> I wanted a blog completely divorced from my main blog where I can post pitt-post in peace
> garsantos truther, jack abbot love bot
> hobbies: reading contemporary romances, cheesy thrillers, and litfic, watching the same five tv shows, writing shit that’ll never see the light of day, applying noah kahan lyrics to fictional characters
> currently reading: And Now, Back to You by B.K. Borison
> now playing: Kiss All the Time. Disco, Occasionally. by Harry Styles
i understand why people like the queue and i do respect you guys for using it but that is just not how i roll. if i think these 37 posts are funny you’re seeing them right fucking now
If my fanfiction has ever given you even $1 worth of entertainment or happiness in life, it would truly mean the world if you would consider putting that dollar toward my mom.
As my long-time followers know, my mom has an aggressive form of dementia. She was diagnosed at 57 and I turned my life upside down at 26 to take care of her. We're poor. Like, we live in a trailer park (no shade to trailer parks; LMDW [love my double wide]). And we need help, especially as she deteriorates. There are a lot more personal details in the gofundme itself if you're interested in helping through sharing or donating.
My mom, Deb, is a lesbian who came out late in life, leaving my narcisstic father to pursue her life for the first time in her 50s after living as a fundamentalist christian for most of her life. She has given countless dollars and hours to the queer community as a volunteer, donor, therapist, community organizer, and more. She is, really and truly, the best of the best as human beings go.
If everyone who follows me on tumblr dot com donated $1, it would fill almost the entire first goal.
My mother, Deb, was diagnosed with an aggressive dementia (FTD lvPPA) at o… Jay Berghuis needs your support for Support Deb’s Care in Her Ba
summary: while trying to quell the ache that's been festering, you make quite a brash and silly decision. thankfully, the only person who walks in on you is your personal chef AND the man you're in love with.
pairing: personal chef!jack abbot x fem boss!reader
warnings: 18+ mdni. AU. smut. power imbalance since jack works for reader but he's really the one in charge. improper use with a vegetable. jack's got a big cock. pussy pronouns. squirting. FEELS. crack fic galore. no beta. w.c: 2.3k
author's note: is it ironic that object penetration is the longest fic i've written in quite some time? no, i didn't think so either. 💙
𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭 ⋅ 𝐅𝐢𝐜 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐬
"Jack?"
Your voice carries across the large kitchen as you call out for your personal chef. The text he sent a few minutes ago said he had to run to the store to get some extra ingredients for tonight's dinner.
So, that left you with plenty of time.
You saunter softly into the kitchen like a small animal trying to evade its hunter, sweeping your eyes across the wall of windows that square off the room and look out onto the expansive, now-empty backyard. You told the gardeners to take a late lunch and enjoy themselves. Your treat.
"Hellooo?" you call again, ears piqued for any signs of life. No gardeners, cleaners, or most of all, Jack.
The corners of your mouth lift as you think of the silver-haired cook. You hired Jack on a whim, but it was one of the best decisions you ever made. He was your first "in-home" chef, and now you couldn't think of your life without him. Of course, his recipes were delicious, and everyone you hosted raved about his cooking, but he was more than that for you.
Jack was the one you chatted with every day, especially after intense days at work. You'd sit at the counter with a glass of wine while he prepped and cooked, seemingly enjoying your constant blabbing and venting. Despite all the chopping and sauteing, he never missed a word. He was always there with a follow-up question or snarky response to make you smile.
The atmosphere began to thicken as the year went on. You'd grown fond of the chef after you learned more about him and his life. His time spent as a field cook in the army, the horrific struggle of losing his leg from the knee down, and the devastating loss of his wife.
He'd caught you staring more than once, and you caught him doing the same. It was like you two were in middle school and neither one could gather the courage to talk about your shared feelings, so you just let it settle into the enriching "work relationship" that it was.
But you knew you'd never meet a man quite as lovely as Jack Abbot.
The basket of freshly picked cucumbers innocently sits on the kitchen marble counter. You eyed them with vivid curiosity. It'd been too long since you last got fucked. You rub a hand over your face. Are you really going to succumb and use a veggie to get yourself off?
"Fuck it."
You grab the largest cucumber from the lot and give it a thorough washing before sliding it between your thighs. The vegetable is now warm to the touch thanks to the rinse, and to your surprise, it feels realistic enough to get the job done.
You slumped against the counter as you pressed the veggie into your pussy. Your arousal coats the dense flesh just enough to make it slide in with ease. A satisfying moan echoes into the room as the stretch eases the persistent ache buried deep inside.
