely,

                  A girl who can’t wait to get rid of you as soon as possible!!

[countrypassionlove]

I swear I need a therapist or something ughhh. I hate all these mood swings ughh

[pretty-words-blog]

[hplyrikz]

I can relate to this