Me Crag the Caveman

Me Crag. Me am lower Paleolithic hunter-gatherer. With tumblr.

[crag-the-caveman]

🌱🌱🌱🐹🌱🌱🌱🌱

YOU

YOU STEAL CRAG'S STOCKPILE OF EDIBLE SEEDS AND BERRIES

[crag-the-caveman]

They call Crag 007

0 cavewomen mated with

0 fires invented

7 diseases contracted from eating undercooked meat

[blurg-from-bog]

Blurg almost worried for Crag. Crag seriously not invented own style of fire?

[paleolithic-pergok]

Pergok offered to teach Crag how cook meat. Crag say no.

Crag dug him pooping hole, now he gotta poop in it.

[crag-the-caveman]

Crag not think that how saying goes

[paleolithic-pergok]

No, but it accurate for Crag tummy situation after eating raw meat so much

[noelleaxolotl]

Self affirmations for people going places

• I did lock the door

• I did lock the door

• I did lock the door

• I did lock the door

• I did lock the door

• I did lock the door

• I did lock the door

• I did lock the door

[crag-the-caveman]

But what if Crag didnt. And now entire warring tribe and pack of smilodons now in Crags cave taking Crag's stuff?

[menloathe]

i collect reaction pics from my mutuals' posts like i'm picking berries while walking in the forest

[crag-the-caveman]

[boxheadpaint]

fear not: you can also “attack” your friends even outside of art fight, so if you miss the chance to before august 2nd you can always get them after with no repercussions. No crime will be committed either way and its actually fine to draw art for others at any other time of the year

[zarvasystem]

[blaglartha-cavewoman]

Ughhh me no want to clean me cave

[crag-the-caveman]

Just wallow in filth, like Crag does. Animal bones and empty gourds and food crumbs coat Crag's floor

[neolithic-grukko]

Grukko see no one try hitting mean man in head with rock. Grukko have enough of this dude

[neolithic-grukko]

grukko no see need to slow down in school zone. Small ones need get good. small ones not survive, not survive hunt, not survive winter. 

[crag-the-caveman]

which one are you?

hunter-gatherer (based)

sheepkeeper-graingrower (cringe)

civvie who buy food with "money" (ultra cringe)

Voting ended onFeb 5

[the-entire-chinese-population]

We've seen baby youtubers, but what about prehistoric youtubers

[cavegirl-gobb]

wug

[crag-the-caveman]

Crag going down to pond to feed the ducks

[vivian-the-barbarian]

What are you feeding the ducks, Crag?

[crag-the-caveman]

Crag feeding the ducks to the crocodiles

[kingcatnine]

proposal to replace the common usage of "chud" with "chump" so as to not throw around a word that means facist... it is better to have a chump son than a chud son but it still conveys the fact that he is a loser and you don't like him very much

[kingcatnine]

like if you're looking for a word with a similar mouthfeel and loserly connotations you can slot into place where you or others have been using chud in a playful manner i think chump is just the ticket. fuck my chimp life okay my typo has spawned a beautiful new opportunity what is a chimp life and why wouldn't someone like to have one

[crag-the-caveman]

Chimp life: no fire, no cave, eat only bugs, no can make stone tools. Chimp life sucks

[crag-the-caveman]

Down the valley from me there's an old hollow tree

In which lives a spirit or two

When the lake turns to ice we make sure to sacrifice

Some of that good old shaman's brew

[crag-the-caveman]

They call it that old shaman's breeewwwww

And them that refuse it are feeewwwww

So i'll hush up my face if you give me a taste

Of that good old shaman's breeewwwww

[crag-the-caveman]

The chieftain walked by, inconsolable guy

Said his daughter would die of the flu

He threatened with club i give him earthen jug

Of that good old shaman's brew

[crag-the-caveman]

My uncle Snort is hairy and short

He looks just like a baboon

But he feels like a gorilla when he gets his fill'a

That good old shaman's brew

[blaglartha-cavewoman]

Some village person drove Mammoth through Blaglartha's favorite berry picking spot and destroy all blackberry bushes. Me have to wait years for bushes to grow back. GRAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[kosmogrl]

I hate change, I’m scared of change, I need something big in my life to change soon or else I’ll go crazy

[395nm]

I'm on a "sea people" diet. When I see people, my bronze age collapses.

[crag-the-caveman]

Crag writing down list of all of Crag's enemies

[crag-the-caveman]

As some day it may happen that a dinner must be found

Crag have a little list (Crag have a little list)

Of uncivilized offenders who should be fossils underground

And who never would be missed - who never would be missed!

[crag-the-caveman]

There's the neolithic nuisances who insist on farming wheat

and clearing out the grasslands so that they can herd their sheep

And that tribe from the next valley who think that they're so great

Just because their chieftain lived as old as thirty-eight

And young hunters who with their spear-throwing always miss

They'd none of them be missed - they'd none of them be missed!

[crag-the-caveman]

There's the goats-horn serenader and the others of his race

and the femur-bone flutist - Crag have him on the list!

And the gatherers who eat watermint and puff it in your face

They never would be missed - they never would be missed!

Then the mastadon who tramples Crag into the dirt and stone

Just because Crag's spear hit him in the orbital bone

And that singular anomaly, the Australopithecus

I don't think she'd be missed - I'm sure she won't be missed!

[crag-the-caveman]

And that village elder nuisance who is older than the hills

the quack-job shaman charging triple for his tonics and his pills

the glutton who every winter asks if you have meat and berries saved

the brute who thinks you're a woman and drags you by your hair into his cave

And warring tribal chieftains of an intimidating kind

Such as what-d'you-call-him, thingamabob, and likewise -nevermind

And tut-tut-tut and what's-his-name, and also you-know-who

The task of filling up the blanks Crag would rather leave to you

But it doesn't really matter who you put upon the list

They'd none of them be missed - they'd none of them be missed!