Your Name is Karkat Vantas

Karkat Vantas Roleplay/Ask Blog with Artwork. [Karkat Vantas RP blog] [This RP blog is an AU.] Tracked Tag: #crabbyvantastic, #Notsocrabby M!A: [Artwork doesn't belong to me unless I say otherwise.]

[knightly-paradox]

karkat morgan freeman is the very reason my toe looks completely fine have you learned nothing from the lessons i have been tossing out like ones all over the flashy stage belonging to the most fabulous of firemen in sparkling flame hot short shorts 

that being the least sexual way i could ever phrase that there is nothing too severely great about firemen in hot hot flaming red sparkle short shorts 

okay so maybe a little 

my updates are too ensure that someone knows im alright in case my toe takes a turn for the worse and i go into final fantasy: cardio arrest the final short series i cant go down that way man 

theres no telling what the press will say those headliners cant be my final words i need something meaningful 

a question with no answer a pun something that isnt well he definitely kicked that bucket and stubbed his toe while he was at it 

see that isnt great 

[crabbyvantastic]

...

I’M GOING TO BED. 

[crabbyvantastic]

DAVE HAS BEEN SENDING ME PICTURES OF HIS TOE FOR THE PAST TWO HOURS THAT HE’S “MORTALLY WOUNDED” AGAINST HIS COFFEE TABLE. IT LOOKS FUCKING FINE TO ME OTHER THAN HE NEEDS TO TRIM HIS AWKWARD TOENAIL. 

MY PRIORITIES-- LIKE SLEEP- ARE CURRENTLY BEING NEGLECTED EVERY TIME MY PHONE GOES OFF BECAUSE SOMEONE DOESN’T GET THE FUCKING HINT AND HAS DECIDED TO EDUCATE ME ON NOT ONLY HIS DISABLED TOE I GIVE LITERAL NO SHITS ABOUT, 

BUT HE’S ALSO SQUEALING OVER MORGAN FREEMAN. 

I WANT SLEEP. 

[dacadaca]

cute davekat for @yusunf! thank you so much for commissioning me!! ahh i missed drawing hamsteak

[crabbyvantastic]

Nighhhtttt

[official-karkrab]

  IT’S WHATEVER. I’M NOT VERY GOOD AT IT MYSELF. I’M JUST. TRYING TO PUSH MYSELF. BECAUSE I’VE BEEN SPENDING TO MUCH TIME LOCKED AWAY TERRIFIED OF INTERACTING WITH NEW PEOPLE.

I’M NOT EXACTLY MISTER SWEET SUNSHINE MYSELF. THOUGH I AM WAY MORE GENTLE THAN I USED TO BE. I GUESS. SO DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT.

TARKAT IS. UHM. HOW DO I EXPLAIN TARKAT….HE’S AN US. BUT AN US THAT IS PART HORRORTERROR. AND HE’S. A BIG GOOF. BUT HE’S A WONDERFUL BIG GOOF WHO IS. VERY FUNNY AND KIND. BUT ALSO LIKE. THE BEST AT COMING UP WITH NICKNAMES.

[crabbyvantastic]

SO WE’RE KIND OF CODDLED AWAY IN THE SAME BOAT. INTERACTION HASN’T BEEN MY FORTE SINCE MY SESSION. SO WE’LL JUST SWEEP THAT MISUNDERSTANDING UNDER THE RUG BECAUSE WHO ACTUALLY SPRING CLEANS WHEN YOU CAN SHOVE EVERYTHING BENEATH THE FURNITURE. MY ROOMMATE, THAT’S WHO. AND I GUESS i’M A CULPRIT TOO, GIVEN THAT I’D PREFER OUR FEUD BE FORGOTTEN THERE AS WELL. I’M NOT EXACTLY FOLLOWING, BUT I HAVEN’T EXACTLY HEARD OF A HORRORTERROR OR.. MAYBE I’M NOT REMEMBERING IT?? MY MEMORY ISN’T ALL ON PAST DIALECTS. 

