crabapplebees

you enter the chain restaurant. all the songs are the same. you're hungry, but if you order will you ever get your food? the couple in the booth behind yours is saying racist things. the song repeats. your coke is watered down.

[ominoushominid]

Olive Garden locked up for Alfredo crimes

[maudlingoblin]

please. please do yourself a favor and read this incredibly well-written and thrilling article, written by a woman who willfully sat in a TGI fridays for 14 hours, and ordered far too many mozzerella sticks, in order to see whether or not “endless appetizers” were truly endless.

i am not kidding you when i say that it is the best thing i’ve read in a long time.

[jewishdragon]

It’s so damn well written please read this

[karnalesbian]

reading this article lowered my quality of life and worsened my mental health and you should absolutely still read it

[jelloapocalypse]

In case you were not convinced by the description alone, here is an excerpt:

[crabapplebees]

Behind you is a family with a baby. The child is not fussing, yet the parents blast the room with Baby Shark on repeat a minimum of three times. The A/C is blasting, so your fingers are numb. The device that let's you pay at the table is broken. You are at the mercy of the server. Where is she? Is she dead?

[noahnomore]

[crabapplebees]

chain restaurant, but all the photos of celebrities on the walls have those eyes that follow you. they even have them in the bathroom stalls

[crabapplebees]

the server comes by the table. do you want a box? but there's only 1 fry on the plate. the 50 year-old at the next table stares you down. don't. waste. fry, her face says, do not abandon him

[crabapplebees]

tfw you say you're going to Applebees, drive to TGIFridays, walk in, walk to your table, and only then realize you're in the wrong diggity darn chain restaurant

[hullaballoons]

welcome to applebees would you like apples or bees?

[meet-foreverjester]

“Bees?”

“HE PICKED THE BEES!!” *chefs angrily shake jars of bees*

[crabapplebees]

In the booth behind you sit three people: a single woman across from a generic het couple. The man talks constantly, never pausing to see if anyone cares. He believes everything he says about countries he's never been to, and he has so much to say about the features in his new minivan. Maybe Linda would benefit from a class he took once. Remember Linda? You don't? From the get together last year with Barb and John. They have the Range Rover. John knows his mother-in-law.

You want to tune him out but you can't.

[crabapplebees]

I'll have the Daniel Burger

Overheard in a TGIFridays

[crabapplebees]

"Those little salads are free, right?"

"A side salad? You can get a salad as one of your sides."

"No, not as a side. Last time they just gave it to me."

"I've never heard of that, but I can check."

"No. I'll just order it. Even though last time I didn't substitute anything."