MAGSIE!! i know you're like fucking amazing at writing angst (or anything rly ilysfm) anyways my inner demons.. took over and now i'm craving some neteyam angst :D like, something bittersweet. not sad enough to make you full on bawl but enough to leave an ineffable ache. i dunno i just need something! :C /nf please and thank you i love you sm
synopsis / you're inlove with him; he tolerates you.
gn!na'vi!reader | the title sucks , the story sucks but for two reasons : it just sucks. and it's angsty. but nonetheless, hi babylove ellie<3 I talked to you while writing this! isn't that funny? I think it's funny. expect nothing but disappointment baby love<3 I love you. truly.
special tag : @loaqi , a longtime friend and longtime fellow beautiful princess <3
tags : @stomach-bugg09 @somerandomweeb2 @mylovelo-ak
neteyam was your everything.
he was your all, your soul, your heart, and your beloved. your love for him knew no bounds, and his love for you knew none either. "my love," he greeted, whenever you stepped into the room. "my love!" he called, whenever he wanted your attention. "my love..." he'd start, whenever he'd comfort you. my love, my love, my love. that was what you were to him. his love. and he was your love too, for with what you were to him— with what you were to each other, it'd be appropriate for others to think you two were already mated. you wish you were, already. neteyam does too, you believe. for he looks at you with eyes of longing, desire & love— he looks at you with care and whenever he looks at you, he sees you. he can't keep his eyes off of you because, to him, you are ... all he'll ever need to see.
you are all he'll ever need to see. to hold. to kiss. to love.
he is sure in his love for you, it is evident —
so why now do his eyes trail away from you?
his once never-ending looks end sooner, his touches no longer linger, and his kisses seem to be giving you stings rather than serenity. even then, you are thankful. you are thankful for the short stares, the fleeting touches, and the searing kisses— because at least he still looked at you. even if when you looked back at him, smiling as wide as you could, all he could muster was a half smile. At least he still touched you— even if those touches were barely touches–more so, the wind blowing past you. at least he still kissed you, even though those kisses were just your lips brushing past each other— no passion, no effort, no love.
at least he still kissed you.
at least, even infinitesimally, even the teensiest bit,
you caught on, neteyam realized. you caught on.
you knew, he realized. it hit you hard. he can't blame you, either, it hit him hard too— noticing a shift in his feelings for you. it seemed that slowly but surely, he had just ... lost his feelings. he believed he was confused, at first , excusing it as a brain malfunction of his. he believed he was fooling himself. he denied, and he denied, and he denied— until he couldn't deny it anymore. he had lost his fondness for Y/N L/N. it wasn't exactly all the fondness. it wasn't exactly some of it, either. it was just fondness. he should've known, at this point. you'd bore him, sooner or later.
neteyam is a cocky man, self-assured & regal— he prides himself on being decisive and righteous. he is sure in every decision he has, and every hunt he goes on— he makes a clean kill. he makes his whole family proud with the fact that he exists in the first place. he is neteyam te suli tsyeyk'itan , eldest son of toruk makto— a man with potential. he is neteyam te suli tsyeyk'itan , a good hunter. a good man. a good friend. a good ally. a good fighter. a good lover. he knows that— he knows that more than anyone else— and he knows you'd believe him to be more than a good lover, but no matter how many times he tries to think of you as one, he can't. you are a good lover, yes, but are you a good lover? are you a perfect fit for him? he was confident you were, once, but this is new to him; he does not know what to do. he doesn't know how to take his current situation, for with each day you smile at him and—
every time he is reminded that he is yours, his blood boils.
it is as if he doesn't want to be associated with you, in that way— and he doesn't. he doesn't want to be associated with you that way. he doesn't want to kiss you. he doesn't want to hold you. he doesn't want to fight for you. he doesn't want to love you anymore.
he doesn't want you, neteyam concludes—
and in that, neteyam is confident.
not at you, but at the person behind you.
still, you pretend he's looking at you if only to prevent tears from spilling— if only to prevent your heart from breaking. at this point, it seems even he's accepted that he's lost his fondness for you— because he's stopped pretending. he's stopped pretending. and you can see it.
neteyam walks past you like you're no one.
and without him, you are no one. you are just y/n. you are no longer the lover of toruk makto's eldest son— a title much na'vi desire. you are just y/n. if anything, you're content with the silent agreement. you're satisfied with neteyam not saying anything, knowing you already know; and you're satisfied with watching him laugh from afar. you're satisfied seeing him smile, once more, even though you are not the cause of it.
you were never the cause of anything, these past few weeks. not anything you wanted, at least. you were only ever the cause of half-smiles, of poorly hidden tired groans, of shoulder pats that were shitty excuses of comfort— of everything you have never wanted to be the cause of. you were only ever the cause of wasted time.