MOST OF US DON’T EVEN REMEMBER,

 BUT I DO FOR THE MOST PART. I GUESS.. YOU’LL HAVE TO, UH, INTRODUCE US SOMETIME. MY LIFE COULD USE A LITTLE MORE COMEDIC RELIEF OTHER THAN BARNEY SAYING LEGENDARY EVERY FIVE SECONDS. 

[official-karkrab]

ARE YOU TRYING TO CONVINCE ME I’M SHIT CAUSE I’M PRETTY CONFIDENT ON MY KNOWLEDGE OF THAT FACT. I DON’T NEED SOME ALTERNATE SWINGING IN TO TRY AND SCHOOL ME ON THE MANY WAYS I AM DIRT AND DON’T DESERVE THE NAME. MAYBE I *LIKE* WALKING AROUND AS A GIANT PIECE OF IRONY?

KAT WORKS I GUESS. JUST WAIT. TALK TO TARKAT AT SOME POINT AND YOU’LL HAVE A NICKNAME IN NO TIME.

[crabbyvantastic]

NOT REALLY. THE STRANGE PART HAPPENS TO BE I’M NOT EXACTLY AGAINST IT. IT’S.. FUNNY. AS IN, I ACTUALLY FOUND HUMOR IN THE FACT SOME ALTERNATE OF MINE IS WANDERING AROUND WITH THE FUCKING TITLE OF A KING. I’M NOT AGAINST IT AND DON’T TAKE ANYTHING I SAY SERIOUS. I CALL EVERYONE DIRT. MUD? YEAH NO. THAT’S WET DIRT. 

UGH. LOOK. MAYBE IT’S NOT A GREAT IDEA TALKING TO ME. I’M PRETTY OFFENSIVE AND I LACK ANY FUCKING CLASS. IT’S JUST.. BEEN A WHILE SINCE I’VE TALKED TO ANYONE. YEARS EVEN. I’M NOT EXACTLY POLISHED ON THIS. 

AND WHAT THE FUCK IS A TARKAT?? 

[official-karkrab]

SHIT. IT JUST OCCURRED TO ME THAT I FUCKED UP. YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO DISPOSE OF A BOTTLE, THEN SAY THE NEW COUNT BUT I'VE MANAGED TO EVEN FUCK THAT UP IN MY OWN VENOM AGAINST YOU. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN??

[official-karkrab]

OKAY BUT WHAT I’M GATHERING FROM THAT IS YOU’RE SOME CREEP WHO CAME ALL THE WAY HERE TO SNAP A *PERFECT* PICTURE OF ME WITHOUT MY KNOWING.

[crabbyvantastic]

YOU DO REALIZE THAT IS POSSIBLE, RIGHT?? I LITERALLY AM TWO BLOCKS FROM AWAY FROM WHERE YOU FUCKING ABODE WITH MY TIMELINE DAVE. 

BUT WAIT!! PLOT TWIST!!

WHY THE FUCKING HELL WOULD I WASTE MY TIME TO GET UP, WALK DOWN THE STAIRS, AND TRAVEL IN THIS TERRIBLE HEAT WITH THE SIMPLE DESPERATION TO TAKE A PICTURE OF **YOU.** I’LL ANSWER THAT. I WOULD NOT. I’D PREFER TO CONTINUE MY MARATHON OF DROP DEAD DIVA, FUCK YOU VERY MUCH. IT’S NOT MY FAULT YOUR FACE WORKS WONDERS WHEN RELATING THE COMPARISONS TO A PHOTOSHOPPED SEAL STOLE FROM GOOGLE TO INSULT YOU. 

[brackishbarracuda]

dont u mean a sealfie

[official-karkrab]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

[crabbyvantastic]

NO FISH PUNS. 

[official-karkrab]

SHIT. IT JUST OCCURRED TO ME THAT I FUCKED UP. YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO DISPOSE OF A BOTTLE, THEN SAY THE NEW COUNT BUT I'VE MANAGED TO EVEN FUCK THAT UP IN MY OWN VENOM AGAINST YOU. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN??

[crabbyvantastic]

[official-karkrab]

IS THAT A SELFIE?

