NOOT NOOT

Not a porn bot, but wish I was 😔

[nyquilnap]

this is all thats left of her

[chilewithcarnage]

probably feels good af to latch your jaws onto someone and not let go

[devidaily]

Devi Daily 02 - Nice Cock

Check out the VA version on Tiktok, YouTube and Instagram Reels!

[anglaised]

everytime u go outside ur spending $60 automatically its crazy $60 is the new $20

[realwizardshit]

Combat log: The effect Ibuprofen has ended.

Me: *instantly ragdolls*

[technicolorforestry]

Whoever you are I adore you

[tankhall]

i think the most beautiful thing about being a human is the capacity to change

[ace-disgrace-on-the-case]

For those who needed to hear it today

[maxxie-or-smth]

no one else twists the knife as good as u come over

[what-even-is-thiss]

My grandmother tells me that she thinks I drink too much water but that woman also seems to live off of half a cup of water and a can of Diet Coke a day and just sucks on hard candy when she feels thirsty so idk if it’s growing up in the 40s and 50s that made her like that or if that’s just how she is but I’m pretty sure she’s been dehydrated for the past 70 years or so

[ca314159bara]

if you're having trouble sleeping the best you can do is put a bright object close to your face and look at it for at least 30 minutes. if that doesn't work you can close your eyes but make sure to think really hard about a bunch of bullshit

[segamascott]

[blessyouhawkeye]

was talking about my thesis with my aunt and i was explaining to her that because i'm doing an mfa in creative writing my thesis is writing a novel and i'm supposed to have a first draft by the end of the summer. and she said "wow! and i mean i'm sure that's fun for you?" and when i said yes it is she said "that's great. because if it were me i'd kill myself." which was a slightly nuts thing to say in a church waiting for my grandmother's funeral to start but i respect her honesty

[drtrinitysantos]

coffeeshops used to give you a free drink for your birthday and now they just text you like "Hey bestie! Since you're a CoffeePoints™ rewards™ member, order yourself a birthday treat right now in our app™ and you will receive two (2) extra CoffeePoints™ with your purchase!! That's two points closer to a 1500 CoffeePoints™ reward™: your choice of one (1) disposable napkin*!!!"

*Exclusions apply. Offer is non-transferable and valid only at participating locations. Cannot be used toward plastic utensils or straws. Expires 20 minutes after qualifying purchase.

[goodblunt]

(nonchalant) (rock hard) i sense that you kill a lot of people

[guiigemar]

never met a sentence i couldn't make incredibly long

[twinkhole-destroyer]

It’s not senseless violence to me, not if it’s you