— and that hurt you more than anything. nothing will ever beat the hurt you felt when you registered that.
neteyam stands in front of you, posture straight — face hardened, and certain, as are the words coming out of his mouth. you stare at him, in absolute shock— immediately deflating at what you hear. "y/n, " he starts, "I don't love you anymore."
why can't Eywa give you a break?
the hurt on your face is visible, and immediately— neteyam feels guilty. his eyes soften, his soft hands— that you once kissed; his soft hands, that once held you; his soft hands, that once pulled you in for kisses— placed themselves on your shoulder stiffly as he tried to end your relationship on the most respectful note possible. it wasn't common for him to stammer, and yet he couldn't control himself this time— and the once sure boy, stuttered.
"y/n— I know what I am feeling. I do not love you the way I once did , and it irks at me in the night as well because I loved you. now, I... I just - I just love you." he stuttered, voice fading to a quiet mouse-like mutter— in contrast to how confidently he started it. it was as if as he watched you deflate, he regretted everything… but the fact he could feel no more romantic love for you.
you could've gone years without hearing those words.
you already knew that he no longer loved you.
you already knew, and you knew that he knew you knew, so why did he have to remind you?
you bolt away from him, and neteyam doesn't even force himself to go after you. he goes the opposite direction, away from you, because knowing the state you're in— his extended presence would make things worse.
unbeknownst to you, the hushed agreements between your parents promise his extended presence.
you are betrothed to neteyam.
you are betrothed to neteyam.
neteyam’s eyes widen— and for a second, they genuinely look like they're going to pop out of their sockets. his jaw drops so hard it almost unhinges— and the way that your knees buckle under you, you can assume you're feeling the same shock that he is. still, you can't help but feel a sudden relief. with how strong your love for him was, there was no way you'd ever get over the boy— as gentlemanly as he was, even if he didn't intend to shatter a heart ( like yours ) if someone were left by someone like him? their heart would be as shattered as yours right now. as selfish as this was, and as unlikely the chances were of him agreeing to this– you were still happy. not for neteyam, but for you.
neteyam felt the complete opposite.
he felt trapped, restrained within his bounds— the chains continuously squeezing around his wrists every time he stepped one foot out of line, and at this moment, neteyam realizes: there is nothing he can do to stop this. this is where his living ends. this is where the constant laughs he shared with his siblings, ended; for each laugh will be replaced by a list of problems in the clan to solve. the future olo'eyktan will never be able to rest, he discerns. the future olo'eyktan will never be able to free himself from these chains of his.
as the eldest son, he will always have to be perfect.
he will always have to oblige.
so, with a heavy heart— and to your delight, he consents.
it is then that it all settles in.
neteyam is yours, and you are his.
and it doesn't feel as amazing as you expected.
neteyam is yours, and you are his.
you try to process it, but it is not all that exciting.
perhaps it's because you are in love with neteyam... yes, it must be exactly that.
you are in love with neteyam,
and he can only tolerate you.
a couple of years later, neteyam and you sit down — tswins held gently, you smile— and all he can give you is a look of acknowledgment.
it was foolish of you to think his view of you would change, since then. that maybe, he'd learned to love you again. it was stupid and foolish.
in a matter of seconds, you bond with him.
the bond is made, the bond— something you were always looking forward to with him. you were always waiting for this moment, always waiting to be one with him. once, you had expected a flurry of emotions to flow through you— for neteyam’s love was as strong as a tsunami, once. you expected love and longing , desire and lust in one— for in every bond made, the pair becomes one. the bond is more than just feeling each other’s feelings— it is becoming each other. you expected so many emotions — because you felt so many emotions because of him— love, lust, desire, longing— everything is triggered because of him.
you watch as his pupils dilate, lips parting as your love courses through his veins— he can only hold onto your hand for support.