[crabbyvantastic]

OF YOU?? YES. I TOOK IT MYSELF WITH THE INTENTIONS OF THE PERFECT ANGLE. THE LIGHT BRINGS OUT YOUR FUCKING GREY SKIN PERFECTLY, DOESN’T IT?? 

[official-karkrab]

YEAH WELL.

I. CAN SOMETIMES BLOW SHIT UP WAY BIGGER THAN IT HAS TO BE TOO SO. SORRY I FUELED THE SHIT FIRES.

I’M KING BY THE WAY. WHICH I FIND HI-FUCKING-LARIOUS CONSIDERING YOU MENTIONED BEING CLOSE TO THE QUEEN.

[crabbyvantastic]

KING?? THAT’S A HILARIOUS THOUGHT AND HONEST FUCKING JOKE ON THE HEMOSPECTRUM. CONGRATULATIONS TO THAT- APPARENTLY EVERYONE IS A FUCKING IDEAL CITIZEN OF IRONY TOWN. HAH. HAHAHAH. LOOK, I’M LAUGHING AT THE FORSAKEN IRONY THAT’S BESTOWED ON ME TONIGHT BY THE “KING.” 

I DON’T DO NICKNAMES. WOULD KAT WORK? I’M.. KIND OF TERRIBLE WITH NAMES IN GENERAL. MY CAT’S NAME IS CHARLESTON IF THAT GIVES AN INKLING OF AN IDEA TO HOW BAD I ACTUALLY AM. 

[crabbymechanic-archive]

WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING 0N MY DASH RIGHT N0W.

[official-karkrab]

[crabbyvantastic]

[official-karkrab]

SHIT. IT JUST OCCURRED TO ME THAT I FUCKED UP. YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO DISPOSE OF A BOTTLE, THEN SAY THE NEW COUNT BUT I'VE MANAGED TO EVEN FUCK THAT UP IN MY OWN VENOM AGAINST YOU. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN??

[official-karkrab]

[crabbyvantastic]

[official-karkrab]

HEY YOU COULD HAVE JUST ACCEPTED THE LIKE AND MOVED ON. YOU’RE THE ONE WHO DECIDED TO- SIGH.

YEAH JUST. FUCK THIS WHOLE ARGUMENT THING IT’S POINTLESS CONSIDERING I’M PRETTY SURE WE COULD BOTH GO ON AND ON TIL THE END OF THE GOD DAMN MULTIVERSE.

I LIKED YOUR POST AS A WAY TO BE LIKE. HEY MAN I FEEL YOU. THAT’S ALL.

[crabbyvantastic]

YEAH WELL. THE MULTIVERSE COULD AND COULDN’T COME ANY FASTER, BUT I’M NOT GOING TO ARGUE THERE. YOU ACTUALLY HAVE A PRETTY VALID POINT BECAUSE I WAS PREPARED TO POP AT LEAST THREE PAIN KILLERS AND FIGHT WITH YOU UNTIL THE SUN FUCKING COCKADOODLE’D ITSELF INTO MY FUCKING CORNEA’S IF I HAD TO. WE’RE STUBBORN AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I AVOID MOST OF MY ALTERNATES IN THE SHEER FACT THAT I TYPICALLY FALL INTO A PISS FIT OVER THE MOST REDUNDANT AND PATHETIC PLAYGROUND HARASSMENT POSSIBLE. 

I CAN... SOMETIMES BLOW THINGS OUT OF PROPORTIONS. 

....

SORRY. 

[crabbyvantastic]

BLAH BLAH BLAH. GROUCH GROUCH GROUCH.

WHAT THE FUCK. 

[crabbyvantastic]

HOW'S THAT HEAD OF YOURS NOW HUH? THE ANGER BURNED AWAY THE TUMOR LIKE A BIG PIECE OF FIREWOOD YET?

[crabbyvantastic]

LOOK AT THIS LOOK AT ME JUST FILLING YOUR INBOX WITH A NEVER ENDING FLOOD OF JIBBER JABBER THAT LITERALLY NO ONE CARES ABOUT MUCH LESS LIL OLE ME.

[crabbyvantastic]

HOW DOES IT FEEL HAVING TO DEAL WITH THE SPEWINGS OF MY SHITTASTIC SPITE HUH?