Your thoughts drift to Jack as you slowly pump the cucumber in and out. You picture him bending you over and spreading you open, licking at your cunt with his tongue before sliding his cock into your dripping hole. You'd give anything to feel his five o'clock shadow scraping the insides of your thighs.
Your slick cream coats the veggie as the pleasure climbs higher and higher, imagining Jack filling you up with his cu—
The lock on the front door unlatches causing you to freeze mid thrust. Jack calls out your name as he walks through the foyer alerting you he’s back from the store.
You scramble, unsure of what to do with the incriminating cucumber as the seconds tick down and Jack's booted steps get louder and louder. You make a last-minute decision, one you will not regret, and thrust the cucumber back up into your core and slam your legs shut just as Jack turns in the corner.
"Man, the market was still packed. I almost got into it with an old lady over a head of lettuce." Jack jokes, beaming a smile at you and placing the overflowing reusable bags on the counter.
You stand stock still, worried to even speak, let alone meet his gaze, so you run your fingers over the marble pattern of the counter and plan a way out of this mess.
"What's going on?" He asks, reaching for his dark tan apron. His biceps flex under the tightly rolled sleeves of his white tee as he ties the waist strap with a tight knot.
Your core clenches at the sight. If only you could feel that bicep hooked around your throat. "Shit," you gasp as the cucumber nudges ever so slightly against your g-spot forcing you to brace against the counter.
Jack sends you a worried stare. "Are you okay? You look a little unwell." He maneuvers around the island quicker than you anticipated, making the alarm bells in your brain sound.
You awkwardly chuckle and raise a hand to reassure him, but the panicky expression plastered across your face doesn't help. "No, no. I'm fine."
"You don't look fine." He places his palm against your forehead, and you do everything in your power not to melt into his touch. "You're kinda warm."
His hazel eyes rake across your face before placing his hands on your shoulders. "Let's get you to bed."
"No, no, no," you bluster, clutching the counter and squeezing your thighs.
He hooks a determined arm around your waist. "It's okay, I've got you. I won't let anything happen to you."
The moment he moves you, the veggie slips from your core and falls to the floor.
Jack cranes his head at the strange object bouncing near his boots. His brows pinch as he stares down at the shiny cucumber. "What the fuck?" His eyes flick to the basket a few feet away. "How did you get all the way over here?"
He bends down to pick it up, but you grab his arm. "No, don't!"
But it's too late.
As Jack stands with the veggie, he notices a peculiar layer of glistening white covering half of the dark green skin.
You don't give him a second longer to wonder. You make a grab for it, but Jack holds you at arm's length and keeps eyeing the veg.
Something stirs deep inside of him.
He slowly turns to face you with the biggest smirk. He tilts his head back and looks down his nose at you.
"Did you fuck this cucumber?"
You beg for a sinkhole to open up beneath you and swallow you whole.
He holds the veggie in front of your face and pins you against the edge of the counter. Your spine curves from the pressure of the hard marble, which forces your chest out. Jack takes a long look and licks his lips.
"What—No— what. No. That's insane." You stare at the ground, begging for any sign of a crack. You've never been so utterly embarrassed before.
"No, no. Answer my question." He demands, pinching your chin between the fingers of his free hand, and draws your attention back.
Your eyelids flutter when he pushes himself against your body. You don't feel threatened, this is Jack after all, but he's so broad and sturdy he's like a dead-end alley; you've no way out.
You look up at him through your lashes. "Yes."
Jack clenches his jaw. His mind races with depraved images of his boss pleasuring herself with a veggie he grew in her garden and hand-picked himself.
You frantically try to save the situation by apologizing and offering to break his contract with extra pay before he puts a finger to your lips, quieting your rambling.
"How did it feel?"
Your eyes bug. "What?"
His shoulders relax, and he sinks closer to you. "I asked, how did it feel?"
Your brain races to catch up to his question. You shake your head, "Uh, good?"
"I would hope so by the amount of cream covering it."
Your lips part with a breathy moan before you gasp and cover your mouth with your hand.
"Did you come?" he coaxes, looking at the soaked cucumber.
"No, you came home before I could."
Jack frowns. "That's too bad. Maybe I could help?"
One booted foot kicks your legs apart, wide enough for him to slot a jean-clad, burly thigh between them and press the thick veggie against your cunt. He slowly pushes the object inside you while he pins you with a fervent stare. You cling to his shoulders like a woman on one of those romance novel covers.
He thrusts the veggie steadily into your warmth, watching with vivid fascination as your face and body respond to his touch.
"It's a good thing you picked this one."
"Why's that?" you hazily ask, the sweet bliss already making you slur your words.
"'Cause it would've taken longer for me to open you up with my fingers." He proclaims as he unzips his jeans and tugs out his cock.
Your legs almost give out at the sight. "Oh, fuck."
Jack chuckles at your response. "See what I mean?"
His cock is so fat and thick that his fingers barely touch while he glides his hand up and down the shaft.
The violet, bulbous crown drips with precum, adding lubrication as he pleasures himself in front of you. You'd drop to your knees if he wasn't holding you up at the moment.
He taps his tip against your clit, making you shiver. "You want this, sweetheart?" He curls a hand around the base of your neck, meeting your eyes for consent.
You nod feverishly.
He tuts his tongue and shakes his head. "I need words."
"Please, Jack."
He doesn't wait a second longer and splays his lips over yours. The kiss is all-consuming. As if he's trying to breathe you in, taste and savor every bit of you. He teases at your bottom lip, bidding you to open up before he swipes his tongue across yours.
Jack notches the pulsing head of his cock against your soaked hole and flicks his eyes to yours. You're lost in his gaze as he starts to push his length in. The pressure is overwhelming; like you're being split in two, you can barely think straight.
"You can take it. You can take it. Almost there," Jack praises over your high-pitched mewls while he circles a nimble thumb over your clit. He sinks his cock deeper into your heat, every inch opening you up until it feels like he's in your belly.
His crown nudges your cervix, making you both groan in unison when he finally bottoms out.
Jack traces his fingers from your clit to where you're connected, sliding along the taut, slick-covered edge where his cock splits you open. A ravenous growl pours from his throat. "You're stretched to the brim with me, baby."
All you can do is nod. Your body feels so heavy with him inside you. It's hard to breathe.
He trails kisses along your neck, scratching your skin with his gray whiskers, and slowly withdraws until just the tip is keeping your hole plugged. You whine pathetically when he doesn't push back in. You try to move your hips, but he's got them locked in his grip.
"She missing me already?" he muses, pulsing his cock and making the crown swell. Your pussy clenches in retribution, which earns you a dark laugh from the older man.
Jack leans back and spits into the valley between your bodies, landing a heavy wad onto his cock, adding to the obscene amount of arousal.
He drives his girth into your cunt with one long thrust. You've never been stretched like this before. He quells the feverish ache you've been living with for so long. Your body melts under his touch.
Jack keeps a steady pace, sawing his cock in and out of your weeping pussy. He enjoys the way you writhe and beg for him to keep going. "Never gonna stop, baby. She's mine now."
His admission makes your belly cramp. "Oh, fuck. Jack—"
You blindly reach for him, sinking your fingers into his silver curls as the oncoming orgasm feels foreign and yet, frighteningly powerful. You turn into a babbling mess of breathy whines as his thrusts drive you over the edge.
An intoxicating wave of pleasure surges from your core, splashes against his pelvis, and drowns his cock in your sticky arousal. Jack grunts, deep and cavernous, as his hips stutter from the way your cunt milks him.
"Can I come inside 'er?" he pleads, breathless. His chest flushes a light shade of red from the exertion, but he barely breaks a sweat.
"Yes. Please."
Jack nods quickly and lands another heavy thumb on your clit. "Need to feel you come around me again."
Your body shivers from overstimulation, but you're already so close to coming that there is no point in fighting. Jack roughly bullies his cock into your sopping core, burying himself as deep as he can go until your cunt spasms and locks like a vice.
Jack tucks his head into your neck and holds you close as he hits his peak. Ragged, uneven grunts vibrate your skin as he comes, filling you to the brim just like you wished.
He keeps you locked in his hold until you softly graze your nails over his scalp. "If you keep doing that, then I'm definitely not moving from this position," He mumbles into your collarbone. He splays kisses all over the tops of your shoulders before making his way up to your lips.
"So. This changes some things, huh?" you ask in between kisses.
He smiles against your lips, and you fall for him ever harder.
"Uh, yeah. I'd say so." He slowly withdraws his length and helps straighten your clothing. "But I do know one thing."
Your brows meet your hairline. "What's that?"
"That I'll make you anything with cucumbers whenever you'd like."
feel free to scream at me -> 💌
reblogs & comments are extremely appreciated! follow @ozzieslibrary for new fic updates!
“Hey Trinity! I’m not sure if you saved my number, but this is Mel from work. I had a lot of fun the other night at karaoke, thank you so much for inviting me! I was wondering if you would like to hang out again sometime? I think you and I both have the next few days off, and my sister Becca is spending the weekend with her boyfriend. No worries if you’re busy! I know this is pretty sudden haha. Just let me know, and have a good weekend 😊”
“@ drag brunch pull thru” *Trinity Santos shared her location*
